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She described the domestic newborn adoption process and it sounded like some sort of torture gauntlet. You get approved (homestudy and stuff though the agency) to be adoptive parents. Yay. Then you make a website and a scrapbook about your family for birth moms to look at. Mind you, your family is one of like 100 others. When a birth mom decides to place her baby for adoption, she looks at all these websites and scrapbooks (tons). Of those, she picks 10 families that she wants to learn more about. Those 10 have phone interviews with her. Out of those, she picks 5 families that she actually wants to meet. You go, and you pray that she likes you. After that, she chooses a family to place her baby with. Yay. All good, right? Not quite. You continue to hang out and get to know each other while she's pregnant and prepare to bring the baby home. The whole time, you pray that she doesn't change her mind. You could be in the hospital the day of the birth and she could decide at the last minute that she doesn't want to go through with it. She told me that that has happened to some people she knows (mom changed her mind at the last minute) and it is very heartbreaking. This is not to say that forgeign countries are handing out infants like candy, but if you're willing to think outside of newborn, caucasian, infant, you probably have better chances. |
An interesting book on the topic and experience of private adoption is Dan Savage's "The Kid." With the added twist of them being a gay couple adopting.
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My cousin has been waiting so long for her baby from China (at least 5 years now) that she ended up getting pregnant (after the doctors said she couldn't) and her son is now 3 years old. She still wants to adopt the baby from China and is hopeful that it may happen in the next year.
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