advice for PNM please!
 

I'm rushing in the fall (just a couple weeks away..eek!) and I am REALLY nervous to say the least.

I've read several threads on here about advice, what to expect, what not to say during rush, etc..but I am freaking out. I have a couple of questions:

I go to a southern state school, and from what I've read it sounds like rush at most large southern schools is pretty competitive.

I only have three recs but am interested in about 8 of the sororities.
Is it going to hurt me that I don't have a rec for every single sorority? I'm worried that I won't get an equal chance at each of the sororities because I have so few recs. At my school recs aren't required-it says so on the rush application, but I've heard that they are still really important. Should I be nervous about this? And if so, how do I compensate?

Also..I know a few greek girls through my boyfriend who is in a fraternity. I know in the advice threads it has been mentioned to not bring up boys so I don't plan on going around announcing that I'm dating a fraternity guy, but I have met most of the greek girls I know through him.
So my question is this: if the active greek girls bring him up during rush activities, how should I react?


Any advice/answers to my questions will be super helpful. Thank you so much!

I'll leave your question about recs and southern schools up to someone who knows better than me.

As far as the boyfriend issue goes, don't bring it up. However, if your rusher brings it up say something to the effect of "Bob is great, and he really got me interested in greek life, you know, I'd love to hear about one of your favorite parts of greek life!"

Just try to bring the conversation back to you... after all that's who they're trying to get to know!

Sorority members are told not to talk about boys, so it's doubtful the subject will come up.

Try very, very, very hard in the weeks you have left to get recommendations for EVERY sorority - not just the ones you are interested in.

at most large southern state schools, recs. will be very important. with so many pnms going thru and first round parties being so brief, recs. are a great way for the sororities to get to know you a bit before they actually meet you in person. recs. may also get you invited back for round 2, especially when many sororities have to release a great deal of pnms after the first round.please know that a rec. does not guarantee an invitation, though. you still have a couple of weeks to work on finding more and i advise you to do so.

i also advise you to give all the sororities a chance. you may be greatly underwhelmed by one of your top eight current favorites and may fall in love with one of the ones you don't think so highly of right now. it has happened before.

if the sorority members you know bring up your boyfriend, you have to acknowledge what they say, but they should know not to do so. for instance, if they ask how he is, you could easily answer that with a "he's fine" and move on to another topic.

speaking of boyfriends, you might want to keep your feelings about the chapters under your hat-if the girls who know you and your boyfriend see him out and about, they may be tempted to quiz him on what other houses you are visiting and what you think of all the houses, which might come back to bite you. just be careful.

Thank you guys so much, this has been really helpful.
I'm currently emailing every single female teacher I had in highschool to see if they were greek.

Also, I'm glad they're not supposed to bring him up.

Another question..
My understanding is when I get to each house on the first day, I'll be paired with an active who will teach me about the sorority and ask me questions and all that jazz. If I'm in a house and know another girl in there, is it okay to go up and say hi? Or am I supposed to stick with the girl I'm assigned to the entire time?

She might pick you up! Often a sorority will try to pair girls who know each other to make the PNM feel more comfortable. But that may not be the case, and certainly won't be the case for all rounds. When you're with another active, it's fine to mention that you're friends with the other sister - just don't make it sound too name-droppy. DO NOT run off to go say hi - there's nothing more frustrating for active than a runaway PNM who you have to corrall back into your area. The suster with you has been told to stay with you at all times. Also, it's rude to walk way from your hostess. The sister you're with may take you over to say hi, but you should only be going over there if your hostess takes the lead. The other sister is probably on a rotation and may not be able to chat with you without disrupting the pattern. It's nothing personal. You'll probably be switched around to a few different sisters during the party, so you may get to chat with her later - but again, if you don't get to, it's not because she's avoiding you - she's just in another rotation.

ETA: By "another girl" I assume you mean another sister. If you mean a PNM - no, you should not be going to talk to your friend during the party. It's rude and you should be focusing on learning about the sorority and making a good impression, not chatting with other PNMs.

Agreed. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, because I know these things can vary from school to school, but it's likely that the active who picks you up will direct you to a place to sit where you guys will chat for a bit, and you'll probably stay at that spot the whole time. You really don't do much "mingling" within the party, so you're not going to have the opportunity to walk away and say hi to someone. The actives are the ones that do the "mingling".

Again, that's how they do it at my school, and I'm under the impression that's how it as at most schools, but correct me if I'm wrong!

