Granted.

But you're attacked by killer Bees.

I wish I could finish all of my work today.

Granted, you have the cure for breast cancer. But, as soon as it is approved by the FDA and put on the market 2 new cancers arise that only affect small children and are non responsive to current treatments.


I wish I could always walk around barefoot without my bosses jumping my shit.

granted but you have hairy hobbit's feet that always seem to be stepping in shit.


I wish Tiger Woods would find another sport to play besides golf

Granted, Tiger Woods decides to divorce his wife and take up extreme dating. During all of his dating-cepades, he catches an unknown and thus untreatable STD. He eventually ends up on your doorstep waiting to take out your daughter.


I wish I didn't care so much.

Alla-ka-zam! Wish granted.

Not caring slowly becomes an obsession even greater than caring too much. You spend every waking hour telling yourself that things don't matter as your family and friends all realize that you aren't dependable leaving you sad and lonely.

I wish I could take 5 shots off my handicap.

granted. but you are playing on Wii...so it doesnt really count.

i wish my car ran on water.

Granted but you get a mile to 50 gallons.

I wish I had more free time.

GRANTED! But you get evicted because you also no longer have a job.

I wish my laundry would just do itself.

Granted, but it put a red shirt in with your whites and now you've only got pink tee-shirts.

I wish my air conditioner didn't sound like a Harley Davidson when I turned it on.

Granted. Now it sounds like a Boeing 747.

I wish I cared more.

ETA: No, more important than that, I wish I could spell.

Granted, but your brain goes on spelling overload and you can't stop spelling and then your tongue cramps up and you can no longer speak.

I wish rain didn't give me headaches.

granted, now it gives you uncontrollable drooling and eye twitches



I wish it was a more comfortable temperature.

granted....but it's somewhere else


I wish beyonce would stop singing

Granted, Beyonce stops singing, as does, Trisha Yearwood, Faith Hill, Amy Lee and Sheryl Crow. But, due to the vacancy of true talent, David Hosselhoff (sp?) revives his music career and his current single becomes number one on the billboard charts for 8 weeks in a row.

I wish my sister and I went to the same University so that we could live together. (I miss her)

Granted, but now you are stuck listening to William Hung nonstop on your IPOD.

I wish my house would clean itself.