I think People jump to quickly to divorce these days. Divorce should really be a last resort!!
I think if the problem truely can not be worked through then divorce...

My answer to this is: only if you think a hockey stick or cricket bat ot the balls as 4AM is cool... seriously if you are such a tool that you cheat on the woman you claim to love - you should expect some pay back if not divorce at the very least.

Personally if I ever sunk so very low, I wouldn't be surprised if the wife to be leveled so serious hurt at the minimum... not that I'd even allow/expect rippers and such at a stag party - it's about the guys having fun; and fun doesn't mean rippers unless the guys are fucking boring as hell.

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Co-Sign!

Rippers? You mean like getting really drunk, as in "I went to a ripper last night, and boy am I hungover."

Apparently "rippers" is a Canadian term.

"Rippers" = a term for strippers.

So am I correct to infer that you mean that only intercourse would raise your ire here?

Yeah - seriously, he could lick some box with his "cock in his pants", is that too far?

How about licking some boob? What about fingerblasting the stripper? Huh? Would you break up with a guy for fingerblasting? Can he get glitter on his face, rub some boobs with his nose, and maybe grab a little ass? Or is that too far?

Define your terms, ladies, so I can let you know how likely you are for disappointment later in life.

There's just something about strippers that's so sleazy, though...I think I'd be madder about that than anything. Maybe not the expensive ladies, but I'm sure the ones most guys could afford...ugh.

So let me get this straight...

You would prefer that your husband-to-be have an experience (define that term as broadly or narrowly as you like) with a top-quality VIP-room type stripper rather than some over-the-hill 3rd rate trailer trash type stripper that physically couldn't hold a candle to you??

That has to be the most confusing answer yet if I understand it correctly.

I guess the pat answer to this is that the only expectation I have going into a relationship with anyone is that he doesn't physically abuse me, and that he has a certain level of respect for me as an individual, and for my autonomy.

All that other stuff? We talk about it. We negotiate it. We take the necessary precautions. If we can't work out an agreement while we're dating, I move on and find someone who can. If we can't work it out while we're married, we'll seek couples therapy.

I know all of this makes me sound like the Wanton Woman of Greekchat, but I'm really not. I can still count my partners on one hand -- and I'm in my late 30s! Not that I need to justify my opinions to anyone, but I'm getting the sense that for some people openminded = indiscriminate sexual appetite, and that's just not the case for me.

You just lost cool points by justifying yourself at all. :)

This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with the girl talking about the "tractor story."

And as to Sistermadly's comment that it would be okeefenokee w/ her if her fiancee banged someone else at the bachelor party, as long as he vetted it properly, and that we're closed minded for not agreeing, I'm going to say HELL NO.

I see women out to bachelorette parties every weekend when I go out, running around with penis hats and kissing random men and generally behaving like uncouth idiots. Do you know what it says to me? That they're so desperate to get married that they are taking the first man who asked, even if they're not ready to settle down and forsake all others. I mean, get your ya-yas out before you let him put the ring on your finger, and vice versa. I'd rather know my husband slept with 1000 women before we were engaged/married than ONE after we were engaged/married, and I'd hope he feels the same way.

Have a fun night out with the guys or girls - yes! Definitely! But it should be about celebrating the friendships you all have and knowing they will carry on when you move into this next stage of your life - not about getting a random screw while you still have your "freedom." If you think of marriage as taking away your freedom...you probably shouldn't get married. And if you think this is the last night you'll be able to do this - i.e. you don't think your spouse will "let you" go out once you're married - you probably shouldn't get married either.

Personally, for me it's all about honesty. Would I be upset if a fiancee of mine got done with a male stripper or whatever? Not if we discussed beforehand and established some rules for it.

In fact, concerning the whole sex thing, while I value honesty above all, I'd be less upset if I was cheated on than if she fell in love with someone else.

Being cheated on I could work through and get over. Sexual desire is something completely independant of love. If she fell for someone else, I'd leave. I refuse to be second in someone else's heart.

Shelia:
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