I got this in an email from Jewel Diamond Taylor, and thought it was appropriate for this thread. Enjoy!!

Single During the Holidays? So What!
http://www.niaonline.com/NiaLD/chann...48,369,00.html

*****FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE TO HAVE A MAN... http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif******

MY LS TOLD ME THE PLACE TO GO TO FIND A "MAN". SHE SAYS THERE ARE PLENTY BROTHERS IN MONTANA! YES, MONTANA! SHE SAYS ALL THEY DO IS WORKOUT, GOT TO WORK, STAY AT HOME. THEY ARE AFFRAID TO GET WITH THE "OTHER" GIRLS, BECAUSE THEY ARE AFFRAID THEY WILL END UP HANGING FROM A TREE. SHE SAID THE KKK DOES NOT PLAY!

IF YOU ARE WILLING...TAKE A TRIP TO MONTANA, YOUR LONELY NIGHTS MIGHT BE OVER! LOL

I AM SERIOUS, HER NEW BEAU IS IN MONTANA, AN OFFICER IN THE MILITARY!

ttt
 

I'm searchin' for 'em, ladies! :)

I sat here at work and read every single one of the post (shows how much work I do) and I can say that I am truly feeling better! I could have sworn that I was the only one in the world with the issues that I have (on and off again relationship, being rushed to the alter, rushing to the alter), but after reading this I feel that I’m not alone. I am in one Hades of a situation. I have an on again off again relationship with one person that I think that I truly love http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/liebe/liebe019.gif(hard)and one with someone who wants to hurry up and marry me but I feel like we are not ready for that (or him). Confused yet?http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/...fragend013.gif I am! My mind tells me that I should just walk away from it all...but my heart tells me different. Never the less I will keep doing what I do. But I can honestly say that I am learning how to just be happy with me... it's a hard lesson to learn. One quote that helps is "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

CTHU
 

I dunno why but this cracked me the hell up! lol

Everclear04 you just have to do what's best for you. Good luck!

my tears are clear.
 

I sat here and read every single post, I didn't even pick up the phone to talk to a raving customer. Alot of things have been weighing heavy on my mind, and all of your posts were very insightful, and eye opening. I even cried a little. Because now I feel that it's okay to be single. I mean I REALLY FEEL THAT IT'S ALRIGHT. I had gotten to the point where I was sick of going to weddings, listening to girlfriends cry about their no good boyfriends or hearing the same BS line from my girlfriends, GIRL JUST PLAY HIM, ALL MEN ARE DOGS, GET THEM BEFORE THEY GET YOU etc...;ANNNNNNND dealing with men scared of committment to an independent woman, or MEETING MEN who fit the bill, and were MARRIED!!!! I just started to feel that all hope was lost. But thanks to you guys I think I'm just going to focus on everything that's on my plate now, and be happy. BECAUSE I AM WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO AND NEED TO BE.

Thanks.
{{{{{HUGS AND KISSES}}}}}
passing my box of tissue to the next poster.

Re: my tears are clear.
 

This post shows why I love GreekChat. I love you guys!!!

Can yall feel the love? :)

Sometimes I still pass through Self Pity City. I can't help it! I hear these old love songs and stuff and get nostalgic about the days when I was in love. I haven't had a REAL boyfriend since '97! Sometimes, you get tired of playing and all that. I am trying to be patient and wait on the Lord, but it's lonely down here.

My take on this....
 

Marriage
 

I am 27 and recently married. All my life I never thought I would be a wife or mother. All I ever wanted to be was a successful career women. I met my husband whe I wasnt even thinking about a man, and I must say he has forever changed my life. So ladies patience is a virtue. When the right one comes in Gods time you will be much more appreciative.

Diamonds are a girls best friend:D

I am suprised that this thread was back on top, I specifically signed on tonight to post a message here.

I guess I have had a "setback" in my recovery.:(
I worked third shift last night and when I came home this morning I saw my exboyfriend's (our apartments are right across the street), ex-girl's car parked out front...and it had frost on it so I KNOW she spent the night.

