Yet another recruitment disappointment...
 

Okay, so I'm going through recruitment right now... just finished the second night.

Like at most schools, mine has a struggling, not as popular chapter. I decided (because I stalked GC all summer) to give them a shot and not listen to all of the not so good things that people were saying about them and, surprise of all surprises, I LOVED my time there. I met four girls who were all so cute and sweet and we had amazing conversations and I really felt like I belonged. So I ranked them first.

I got my schedule tonight and was happy to find that I had a full schedule and had only been dropped by one sorority... until I realized that the one that had dropped me had been my favorite. From what I could tell (and I talked to a LOT of girls) I was the only one that had not been invited back.

I'm so upset about it. I actually think it hurts more than if I had been dropped by a top group, because with a really popular sorority there could have been a lot of reasons, like I may have fallen through the cracks or just not ranked high enough. With this sorority, I know it's something personal and I can't figure out what I did wrong... I really thought they liked me :(

I guess I'm not really looking for advice because I know none of you can tell me what went wrong, but I need to vent and have no one to talk to. I can't talk to my mom because she doesn't understand because she's not greek. I tried to talk to my friend in my rho gamma group, but all she said was that I'm lucky I didn't have to go back there. And yes, she was invited back and not happy at all about it.

I went to my parties and had a good time, but I just feel so hurt and want to know what I did. Why they didn't like me as much as I liked them :confused:

Thanks for giving me a space to complain... have you ever heard of this happening to a girl?

Agreed with KSUViolet.

I'm so sorry to hear what happened but I wish you the best of luck in recruitment. *hugs*

eta: I don't know a lot about the release figures, but it might be that the panhellenic at your school uses a set of release figures (e.g. The first night of recruitment all sororities have to release x% of the total rushees, and the second night another x%..). It's possible that you didn't do anything wrong, but they had to release a certain number of girls and maybe there were just others that stood out to them more and you were in the group that was released? Like I said, I'm not anywhere close to being an expert, but I think it happens a lot of times. There are amazing women who get released from houses and it's not necessarily because they did something wrong, or said something wrong, but the sororities couldn't invite back all 900 rushees again for the next round and they just didn't make the cut. I can't say for sure because we weren't there, and even if I was I still wouldn't be able to say anything, but it's a possibility.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It probably wasn't personal at all. I would try to focus on where you are with your full schedule and go from there.

Not targeting the OP...but i wish there was a sticky (if there isn't already) saying that houses perceived as "struggling" or whatever =/= desperate and a guaranteed bid for pnms. just because they're at a quota or die stage it doesn't mean they're going to recruit girls that don't meet their standards.

Thanks KSUViolet06 and texas*princess.

I know that they had no obligation to invite me back just because they're smaller, but it just hurts that I wanted to be there and wasn't asked back while several girls flat out refused to go to their party tonight.

And dreamseeker, thanks for saying that they would rather close than invite me back. I was invited back to several of the popular chapters that cut a lot of girls, so I guess I must be meeting someone's standards.

I am probably going to get in trouble for this, but honestly, they may have thought you were certain to rank all the other chapters higher than them. Why extend an invite to someone who you think for certain won't come back? Basically, they thought you were "too good for them."

This. Compromising quality for numbers can HURT a chapter.


ETA: I'm not implying that the OP isn't quality. There's no telling why the one chapter cut her, and if she was invited back to other houses, she obviously has something on the ball. Keep the faith...

as everyone explained, the problem is not with the chapter, but with the mindset you (plural) as pnms have, that a struggling chapter would take everyone. yes, maybe a chapter would rather close than accept you because you're not right for them, and maybe you wouldn't fit in with them either. you have to stop thinking about it solely in terms of rejection and instead in terms of mutual selection. it doesn't mean that you suck as an individual, and you're fully aware of this as you have been invited to other houses. i wish u all the best through the rest of recruitment.

hope this made sense, late nite phone convos are really distracting lol

i'm not even NPC anyway so i'll swerve back into my lane of lurking. :p

I had that thought too...

Most of the other "why did this happen" threads started with the girls talking about how pretty and awesome they are - and when people really are pretty and awesome, they don't usually feel the need to say it.

