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I will definately look into Joshua Harris. Thanks.:D |
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Appreciation of your singleness has to be developed spiritually, mentally and physically. That is very tough to do when you have explored your sexual self without knowing yourself. I think for African American women, I like Iyanla Vanzant's "In the Meantime"... That crosses all age groups... I also think several fictional books written by African American women writers from long ago expands the Christian perspective of being solaced in your singleness... One book that comes to mind is Gloria Naylor's "Mama Day"... However, I have not pursued an actually "How too" book on dealing with the solitude of singleness from a Christian perspective... The closest I have gotten that I am currently reading comes from Reverend Gary Chapman's "Covenant Marriages"... In fact, anything from Gary Chapman, his wife or from Real Relationships website is very productive in building your mind to be solid in your singleness, yet allowing God to prepare your life for your spouse... I have some issues with the, "Her Needs and His Needs" book... I thought that the writer is sexually repressed and was trying to justify the "having buck wild sex" in a marriage is SOLE responsibility of the wife... That concept I have a strong Spiritual disagreement... I thought dude needed Viagra, Cialis or Levitra or something, 'cuz he was coming across as if he's impotent or shall I say, "preferred something more wicked"... I had to let the book go... But all in all, I think the Chapman's are highly trained marriage, couples couselors and with therapeutic experiences along with a divinity degree that comes with a wisdom that is God and Spirit led--to me, that is strongly Christian-based... And if you are older than 25, I say start with the first book--"5 Love Languages"... If you are younger than 25, and still in that "teen Spirit" phase of thinking guys are cute, then honey, stay with Joshua Harris... He uses younger language that kids relate to these days... But as Joshua gets older, his writing style and knowledge along with experience in life will start to change and it will be obvious in his books... |
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Recognizing the Man of Your Dreams
Michelle McKinney Hammond , Author In "Ending the Search for Mr. Right" (Harvest House Publishers), writer, singer and author Michelle McKinney Hammond encourages single women that they can successfully find (and keep) the love of their lives. Read an excerpt from Chapter 7. ... Then Boaz said to Ruth, "You will listen, my daughter, will you not? Do not go to glean in another field, nor go from here, but stay close by my young women. Let your eyes be on the field which they reap, and go after them. Have I not commanded the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink from what the young men have drawn." - Ruth 2:8-9 NKJV Every woman dreams of her knight in shining armor coming to carry her away on a white horse. As little girls, we are groomed to expect it - to sleep sweetly and be awakened by a gallant prince who will rescue us from all that threatens. Eventually, we grow up and learn these aspirations are the leftover remnants of fairy tales. Instead, we decide to settle for someone like Richard Gere in the movie "Pretty Woman." It seemed like a reasonable enough dream that some wealthy business tycoon would find us breathlessly beautiful, fall in love, shower us in diamonds and beautiful clothing and the most romantic of experiences. But alas, this, too, is fiction - delicious fiction, but fiction nonetheless. The reality is most men are just good, honest, hardworking folks who live on a budget. The rich live in a world set apart among their own kind, where they can share and exchange their wealth without losing anything. Or, they are so busy making money, they have no time to enjoy life's pleasures. Consider what you truly want when it comes to a mate. If you want a friend and companion who will have the time to spend with you, then it is time to kill the fantasy and consider a good man who has a harvest to which you can add. Who is your Boaz? What does he look like? Well, do not let this scare you, but he usually does not look the way you expected him to look. No matter what he looks like on the outside, his heart will look better than you ever dreamed it would. Will God make you fall in love with an ugly person? No, He will not. He cannot and will not make anyone fall in love with someone. This would be usurping your free will. However, He can help you change your priorities. In the end, someone might look a lot different to you through the eyes of love. And good things do come in the most interesting packages. ... What appeals to you about a man's outward appearance is subject to change, but here are some inward characteristics that should always