justamom-

:) something tells me you ARE more like my mom. But, also, when I was 19-20-21 I did not have the perspective that I do now, in my 30s, and, quite frankly -- the fact that my mom and I are SOOOO much alike was a constant thorn in my side that I rebelled against and that she rebelled against. It was a period of growth for both of us and we were at each other's throats. A venting post about my mom 10 years ago would have sounded like a lot of the others on this board. I think that is part of maturing and finding your own way, finding out who you are -- I mean this from the point of view of both the child who has left the nest and the mom who has to let the child go and grow and find their own way. We must find our own way, we must make our own mistakes -- its the only way we will become truly self-sufficient, mature, well-adjusted adults.

I am so thankful my mom and I found our way back to one another. It took a lot of growth on both our parts, but she is truly my best friend, there is nothing I can't tell her, nothing I don't tell her, and I don't know what I would do without her.

:)
Amy

A word of caution: Psychoanlytic theory supposes that the women will relate to her mate the way she relates to her mom (adding sex of course . .. for some).

Basically that is the model the woman is taught, she seeks some of the same emotional security/relationship with her mate that she would expect from her mother, the primary care-giver.

And so interacts with him accordingly.


Something to think about.

I need advice
 

Ok, for all you who were following my previous rants, I need advice (but not about the assclown and his stuck-in-the-80's girlfriend).

About my two friends, we'll call one X and one Y because you never know who ends up reading these things. This is kind of the more detailed version of the "you're my bestest friend, don't make fun of me for making out in the hallway" story, for those who remember. So I went out with both of them and another one of my sisters this past weekend and it was hell. For the record, X is the one I'm pretty close to, and Y is the annoying one who is trying to get on some guy with a girlfriend and always goes on and on about how X is her "bestest friend ever" (whether X actually feels this way, I don't know, that'd be for her to say). We were planning on all going to a club after I got back from work, but when I got back to the house, the other sister who went with us told me that Y told her that she was too tired to go. I had to go home regardless, but I told the girl at the house I'd call her if anything ends up happening.

So I get home and my 16 year old sister is having a party and I thought I was going to die, so I call X on her cell phone out of sheer desperation to get out of my house. She's out at a restaurant with her older sister, her husband, and their friends, but told me if I wanted I could meet them there. So I drive out there even though it's 30 minutes away and when I get there I call the girl at the house to tell her we're just getting dinner. She wanted to still go out though, so I told her if she wanted to call Y, maybe we could meet them somewhere in the middle later. So Y calls my cell phone all pissy and asks to speak to X (who has her own cell phone, but whatever). She's all annoyed that we went out without her (even though she also called X during the day and told her that the reason she didn't want to go out is because the girl at the house didn't want to go, not that she was tired) so she was talking and talking and talking to X. We ended up having to drive to the house (an hour away) to pick up the girl there, drive out to Y's apartment (a half hour away from the house) so we could go to this club downtown. Later that night I'd have to drive from the apartment to the house (there's a half hour), then to X's house to drop her off (45 more minutes), then 20 to my house. Keep in mind I also have an 84 Chevy Celebrity that chugs gas, and I've been sick with the flu or a cold or something for a week. Plus I haven't been sleeping well because I've been stressed about other stuff. But to make a long story a little shorter, I ask X why we're doing this and she says "so Y doesn't get pissed off."

So we get to Y's apartment eventually (after she calls because we're not there fast enough...hello, we did all this crap for her) and then we go out. I knew I had to drive later so I had a few drinks at her apartment but that was it. We get to the club and Y and the girl from the house proceed to get drunk. The 4 of us are in this super-crowded room where it was so smoky and I had like 20 asses rubbing on me from all directions. Normally I wouldn't care, but like I said, I've been sick all week, so the smoke's making me cough. To make matters worse, Y keeps standing in front of me talking to the two other girls all night. Now the girl from the house knows about my issues with them, so she drags Y's drunk ass away for a while and X stays with me, but she could tell I wasn't having fun. And she didn't want to just leave me, but she seemed kind of annoyed that I was in a foul mood, which I can't really blame her for, but at that point she could've gone off with them and I wouldn't have cared. The two drinks hit me pretty hard and it just made me super-depressed. Anyway, eventually we leave, it sucked the whole time, and during the ride home I said maybe 4 words to X because I was trying to keep from crying. I was just so frustrated with stuff in general, so that didn't help. And now Y wants to do this again next weekend, except she wants everyone and their mother to come over to her apartment, ger super-drunk, and then find some way to get downtown. Considering how I haven't been a happy drunk for months, you can see how much I'm jumping for joy at this idea, but apparently X is all about going and getting wasted this time. Nothing says fun like being the only sober one in the room. :rolleyes:

Now for all that babbling, here's my point. Everytime I go out with them, I feel like the thrid wheel, and it's only because of Y. X and I have a tendency to talk to each other a lot since we have a similar sense of humor, and it used to bother Y so I tried to tone it down for her sake, but since then she's just made a point to talk about things that I'm completely excluded from, like the apartment they're going to get, how she wants X in her wedding (hello, she's not even dating anyone), how she's her "bestest friend ever," etc. And it happens all the time. Plus she gets super-mad if X and I do anything without her, even though they've both gone out without me a bunch of times. At one point she threw a fit because X and I carpool sometimes. We live pretty close to each other, why should we both drive? I always end up feeling dragged into a competition for X's friendship and I hate it.

