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-   -   Depledging a "loser" sorority? (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=71194)

valkyrie 10-10-2005 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
"Social" doesn't necessarily mean "OMG GETTING WASTED AT THE HOTTTTTEST FRAT TONIGHT" -- to me, it encompasses everything from that to "Laguna Beach" night in pjs at the house -- but I don't think that wanting to meet cute frat boys is necessarily a bad incentive to join.

And if your idea of being fun and social is watching Laguna Beach in pjs at the house, you're probably not going to have fun with women who want to play D&D every night.

BobbyTheDon 10-10-2005 03:49 PM

like I said. Be a frat rat. Be the 5th wheel. You'll still be part of greek life that way. Twinkle Twinkle baby. Twinkle Twinkle.

BobbyTheDon 10-10-2005 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
everything from that to "Laguna Beach" night in pjs at the house --
oh my god. Every sorority needs to do this. EVERY SORORITY NEEDS TO DO THIS.

Will pillow fights follow as well? :confused:

sugar and spice 10-10-2005 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
oh my god. Every sorority needs to do this. EVERY SORORITY NEEDS TO DO THIS.

Will pillow fights follow as well? :confused:

AND BY "IN PJS" I MEANT "NAKED."

KSUViolet06 10-10-2005 04:03 PM

I'm with sugar and spice. There is nothing wrong with joining for social reasons. That's why most people initially get interested in sororities.

I always say that a good sister can stay out late at a mixer on Saturday, and be up at 7 am the next day to go serve food at the local shelter.

Rudey 10-10-2005 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
like I said. Be a frat rat. Be the 5th wheel. You'll still be part of greek life that way. Twinkle Twinkle baby. Twinkle Twinkle.
This is true. Or you can strive to be an AI frat rat.

-Rudey
--Hardy har har

Little E 10-10-2005 04:13 PM

Haven't posted in a while, but I need to put some pennies in this jar.

DO NOT initiate unless you are ABSOLUTLY POSITIVE that you are willing to make a LIFELONG commitment to this org. The ritual will not make your troubles go away, it may bring more meaning, but is not a miracle. I love my ritual and I get seriously irritated when people think that just by learning the ritual the clouds will clear and angels will sing. Not so much.

Sorority life is day to day interaction with women. Why do you need mixers w/ men if you have a boyfriend?? Aren't you looking for female friendships??? Stop worrying about meeting boys. I promise, few good relationships (with men) come from drinking in the basement of a fraternity house. (IMO)

Give it a shot, but if you can't reconcile your feelings with this group, you need to depledge, don't drag down nice girls because you have image issues. You will never be universally liked. Not even Mother Theresa has universal popularity. You have to get over the 'I want to be liked by everyone' mentality. It just isn't realistic. I'm not denying that there are emotional effects from chapter reps, but if you can't handle it two weeks in, you should check out.

BobbyTheDon 10-10-2005 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
AND BY "IN PJS" I MEANT "NAKED."
:eek:

Crunchies, join whatever sorority she is in.

:eek:

Glitter650 10-10-2005 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
Twinkle Twinkle baby. Twinkle Twinkle.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE :D :D :D

I vote this to be the best post on this thread.

sugar and spice 10-10-2005 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Little E


Sorority life is day to day interaction with women. Why do you need mixers w/ men if you have a boyfriend?? Aren't you looking for female friendships??? Stop worrying about meeting boys. I promise, few good relationships (with men) come from drinking in the basement of a fraternity house. (IMO)

Hey everybody! (I am not picking on you, Little E -- I've seen this statement a number of times in this thread and this is just the most recent one.) There's this awesome thing called "being friends with the opposite sex, in a completely platonic way." Y'all should look into it. ;)

Seriously, though, not every girl wants to hang out with girls ALL THE TIME. Even if you have a boyfriend, you can still want to hang out with guys. Acquiring a boyfriend does not mean locking yourself in a tower with only girls for company. You can enjoy fraternity mixers, enjoy dancing or just talking to guys without there having to be an ulterior motive.

Not to mention that some people are realistic enough to realize that most college relationships do not last throughout college, and it would be nice to someday have the option. . . .