be present. These inner traits separate the men from the boys. Some of us definitely have a problem. It is called a broken chooser. We get giddy over a man's smooth rap and miss the fact that the guy does not keep his promises. He is so fine, but his attitude is downright ugly. He knows how to work women, but he does not like them very much. He is not as mindful of a woman's heart as he should be. (Hmm, am I crunching any toes yet?) He loves himself so much that there is no room in his heart for you. He is into the conquest, but not the commitment. These types of men are not for you. What type of man is? Let me begin by saying that, from Hollywood stars to major players to the everyday man, one thing is resoundingly the same: When they meet you, they know they want to be with you right away. Every man I have ever interviewed said he knew when he met his wife. He waited to make sure, and then clinched the deal. This means that a woman must be discerning and look for the signs right away so she does not waste her time or her heart on someone who does not have good intentions toward her. The Heart of a Man Check for the Boaz signs. In my book "Secrets of an Irresistible Woman," I share the three F's you need to gather while dating: fit, fabric, and finance. You also need to look for the four P's: position, pursuit, provision, and protection. Let's break these down one by one. What is this man's position? What is his standing in life and with people around him? Is he making a living? Is he harvesting a good return from the gifts he has sown? Does he even know what his gifts are? A man who has not cultivated this area of his life is restless and finds it hard to settle down because he is still searching for the main part of his identity. He knows he is not ready to offer anything stable or to shoulder the responsibility of another person. Until then, he usually drifts in his relationships with women, staying in one relationship long enough to enjoy the benefits of it, but moving on when he feels the pressures to commit himself on a deeper level. How do other people view him? Boaz was well-respected and loved by not only his family, but also by his employees and those in high standing in the community. Does the man in your life have long-standing, committed relationships with his friends and associates? What about his friends? Do you like them? Know that he acts just like his friends when his is not around you. What do his coworkers or employees say about him? Do they speak highly of him and commend his character and integrity? Or do they make jokes about his shortcomings? This is a big giveaway. Is his family life filled with drama and misunderstanding, or does he walk in harmony with his siblings and parents, especially his mother? A man who loves his mother is an excellent prospect for a husband. Some of these things will take time to find out, but keep them in mind. Now, on to the pursuit. After inquiring about Ruth, Boaz then approached her. She did not approach him. I know popular-day date-ology says men like women who have the confidence to approach them. Why? Because men have a greater fear of rejection than we do. However, they are also programmed to pursue, so this can be a delicate matter. The truth, after a bit of prying, is that they like to make the advance but would also appreciate a sign from the woman that the coast is clear to do so. Positive signs you could send a man would be in the form of your body language. A pleasant smile and eye contact is plenty - just enough to let him know you noticed him, too, and are interested. Then, let him do his thing. Do not be so uptight when he approaches. Relax and enjoy the conversation. Remember, you are a fabulous jewel. Believe it and sparkle. Be interested in him and do not bowl him over with too much information about yourself. Listen, be observant, check him out. That first conversation will tell you a lot about him. Is he short on words, but sweet? Then he probably is shy and has good intentions. Is he a little too sure of himself and has all the right lines? Watch this one a little closer and make no emotional investment. After exchanging numbers, how long does it take him to call? If it takes weeks, he has unfinished business elsewhere. Listen to his excuse and see if it rings true to you, but be careful. The average man who is really interested will call within two to three days to see if he can arrange a time for you to get together. I wouldn't call this a date yet, because nothing has been carved in stone. There have been no promises - nothing is guaranteed. This is what they call in the modeling world a "go-see." You are going out to see if you like one another, that is all. You have way too much data to collect before you even decide if you like him. What you see is not necessarily what you get, so leave your heart at home. Now is not the time to give it away. |
Does God Really Want You to Be Single?