I've kept my mouth shut to this point because I figured I'd be close to X no matter what Y did, but it's starting to affect our friendship, mostly because it's gotten to the point where I can't see X unless Y comes too since she seriously calls X every freakin day on weekends to schedule something to do. I think X figures I won't care about coming along since we usually don't have concrete plans anyway, and she always makes a point of inviting me which I appreciate, but I'm so sick of Y that I don't want anything to do with either of them at this point.

It just upsets me that X and I used to be so close, and now it's like I can't even talk to her when we're out anywhere because I'm so frustrated and upset with the situation to the point where I'm fuming, and maybe I'm the only one with this problem, but when I'm pissed that's all I want to talk about. At the same time I'd feel bad for putting X in the middle of this (even though apparently Y bitches about me to her all the time). I really want to say something to the effect of "I'm not going out with you two anymore, if you want to see me it has to be just you." but I don't want to be a big bitch and make her choose between us even though I'm really making the choice for her. I don't want to hang out with Y, so if she wants to go out with her, that's cool. I just don't want any part of it. But part of me knows if I say that I'll probably never see X because Y throws a fit if she doesn't get to hang out with her when she calls (which is seriously every day over a weekend), and then she bitches even more if we go somewhere without her, even if it's just to Wal-mart.

I can't help wondering how it's going to be when they move into an apartment together - Y gets mad if X and I talk about anything and she can't completely hear because she assumes we're talking about her. How can I call their phone - what's she gonna do, listen in on the conversation? And how will I ever be able to plan on doing anything with X if she lives with Y? Y will invite herself along all the time, and X isn't the type to stop her since, in the end, she's the one who'll have to live with her every day and doesn't want to cause huge problems. And it's super-frustrating because I can't tell if X doesn't notice how upset this all makes me or just doesn't want to get in the middle. Considering other people have noticed how Y has been super-possessive, I can't believe X hasn't seen it too, but it kind of hurts that I'm going through all this and it seems like she doesn't really care, even though it's probably because she's friends with both of us and is the type to stay out of other peoples' arguments.

I'm so frustrated with all of this and I really want to say something, but I don't want to lose X as a friend, and it's to the point where everyone who knows all of us has just been telling me to ignore them and get new friends. I honestly wouldn't care if I never talked to Y again at this point, but if I say anything to her, she'll twist it around like she always does and make me sound like this massive bitch. Any advice on how I can deal with this? Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading it.

Liz

Girl, just take that last post of yours, write in the real names and send it straight to X with an intro like:

X, I value your judgement so, I'd like to talk this over with with you and see what you think. I am sure you've noticed that personality differences between Y and myself are making group outings really uncomfortable for me......


In cases like this, honesty really is the best policy.

Usually, I'd recommend talking to Y too, but from the way you say she behaves, it doesn't seem like she'd take it very rationally.

Best of luck!

In cases like this, honesty really is the best policy.

Usually, I'd recommend talking to Y too, but from the way you say she behaves, it doesn't seem like she'd take it very rationally.


I agree. Friends value your opinions and feelings, and a healthy friendship does not mean holding your frustrations in. Take a deep breath and talk to X about the situation.

Four months is a long time to be unhappy.
Your post shows you are nearing a breaking point-getting ready to explode.
Honestly, if I were in the middle of this, I'd get a little ticked off... It's like having TWO people trying to tell me who I can and can not hang out with.
You need a new circle of friends. Over simplified? Maybe, but you don't have to make a statement, "I'm finding new friends!" Just DO it. I'll bet you end up much happier. Wean yourself from the threesome and let the chips (your friend) fall where they may.

I think that when I was in college, I was X and I had Y in my life. I felt like she wanted every part of me. I hated being the object of her neurotic insecurities so I stopped indulging her. She then turned her hostility on me. My best friend told me that the movie "Single White Female" was about my Y. On the plus side, I haven't seen Y since she graduated.
I agree with the previous advice. Talk to your friend and also expand your horizons to include a new circle of friends. Avoid that Y because she seems to be poison to you. You don't need that crap in your life. BTW, your friend will get sick of her soon enough. When they live together, she will see the full picture and probably dump her. That's what happened to me.

I know I'm a little behind in the ranting, but I just have to get it out.

