LOL! I don't have kids but I answered based on how I am now.

Get More Involved: The level and nature of your involvement suggest that your child might benefit from more assistance. Consider being more proactive and seeking guidance or help from the college counselors in your child's high school.

So, I'm already a bad mother and haven't even started yet. :p

Stay the Course: Your level of involvement seems to indicate a good balance between your child's responsibilities and decisions, and your advice and guidance

Thought this would amuse all the parents of older offspring:
----
The Cat Years

I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate - teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts it's head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.

Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away. Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.

One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you." Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.

OMG Alum, this is so true. I want the puppies back. My two "cats" sure do turn into puppies when they are sick tho and want the Mommy back into the picture (virtually since they were both far away at school).

That's great alum!!

i enjoyed the quiz, but am a little skeptical of my score. it said that i should have been more involved. luckily, despite my apparent negligence, both children got into the college of their choice and are doing well.

Maybe it's because of your negligence that they are self sufficient and able to attain their goals on their own!!:)

I have gotten more and more hands off with each kid and somehow, amazingly ;), they've all turned out fine, even the caboose, who is pretty much on his own.

I don't have kids, but, I took the quiz based on what I would do if I did. I'm a university administrator and my result told me that I needed to "Get More Involved." :rolleyes:

.....Kelly :)

Shocker. All those heli-moms with Special Snowflakes are now showing up in the workplace:

Helicopter Parents Hover in the Workplace: NPR

This is just unbelievable to me. These poor kids are not getting the opportunity to grow, develop, and learn to initiate and make critical decisions for themselves. Now they are college graduates and they have not developed the most basic of skills needed to survive in the workplace and independently.

Parents: you are doing much more harm than good. Seriously. My kid wanted a prize for a fundraiser (Jump Rope for Heart) that his school is doing. He asked me to write a check in the amount needed- $125- to get the prize. I told him no way. If he wanted the prize, he would need to call relatives and some close family friends and describe the fundraising activity, where the money was going, and politely ask if they would consider a donation. I didn't even dial the phone for him. Guess what? With the neighbors $5 donation today he stands at $126 and not one penny is mine. And oh, yeah. He is 5.

Learning to navigate life, life that may even include occasional failure, is the best gift that you can give a child.

Ugh. I'm a tour guide at my law school, and I see all types. My mom and I went on a tour at only one law school I considered together, and she didn't ask any questions. We discussed the school over lunch afterwards, but thats it. I chose my law school on my own, dealt with enrolling and financial aid, and so on, on my own. My apartment was something I found on my own as well, and they haven't been by since I moved in (and I live close to them).

So its shocking to me when I get parents on my tours asking all sorts of questions that their child...who is potentially going to be a lawyer...should be asking. I've had parents tell me the curve is unfair, and if they could talk to anyone about it. I've had parents try to argue with me about getting their kids off the wait list (good luck, I'm a student tour guide, not an admissions officer). And I've had parents get annoyed at me because we have events with beer and wine...which are adult networking events, and I'm sorry, but if your kid can't control themselves at those things, they are not ready for law school. Geez.

I guess I'm mostly annoyed about this because I'm 23 and some of these heli-kids are my age or older than me. It makes me worry that these kids will be my colleagues, and while my classmates generally aren't like that, I sure as hell do not want to work with lawyers that are down the road.

I think this is my biggest problem with helicopter parenting-- where does it end? My mom has always taught me to fight my own battles. Even when I had an extremely unfair supervisor in on of my jobs she let me handle it. She offered (mostly out of anger) to help when the woman basically succeeded in removing me (not firing, I left in good standing) but I would have never let her. I'm an adult and fair or not it's your life. I understand that every parent wants to spare their child unnecessary pain but the world is harsh and you can't protect them forever. Teach them to pick themselves up from those realities and that is what will do them a favor, because failure is inevitable.

I took the quiz for Mom33 (as in, checked off the things she did or didn't do). She got the same result. :)

I got the same result based on how I intend to treat my children; however, I took the quiz for MommyCG and she got "Reconsider Your Involvement." I already knew I had a heli-mom in high school (and some of college) but she's much better now. :p

Stay the Course: Your level of involvement seems to indicate a good balance between your child's responsibilities and decisions, and your advice and guidance.

:)

LOL...I took the quiz for my mom who was overly protective as a parent. It said, "Get more involved." ha ha. This for the woman who would only let us choose one of five majors because the others weren't practical! I think we turned out just right. :D

I answered it as my parents--and they scored a great big "Get More Involved."

I think my dad would have been a helicopter parent if my mom had let him. :) He's pretty protective and asks a lot of questions--but sometimes it's a good thing. One of my older sisters was diagnosed with pretty advanced cancer late last year--within a week, he had flown to where she was. I think if my mom was involved, she would have made him wait it out a minute.

A few months ago, someone I know posted a very public diatribe (on Facebook) about some "mean girls" who were teasing her 14-year old daughter. Her daughter was on a bus riding to an "away" sports event, and a few of the other girls were making fun of her. Her daughter's friend, who had been sitting next to her, got up from her seat and sat with the "mean girls". Her daughter started to cry on bus and sat by herself on the way home.

The mother tells the story, and finished with "THESE GIRLS BETTER WATCH THEIR BACKS!! They have pissed off a mama bear!!! I HATE GIRLS LIKE THAT!!"

Now, I don't have tolerance for bullying, and I hate to see any kid ostracized and made fun of, but really? Do you think that this is going to help your kid?

To make matters worse, more then ten other people commented in similar fashion "Nobody better bother -----", "I'll come and teach those kids a lesson", and "what are their dads' names? I happen to know a guy that would be happy to pay their dads a little visit!!!

FWAP! FWAP! indeed!