Kathleen Hardaway, Author & Contributing Writer
Have you ever wondered if you've made a mistake? That there's something you've done wrong and that's why you're not married? I have. The thought has entered my mind that maybe I didn't try hard enough to find someone, maybe I've gone to the wrong church all these years, maybe if I was just a wee bit thinner then maybe I would have found the man of my dreams. Have thoughts like these plagued your mind, and you've gotten caught up with doubts that you'll ever get married? There are very few singles who I have talked with who haven't at times felt like it's their fault they're single. Is it your fault? Every person has a different story. I can't give you a pat answer for why you're single, but I can tell you that God desires you to do one very important thing as you deal with your singleness - believe that He knows what's best for your life. When I have questioned God about why I'm single, I've had to come back to the fact that He's in control of my life. Does this mean you eat a gallon of ice cream every night? That you can live any way that you want to? Of course not. You are to have self control in all things (Galatians 5:22). Self control in your eating, self control with what you're reading, self control with what you're viewing and self control with who you're spending time with. Be the very best you can be in every area of your life. There may be someone you're very attracted to, but you know they're not a Christian. Why are you dating them? God tells us not to be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14); therefore, getting caught up with an unbeliever is a big mistake. Singleness at times can be lonely, but going outside God's principles in any way will only bring you more heartbreak. Certainly you have desires, you have passion, you have a longing in your heart to love someone and to be loved. This is normal. I would encourage you to give your hurt, your heartbreaks, and your desires over to God. God says to cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7). Tell Him it hurts, tell Him it's hard, tell Him you cannot go alone anymore. That's where He wants you to be, totally and completely dependent on Him. You're not alone. He's always with you (Psalm 73:23). Does God really want you to be single? God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Do you believe Him for His plan? Believing God and trusting God go hand in hand. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I believe in God," but they don't live by his precepts, His principles, His promises that give them the direction they need for their lives? Hang on to His Word; hang on to His truth that says, His ways are higher than your ways (Isaiah 55:9). Hang on to the great hope in the true and loving God who says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6). Live each day with a dream in your heart and a purpose in your life to believe God when life doesn't make sense, when life doesn't seem to be going as you had hoped, but when you know that your Heavenly Father knows what's best. Kathleen Hardaway is an author and speaker with a passion to encourage and equip women to be all that God calls them to be. She exhorts women to never give up, dream big, and live the life God created them to live. She has been featured on "At Home Live" and "Celebrations" television programs. She has also been the guest on Midday Connection and many other radio broadcasts. Kathleen is on staff at Precept Ministries International. She has been the producer and director of Kay Arthur's nationally syndicated television program, "How Can I Live?" |
Trusting God With a Hope Deferred
If you’re single, you’ve got questions. I do, too. How about … Do you trust God with your desire for marriage and intimacy? Do you pray with real faith, or are you resigned? Do you think your past failures ensure future disappointment? Do you think it’s wrong to pray about such desires? Are you tired of talking to God with years of seemingly unanswered prayers? Could you scream because of all the conflicting advice you read about singleness these days?! I don’t ask these questions flippantly. I ask them soberly, tenderly, and with fresh wounds upon my own heart. And I would ask them of anyone who has an unfulfilled desire before the Lord. This is an age-old question. As Andrew Selle wrote in The Journal of Biblical Counseling, “The devil persuaded Eve that God was essentially untrustworthy and miserly. Don’t let him play the same trick on you.” Our spiritual enemy doesn’t need a bunch of new tricks. The old ones have been working adequately enough since time immemorial — though, praise God, they are only temporary diversions for the people of God! Read the Rest (and be encouraged ) HERE! |
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Sisters, don't be discouraged. I say get active, don't get sad. There are many good men out there. I think that some of us say that obtaining marriage/children is our #1 priority but we just don't act like it. For instance, to those of us for whom obtaining marriage/children is our #1 priority, we must plan to meet men. I think that's it's basically a numbers game. If we made eye contact, smiled and said hello to every black man (or every man if you are into non-black men as well) that we met, we would have several dates a month. If we don't, that means that we are not getting out enough. We may be spending too much time working long hours or too much time trying to be Ms. Sorority, I'm on every committee in the whole world, for example. People often think that I'm crazy when I plan my social life like all of my other goals. For instance, if I know that I want to be able to find a man and do for him in the evenings, I can't take a high falutin job requiring me to work all night long.
Ok, I'm rambling now but don't be discouraged. There are many good men out there. Many of them are shy and will not approach a woman (at least not w/out a little encouragement like some eye contact and a smile) so walk up, smile and ask for the time. Then when they give it to you, make eye contact and compliment him on his watch or his shirt - men eat that stuff up. LOL It works. A friend told me a long time ago to please, please, please not get jaded like he told me he has seen so many other women get when they get to their late 20's, and 30's and 40's so don't get jaded. It's all a numbers game. Also, regarding spirituality. I believe that my mate will come from G-D but even the women who are "coming up" in church often took a step to meet that man and didn't just wait for him to fall in their laps so step to that man that you see in church. Now personally, my worst boyfriend ever, I met him sitting next to me in church so I'm not so hot on that but hey, whatever floats your boat. SC |
Does God Really Want You To Be Single?