Mom- I love you, but you annoy the hell out of me. Don't fight with me everytime I see you. Just because you made mistakes and married the wrong guys before dad doesn't mean I will. I am an adult and I am capable of using my best judgment. And I don't care what pills you are taking for your back, get off them. And get something for the depression I know you have.

Friend #1-Yes you have money. Yes you can pay for everthing. So don't complain when you can't put anything else on the credit card cause you've already charged too much. You and I and everyone else knows that you NEED to marry rich, you would be unhappy doing anything else, so realize it! I know you love him, but he's not going to move for your career, and you will be so unhappy. I like him too, but I you already know how you really feel about it. You are my best friend and I do love you, but can we please stop this whole telephone-2nd grade thing where I say something and it goes around the entire group and when it comes back is all twisted around and not at all what I said??

J-I love you. I love everything about you. You make me feel wonderful and loved and all the things I've ever wanted. But Yes I hate her, and yes I still think about what happened, and every time we fight I still picture the two of you in my head. I hated that you hurt me like that, and I hated that you said that when it happened you weren't sure about us at the time. I know you hated that I went back to school when I did, but it was my decision. Yes, I could have decided earlier, and we could be better off now, but it's my life, and this is what I want to do with it. I hate that you weren't sure about us when it happened, but if I even talk to a guy when I'm with my sisters at a bar, you get all "I can't trust you, and why didn't you think about how I felt?" at me. I'm in college! There are guys here, and I do want to talk to them. It doesn't mean I'm gonna shack up with them, and not every guy who talks to me wants to sleep with me. And if they still talk to me after I say I'm engaged, it doesn't mean that they are scum who wanna shack, it means that some of them actually do want to talk to me just because. No my parents don't like you right now, but I can't do a damn thing about it. I can't change the way they feel. But no matter how many times my dad says he just want's me to be happy, no matter what I do, you still think that they are never going to accept you. You are right, I haven't dated much, and I never did have the college experience my first year. And I do want it. What happened to the "I want to you date and go out there and make sure that I'm the one for you. You haven't dated as much as I have. I've seen what's out there and I'm sure, but you still need to see." Now You don't want me to talk to any guy! Maybe I do want to date. Maybe I do want to see what happened if I brought a guy home that my parents liked. Maybe I do want to see a guy who understands why I'm greek and is ok with it instead of swearing that our kids will never be. I don't want to have kids right now, I'm in college and I want to finish and not be like my parents, 40 with 2 kids in college. I want to get it right this time. Remember, that's why I went back.

To J's Mom- I know you think that I'm taking your little boy and only son away, and I'm this evil woman for doing that, but what do you want me to do?? And I'm sure that his ex never missed a family birthday of anything, but I'm human. I like you, and I consider you all my family, but don't keep comparing me to someone else. And no, I'll never be as good a cook as you, does that make you feel better?

The Group- Stop talking about each other. Don't think that you know more about my relationship than I do. If you are mad at someone, TELL THEM. If you want to say something to me, tell me rather than telling 3 other people and wait for it to get all f-ed up when I finally hear it.

Dave-He's my fiance. I'm gonna stay with him on weekends no matter what you think. Just because you were there first doesn't make it your apt. He pays the rent too.

Dad-I love you. I want you to be proud of everthing I do. Thank you for telling me I'm wonderful no matter what. And I will be happy, it might just take a little time.

Sorry so long, but Ohhhhh.. that feels so much better.

I find this very interesting, considering I was a Psychology major. Actually, I've never heard this theory before. Can you provide any other information. Whose theory is it?

Sometimes, information is hard to find links for or when you have read a lot in an area, continuing to learn, one can't always put a name with a theory. For instance, the recent discussion on the death penalty-I have stored my links and will post if the discussion resumes, but for the life of me, I can't find a link to a theory specifically associating the expiramentor's expectatons in a double blind study that has a direct influence on the outcome of the study. Yes, there are lots of links, but none to the affect on ions. Does this mean it doesn't exist? Heck I read it SOMEWHERE!!! It was once a useless piece of knowledge that I never thought would come in handy so I didn't "take notes".

I guess I'm getting old and "senior moments" are rearing their ugly heads. I have read and learned a LOT in my life since leaving college. MOST of my real education has come after graduation because I love to read. I wish I could post a link to everything stored in my brain, but sometimes you have to consider that the internet search isn't always productive and you may have donated that old book to the library. Or, perhaps you sold it so many times during the semester you can't readily locate it. I would hate to see all our exchanges and dialogue limited to information that could only be supported by readily available research. That would be too limiting. On theother hand, I have read that it is the father that is the physical model for the attraction a female has to her mate. For instance, if her father bore a bead, the girl would most likely be attracted to hairier men.
Now where can I find a link to show I actually read that? You got me!

Me too.
And, it is the mother that is the physical model for the attraction a male has to his mate.