I have to say, even as someone who that statement wasn't directed to, I found that pretty offensive.

I think there might have been more eloquent ways of stating the fact that smaller chapters don't = automatic invites back.

This!

In all honesty, some of the other "why didn't they pick me?" threads make me a little mad because the pnms come off as very conceited and they think there may be a magical fix that we can present to her so that she can join the chapter of her choice. They don't understand the "mutual selection" concept. I like how you're going about this and you understand that it's just a little upsetting not to be invited back to your favorite house. You're not dropping out or making ridiculous statements. Go ahead and vent, and PM me if you want to vent more! One thing the greek community is good at is lending a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear if you are a genuine person. You seem to be going about it the right way and I wish you luck in the rest of the process. I hope you find a house that feels like home!

harsh.

sadpnm, often pnms are disappointed when a favorite house does not invite them back, especially when everything seemed to click at that party. however, as they continue on with recruitment they find another house that they feel comfortable with. i hope that you have a wonderful time at the parties you have been invited to and that you find another favorite.

They may not have felt they were good enough for you either. Sometimes a struggling chapter will cut women who they think will cut them so they can say that they cut them first. It's a defense mechanism. I wouldn't bother worrying about it. Just remember that you had a nice time with them. They may have done you a favor. You may not have fit in with them as well as you may have thought you would have. Good luck finding a match with another group on campus.

This is NOT the case. I can tell you that with 99.9999999999999% certainty. It might be some of the people you talked to are lying because they don't want to admit a "struggling" chapter didn't invite them back.

It could also be that this chapter isn't really as far in the toilet as everyone perceives it to be.

Or if they are, might be that they are on some sort of rebuilding program or probation (not known to the general Greek/campus populace) that requires them to have above average standards in PNMs where grades, extracurriculars etc are concerned. As such, the members' hands might be tied as to who they can and cannot invite back.

Or, the members just suck a whole bunch at determining who likes them and who doesn't. (Happens more than you'd think.)

I hope this makes you feel better. :)

you really found that offensive? i didnt think she was saying that teh OP didn't meet their standards - we always say on GC that there could be a host of reasons why a PNM is cut.

i didnt find it not even a little offensive. i really dont see how it could come off snarky or what have you. unless dreamseeker really did mean it in a nasty way...

SadPNM,

First of all go ahead and vent. Recruitment is SO hard and emotional and sometimes you just need to talk to someone and have someone listen. I think being dropped by any group no matter how "popular" they are would hurt if you liked them and wanted to be invited back. Who knows what happened and why you were not invited back? You may have fallen through the cracks or it might have been a mistake- it happens especially when using the RFM's and dealing with huge list of women. OR they may have just decided to release you for whatever reason? You probably will never know the reason.

There is a bright side. You have a full party list! That is great and I'm sure there are really great Chapters listed. Keep your chin and and carry on. Good luck to you. I hope through the process you find another "favorite".

I know that isn't what dreamseeker was saying, but I could see how it would be harsh/offensive to the OP. That statement in and of itself is pretty harsh (when we say it about guys, we clearly mean they aren't on our level, or as 'good' as us) and I don't think that is necessarily what the OP needed to hear about a group that she really thought she could be a part of.

I think that dreamseeker could have explained what she meant a little better (like the way some of the other GCers did) or just worded it a little differently.

the phrase "everything happens for a reason" comes to mind. Get through recruitment, have a good time and if things should happen to not work out for you, and favorite but struggling chapter is still looking for members, maybe you can approach them (through the greek affairs office) and see if they'd be open to COB'ing you. But that's a very last place back up plan. I bet recruitment is going to work out just fine for you and you'll find a place you'd be happy. I bet more than anything you're feeling bad for having been cut by ANYONE and regardless of who they were you'd be feeling some of this. You'll get better at it as the week goes on because more than likely you'll encounter even more unpleasant cuts. It's just the harsh reality of recruitment. Good luck and keep your chin up!

