TO JD: I'm sorry that you're leaving for NYC. Maybe I'll come visit you when you get settled.

TO RC: I have no more words. I've said all I can and want to say.

TO Beyonce: I know I haven't always been your biggest fan (especially with Jay coming in the picture) but I have to give you your props on this new CD. It is the soundtrack for my love life at the moment. Thank you for giving me something to get through my day.

To CT4:
For someone who despises and tries to avoid ghettofabulous country bama backward folk like the plague, you sure have bad luck keeping them away from you.

PS: Funny story nonetheless.

Dear Star,
Your future husband is the grand marshall of the Pride Parade. South Park featured Big Gay Al about him. Are your wedding colors RAINBOW? Wake up!!!

Love,

Everyone

Ditto!! She has a new show that premieres on Lifetime this Sunday at 11 PM EST dedicated to marriage proposals.


To Maury Povich: Please promise to never again have a show about the fat babies on my late day. I tune in to see paternity shows and cheating boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses not 300 pound 2 year olds.

To the Lord: Thank You sooo much for giving me life, family, friendship and patience. Your teaching me so much. I know I take things for granted at times....and I want to give up but as you know I am trying very hard. Sometimes I falter but I keep climbing. Thank you for supporting and helping me in so many ways. I ask you to keep my FAMILY and FRIENDS safe and guide them to their happiness. And LORD, thank you for blessing me with the gift of writing, poetry the therapy for my soul.
AMEN

To My Internet SISTERS(naw scratch the Internet you all are family): Thank You for the continous encouragement and the thoughtful advice. I am glad that we all have taken the time to get to know each other.

To CRYSTAL: Me here sis...I am here holla anytime...you know you can use the number anytime..BIG HUGS!!!!THANKS 4 everything.

To NESSIE: Girl you are the true essence of friendship. LOVE YA

To my co-worker: I respect everyone. So therefore when I say Hi and Bye I am being nice. I don't really expect for you to respond. I am just a KIND person. So when you go around talking about me being rude, irresponsible (for being late twice), and then you exaggerate the truth. You better believe I am going to say something to you. First get your facts right. Second, RESPECT me.
And finally, when I do approach you about your actions...don't start that st...st...stuttering mess with me. SPEAK. I am leaving this mess alone....but cha know if it happens again...I will be all in your JANKY face.

Dear Bionic Ears:

I am so glad that my desk was moved away from you. Let me count the reasons:

1) Now I can go to lunch without you looking at your watch when I leave.

2)I no longer have to worry about when I return to lunch and your punk tail saying, "So, where did you go for lunch?," so that the entire office, including my boss can hear.

3)No longer do I have to fear you repeating my phone calls to the entire office on my vacation day.

4) I think you are a prick and no matter how much you kiss our bosses behind, we all know that you are prick!:mad:

Sincerly,

The cowoker that does not have to kiss the boss's behind and YES, I am still better than you--->Thought you knew!!

To Bill Maher: Why are you cohabiting with someone who looks like she stepped off Curb B**** Boulevard? And why did she sue you for palimony?
:rolleyes:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphic.../cocoileft.jpg

Why does she look like a contestant on He's A Lady? :eek: I thought that was a man at first~

To the receptionist at my daughter ENT doctor's office:
You know you were really close to having me smack the shizzle out of you today. I know for sure my daughter's appointment was at 2:30 and not 2pm. How dare you get an attitude and tell me "your late". Bizzle I almost had to show my true colors, which I only do when someone has truly pissed me off. However, I realized you have some sort of disorder and it would just be wrong for me to whomp on you if you are mentally ill!!!

To RSB: Thank you JESUS I only have 2 more weeks to work with you people! I'm the ONLY minority and you STILL HAVE YET to "diversify the workplace" as I was told back in December! (If 8 people have quit in 4 months, and ALL CAUCASIANS are hired, that is NOT making the workplace more diverse) I guess you all can't wait until I leave! Then it will be one big happy WHITE family! :rolleyes:

To "Mrs. culture shock" : ALL AFRICAN AMERICANS do not speak broken english and act ignorant! All African Americans DO NOT snap on you when you piss them off (although you've had it coming for awhile now!) How dare you ask me of I put weave in my hair when I wore it straight! :eek: How dare you ask me where I shop for clothes and when I tell you anywhere from Marshalls to Nordstroms, Marshall Fields, etc. you roll your eyes at me! (do not HATE because I dress very sophisticated and PROFESSIONAL. WE work at a bank! Wearing the top that you are going to wear to the club and some dress slacks DOES NOT constitute professional clothing! (and if you look at me funny one more time because "I'm always dressed in suits" as you say, you WILL feel my wrath!)