AXOLiz
 

Reading your story, I was constantly amazed at how similar it is to my own situation. I also have a very good friend who I used to hang out with all the time. Then another girl (Y) who we knew from college moved to the area, just a couple of miles from my friend, and now they are attached at the hip. Y is very jealous of any time that my friend and I spend together, and makes it very unpleasant whenever we all go out as a group. A few months ago, I finally just quit going out with them altogether, and when my friend asked why, I told her that Y and I are just two very different types of people, and that it's very hard for me to get a word in edgewise whenever she's around. My friend either couldn't or didn't want to understand that explanation, because she still plans girls' nights out, wanting the 3 of us to go out together and gets upset when I turn her down. However, anytime that I try to plan something just the 2 of us, she never has the time. :rolleyes:

Finally, I just gave up. I don't call my friend and I don't e-mail her. If she wants to see me, then she has to make the effort from now on, because I'm through playing high school games. I've found that hanging out with other girlfriends is more fun and offers much less drama than hanging out with X and Y. :)

I suggest that you do what I have done: hang out with your other friends, meet new people, and let the two of them just entertain each other. :)

Hello justamom:)

That's what I remember learning, that it's the father who is the model for the daughter. So, what James wrote threw me for a loop. I did not mean for it to seem like, "and where did you hear THAT one from?" I'm genuinely interested in the source of this theory. I just thought I'd ask. Perhaps he does know. That's all. But thanks for the reply.;)

shopgirl:)

shopgirl, this is a kissy, kissy, huggy, huggy reply to you. As soon as I signed off on that reply, I thought "Oh, I hope I didn't sound like I as lecturng shopgirl!' LOL You are so missed as a poster-You haven't spoken up much since I ran the boards last summer-and then to give a long windy response... (I know I ramble!)
I didn't take what you said in any negative way(knowing your posting style, who could???). I had just fnished a search earlier this week looking for some backup to a post I had made. It took such a DANG long time and I still didn't find that one little piece that could have slam dunked a good point. I felt sorry for James thinking he would have to go through the same thing.

I SO SORRY!

Thanks justamom!:) I didn't take it in a bad way at all. I was hoping that I didn't seem like I was being rude. I think we're both on the same page.

I do need to post more. I'm so reluctant to put down my opinions lately. I used to be very opinionated. Now that I'm older things are not so black and white...there's so much gray. Since I realize this, I find it difficult to put down what I feel b/c I tend to ramble and to see things on both sides. I exhaust myself.:rolleyes:

I'm trying to put forth more of an effort to be involved around the boards.

Thank you for your kind words.;)

Always,
Shopgirl

To my father: Dad, your the best father in whole world and the best marine to live on the face of the earth. Minus a few things. One of which your blasted ham radio hobby. LOL That and a little comment you made tonight. We were watching access hollywood when pat was doing that interview with Rob Lowe. Well, Pat asks Rob about his past relationship with his past flame from little house. Cant remember her name. But anyways, he said that they were too young to get married. He went on to say that guys have this small window in their early 20s and then the book just "SHUTS". Then my dad looked at me and just bust out laughing and looked at me. (I'm turning 30 next month) I was like whatever dad. :rolleyes: I still love you though. :)

uh...I beg to differ...MY dad is the BEST MARINE on the face of the earth!!!:p

Just messing with you, Kevin!!!;)

uh huh :) well we have our own opinions. lol I know you were joking :)

Kevin

To all those kids in middle school that made me go home crying:
"I am an educated woman. I am proud of who I am and my body. I am sorry you are so insecure with your own that you must put me down, but it still hurts, eleven years later. I was just an innocent little girl who developed early and you used that against me to make me feel like I was someone below you. Worse yet, I let you succeed and wanted to die because of it. Shame on you for ever making another human feel that way, but look at me now"

To my past four boyfriends:
"Why the hell did you break up with me and then come back two weeks later and tell me you love me and want to be with me!?! Did you really expect me to take you back? Uh, NO! I am too good to be walked all over."

To the guys I am dating now:
"When I told you I am not looking for a relationship and will use you if you let me did you really think you would mean something to me?"

To the guy that I really like right now:
"Please don't hurt me. I hate thinking about you when I am sitting alone in my apartment. I hate wndering when you are going to call and I hate missing you most of all. And by the way, I think I could fall in love with you."

To my former psycho roommate:
"You and your fiance have fun pissing on each other until the day you die but I am tired of blocking your email address so quit changing it so you can email me you psycho. get help!"

To my brother:
"I love you but why do you always have to act like you are so much better than me and say I am so spoiled when you are just as spoiled as me. You are a showoff and your girlfriend is a bitch. I am only going to be in the wedding because mom asked me to do it for her. Not for you."