In addition to the advice that's already been given, remember: the girl you know ALREADY KNOWS YOU. Assuming you're talking about the sorority members, this may give you a leg up over other PNMs. Your goal is to make a good impression on as many members as possible. If you've already done that with a couple girls because you know them, don't worry about them, and focus on meeting other new people (i.e. the random girl who picked you up).

First word of advice: Get your head out of 'favorites'. If you are only going to consider a small fraction of the entire Panhellenic system you are setting yourself up for failure.

Personally, I would be worried. Southern schools have a reputation for being VERY competitive. Even if it says they aren't required, I'll be willing to bet it DOES help.

There is no way to compensate for not having recs. If you still have time, go out and find recs for the rest of the groups.

All of them.

Not just the 8 you like before rush. Contact the alum panhellenics. Contact family friends, etc.

If you already know greek girls, why not reach out to them? THey probably have friends who have since graduated who may be able to help you with recs. I don't know what the 'silence' rules are at your school, but if it's allowed before rush, you should give it a shot.

Re: your boyfriend, sorority women will be told not to bring up boys.

Do you find it contradictory that you're worried about having an equal chance due to not having recs, when you've not given the groups an equal chance since you haven't gone through recruitment yet? You compensate by going into recruitment with an open mind and giving all the sororities a chance.

You need to ask yourself why only eight are your favorites, and then decide if you want to limit yourself based on ideas of groups you've never met, that other people have told you about, and then decide if you want to limit yourself to eight and chance disappointment and not being in a sorority at all.

I doubt that the women will bring him up as many recruitment techniques are to not talk about boys. If a woman says "I met you though Mike, right?" that's different than saying "Aren't you Mike's girlfriend?" so just acknowledge that you met through him and don't go on about him because it may hurt you if you're talking about your relationship and they would like to share their sisterhood with you and get to know you better.

The Greek Life office at the school I am attending in the fall suggests that we send a resume, transcript and picture with each rec. If I am unsuccessful (I hope this won't happen) in securing a rec for a particular sorority, would you suggest sending the packet of information without the rec? FYI...this is a southern university with a highly competitive recruitment. Thank you!

NO, do not send anything to the house. This transcript, etc is what you give to the alum who is writing your rec. She mails everything to the chapter house, not you.

So a couple of you guys came on a little strong
I'm nervous enough as is, you don't have to be rude about it.
I have personal reasons for eliminating the VERY FEW sororities (don't want to give exact number that could reveal school) that I have.

I've already been at the school one semester and formed my own opinions about the girls that I have met personally. Please don't tell me to keep an open mind, trust me, I'm doing that already!
Plus I think I have an advantage seeing some greek women outside of rush and pledge semesters, I got to see the activities they do and how they act as a group.

I'm doing everything I can to get more recs..ugh :(

Thanks to everyone offering advice.

we're just trying to give you the opportunity to have the most successful recruitment that you can. it is certainly your perogative to do what you wish with the information provided.

I cannot speak for other Chapters, but we receive several transcripts and resumes from PNMs who were not able to secure Recs from alums. While we cannot give "Rec credit", we will read your info. If you have more activities/info listed on your resume than was on your Recruitment application (perhaps due to space limitations) then it's good to do. If it is the same, then there is no need to send one.

A final transcript is helpful and appreciated to guarantee a Chapter has an accurate GPA listed for a PNM. Also, if your school has some funky grading system then please include an official explanation. Note: not your personal explanation, we need something official. Check with your HS or maybe you can print a policy off of their website.

An even better suggestion, look at the University's grading scale. If they are on a 4.0 then that's what the sororities are using. When you go to your HS to pick up an official copy of your transcript, have someone there convert it to that scale, write it on the transcript and SIGN the transcript as an official representative of the HS.

(What is up with some of the High Schools? I've seen so many weird/non-traditional grading scales. One that sticks out in my mind was on a 4.38 scale. What is up with that? A 4.0, 5.0, 6.0 or even 100 I understand, but a 4.38? How bizarre! If I hadn't read the transcript we probably wouldn't have caught it. We would have assumed it was a 4.0 scale and the PNM would not have made our GPA minimum, but once converted she did.)

Zillini...thank you for your response. Hopefullly I will not need to resort to sending the packet without a rec. One more question...I attended school at my University this summer (a requirement for one of the programs I am involved in) and received 10 hours of credit. Do I need to inform each sorority or will they only care about my high school GPA?

fair enough.
thanks to all who have responded.