:( To Mr. Snag-a-tooth Tollbooth Man: How DARE YOU come up to the car and accuse me of not paying the toll when you saw me with your own 2 eyes! WHY would you try to HOLD A CONVERSATION with me as if there aren't 20 cars behind me waiting to pay their toll money! WHY did you NOT just let up the gate and go on about your way! WHY, better yet, WHAT makes you THINK that I would give you my number??? (I pray that the next time that happens, you don't get run over by someone)


To all of my "supposed" friends in IL: You "say" that you will miss me when I leave Thanksgiving Day. Well what I find soo funny is that you will miss me when I'm GONE, but while I'm here, I barely get a phone call! The only time you call or see me is when you basically have nothing else to do. (some friends you are) *I just pray the individuals in Texas aren't as bad as you all!*

General: IF I hear one more person say that I lok like Eve, I am going to scream and after I am done screaming, go get an estimation for plastic surgery! :mad:

* I have ALOT that is going on right now!*

To LaShawn F: Thank you for the gift card. I didn't expect any gift at all really. I mean I WAS a volunteer, and I did what I was supposed to (unlike other individuals who just HAD to be nosy and listen to the meeting with Danny Davis) I appreciate your thoughtfulness and believe me, this gift card will be used wisely!


To all of the men who like to stare women in the face: WHO told YOU that staring someone down would make them iterested in you! If you want to speak, speak! If not, take a glance and keep going! Staring will only scare us away fellas!

To the White men who think they have game: When you approach a sista, it is not, I REPEAT, IT IS NOT a good idea to quote a line off of some ALL AMERICAN movie that you have watched 50,000 times or use a line that you have heard some celebrity or rapper quote! If you try to use your car as bait, at least be in a nice one! A Ford ESCORT is not going to turn heads sweetie! :rolleyes:

To Mr Army Man: I don't know HOW my cell number appeared on your phone! I have NEVER in my life called you! I SHOULD NOT have to reiterate that fact a million times! If you called me 3 days ago to find out, DON'T call me today asking if I found out how my number appeared on your phone! WHY in the world would you start a conversation with me??? I don't care about your age and your past history! Get off the phone and find Osama dog goneit!

KM :What you did to my brother was really foul. When I found out I wanted to drive down to __ to kick your A@$. But it's not worth it. You knew what his situation was before you got involved, IT WAS YOUR CHOICE to continue in the relationship. I really thought you were the one for him and I would talk u up to him. Whether you knew it or not he was making arrangements to marry you. There is nothing you can say to me now. You hurt him and our family very deeply and I am GLAD he told your soror's and his frat what you did. :) You were there when BG was ill and hospitalized, you were there when FRG died.
We always included you when we had get togethers so all of the family would get to know you. We all learned a lesson. So "NO" i am not going to answer your emails. I deleted you from my address book.

MMc: : I always wanted an older sister, so when we became friends and then sisters I was so HAPPY, there were times when I felt you treated me like a step sister, but I know there were things going on in your life. I do remember the Valentine's Day when you gave me the gold hoop earrings. That was a surprise. Then the issue with IHG came up and you were not there for me. We I approached you in Jan '03 and we had that talk you never said anything and you just walked away from me. I tried many times to ask forgiveness for the WAY i approached you but to no avail.

Dear One Legged Former Stepfather,

STEP OFF!!!

XOXO,
Carla


P.S. Call my mama one more time and Imma "Dead Presidents" you when I come home in 2 weeks.
:cool:

To the Franklin County Board of Elections:

You all are without a doubt the most sorry bamas ever. EVER. Y'all sorry. You played me on my absentee ballot THEN I get an email thanking me for voting??? so you got my email address from my request for the absentee ballot, huh? BUT YOU DIDN'T SEND ME MY BALLOT???? :mad: Then you send me an email to let me know you got my request. BOOOOOOOOOOO LOSERS!!!! You all are THE worst!!!