This article hit close to home because lately, I have been seriously pondering this topic.
Does God Really Want You to Be Single? Kathleen Hardaway, Author & Contributing Writer Have you ever wondered if you've made a mistake? That there's something you've done wrong and that's why you're not married? I have. The thought has entered my mind that maybe I didn't try hard enough to find someone, maybe I've gone to the wrong church all these years, maybe if I was just a wee bit thinner then maybe I would have found the man of my dreams. Have thoughts like these plagued your mind, and you've gotten caught up with doubts that you'll ever get married? There are very few singles who I have talked with who haven't at times felt like it's their fault they're single. Is it your fault? Every person has a different story. I can't give you a pat answer for why you're single, but I can tell you that God desires you to do one very important thing as you deal with your singleness - believe that He knows what's best for your life. When I have questioned God about why I'm single, I've had to come back to the fact that He's in control of my life. Does this mean you eat a gallon of ice cream every night? That you can live any way that you want to? Of course not. You are to have self control in all things (Galatians 5:22). Self control in your eating, self control with what you're reading, self control with what you're viewing and self control with who you're spending time with. Be the very best you can be in every area of your life. There may be someone you're very attracted to, but you know they're not a Christian. Why are you dating them? God tells us not to be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14); therefore, getting caught up with an unbeliever is a big mistake. Singleness at times can be lonely, but going outside God's principles in any way will only bring you more heartbreak. Certainly you have desires, you have passion, you have a longing in your heart to love someone and to be loved. This is normal. I would encourage you to give your hurt, your heartbreaks, and your desires over to God. God says to cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7). Tell Him it hurts, tell Him it's hard, tell Him you cannot go alone anymore. That's where He wants you to be, totally and completely dependent on Him. You're not alone. He's always with you (Psalm 73:23). Does God really want you to be single? God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Do you believe Him for His plan? Believing God and trusting God go hand in hand. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I believe in God," but they don't live by his precepts, His principles, His promises that give them the direction they need for their lives? Hang on to His Word; hang on to His truth that says, His ways are higher than your ways (Isaiah 55:9). Hang on to the great hope in the true and loving God who says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6). Live each day with a dream in your heart and a purpose in your life to believe God when life doesn't make sense, when life doesn't seem to be going as you had hoped, but when you know that your Heavenly Father knows what's best. Kathleen Hardaway is an author and speaker with a passion to encourage and equip women to be all that God calls them to be. She exhorts women to never give up, dream big, and live the life God created them to live. She has been featured on "At Home Live" and "Celebrations" television programs. She has also been the guest on Midday Connection and many other radio broadcasts. Kathleen is on staff at Precept Ministries International. She has been the producer and director of Kay Arthur's nationally syndicated television program, "How Can I Live?" |
I's married...
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...backing out yalls' thread now, but continuing to read nonetheless, and wishing for the day that all posters here got a story to tell in the Ghetto Wedding stories thread :eek: :p |
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A change gone come !!!
Now this is a good one!
I used to think I did'nt need a man I am employed and making over $50K, single parent of 1 and doing the dang thing. Then my man took me down through there(he did the ultimate...cheated).....I cried tears of hatred....then I remembered. I don't need a man ....I WANT a partner in life that makes me feel like we are a team. I want a husband that God sees fit for me. I always want to pick them....now I just wait on God to SEND him and I am bored to tears...lol and still waiting ,waiting and waiting. I have more or less been going places that single men are not going so I am changing that and starting to attend Greek functions for the graduate members, happy hours...I need to look in church but that thought scares me. so I am still waiting and getting my self ready and doing things like treating people right, respecting people, doing for people and doing for myself...things I should do all the time. So if I am an old maid at least God let me live a good life...somone is dead probably wishing the were alive at 30 something like me ... nuff said :D |
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