Granted but your university loses their accreditation the week before you graduate so all your classes counted for nothing.


I wish for a bag of Oreo cookies.

Granted! You receive your oreos, but the bag is full of maggots.

I wish for one million dollars to spend on anything I want. ;)

granted except you faint with shock and wake up with amnesia


I wish I had 2 dozen roses to give to my g/f

granted but they're swarming with Japanese beetles


I wish I had more closetspace.

Granted but you end up losing all your clothes in a fire.


I wish I could do magic.

abra cadabra! you're burned at the stake for being a witch.

i wish to be free of hospital debt.

Granted, but then you break an arm and get a new hospital bill.

I wish for a new couture wardrobe.

Granted but now you are homeless from paying off those debts.

I wish the last person's wish didn't take place

Granted but karma gets you and you lose everything


I wish I had something to do today.

Granted

You do, my job and no training with 4 docs eagerly awaiting results...and u will make only 1/4 of what I make....



I wish I had the cure for cancer

Granted.

But you're attacked by killer Bees.

I wish I could finish all of my work today.

Granted, you have the cure for breast cancer. But, as soon as it is approved by the FDA and put on the market 2 new cancers arise that only affect small children and are non responsive to current treatments.


I wish I could always walk around barefoot without my bosses jumping my shit.

granted but you have hairy hobbit's feet that always seem to be stepping in shit.


I wish Tiger Woods would find another sport to play besides golf

Granted, Tiger Woods decides to divorce his wife and take up extreme dating. During all of his dating-cepades, he catches an unknown and thus untreatable STD. He eventually ends up on your doorstep waiting to take out your daughter.


I wish I didn't care so much.

Alla-ka-zam! Wish granted.

Not caring slowly becomes an obsession even greater than caring too much. You spend every waking hour telling yourself that things don't matter as your family and friends all realize that you aren't dependable leaving you sad and lonely.

I wish I could take 5 shots off my handicap.

granted. but you are playing on Wii...so it doesnt really count.

i wish my car ran on water.

Granted but you get a mile to 50 gallons.

I wish I had more free time.

GRANTED! But you get evicted because you also no longer have a job.

I wish my laundry would just do itself.

Granted, but it put a red shirt in with your whites and now you've only got pink tee-shirts.

I wish my air conditioner didn't sound like a Harley Davidson when I turned it on.

Granted. Now it sounds like a Boeing 747.

I wish I cared more.

ETA: No, more important than that, I wish I could spell.

Granted, but your brain goes on spelling overload and you can't stop spelling and then your tongue cramps up and you can no longer speak.

I wish rain didn't give me headaches.

granted, now it gives you uncontrollable drooling and eye twitches



I wish it was a more comfortable temperature.

granted....but it's somewhere else


I wish beyonce would stop singing

Granted, Beyonce stops singing, as does, Trisha Yearwood, Faith Hill, Amy Lee and Sheryl Crow. But, due to the vacancy of true talent, David Hosselhoff (sp?) revives his music career and his current single becomes number one on the billboard charts for 8 weeks in a row.

I wish my sister and I went to the same University so that we could live together. (I miss her)

Granted, but now you are stuck listening to William Hung nonstop on your IPOD.

I wish my house would clean itself.

Granted but now she listens to heavy metal music at loud decibels all the time.

Granted but all the dirt & junk from inside your house now resides in your front yard where you're constantly getting cited by the city.



I wish I had a piece of chocolate cake.

edited because Dang, BetteDavisEyes beat me


ok, wish granted but your chocolate cake is 3259386503 calories a slice


I wish it was the end of the workweek already.

Only a few....whoo hooo....it works!


(who at one time had 8 broken windows in her 32 window house because of baseballs, football, one thrown shoe and a slammed door.)

your wish is granted...but you'll regret having lost all that time. and something awesome probably happened on thursday.


i wish i had a real-life get outta jail free card.

Granted, you have a real life "get out of jail" free card, but that's because you are now the little shoe character that comes with the Monopoly board. So, while you spend some of your free time using that oh-so-precious card, you spend more of it sitting on a game board.



I wish my hair didn't require so much maintenance.

granted. you are now bald.

i wish my phone would stop ringing.

Granted, but you are now on a desert island with no human contact forever...

I wish I had a fish that wouldn't die...

granted and you will never be able to get the smell out of your brand new home not to mention he stops up the toilet that you flushed him down.

I wish I was at the movies right now.

Granted...except the movie is a documentary about nose hairs.

I wish Congress would do something productive.

granted...but now they are set up like parliament and spend all day screaming at each other and wearing wigs.

i wish it was Friday!

granted but you dont get paid and when you next wake up it's already monday...and it's raining


I wish I met the perfect woman right now

Ok, but making today Friday has caused a shift in the space/time continuum, and now tomorrow's Monday... and everyone hates you for it.

I wish my dog could babysit my kids!

I am offended by this, the Hoff's latest single rocks hardcore and I own it!

He lets one of your kids fall down the stairs and when all he can do is bark down the phone at the emergency dispatcher, DSS takes your kids away from you.

I wish I had boneless buffalo wings.

Granted, but you lost your arms, and the boneless wings are attached in their place. No offense, but you look kinda silly with some drippy boneless wings sticking out of your torso.

I wish that, when people get banned from GC, their IP addy would be banned, and not simply the user name.

Granted, but they are from real buffalo and you can't lift them by yourself.

I wish I could pay off my daughter's mortgage so she won't lose her house ;(.