Technically, you're taking the OP's words out of context as well:

Nowhere does she say he's THE ONE. She says: "I am in no hurry, but I atleast need to know if he has been thinking about it as much as I have. I have tried to talk to him about it more, but he seems to change the subject on me. I really do love him and want this to work!"

She did indeed imply that she thought he was "THE ONE"--

"I really do love him and want this to work!"

Blue -- how am I taking your words out of context? The context here is that of the original poster, who is asking for input on her current situation with this guy she's been dating. I'm trying to make sense of your words in that context, and frankly, it's not easy.

When are you going to respond to Rob's questions, anyway?

Rob did not reply to my question-- and that was to provide data which disputes the studies I provided.

I think that's just it. Divorce has become much more acceptible, so naturally divorce rates will be higher.

If divorce was still taboo, you'd probably find a low divorce rate, but a higher incedence of unhappy marriages.

I totally worship you! My mom taught me about the 2 years rule and I totally followed it (after 24, that is, when I thought I was getting on marriage age)....in fact, I told the guy who later became my husband pretty early on about my 2 year rule (just in casual conversation, not in an "I am expecting a ring from YOU way) and he proposed at 1 year and 9 months!

Sorry, but IMHO, "I really do love him and want this to work!" does not equal "He is THE ONE and I cannot live without him!"

Maybe that's just me.

Regardless, she needs to dump him. Not continue this cycle of post whatever recent shitty thing he did, let us lambast him, and then announce she "has a lot of thinking to do". Lather rinse repeat.

If by 'dispute your figures' you mean 'provide a detailed study that accounts for the very problems people have introduced in this thread, finds that as a result the differences are far lower than your data, then continues to state that in many cases the differences are nil . . . oh yeah, also the reasons behind the cohabitation phenomenon are probably not at all related to the literal cohabitation', then I'm pretty sure I did that.

Oh yeah, this study is from late 2003 as well.

Don't you have, like, a job? A grown-up person job? That requires you to do work from 9-5ish?


Sidenote: I watched the True Hollywood Story on Dr. Phil once . . . it was pretty enlightening.

Anyway, regardless of what statistics say or don't say:

Two years is the MINIMUM amount of time I would be dating somebody before getting engaged. I've had two-year relationships before. Trust me, two years is not that long. I think it's going to take me at least that long before I can figure out if the guy and I are actually compatible enough to ever get married.

And I never say never, but I would think long and hard about getting married to somebody I hadn't lived with (or "basically lived with" -- i.e. we're at each other's apartments for days at a time anyway).

I have to interject because this is driving me up the wall: After dating my current fiance for 2 years, neither of us had brought up the subject of marriage: I was only 22 at the time and still in school and not ready for that stage in my life and neither was he. Had I ditched him after 2 years I would not be marrying the love of my life in two months - we got engaged after 6 years!

What you are saying is a matter of opinion - maybe you can't wait longer than 2 years, but everyone is different and are facing different circumstances.

Also, in regards to living together before getting married, in Canada it is exactly a 50-50 split. 50% of people who live together before getting married don't get married and that is their choice, hence why the common law law in Canada was changed to only 6 months (or at least it was in BC); and if you live together before you get married 50% of people divorce and 50% don't - so there is no correlation there - again it is just a matter of opinion and your own circumstances...

No, that's not implying he's the one. That's saying I really do love him and want this to work. Wanting and knowing are two completely separate things. There is a difference.

I may want to put Brad Pitt up against a wall and make out with him like bandits, but that's not going to happen. But I knew within two weeks of meeting my husband that he was the boy I was going to marry.

Its not worth my time, See, I'm busy living my life, not searching for proof to my theories. My theories are just that, MINE. I don't ask you to live by them. I DO ask you not to push YOURS on me or anyone else tho.

Live and let live, man.

Amy, I feel like you're going to bust into "King of the Road" or something of the like.

And here YOU are taking her words out of context.

If I followed your "rule," I would have married my now-husband when I was 17... that's a bit young, don't you think? Or maybe in your world that would be ok.

ETA: Your rules are for YOU. If you're happy living by them, fine. But we are not all you. All relationships are not identical, therefore relationship "rules" like yours do not apply to everyone.