Tollbooth man is bold:eek:

Oh yeah, DIVINEeyeAM, you kinda look like Eve!! :p

I am going flatline, right about now ____________________________________LMAO!!!!!!

To the lady I saw at Wal Mart today: No. you. did. not. have. a. big. azz. hickey. on. your. neck. :eek: :o :eek:

:eek:

Maybe it was a curling iron burn?

did that sorry excuse every work? lololol

Nope this thing was straight up passion mark!!

...looks like ole girl just had a good weekend. what? :)

didn't know if to post here or in the dead wrong thread

To sista girl on the train yesterday:

I'm not going to clown you for your two tone weave...silky on tHe ends rough at the crown...

I'm not going to clown you for taking make up application classes at Drag Queens Inc (no need for that much makeup during the day)

I won't even comment on your imitation of Joe Camel because CLEARLY you were enjoying the heck out of that piece of Dentyne...

but sista friend...woman to woman..if you insist on wearing knee high boots with a mini skirt and no stockings PUT SOME VASELINE ON YOUR ASHY KNEES!!

Confidential to BGA,

Bombs are flying
People are dying
Children are crying
Politicians are lying too.

Cancer is killing
Texaco's spilling
The whole world's gone to hell
But how are you?

I'm super
Thanks for asking
All things considered
I couldn't be better I must say

I'm feeling super
No, nothing bugs me
Everything is super when you're
Don't you think I look cute in this hat

I'm so sorry
Mr. Cripple
But I just can't feel too bad for you right now.
Because I'm feeling
So insanely super
That even the fact that you can't walk
Can't bring me down

[Background singers:]
He's super
Thanks for asking
All things considered
He couldn't be better he must say

[Big Gay Al:]
I'm super
No, nothing bugs me
Everything is super when you're
Don't you think I look cute in this hat
These little pants, this matching tie
That I got at Vogue

I'm super

[Background singers:]
In the barracks and the trenches as well

[Big Gay Al:]
Stick 'em up.

[Background singers:]
Big Gay Al says do ask do tell

[Big Gay Al:]
Skittles

[Background singers:]
Yes he's super and he's proud to be gay

[Big Gay Al:]
OK

[Background singers:]
Everything is super when you're gay!
When you're gay!

:eek:
LMAO....lawd drinking some tea and reading this ....is not a good combo....ASHY KNEE's.....
somebody get the chic...some Jergens Ash Relief.....

To the two dudes dressed like women at he dollar store: You had me fooled for abut five seconds until I peeped them hands and the way one of you couldn't walk in heels. Then I thought it was a joke until I seent da shaving cream you were purchasing. :rolleyes:

let go and let God.

to the young lady that i took on a field trip to the native american indian museum in nyc...

let me tell you.

yesterday, as you acted out in the musuem, i wanted to smack the hell out of you. for you to be 16 years old and that ignorant to curse around toddlers, the 4 and 5 year olds seem to know how to act better then you when out in public. it's a shame.

when we left the museum and went to look for a co-worker that recently had a stroke and you indicated that is not your problem. i wanted to beat you down and throw gasoline on you and light a fire to your little fresh behind.

when we went to mcdonald's and you had a fit in front of the cashier and called me a witch with a Capital B. I replied if you see a witch with a Capital B, then smack a witch with a Capital B. you almost touch my face and i almost broke your fingers and replied that perhaps it would be worth losing my job touching you, because you have never made it pass me to escape mcdonalds.

with this i must exhale and remember when you call me a B*tch, that's Mz. B*tch to you!!!!

To

DET: stop showing up at my house unannounced. One of these days you won't like what you see.....
And stop blowing up my phone. I've had to screen my calls on my cell for the last few days and unplug my home phone because of you. You ain't slick either, calling me from an "unknown id". Guess what, I'm still not answering. While I do hope that you get your life together and the help you need, I don't need the drama. I have my own life, and a son to raise, with no help from you. Thanks. Dude I can't fix it. And for the love of all that is holy stop referring to me as "boo" we are not together, nor are we in junior high. And you are not Usher.

ELF: I love you but you need to quit playing.

Aunt B: for the last time, I do not have your bootleg copies of "My Baby's Daddy", or "Johnson's Family Vacation". I have NEVER seen those movies and have NO desire to. Check with your son please, thanks. Oh and stop being mean to my grandmother. The way you talk to her is disgraceful. She's old, and she's your mother. I'm sorry you think it's unfair that you have to take care of her, but she does not deserve to be treated like a child. God is watching.