OMG. Speaking of Facebook. This isn't "helicoptering" per se, but it just makes my skin crawl. Parents posting REALLY embarassing or unflattering pics of their kids. I don't mean prom pics that the kids will be saying in 20 years "why the hell did I wear that?" For example, one of my HS friends posted pictures of her daughter laying in her bed at the hospital while she was ill!! Needless to say she looked like hell. Some other parents have posted similar things. Don't they realize these will be on the internet for all time? I mean, I would be MORTIFIED if my mother even took such a picture, let alone showed it to 300 of her closest friends.

This makes me think that the parents have a problem separating themselves - like they just think of the child as an extension of themself, not as an individual person.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

I HEART my heli-mom.
 

Yes, I know that this thread is bashing heli-moms.

<STANDS UP>
I LOVE MY HELI-MOM.
She drove the miles down with me to college and stayed with me during RUSH. Being ill, she gave me a break and made sure that I was rested.
When I found out at the last minute about international travel, ironically, I was ill, she typed my application after I wrote my essay. My Dad proof read too.

Yes, she can and is OVERBEARING. She is pushy. She thinks that she knows everything.
And yes, I agree with her to shut her up.
BUT I HEART MY HELI-MOM.
She has never called my boss.
In my first job, she made a gourmet chowder for Christmas potluck that I passed off as my own. I got on the bosses good side.

And yes, sometimes, I let her do heli-things because it makes her feel better. There are times, when I have put her in her place or laugh at her. Laughter and humor make things better. "Yes, Mom, I could do that job as well as prime minister and solve world hunger" or simply, "Sounds great Mom, why don't you do it?"

Underneath it all, I realized that my heli-mom and others, although stubborn and pushy, REALLY just have the biggest hearts of all and are probably the most loving creatures on earth. She means well. She wants the best for me.

WERE IT NOT FOR MY HELI-MOM, I WOULD NOT BE WHERE I AM TODAY.

<STEPS DOWN>

Please don't throw anything or color my holier than thou.

I answered yes to almost all of them as a "what I would do as a parent". It told me to re-evaluate my role. As soon, as I put no for contacting teachers, etc. but kept all else the same, it said I was good. Most of these things are not bad, if the child is involved too. Help is not helicoptering. Doing it for you, is.

This sounds like a Lifetime Movie in the making.. based on a true story. Very scary.

Wow @ ree-Xi's story. That's beyond heli-parenting - that story crosses the line into threatening behavior. Seriously. I'd keep my eye on that person.

Backbowlsgirl - hat's off to you for not holding it against your mom that she didn't let you get to where you are in life of your own accord. I don't think I could do that - I'm pretty sure I'd be somewhat resentful, actually.

My definition of a heli-parent: Someone who steps in and takes care of the kid's responsibilities instead of letting him/her do it him/herself. Someone who doesn't allow their child to make their own mistakes. Who doesn't allow their child to grow up.

College campuses are designed to help transition students from under-parents'-thumb to adulthood. The university administrators who are adjusting their practices to allow for heli-parenting are, imo, doing their students a huge disservice.

My mom's not as much a heli-mom (although she is to some extent), but she pretty much let me be the center of the world for 21 years. Now that I have kids, she expects me to turn that off and make my kids the center of the universe. First, it's hard to turn that off when you're used to doing whatever you want when you want. I do lots of stuff like the Oratorio Singers of Charlotte, community theatre and paid acting stuff and end up dumping my kids at my parents house because they let me. This is one of my reasons for wanting to move to NYC...as convenient as it is to keep taking advantage of my parents, it's not healthy for them, the kids or me. It will be good to put some distance there, at least for a little while.

You don't have a heli-mom. I will explain to you why.

A real heli-mom would write your essay herself.

A real heli-mom would not only call your boss to make sure everything was alright in your job, but would call to make sure nothing was being served at Christmas potluck that could make you sick.

Real heli-moms are lacking in humor. KIDZ ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS YO.

I'm not sure which is more :rolleyes:-worthy -- that you would take credit for something someone else did in order to impress your boss or that it took your mother's gourmet chowder rather than your own efforts to get on the boss's good side.

33--I think your description here moves to the next level of helicoptering--the lawnmower parent. The parent that tries to mow over any possible obstacle their child could face.

I hear you! I loved my heli-mom too!

Yes, there were times that she embarrassed the hell out of me, butting her nose in where it didn't belong, but I know now that she did it out of love and concern (and a desire to make sure her daughter had the best - which was also embarrassing).

I learned from her mistakes, and took the good things I got from her and tried to parent in a different way, but I'm sure I embarrassed my sons too, for different reasons. (isn't that what parents are for?).

But, I would give anything to have her back for one more day so that I could thank her for loving me so much that she put me in the forefront of her life.

This is my mom to a 't'. When I was younger and would get the sniffles she would literally make me a Tylenol and make me go to school. It seemed so harsh at the time but now I am pretty no-nonsense about illness, so I think it worked. :)

Bumping to report that heli-parenting apparently isn't confined to the US. From The Telegraph (London): Students' pushy parents must cut the umbilical cord, say Oxford dons, as demands for exam remarks soar.

Quote:

They believe their sharp elbows and pushy nature have helped to smooth the path for their children into one of the country's oldest and finest universities. But parents of a new generation of Oxford students are causing consternation among dons, who claim they are responsible for the number of appeals doubling in the past year. . . . “Compared with my day, when you had to go out of your way to get to a phone box to ring mum and dad once a week, with the mobile phone mum can track you down any time but equally you can ring mum because you don’t know how to open a tin of beans. “It is more difficult to sever that over-dependency if you can contact them so easily. If you are not careful, the child will march into their interview with their mother. It is infantilisation.”