There's always the chance it is a group who requires PNMs to have a rec to be invited back, and even when PNMs think they have recs, sometimes they just aren't sent in, they get lost, or (and I am not saying this you is SadPNM) recs are not positive for whatever reason.

i didn't :)

I have to disagree with this.

I hardly think a chapter would *really* say "we're going to cut her so that we can say we cut her and not the other way around!!"

I think it's more how someone else explained it: They might have thought she would have chosen to go somewhere else, so they released her and invited back people they thought they would have a better chance of bidding if they really thought she was a top candidate and they didn't have a chance with her.

I guess it's all in semantics-- but I find that concept similar to a situation where, say, a legacy sister who is going through recruitment and her older blood sister is the President of sorority ABC.

She might be a very desirable candidate for membership that a lot of the houses want, but many of the houses release her - not because they don't think she'll be a good fit, or because she doesn't have the grades, or whatever, but because they figure she will probably pledge ABC since her older sister is there. The don't really release her to say "we released her and she didn't release US!" they just want to free up that space for someone they think will likely choose them too.

Hi everyone!

Thanks for all of your posts, they made me feel a lot better! Anyway, I did a lot of thinking and I think I was so enamored by this chapter for the wrong reasons. Don't get me wrong, I still think they're great girls, but I think I was looking to be their superhero and get them out of their struggling state. Like I said, I've been reading GC all summer and I guess everyone's advice to girls in the opposite situation of mine (more leadership opportunities, chance to turn the chapter around, etc.) really appealed to me!

Anyway, quick update, I wasn't cut by any of my favorite chapters last night! So I went in feeling really, really good. In fact, my night was SO good that I almost wished some HAD cut me so that my ranking decisions would have been easier! I think that no matter what happens and which of my remaining chapters I go to I will be happy.

The only bad thing was something that my friend did. She was invited back to the chapter that dropped me and apparently told them how much they had hurt me! She came back from the party and was like "you're gonna love me!" but I'm actually really embarrassed and hope that doesn't get around to the other chapters. According to her, she told them that a lot of PNMs think they're huge bitches for cutting me. I'm not sure if she said those exact words or if she just said it for storytelling purposes (I'm hoping the latter...) but I'm a little nervous about how it will affect me...

I'm off to recruitment now! I'll let you all know how it goes later!

Oh lordy.

< exlurker takes deep breath >

Oh lordy.

Some 18 - 19 year olds will never cease to amaze me, though I try to put up a brave front of being unshockable and un-amazable.

Best wishes to you, sadpnm.

Best of luck for the rest of your recruitment. Stay positive.

That's what I was thinking!

sadpnm, I hope your recruitment continues to go well!

I know for a fact that my chapter cut people that we knew would cut us before they could do it. Of course, on my campus, we knew a lot of the people going through recruitment beforehand...and these weren't just other chapter's legacies. Hell, we fought to get those!

so glad to hear that you continue to enjoy the recruitment process. please keep us updated.

First, :eek: at your friend's comment. While I can appreciate her loyalty to you, I hope she is not counting on being invited back to that chapter. Her statements raise a number of red flags, and I'm afraid she may well be cut by that particular chapter.

As to it getting back to other chapters - don't worry about it. During recruitment there is almost no communication between chapters themselves - I'd say none, but I'm only going by my experiences. Chapters have their hands full with their own business - while they are in communication with the panhellenic council , they don't have the time to talk directly to one another.

Oh no. Something as juicy as that is bound to cause phone calls.:eek:

Hi everyone! Sorry I didn't update you sooner, recruitment is exhausting. I went to sleep as soon as I got home last night and only just now woke up!

Anyway, it looks like my friend's comment didn't hurt either of us. I wasn't cut by anyone again! :D Looks like I need to change my name because I am definitely no longer a sad PNM!

My friend also wasn't cut by anyone except for the lower chapter, which is what she was going for anyway. She's still acting like she did me a huge favor and like we're best friends now (oh, also, about her "loyalty", we only met the first night of recruitment, so it's not like we ever were close enough for her to need to stand up for me like that!) but I'm not even sure if I want to be friends at all with her anymore. I don't know if I want to surround myself with people who can be that mean. Cutting girls is a part of the process; no one is getting mad at the other groups for cutting people.