To Allstate: Thanks for sending me another refund check. :D Love you lots.

To the Fat Albert Bama behind me today: Mofo, why did you blow that horn? I know I was NEXT for right of way but NOT when the lady is turning in front of me. You were probably headed to Krispy Kreme. :rolleyes:

To my company: you guys suck and are evil in the way you treat your customers. I understand that sales are sales but please make the customer fully aware of what they're getting.

To B: I'm proud of you and I'm hard on you when I have to be just to make you stronger.

To M: Scratch a lie find a thief

To UR : Suck it up and stop moaning You're single, nothin to take care of except your own sorry azz. GET OVER IT! Ain't no body give me SHNIT!

To D: Why do you continue to let these cows kick you in the arse

To S: if your friendship comes with som many rules and regulations I guess it's simply not REAL FRIENDSHIP.

To the Texas Workforce Commission (aka the umemployment office): Thanks for siding with me. I appreciate you taking the time to hear my case and decided what was fair.

To my ex-place of employment: You knew you were wrong. You realized that I was costing you money. I understand you had to do what you had to do,but dragging my rep through the mud like that just was not cool.

To all the places I've sent applications out to: I know the holidays are fast approaching so could you please hire a sista. I'd much apperciate it

FedEx call center representatives:

1) If you don't like your job, quit.

2) Don't get mad when I take YOUR tone with you. You started it. It's 9 o'clock in the friggin' morning. I'm not a morning person. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

3) Don't assume some things are self-explanatory. Some things are new to some companies. We don't know everything about FedEx; that's your job. Educate the customer, don't get an attitude.

4) If someone doesn't call me about that package, there is going to be a serious problem.

5) Clearly, it's not that deep. The FedEx Express guy gets the packages out of the drop box. He realizes one of them is actually FedEx Ground. Sooooooo, he has to go back to base, and I'm sure he dropped off that package with FedEx Groud. Soooooooo, where is it????

6) HC what's going to happen is CutiePie FedEx is going to have to hear about this, and it's clearly not even his fault. Either that or my sales guy. But clearly, someone is going to find that package and deliver it.

7) How is it that some home deliveries can go FedEx express and some have to go Ground? WTF? How am I supposed to know which goes where when? See #3.

8) I'm trying to have a good Monday, but y'all bamas are makin' it hella hard.

To Condoleezza Rice: Don't listen to MeezDiscreet, :p you holdin' it down just fine, 80s look and all. If I was 20 years older, I'd holla at you (shoot, I'd holla at 'cha right here and now at 31, age is nothin' but mind over matter, if you don't mind, it don't matter).

PS: Happy belated 50th birthday. Hope you had a lot of fun.

To Eddy's Toyota: See, this is why I DO NOT frequent you for my car's maintenance or repairs. You are extortionist!

The service you do cost half the price at my regular spot (Midas). But because of circustances out of my control, I had to go to you this morning and because of your outlandish prices, there goes my after thanksgiving day sale money. :mad:

to the person who introduced the word "hater" into the lexicon of slang: I hate you with a passion...a burning passion that can only be put out by a big glass of red kool-aid.


87yr.old woman in line in front of me at Wendy's: Don't mean mug me...I aint too shame to beat up the elderly.

Big Dane from Pimp My Ride: *drool* Ummmmmmmmm, Biiiiiiiiiig Daaaaaannnne.

To Eddy's Toyota (Part II): Why when I pick up my car, after being "financially accosted" by your prices, one of your salesmen get an attitude with me because I don't bring it there to be serviced? HELLLLLOOOOO, please read my previous "Open Letter" to you. Come down on the prices (and get better hours) and you would see more of me.

To MeezDiscreet : Girl, your invisalign comment had me laughin so hard, i woke up my baby. Even though I'm prolly gonna be up all night now, it was worth the laugh. Thanks, I needed that.

To RC: Please stop calling me ever other day with some bull. You are almost 30 years old, perhaps you'd like to act like it.

To SJ and CM: Please, please stop drinking to get drunk. Have you ever heard of drinking like a responsible adult. Even though I was the designated driver for both of you it is NOT an invitation to act a fool. SJ, you should have now learned your lesson last night after throwing up not once but twice while out. You should just thank your lucky stars that you did not throw up in my car or it would have been on. I have no sympathy in this matter.