In honor of Miss Amy
 

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life




-- haha.

Can I wear a jaunty chapeau?

Thank you for saying that better than I did! :)

Re: In honor of Miss Amy
 

Pope Bon Jovi always did have a way w words! POPAPALOOZA baby.

I would just like to interject that my mommy and daddy dated for just about 2 years in college before becoming engaged. They got married. They divorced 9 years later.

My daddy and step-mom dated for 9 years before they got engaged and have one the happiest, best marriages I have ever seen.

I just got married to a man I not only lived with before marriage, but dated for about 4 years before we got engaged. I sure hope we make it...:rolleyes:

you'll be divorced within a year. seriously, statistics show it.

;)

Oh well.

We had a really fun party!!! I posted some pics in another thread!!! ;)

Exactly. It is my life and my decision and therefore I'd rather not be judged by people who do not know anything about my relationship.

Sorry I didn't marry my boyfriend after 2 years of dating! I was too busy finishing college, going to grad school, and starting a career! Sorry we live together!

I will be too...we can all have a party or something.

Dude . . . you've already been common-law married to Rob, and we all know how that turned out.

Yeah, me too... make sure I get my invite.

Ahh alcohol abuse, it will ruin even the best of relationships...

Maybe the second time will be the charm.

There will be no second time, Mr. Collin - this time I'll demand a ring, now that I know you're good for it . . . no more of this 'common law' shit for this high-class individual

Thank the heavens my huzbin proposed after 18 months. And we never did technically live together, even though I can count on one hand the number of times I actually stayed at my place once I moved here, and that's only because he was out of town.

But I'll send y'all nice parting gifts when you have your party.
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Get it? Parting?

How about an Old English and Sunset burger?

Collin
- Only the best

Since my upcoming marriage is already doomed, I want to have a kick ass party also! I am going to register for everything I have ever wanted so at least I will have cool presents when it all falls apart.

I haven't even planned my wedding, and I am already planning my divorce. :(

You should have a divorce shower to celebrate that and then you can get more presents!

Me too...so don't worry about it, there are plenty of us who have doomed our marriages.

We could call it Delta Mu (Doomed Marriages)

Ooh, I am so registering for my divorce shower. That is gonna be awesome.

I was driving along a few weeks ago when I saw this car parked on the side of the road. It had cans tied to the back and streamers and all that jazz . . . and in the back window, somebody had painted, "JUST DIVORCED."

I laughed.

Ah man...I've been with the boy for about 2 years and lived with him for just at one year.

Obviously if we get married, it won't last at ALL. Hopefully at least until the party's over and I get the gifts to the apartment.

blueangel--

You are stating some stats and want back up disproving what these stats say...

If Rudey was here, he'd call you a "copy paster" :rolleyes:

But most folks are much nicer than the some folks who can more ruthless about what you are saying...

My question to you is after all the data filtering:

Are you married?
Do you want to be?
And will you be getting married within the next year?

I do not think you can answer those questions unless you have seen the "promise land" of marriage and actually been on the other side...

Then I also do not think you can begin to answer questions if you have not been a party in divorce.

Just so you know, I'm married. I was married when I was 34. I only knew my husband for 5 months before marrying him. I also did not believe in co-habitating with him before marriage--but that was for my own ideals. I would NEVER assert my thoughts on others and what works for them.

I have seen marriages flop after some time and end in divorce, which is always bitter. Some folks co-habitated, some did not.

The only consistency I have seen in divorce is that one loses a lot of weight when going through it--it is like the best diet ever...

Marriage and staying married is a lot tougher. And I truly recommend some form of marriage enrichment before and during marriage if folks want to make it work.

The best suggestion is from the Gottman's Institute that studies how people truly pair bond with each other with research in top tiered psychology and marriage counseling journals.

As for my marriage--after 2 year mark--I do love my husband. But for me, marrying before 30-something would have never worked. Most folks don't stabilize emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, career-wisely, etc. until they are in their 30's.

Unfortunately, your best times to have children are in your teens and 20's...

Oh well...

Whose house are we having the Delta Mu party at? When do I get my invite? Can we do recruitment and put out a brochure as to what to wear...oh wait, I know, let's all wear our wedding dresses and tuxes!;)