To my mother:
"God I love you and you are my best friend. Just because I am not you does not mean I am bad though. You were married with kids at my age so please be proud of me. And no I will not be married when I graduate, but mom, I don't have to have a man to be complete. I can take care of myself. And I am 22 so quit asking me what time I plan on being home. If I don't come home it does NOT mean I am sleeping with someone. Give me the benefit of the doubt. you can't protect your baby girl anymore."
Thank you
I feel better.

Ok, this is going to sound bad, but I've been wanting to say this:

To the irresponsible mothers that I take care of in the hospital: for the love of god, don't have babies if you don't want them! ok-you're on drugs or your under 18 or you have no clue-please don't make a child suffer for your lack of judgement. I have to take care of you, and your child, and I have to watch you either ignore your baby, or pretend you care, when we all know you don't. just think before you act, ok? god i get so sick of this.

You are both being inattentive:). I stated that a girl's model for the emotional relationship with her mate is supposed to be similar to the way she deals with her emotional relationship with her mother. This would translate into behavior.

Not, the physical model for attraction . . . they are different things . . . Its Freudian psychoanlytic theory . . . I think the Class was Freud and Feminism or something . . can't remember the book title.

But if you think about it, women usually have a much more developed emotional (and emotionally expressive) relationship with their mothers.


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by justamom
On theother hand, I have read that it is the father that is the physical model for the attraction a female has to her mate. For instance, if her father bore a bead, the girl would most likely be attracted to hairier men.
Now where can I find a link to show I actually read that? You got me!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Quote
__________________________________________________ __
originally posted by Shopgirl
Hello justamom

That's what I remember learning, that it's the father who is the model for the daughter. So, what James wrote threw me for a loop. I did not mean for it to seem like, "and where did you hear THAT one from?" I'm genuinely interested in the source of this theory. I just thought I'd ask. Perhaps he does know. That's all. But thanks for the reply.

shopgirl

To my Father:
You know, there are only so many times you can hurt your son. You have used those times two fold. There is no love left in this heart for you. To me, you are just another person. Maybe if you cared more about your son and daugther and not as much about your money, businesses, and your elitest bullshit, maybe you could truly call me son. I think things are better this way.

I know I haven't posted in a while, but thank you everyone who gave me advice. After this weekend, I basically decided that while I still want to hang out with X, it's going to have to be the two of us (or at least a large group if Y is there). I never flat-out said that to X, but I think she kind of knows that's how I feel.

It's really hard doing this, but I'm sure things will get easier with time no matter how everything ends up. I was talking with one of my sisters today, and I realized that the only reason I'm upset by all this is because when I just went along with everything, X and I were close as ever, but as soon as I started getting fed up with it all and showing my annoyance, our friendship started suffering. While I couldn't care less if I never spoke to Y again, the fact that she was what at least part of what made X and I less close makes me really mad. It'd be one thing if we just grew apart, but all the problems Y caused make me wonder if there was something I could've done earlier to prevent all this. Well, that and I realize that with all the graduating and having no job stress that I'm under, I'm not the most fun person to go out with, but considering X had a few months there where she was depressed, living at home, and jobless and I still called to make sure she was ok and to drag her out, she of all people should understand where I'm coming from, but apparently that's not the case.

Hopefully X and I will still be close after all this - most people seem to think she'll just get sick of Y's psycho behavior after a while and we'll end up ok again, but we'll see.

I'm sorry, I wrote all this about 30 minutes ago and can't even think of what else I was going to say - we heard a loud bang followed by a ton of sirens and just found out that one of the life flight helicoptors crashed into the side of one of the towers at the hospital a block away and exploded. Needless to say, I feel kind of dumb bitching about a few friends of mine at a time like this. If I remember what I was going to say at all, I'll be sure to post it later - but thanks again and keep the advice coming, and please keep those involved in the accident in your prayers...we won't find out how bad it is till morning. :(

Liz

Geez Louise!!! I'm sorry!!!

I'm just kidding with ya. That makes sense, I suppose.:rolleyes:
LOL!!! Thanks for the clarification. I'll try to pay more attention next time.;)

You are both being inattentive. I stated that a girl's model for the emotional relationship with her mate is supposed to be similar to the way she deals with her emotional relationship with her mother. This would translate into behavior.

I did not dispute your statement, rather added another take.
"...On the other hand, I have read that it is the father that is the physical model for the attraction a female has to her mate. For instance, if her father bore a bead, the girl would most likely be attracted to hairier men." Please note the word PHYSICAL as compared to your use of the word EMOTIONAL.

I WAS paying attention...We are about to enter the realm of "Clintonesque" diagraming of sentences.

LOL!!!:D

Its possible I missled myself Justamom . . . I mean I couldn't be wrong because that is not in my contract ;). I thought that you were offering an alternative theory to the one I presented. The key words being on the other hand. In context doesn't that usually mean a disputing or modifying point? A kind of "but"?