To MT: Yeah, we're cool but that's IT. We will NEVER EVER have a relationship other than being friends. I can't wait for you to see this.

To ME: The last three months have been full of ups and downs but I think that when I look back upon it, many life lessons will be learned.

To SN: You are THE best friend that I could ever ask for. You are truly someone I can count on, even if we don't get to speak that much anymore. Though distance may separate us, know that I am always here for you and I know that you are always there for me. I love ya like a blood sister!!:D

To the couple who was outside arguing at 3:46 AM: Either my bedroom windows are thin as hell, you all were loud as hell or I have super sonic hearing, but your STOOOOOPID ARGUMENT woke me up. I cannot believe you were outside arguing that your man needs to give you the cell phone. Girl grab 5 quarters and be out. Oh and DUDE if you did not want her to have the cell phone, just walk back upstairs into your apartment. :rolleyes: :o
I had heard that BIG LOTS was having a sale on Common Sense this weekend. I only wish you two had went to get some. :mad: :(

To N.L.: I hate having ghetto coworkers. I especially hate having ghetto coworkers who aspire to be in charge but don't know how to compose a decent memo. If you come to my desk, nary another time, and did what you did on Wednesday, I PROMISE you will see my OTHER side. :mad::D

To the Volleyball Players on my floor: I know you love your sport. I understand I used to play volleyball. But do not be in the hallway playing it when people are trying to study or sleep!! That is so annoying and rude!!! Especially when it is a big sign in the hallway that says NO HALL SPORTS!!! Nothing is that damn funny that you have to be loud all the time at all times of the night. I look forward to your away games.
To the girl that lives next door to me: We are neighbors and we both know that these dorm walls are thin as hell. Seeing that you know that the walls are thin TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN!! I do not wanna hear that mess you be listening to. Especially when it sounds like your stereo is on the same wall as my bed. It sounds like the music is directly in my room. So if you get upset when I blast my Lil Jon or something because I don't wanna hear your garbage, so what. Also if you are in the floor lounge studying bring your headphones or something because not everyone on the floor wants to hear your music!!!!! Shut your damn DOOR!!!!
To the boys that live across the hall from me: I like Family Guy and the Simpsons like the next person, but turn that maddness down or better yet, close your door. There is no reason that I should be able to hear your computer or your TV with my door shut. And when you have that one chick in your room, please tell her not to be so damn loud!!!
To my suitemate: I like you, your cool peoples. I like your friends and they are cool too. BUT please DON'T be so loud ALL the time. I do sleep in here and the walls and doors are thin. And please try to shut your door all the time because even when you leave it cracked a little bit, I can hear everything that goes on in your room. And even though hearing your arguments with your boyfriend are funny, sometimes I just don't need or want to hear it.
To the football players that live on the floor below me: I am cool with like 5 of you, but the rest of you can go to hell. I do not like you, I will never like you, and I will never have sex with you. So all of this childish behavior which is a form of sexual harrassment needs to stop. You all are so arrogant, but there is no reason to be because you all suck. You hardly win any games and the guys that do contribute to the game are more humble than u bench warmers. Get a life!!! You harrassing me will never make me want to hold a conversation with you and I have a boyfriend so I will not be dating any of you. Even if I didn't have a boyfriend, I still wouldn't date any of you country bum a$$ negros. You do not have any respect for women and I believe you don't have any respect for yourselves smoking weed every weekend. In short, I can't stand you and may GOD bless you.
To the Freshman boy that keeps trying to come and visit me in my room: I know this is your first year and you want to make friends. But do not come to my room anymore. I do not like unknown males knocking at my door. Isn't it strange to you how everytime you come visit I am "doing something", "sleep", or "my boyfriend is about to come over?" You kind of creep me out and I never told you to begin visiting me anyway. You are never going to be invited in my room so stop showing up. If I want to visit you I will come to your room. But the chance of that happening is slim to none.
To my boyfriend: If you don't start kissing me more I am gonna kill you. You know that I love to kiss and you are depriving me of something that I love doing. And everytime you come over you do not have to fall asleep!! I know you be tired and stuff so that is why I don't say anything about it. I still love you though.