ISUKappa 10-10-2005 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
...
I think that ultimately you and I are on the same page -- I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl who joins a sorority to meet fraternity men -- as long as she doesn't slack on the other obligations of membership (financial, academic, being a good sister, whatever)...

Basically, we are. This is part of my original response to her post:
Quote:

Originally posted by ISUKappa
...
If all you care about is the social aspect (and for some, that's what's really important and that's fine) and you feel your social life would be better as a non-Greek than as a member of this chapter, then depledge, but in the end we can't make this decision for you.
...

We just have slightly different views on what constitues "social" opportunities.
Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
For most of us, the #1 reason we joined was for the social benefits and to have fun. "Social" doesn't necessarily mean "OMG GETTING WASTED AT THE HOTTTTTEST FRAT TONIGHT" -- to me, it encompasses everything from that to "Laguna Beach" night in pjs at the house --
First we all need to make sure we all have the same understanding of the term "social." To me personally, social would include mixers, date parties, formals, dinner exchanges -- things you do with other fraternities/sororities. And yes, these are important aspects of membership.

I associate hanging out in pjs watching Laguna Beach or going to DQ or Target as aspects of sisterhood rather than social opportunities. I think that's why we're getting so much hostility--people define "social" as only those mixer-type events.

ASUADPi 10-10-2005 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Uh, yeah. If she is your sister, you are shit talking her. If she isn't, I still don't see how saying you want to "bitch slap" her is appropriate under ANY circumstances.

Also, are you saying women can't express their honest opinions about their sororities? You'd get on the phone to do what, exactly? Would someone be kicked out of your organization for expressing herself?

Hypocrite much.

I just love how it is okay for you to jump on her case for her behavior on this thread and in life but it isn't okay for me to express my opinion and my thoughts on her situation.

with that said how about we agree to disagree.

kddani 10-10-2005 05:44 PM

At least we all agree on one thing, if she doesn't like it after a little more time of getting to know people, she should quit.

PM_Mama00 10-10-2005 05:46 PM

I understand sugar and spice's points on the social aspect. I didn't like being in the sorority right after initiation because I felt "wah wah no one is talking to me or inviting me out". When we had mixers I'd go, but just pretty much sit back. Finally one time one of the "popular" girls was jokingly picking on me and I stood up for myself and she ended up becoming my best friend and took over as my big sis when my given big sis decided that she was a stupid bitch and wanted to help start the "local" on our campus.

Anyways my point is.... so you *think* your chapter's reputation sucks. If you truly like those girls, DEAL with it. Even tho the actives should be still rushing you (kinda what we call it but we have a "secret" name for it), you should still make an effort to get to know them.

But still from your posts it just seems like... I duno. Comments such as the one about the money and buying your friends is dumb. True if you were to leave, chances are you prolly won't talk to these girls again.... but your money goes towards things that people have already mentioned in this thread. If you don't like that, and you're still hung up on being a member of the fat sorority, then LEAVE.

valkyrie 10-10-2005 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ASUADPi
Hypocrite much.

I just love how it is okay for you to jump on her case for her behavior on this thread and in life but it isn't okay for me to express my opinion and my thoughts on her situation.

with that said how about we agree to disagree.

With that said, how about you point out where I jumped "on her case for her behavior on this thread and in life."

rhochi2002 10-10-2005 06:14 PM

sugar and spice
Quote:

Seriously, though, not every girl wants to hang out with girls ALL THE TIME. Even if you have a boyfriend, you can still want to hang out with guys. Acquiring a boyfriend does not mean locking yourself in a tower with only girls for company. You can enjoy fraternity mixers, enjoy dancing or just talking to guys without there having to be an ulterior motive.
Amen!!

CutiePie2000 10-10-2005 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tippiechick
Well, I am from Tennessee. The only UT I acknowledge is ours in Knoxville. ;)
Silly rabbits....UT is University of TORONTO.

My advice to the original poster is that "If you think that you would feel ashamed of your affiliation, or always wish that you were someplace else, then drop out. Do not get initiated".