My conclusion was reinforced after reading Shopgirl's reply, because she seemed to believe the same. She remembered reading the attraction theory and thought that my presentation disputed it. Which is why it "threw" her.

So I guess I'd have to ask, being brain dead before my first cup of coffee, what did you mean by "on the other hand"? lol







quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by justamom
On theother hand, I have read that it is the father that is the physical model for the attraction a female has to her mate. For instance, if her father bore a bead, the girl would most likely be attracted to hairier men.
Now where can I find a link to show I actually read that? You got me!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Quote
__________________________________________________
__
originally posted by Shopgirl
Hello justamom

That's what I remember learning, that it's the father who is the model for the daughter. So, what James wrote threw me for a loop. I did not mean for it to seem like, "and where did you hear THAT one from?" I'm genuinely interested in the source of this theory. I just thought I'd ask. Perhaps he does know. That's all. But thanks for the reply.

shopgirl

To J – I’m sorry I stole your boyfriend way back in the day. You have proven yourself to be nothing but a friend to me, and I’m truly grateful for that. I was immature, manipulative, and selfish b/c u had a boyfriend and I didn’t/ Dealing with him has put my life on a fast track to hell, and I wish neither one of us ever went down that road.

To C – I allowed you to ruin my life! It took me almost three years after we broke up to finally stop being mad at you. Now I am just upset that I wasn’t able to love you enough to give you what you needed. I was not ready and you kept on pushing me. You left me alone when i needed you the most, so I was never able to open up again. I have finally forgiven myself and I forgave you long, long ago. I whish things could have been different! Just remember this: when you begin a relationship in deceit, no matter how hard you try to change things or make them better – that’s how the relationship WILL end.

To E – you lied to me from day one. It wasn’t until that day in the store I realized that you never cared about me one bit. That’s too bad for you. I feel sorry for anyone who ever ends up with you. You don’t even love yourself, you selfish liar! How can you love anyone else? Grow up, and stop trying to get over on people.

To M – you are one of my best friends, but you need to grow the hell up. God did not give you a set of circumstances worse than anyone else. He gives us all trials that we must overcome. You are so blessed to have a family and friends who look out for you, but u need to rely on yourself once in a damned while. No one hates you – no one is mad at you – and no one is disappointed in you BUT YOU! We have carried you ever since you stepped foot on campus, and now that we’ve graduated, you don’t understand how we’re burnt out! Help someone else for a change! And don’t do it for a reward, do it out of the goodness of your heart.

To R – stop calling me and complaining! You also have been blessed tremendously – stop bitching! And do some work for once – don’t complain that so and so isn’t doing this, that and the third. What have you done? Remember, whenever you point the finger at someone else, three are pointing back at you!

To MYSELF – God loves you! Yes, you! There is nothing in your life that you’ve done that is so horrible that you deserve to be in bad relationships. You don’t owe anyone. Move on to bigger, brighter, and HEALTHIER things. And stop eating all that Wendy’s! You’re face is breaking.

None PC reply-don't mean to highjack the thread
 

What I read, what I thought, what I said... I only curse in my head
JamesPsychoanlytic theory supposes that the women will relate to her mate the way she relates to her mom (adding sex of course . .. for some). (WT?, OK, what psycho-anal-ist came up with THIS... Hmmm, have I screwed up my own daughter? Sure.. blame it on the Mom. At this point insert mental dialogue reviewing all the MISTAKES I have made as a parent)
shopgirl I find this very interesting, considering I was a Psychology major. Actually, I've never heard this theory before. Can you provide any other information. Whose theory is it?(Oh no, here we go again...give me a link-can you support that! Geez, I wonder if James can find the guy who wrote that theory? type-type-type, I've never heard that theory, but what I have heard is-type, type, type- post-UH-OH! I hope shopgirl doesn't think I directed that at her! Should I edit It??)
JAMI would hate to see all our exchanges and dialogue limited to information that could only be supported by readily available research. That would be too limiting. On theother hand, I have read that it is the father that is the physical model for the attraction a female has to her mate.
James You are both being inattentive. I stated that a girl's model for the emotional relationship with her mate is supposed to be similar to the way she deals with her emotional relationship with her mother. This would translate into behavior. (inattentive-INATTENTIVE?!? reread posts-hmm I typed bead instead of beard-oh, I'm sure they 'll get it...no, I know what I said. I think YOU're being inattentive James. Oh, what does shopgil have to say?)shopgirl Geez Louise!!! I'm sorry!!! (GEEZ ME TOO!)
JAM Please note the word PHYSICAL as compared to your use of the word EMOTIONAL. (OH shoot, there's that BEAD. I wish knew how to put smiles in...)JamesSo I guess I'd have to ask, being brain dead before my first cup of coffee, what did you mean by "on the other hand"? lol ( What exactly IS in that coffee James...Now I need to clarify to all responders? What is the BFD about "on the othe hand" Crap, I hope the board isn't getting POed over this. It was an ALTERNATIVE THEORY!!! Did I suggest that his theory sucked? I just posted another theory... Ok, I guess the next time I post, I'll have to use CAPS or BOLD on the right words lets see-"...On the OTHER hand,( IT'S A SEGWAY!!! IT'S SUGESTS A NEW/DIFFERENT VIEW) I HAVE read (IMPLYING I HAVE NEVER READ THE OTHER THEORY) that it is the father that is the PHYSICAL(AS AN ALTERNATIVE TO EMOTIONAL) model for the attraction a female has to her mate. For instance, if her father bore a bead,( OH SH*T THERE"S THAT DAMN BEAD AGAIN) the girl would most likely be attracted to hairier men." )
Now, THIS is my response or this IS my response or this is MY response! I hope you take this as it is intended-with humor and admittedly, a touch of sarcasm. (Damn it...now I have to go to that Death penalty thread and post my links since JAMES resurrected it!) Insert a smile!