I thought that I was doing good about the whole situation, but I have had such a hard day today. I have avoided all of my friends and family today, and I have been crying all day. I am hungry and weak but I can't bring myself to eat...I feel empty both literally and figuratively. I am tired but I can't go to sleep, and my eyes are swollen and my head hurts but I can't stop crying. I don't know why I am on here just telling all of my little worries, but i don't want to wake anyone up this late. I feel like such a punk! I just can't stop crying. I thought that I was very self-confident, but I just can't help wondering "Why wasn't I enough?", What did I do wrong that he had to cheat? I know that it's not my fault but I just can't help it. My self-esteem is shot right about now, and I never thought that a relationship/or lack of, would do that to me. I was looking in the mirror and telling myself that I love myself and that God loves me and that's what matters...that just makes me cry more. It hurts even more that he was/is my best friend, and when I am going through something...for the last year or so it's been him that's consoled me...I guess you know that saying that the only cure is a hair from the dog that bit you in the first place! I tried to get out of the house...I went to the library and to Barnes and Noble, but I had to cut off the radio and pull over when Ashanti's "Unfoolish" came on...and I don't even LIKE ashanti!!!

I guess this post makes me feel a little better, to get it off my chest...but as I type I am still crying...

I know that things will get better, but I just don't see how I am going to get over this and not be bitter. I know he's not over there thinking about me. They are probably over there rolling around on the mattress I BOUGHT!!!! Ya'll he better be glad I am just sad and not crazy! A crazy heffa would have gone over there and slashed her tires...(that would just prolong her stay:rolleyes: ), and I can't be mad at her anyway.

Ya'll just pray for me...a sista is having a bad time over here tonight...and I know my face is going to hurt from all this crying tomorrow.

Ok, I have a killer headache, but I'm going to try and respond to this point by point as best I can.

First of all, we all have setbacks. Stop being so hard on yourself. You ARE human, and you do have emotions. Feel them. Cry all night, so? The more tears you allow yourself to shed now, they less you'll shed later. You're not a punk. You have a broken heart, and that isht hurts.

Stop avoiding your friends and family. You want the asshole that hurt you to console you, when he is clearly not the one in your life who cares the most for you. Remind yourself of why you aren't with him in the first place. Your friends and family were there before him, and will continue to be there now that he's gone. Isolation is NOT the cure for hurt and loneliness, believe me. Call your best girlfriend and get this sh!t out. Sit up, eat some ol' fattening isht with your girl, bash men, whatever. Have a waiting to exhale moment! You said in your post, he is not over there thinking about you!! So don't sit there and wallow in your self pity. What did I tell you about pity parties?

Oh, the classic, Why Wasn't I Enough feeling. Girl, I have been there. Ain't nothin' wrong with you. But you won't realize that until you are over this crap. What's happening now is that you are valuing his opinion of you over your own. Now, why would you do that? YOUR opinion of yourSELF should matter over EVERYONE else's. I tell my girls this all the time. F*** what he thinks, cuz he ain't that important. Your self-esteem is shot? So was mine. You ain't goin' thru nothin' any of us on this board haven't been thru. Do what makes you feel pretty. Standing in front of the mirror while you are crying and puffy won't work! :) So give yourself a pedicure. Read a book. Go see a movie WITH yourself. HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Read a book. Rent a movie and have some 1SD time. Light some candles and take a long hot bath. Read a book. Exercise. (Exercise releases endorphines. Endorphines make people happy. Happy people don't kill their husbands. They just don't. Oh, I'm sorry. I had a Legally Blonde moment. :)) My point is, DO YOU. F*** HIM.