Oh and everyone needs to read ErikaXO's (gawd, I miss her!)words of wisdom.

The end.

honeychile 10-10-2005 09:38 PM

After watching 10 pages of this discussion, I'm sticking to my original statement: either decide to be part of the force that changes your current sorority around, or depledge, knowing that you will most probably not get another chance in the future.

Crunchies, I think you've heard every possible angle on this and the bottom line is, you have to live in your own skin. I sincerely hope you make the decision that's right for you.

33girl 10-10-2005 09:43 PM

Heather, I completely agree with you that if she isn't getting what she wanted to get out of the sorority - be it social opportunities with fraternities, networking opportunities for jobs, good housing, or friendships with the women - she has every right to be disappointed and/or quit. UT dues are a very very big chunk of change to do something you're not happy with, even if you stick with it and end up having awesome alum experiences or something.

My venom comes from the fact that when a chapter is struggling or feels they are not on the same level as other groups on campus, the LAST thing they need is Debbie Downer who doesn't want to work to make it better (constructive criticism included), or is unhappy when everyone else in the chapter was happy until this person told them why they sucked. Women (and men) like this are cancers on their chapters, and like any other cancer they need to be removed if possible.

For all we know, the members of crunchies' sorority are happy that they don't have mixers every other night and stuff like that. Trust me, my chapter had quite a few women who were the queens of their HS and could have joined other more popular groups but they didn't want to...they had had enough drama to last a lifetime and they wanted to focus more on the women they felt comfy with rather than the women who would get them hooked up with the hottest fraternity guys.

Everyone has moments where they say "why the hell did I join this group?" but when they go past moments, you need to leave. I'm talking about actives too - if you hate going to events, if the only things you go to are required so you don't get fined, if you have nothing in common with your sisters, please leave. I don't care if you have one month till graduation, if you wake up every single day and say "I hate being an XYZ and am ashamed of my affiliation" you need to hit the bricks.

irishpipes 10-10-2005 10:35 PM

Quote:

Those that don't, cheer for the Cubs.
Rudey, that was just wrong.

UofISigKap 10-10-2005 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
quote:Those that don't, cheer for the Cubs.
Quote:

Originally posted by irishpipes
Rudey, that was just wrong.
Just wait until next year!!


Back on topic though: the advice has been right on. The more people talk about their chapter being lower, not as good, etc...the longer it sticks around. I have seen chapters do an awesome job at rebuilding, but they were still in the mindset of "we're low tier". They had come so far, recruited the "cute" women with great grades and leadership abilities, etc... and other chapters even knew it! Be a part of the solution if the chapter thinks there is a problem too...don't stick around and cause problems if they don't see one there. It could be simply that you may have different priorities as the women in the chapter.

KaiKey 10-10-2005 11:32 PM

time for a breather
 
mercy ladies, it is long past time for all of us to take a breather from this interminable thread. the series of posts in this thread is now long enough that our beloved ~alexandra robbins~ could use it for her next book! "depledge, the ugly truth of sorority life" or "depledge, sororities are only for the beautiful"! oddly, has anyone heard from the now infamous "crunchies"? i think we have covered every single aspect of this from every conceivable angle.

right now i am taking ~carnation's~ sage advise and have just opened yet another two liter bottle of ~cherry vanilla dr. pepper~, diet of course, and i am going to sit back while this just thread just continues and continues and continues while everyone is saying the same thing over and over and over and we never hear from the one that started this debacle!

~kaikey~
a golden key unlocked my heart

AlphaSigOU 10-10-2005 11:51 PM

Screw the cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper - gimme BEER! :D

dixiephimu 10-10-2005 11:55 PM

I've got to set down the raw cookie dough and pick up something more substantial....like double churned Breyers ice cream. I'll stick with the cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper though.

On a sad note, the closest Sonic to me in in Virginia. I thought there used to be one in Yonkers...but if it was, it's not there anymore. Yankees are crazy not having multiple Sonics around town. I think my hometown has 6, and it's not a big town!

I have nothing else to contribute to the actual thread. I still think you can turn things around. It won't be fast or easy, but I think it can happen.


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