Thank you for that stream of consciousness report:) It will take me a bit to digest it.

LOL As good old Cybil says, "men are from mars and women are from venus. :D

Another one
 

C-Grow up and stop being a selfish brat. I overheard your melodramatic conversation with your father. PLEASE !! It really pissed me off when you said that no one carries a load like you do. You said you are in classes all day, then go to work, and then have to run or you'll get sick. Whatever. I think that was an insult to all of us in the house. You're only taking 12 credits, you don't start class until 11, you have Tue and Thurs off, and you haven't started work yet bc you only took a job to deal with your spending habits since mommy and daddy pay for it all. I know it must hurt that your parents are divorced, but there are a lot of girls in our house with divorced parents and many don't see their other parent. I take 14 credits, work 18 hours a wk, hold 2 positions in the house, and volunteer for a sexual assault survivors program and will be adding another volunteer org as well. I drive an 85 accord. You drive a 2000(?) your closet is full in our room as well as your own house. My closet isn't full and I have no clothes at home. You are tall and blonde and big breasted and every man wants you when you walk into a room so please do not say that you have it worse than everyone in the house. The reason no one came to comfort you is bc you don't care about anyone when they are hurting. YOu're a stuck up bitch who will do anything for attention.

Still More Rants
 

Mom-I hope you have an awesome birthday today. I really wish you could have come to Dallas to visit. But I understand being sick,it would not have bee any fun. It would have been a house full of sickos :)

J-my ex-cow-irker: Who did you think you were fooling? Did you really think that you were going to play by your rules and get away with it? If the job was to hard,you should have just quit the first day we got on the phone. I understand being nervous the first few calls you had to take. Everybody was the same way. But to claim that you were still uncomfortable after 3 weeks on the job,well you should have just quit. And another thing, who are you to dictate who can and can't talk to you. You know we have a lot of downtime between calls sometimes. And you know that we are the new kids on the block so of course people are going to have questions. And it was not cute to find out that I've been taking most of the phone calls on the weekends. What have you been doing? What have you been doing?

Re: grr
 

Couldn't make it through the border - recent alum's ego is too big
;)

i have more to say! lol

to my mom - i love you. i say it a lot and i hope you realize how much i mean it.

to w - im sorry i made a fool out of myself. i feel like a complete moron. i really liked you and i thought you knew that - and i thought you felt the same way. thats why it hurt so bad when you told me about that other girl. when im scared, i run and hide. i dont know what to do about us, but i guess i dont have to worry too because you arent talking to me.

to s - i cant wait until our new boss finds out how much of a slacker you are and get everyone else to do your work for you.

Re: Re: grr
 

HAHAHA!!!! Thanks, that was great! Totally made my day. :)

If only people had to declare their emotional baggage when going through customs...maybe they wouldn't get let back in the damn country.

Speaking of going through customs, when I was in Amsterdam, we wanted food so we headed for Burger King. Trouble was to get to it you had to go out of the airport (even though it was connected to the airport), which meant when we came back we had to go back through customs. I was tempted to say "Well, I didn't want onions." when they asked me if I had anything to declare. :rolleyes: Hopefully this is fixed now, it was pretty jacked-up.

To my roommate: You're a sweetheart but I just have to say...cleaning the room doesn't mean taking the clothes that are scattered all over the floor and piling them into one huge pile in the corner of the room. Have you ever heard of a CLOSET? or a LAUNDRY BASKET? Go to your sorority meetings and activities! Did you join just to wear the shirts?

To my roommate's boyfriend: STOP CALLING EVERY FIVE MINUTES! You're obsessed! You're in HIGHSCHOOL, she's in COLLEGE. No one in this room wakes up at 6am, nor do we have a regular schedule in which we are always finished with classes by 3pm. She has a cell phone, too, ya know!?!?!