But that's enough about that topic. I have fallen in love with a new chapter! They are very, very, very popular with everyone though, so I know that chances are pretty good that I will not get a bid there. I wouldn't be so upset, though, because I really like every chapter and would accept a bid from any of them in a heartbeat! :D

Tonight is pref! I can't believe it's finally almost over! All of this recruitment drama is exhausting!!!

Your attitude is fantastic and it sounds like you would be a terrific asset to any chapter. I have a feeling that you're going to be very pleased at the outcome of your recruitment experience. Stay positive. Enjoy yourself. Keep an open mind. Follow your heart. Keep us posted.

(coming across as "bossy britches" - whoops!)

Don't sell yourself short. I don't know you, but maybe you have a lot going on for you. You haven't been cut by any of the other houses yet, so I'd say that's a good sign that there is something in you that the chapters there like.

I wish you the best during Pref! I hope you join a house that you enjoy for years to come!

p.s. Personally, I wouldn't want to be that girl's BFF either. I mean, you can be friendly to her, but what she did just screams "DRAMA TO COME!!!" if you get really chummy with her.

good luck!

I am so happy for you! Have a great time today, and good luck!!

That girl seems like heaps of drama. My guess? She is going for "status" and was looking for a reason to be rude to a bottom chapter and found it, or she is simply a chronic liar and told you that in order to suck up to you. Luckily it doesn't sound like it has changed your recruitment. You sound like such a cute PNM with such a good attitude, I hope you get what you want!

I hope sadpnm is a happyNM today and having fun w/ her new sisters :)

Last night was easily the most intense night of recruitment.

To start, there was a lot of heartbreak. My rho gamma group went from twelve to five. My mean friend and one other that I know of were cut from all of the chapters and a few quit because they didn't like their choices. I have no idea what happened to the others. There were only two of us (including me!!) going to two parties.

I honestly cannot believe how perfectly recruitment is going for me after the first night. It's so hard to try and not act really happy and excited around my friends who aren't doing as well, but I'm trying to be respectful. As you can probably imagine, I was invited to my two very favorites. The super popular chapter and another one where I've had the best conversations all week.

I went to the super popular one first. The girl who rushed me was one that I had met at the very end of the first night, but had come over to say hello every night since. I had really liked her, despite hardly getting to talk to her, so it was nice to have that opportunity! She told me how she had to fight off girls to be able to rush me! :p The ceremony was beautiful and my rusher began to cry! And I mean, very loud, noticeable crying, which made me cry! She apologized and told me that every year pref night reminds her of what an amazing sisterhood she has and she can't control her tears. I thought that was very sweet. Also, apparently her pledge name is Tissues because she cried the same way on pref night when she went through rush! I left this chapter thinking there was no way the other chapter could ever live up to this one.

Yeah, you probably could figure out that I was wrong.

I also knew the girl who rushed me here and really liked her! She sat me down and told me she'd heard that recruitment hadn't been the easiest for me (I guess word had gotten around to the other chapters), but that it would all be worth it in the end and that whatever happens, whether or not we're sisters, she wants us to be friends. (It was said in a much less corny way that flowed with the conversation, promise.) I loved the ceremony here too, although I didn't cry.

And, for the first time all week, I had absolutely no idea who I wanted to put first.

So I went and had an hour long discussion with my rho gamma. I hadn't mentioned her before and didn't talk to her after the lower chapter debacle because I really thought she didn't like me. She came across as cold and barely looked at me even when she was talking directly to me! But tonight we talked and she gave me some advice: She told me to think about which chapter I could do normal, non glamorous things with, like late night fast food runs or which girls I would feel comfortable at in sweats and no makeup.

I ended up putting the really popular chapter first. After all, they had already seen me cry! (and I am not a very pretty cryer, lol) I felt like it had been easier to let go of my emotions there... it seemed a little less formal.

I'll know for sure where I'm going in only a few hours. Like I've said all week, no matter which chapter gives me a bid, I will be a very, very happy girl.

Sorry if this is rambly or doesn't make sense. I'm so tired and drained today!