Well said! So many times I think PNMs have a negative opinion of one member and assume the rest of the chapter is exactly the same. It's an unfair bias that I think a lot of PNMs carry into recruitment while still believing that they "have an open mind".

Just saying, first impressions aren't always accurate.

That's unfortunate that you find answers to your questions rude.

The point I was making is that you already wrote groups off for personal reasons, and to be blunt every group changes every year (even a semester) with women graduating, transferring, maturing, moving out of house, studying abroad, and so on, and though you claim to have an open mind, you in fact don't. I don't care about your reasons, but a truly open mind would go to recruitment with no preconceived notions and give every group a chance to show who they are. If you can live with the fact you're limiting yourself and therefore lessening your chances of joining a sorority, then so be it, but don't say nobody warned you.

Maybe it's because of honors classes? At my high school, Honors classes were graded on a 4.5 scale and AP and IB classes were on a 5.0 scale.

So maybe it's along those lines...

If it was something like 4.5 it would be different. I don't know, but 4.38 seems like a really arbitrary number to me.

ETA: How do you convert that to a normal scale?

Circlet, I'm not for sure how it works but I think summer grades are helpful. Don't quote me, however. I know at UT, some girls have to go to summer school for final admittance to the university, maybe that's my confusion about their importance.

Thanks Just Interested. I understand what you are saying. My classes weren't for that though. The summer school component is a requirement of the program. It is the only way you can finish all of the requirements during your undergrad. I didn't want to "throw up a red flag" by not reporting it to the sororities. Actually, I'm very happy with my grades and think they might shine favorably. However, I secured most of my recs before I left in May (knowing I would be gone this summer) and did not have my summer school grade yet. So, I guess I'm asking if I should just leave well enough alone and stand on my high school resume or send some type of additional note with my college transcript. Perhaps I'm just thinking about this too much!

Definitely send your college grades to them. It actually does give them more information about your ability to handle college classes.

Teachers are a great place to start! There are other people you could ask too. Don't forget:

Older friends from HS
Friends of your older siblings
Older siblings of your friends
Parents' friends
Friends' moms
Coworkers/bosses
women from your place of worship
coaches/activity sponsors/school staff

Remember that when you find one Greek, she (or he!) will almost certainly know other Greeks. This applies to fraternity men, as well as sorority women who are in a sorority not at your school. Double check with your rec writers to see if they know alumnae from other sororities.

Do keep digging. It's good that you have "weeks" instead of "days".

apology
 

so i just reread the entire thread and i'd like to apologize to everyone.
i said that i felt like some of you were being rude because i got defensive.
i came here to ask for advice from people who know more than i do and that's exactly what i got. it just wasn't what i was hoping to hear.
forgive me for acting the way i did.

i'm not having much luck securing more recs, but i am doing everything that i can. i've emailed all my old highschool teachers and am asking literally everyone i know. hopefully i will come upon some luck soon.

thanks everyone for the advice. it has truly made me think about the mindset i was going into rush with and i now hope that i can change it and will be able to ACTUALLY go into it with an open mind instead of just saying i am.

thanks and i'm sorry again.

also i have a thought about what someone said about sending in college grades.
my highschool transcript isn't terribly impressive, but i worked really hard my first semester at college and made a really good gpa. i feel like my college transcript is going to save me during rush! i'm glad i gave myself that opportunity to show everyone that i'm a serious student.

i think i may have found the jackpot for recs.
my best friend from highschool's older sister is president of her house at a different school. i know she knows a lot of people in different sororities and i've known her since i was a kid so i think she'll be able to help me out.
hopefully this is good news for me.

yay :)

another note...
are there any other pnms out there that are as nervous about rush as i am? getting more recs (keep your fingers crossed) will help calm my nerves but i'm still super nervous and i don't even know why. anyone else feeling like this?

I'm an old lady now and I've always done my best when I was a little nervous.

Just thought I'd update anyone who answered previously:
I've successfully obtained recs for 6 of the 11 sororities. I know having all 11 would be better and I am still actively looking, but I'm glad that I now have twice the amount of recs that I had when I started this thread.
Keep your fingers crossed that a miracle happens and I find the last 5 within a week and a half! (Though I know this is unlikely)

I also feel like I have a much more positive attitude toward the whole situation now. Rush is gonna be nerveracking as I've heard from a few people, but if it's meant to be then I'll get in somewhere. :)

good job lbl! keep looking for those remaining recs. and good luck with your recruitment.

thanks :)

All of you guys have been so helpful.