To my English prof: You're a jerkass!!! English was my favorite general studies subject until I met YOU!

To my Psych prof: Two words-- FASHION POLICE! Since when is it cool to wear cowboy boots with khakis?!? Your hair is unruly too...ever heard of a PAIR OF SCISSORS and a COMB?

To my Big Sis: how the heck are you so HAPPY all the time?!? We need to hang out more so it can rub of on me!

To my future Lil Sis: I'm GONNA SPOIL YOU ROTTEN!

To Mama Bunny: Hook me up with a hot guy already! Didn't you say you like to play matchmaker?

To the DUMBASS in my Psych class: you're an IDIOT! Don't waste the class time asking the Professor off-the-wall questions that have NOTHING to do with subject matter!!! Everyone LAUGHS AT YOU!!!!! HAHAHAHA!

To the SMOOTHIE GUY: Do you work out? You're a HOTTIE! Sometimes I go to get a smoothie just so I can watch you make it! Grind, it baby, smooth...that's right! teehee

To the people in my DORM: Why must you SCREAM incessantly at 3am just for the hell of it?!? FLUSH THE TOILETS. Don't use all the HOT WATER! Please refrain from turning up the base on your CD players between 3am and Noon on weekdays!!!

To the DINING SERVICE: Ever heard of VEGETARIAN options?!?

To the GUYS on campus: Just because we're 34 miles from MUSIC CITY doesn't mean it's cool to dress like Garth freakin Brookes! It's also not cool to wear pants so baggy that they're down to your butt crack! This is not the ghetto. What it all boils down to is DON'T wear pants that are too TIGHT or too BAGGY!

To the GIRLS on campus: No one wants to see your THONG! That's just NASTY! Save it for the contests held at Bar Nashville! No one wants to hear about how many guys you gave oral sex to in one night! And for God's SAKE don't bad-mouth other sororities/fraternities in public! You never know who might be listening---and that just gives YOU and YOUR GLO a bad image!

To EVERYONE on campus: Walk a little FASTER please! This is NOT a shopping mall where you have to stop and GAWK and everything! SOME of us actually want to get to class ON TIME once in a while!

Weather Rant
 

To the Drivers in North Dallas:

It snowed all day today. Visiblity was really crappy. Roads were slick and nasty. It was cold and I know you were all in a hurry to get home. But you guys need to SLOW THE F**K DOWN when the weather is bad like this. This kind of weather is not the time to be going 65 miles an hour. JUST SLOW THE F**K DOWN


To my co-irkers: Some of you guys need to step up to the plate and do your share. I don't care how much senority over me you think you have,you guys need to do the the job you were hired for. If you don't like it, you're always welcomed to leave(if you don't get fired first.) It's really starting to piss me the hell off that I have to pick up you guy's slack and I've only been there a month. It's also starting to piss me off that some people are not willing to work weekends and that I've been working weekends since the day I started. You knew that this job required you to work nights and weekends. So what's the problem.

To the customers that I deal with everyday: Shut up,Grow up,and read your Terms and Conditions before you call in bitching at me about things I have no control over.

To the bank reps: Stop putting everything on us at the Redemption center. Some of you guys are so lazy. Stop making the redemption center the scapegoats and do your job for a change.

To Mother Nature: Make up your mind already. Do you want it snowing and butt-freezing cold in Dallas this time of year? Or did you want it to feel like spring (like it will on Friday when it's going to be 65 out) If I wanted confusing weather,I would have stayed in Louisiana

maybe this will be therapeutic
 

to my mom: i have no money. i know i work but really i cant afford to support your trips to atlantic city and pay my car payment on time. something has to give.

to my dog: take a crap and let's go inside. i dont know if you noticed, but its february and its 20 below outside. can you keep the mindless frolicking to a minimum?

to my fingers: its really hard to type when you are numb from cold. and why is it cold in this house?

to people who call and hang up: STOP. i have caller id and i know who you are. and why do you listen to the answering machine and then hang up? do you just like hearing the dang beep?

to my ex: why are you calling me when you know that i am with someone and you have someone. your girl doesnt like me and i feel the same for her. i dont think we could ever be friends. so you may have to move on.


phew ... i feel a lil better.

To my roommate: If you agree to leave the room for a bit to give me and my boyfriend some "alone time" and then twenty minutes later come knocking on my door to say you NEED to get back in the room b/c its an emergency - SNOOD IS NOT AN EMERGENCY!!! Also, if you and your friends smoke up and get crumbs ALL OVER the carpet I just vacuumed, don't nag me about any of my messes (aka the four pieces of laundry on the floor) until you vacuum up your mess. Also, if you have a problem with me, get some balls and take it up with me yourself instead of recruiting your best friend to bitch me out... And one other thing... letting your friends hook up in MY bed when you KNOW I am coming home that night is NEVER OKAY!!!!

(my roommate sucks)