I was JUST thinking when I woke up this morning how I don't long to talk to the ex anymore. I remember during our FIRST break up (that should have simply been THE breakup), my very wise LS told me something that I remember to this day. She said that one day I would wonder why I was with him in the first place, and that I would be disgusted by him. That day has come and gone. And ever since that day, I've not wanted to talk to him about ANYTHING. I'm not mad anymore and I don't hurt anymore. It's been 7 months, 1SD. I wasn't crying every day for 7 months, but that's how long it took me to realize that he was not at all what God has planned for me. Before, I had started to compare myself to his new girlfriend. For what? She can't get with me (on any level), and that's the real. But instead of realizing that before, I was trying to figure out how to be meek. How to be more accomodating to men so that I didn't come off as intimidating. How to appear needy. Well, WTF? I'm not meek and I'm not needy and I'm not going to be. So I realized that I am not the woman for him because of the strength and courage that I possess. I don't know why you aren't the woman for ol' dude, but you'll realize it in time.

I didn't go thru this by myself, either. I depended on the strength of CT4 and the wise counsel of dirtymike1906. (Shout-outs!! :)) Not to mention the long talks with girlfriends and sorors (OCOT!!) who kept me out of the ground.

I'm not sure what to say about the bitter part, cuz I think I might be bitter. I know that I am not trusting anymore, and that I have to work on. It's hard to not be bitter. I am finally ready to date and go out. I am ready to have FUN. 1SD, there is a whole life out there waiting for you, and it's not filled with tears. I KNOW it hurts now, believe me. But it won't last always. Remember, this too shall pass. So feel what you are feeling, and don't put on masks or pretend like you're ok. Feel it now, get it out, so you will be ready to move on when the time comes.

I am praying for you.

***EDIT*** MAKE SURE YOU EAT!!!! If it is just a salad, MAKE SURE YOU EAT!!!! Don't be over there gettin' sick behind this mofo. EAT SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!! Are you still reading? Cuz you should be leaving the computer at this VERY moment to get something to eat. GO EAT!

Thank you girl! I can't say that I feel better, i really don't...but it's alright. I was going thru the "antibiotics for a broken heart" thread on DST ave. I listened to the Chante Moore song and just fell out laughing about the "I hate your dog!" line. I am going to be alright. I was feeling good until he called and just went off on him and started crying, and I hate that I let him see me/hear me like that. I wish I could control my emotions a little bit better when it came to him. I can hold my tongue for everything else...but I just poured my heart out there for him to just say ":rolleyes:OH". I really wish I could take that back! Anyway, I appreciate you being there for a sista...I really do!

I know exactally how you fell 1Savvy, I am going thru a similar situation but I am taking it one day at a time. For every rain drop, there is a ray of sunshine. The world is round, believe me , what goes round comes around. What you do (good/bad) will come back ten fold! All us angels must go thru hell before we get to heaven :D ! Here's a quote that might help you along the way to a healed heart:

"... love is or it ain't...thin love ain't love at all..."
- Toni Morrison

Girl you deserve to be love with all...
expect the best don't settle for less!

LaDeia
"...the sun will rise despite the clouds that blocks the rays..."
- Author Unknown

You can't take it back, but you can learn from it. Let me tell you. I would do the SAME thing. Tell the ex something and expect this grand reaction to it and my feelings. And get NOTHING. Then end up crying for HOURS. I'm not kidding, straight hours. But I could only be mad at myself, because I ALLOWED him close enough to me to hurt me. After that, when he would call, I wouldn't answer the phone. I had to wait until I could handle having a conversation with him without talking about the past and his new life and me missing him and me being lonely and all the other BS that would get me more hurt feelings.

So lose the expectations that you have of him. LOSE THEM. When he calls, you now know that you can't handle talking to him. LEARN THE LESSON NOW, and you won't keep going thru this same test. Don't take his calls. You have caller ID? When you see his number come up, JUST DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE. Think of these questions: What do you have to talk about? What do you want out of talking to him? How will you feel if you talk to him? Will anything positive come from the conversation? If your answers are that it will make you feel better, don't answer the phone. YOU make YOU feel better. If your answer is that you want to see if he is sorry and wants you back, WHO CARES?? Are you accepting him and his isht back? If not, DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE. After a while, you will be used to not talking to him, and it won't even phase you if he calls or not.