geez i was in the worst mood, then i read all of these! i'll post some of my better drunken moments:

~one night my friends and i were walking back from the frats and i run up to this huge trash can and go, "oh look, a jumprope!" and proceed to get in the trash can and try and jump....my friends were laughing SO hard but they took a pic of me, its great bc i'm holding my purse very delicately but my face shows how drunk i was! now everytime we pass that trash can on campus my friends are liike, "hey laura, why don't you go jump?"

~one of my good friends, carey, tends to get REALLY drunk and do crazy stuff. well one night, we were going somewhere, and he starts telling us this obscure story about the cycle of life. and then he finishes, after like 20 min of nonsense, by saying "and basically, the BOOB IS LIFE" (none of us understood this.) carey also once saw a rock on the ground and said, "if you don't shut up, i wlil take this rock and knock out your metaphorical teeth"

~my friend kylene LOVES goldschalger. one night she was a little intoxicated and we were all sitting around. she points to a bottle of vodka and goes, "this, is vodka" then puts it down. then she points to a bottle of rum and goes "this, is rum". then she picks up the almost empty bottle of goldschalger and goes, "this, is god"

~my best friends and i went to waffle house one night around 4am. picture this: waffle house, right off the highway, in NC....yeah pretty sketchy. well my girlfriends and i weren't druink at all, but the guys were. so we get there, and we start ordering our food. this guy jason asks the waiter for pancakes. my friend brandon, who had been totally silent until we got there, goes "you dumb asshole. they dont' have f*cking pancakes here. it's called the f*cking WAFFLE HOUSE for a reason you pathetic fool" then got quiet again. it was HILARIOUS


thats all i have for now...these are great though, i like this thread!

at a Pike party once, this VERY VERY drunk Pike came up to me and my friend Adelle and tried to hit on us, but he was so drunk it was hilarious. He was so drunk that he kept forgetting our names and calling us weird stuff. He somehow thought that Adelle's name was really Anal!! :p

This might be a "you had to be there", but...

My girlfriend & I were driving home from a soccer game. To get from the game to our respective houses, we had to go over a bridge (this is in Pittsburgh, land of a million bridges!), through a tunnel, and on a fairly major highway. We were almost home when K (who was driving) turned to me and said:

K: "Did we go through the tunnel yet?"
Me: (looking around) "I don't know."
K: "Well, did we cross the bridge yet?"
Me: "I'm not sure" (pause) "Should you be driving?"
K: "I'm not driving - YOU are!"

ok so a couple of the guys from jackass/cky are from west chester and one night my roomate was drunk and in wawa as was bam margera and ryan dunn(jackass guys) she points at bam and says "that guy lookls like a serial killer" he found it rather amusing

Ok so my friend's cousin goes to my college and she was at the bars when she ran out of money...she went over to use the ATM at a nearby bank.

She didn't come back for awhile so her friends went to check on her....she was in front of the ATM screaming "I won, I won!!!" everytime money came out...I guess she thought it was a slot machine!

So this dude keeps saying " Well, a guy with hair down to HERE (holding his hand to his other elbow) told me that, AND I BELIEVE IT!!!"

Boy, that was a blast from the past. I hadn't thought of that in years.

"Us three, we make a great duo."

"Panty soup, panty soup" (to the tune of smelly cat) - such a long story!!

*bump*

I was really drunk one night, and my roommate came back from a bar with two of our friends. And one was this guy Bob that I've known for like a year and when he came in I was like "what's your name?" to him and he was like "you know my name" and I was like no I don't" so he told me his name was Bob and we all just sat and chilled in our common room and then about 5 minutes later I tried to "introduce" myself again to him, and I asked him what his name was and he was like "just call me Ray." So then my roommate was talking to him and she said something to him and she called him Bob and I got so confused and he goes to her "Masha is soo drunk" and in response to him I go "you think I'm drunk?! your name is Bob and you're telling people to call you Ray!!!"

Haha...

Well, I tend to say WEEEEEIRD stuff when I'm tipsy. :p

One night we were drinking in a friend's room before heading to the Pike party, and someone mentioned that this girl was gonna be there...and I happen to really dislike this girl. Don't wanna use her real name...let's call her Jane. So I look to my friend Jared and said, "Jared, can we just accidentally set Jane on fire?: What the crap was I thinking?!

Another time, while drunk, I was on the top bunk of a friend's bed eating a bag of microwave popcorn. I started pouring the popcorn all over the floor exclaiming, "I can make it snow! I HAVE THE POWER!!!!"

:p

sairose...thanks for making my GC night with your drunk stories. Those are hilarious!

Hahaha the popcorn thing is just great! :)

LOL you're welcome! :D I still laugh out loud whenever I think of those!

Two things that happened on my recent trip to NYC...we were in Times Square at Sephora...my friends and I were quite tipsy from being at a really nice italian restuarant and having lots of wine-- but anyway one of the people working there was telling us about the time his brother threw a party and had $500 cash on his dresser, along with a flat screen tv, dvds, dvd player and other expensive electronics lying openly around. (First off, thats just stupid if he throws a party). However, all the ended up stealing were his Polo socks! What the heck! So my friend Justin goes: "Well, if he leaves $500 on the dresser while throwing a big party, he's asking for his socks to get stolen" It was so funny at the time, we were cracking up.

The other funny thing that happened was my friend Alex and I got back from being out and wanted to go out again because we weren't really tired. It was about 2amish and we had been drinking and here's how our convo went:

Me: It's 2am, nothings open now in Times Square
Him: Things are open, lets just go, cmon!!
Me: Like what? What is open?
Him: YES IT IS!!!!


it was so funny, but now that I read this, ya'll may not think so, but I guess it was one of those you-had-to-be-there type of thing.

But of course, the universal best drunken line ever is....

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!!!!!!"

Happy New Year everyone!:D

None of these were me, I swear. ;)

So freshman year of college, two of my (drunk in the afternoon) wing-mates decide to take out the boxes from Leah's brand new computer. Rather than go down the stairs carrying them, they decide to go box-sledding. However, they can't just go box sledding - they have to DRESS UP. They put on wifebeaters, hats, scarfs, mittens, and J-Lo sunglasses, then successfully sled down 3 flights of stairs. They're almost all the way outside when they bump into our RD, who sees them just chillin in their boxes. She asks what's going on and they say "Dude, we got a DELL!"

My other highlight would have to come from last night - one of my friends was complaining about sequels to movies for some unknown reason, and was like "Die Hard 999999, Born Again with a Vengeance, blah blah blah - What's next, Paycheck: Deposited?"

My friend Tommy, king of the stupid quotes drunk AND sober, one night in a bar he decided to start yelling "Anus A**!!!!!" at the top of his lungs. For no reason, no one was talking to him. And so he got my friend to start yelling it too. So this tiny lil girl and this tall broad guy are sitting at the bar yelling Anus A** as loud as possible.
Ok, guess you had to be there.

another time, I absolutly hate being called a b*tch. You can call me anything else except that. and all my friends know this. So my friend(tommy again) is TRASHED on Jack Daniels and wants me to go get beer. I say sure as long as i can have one. He looks at me and says "I already gave you rum you greedy b*tch-Oh my god you hate that word!!!" and grabs me in this huge bear hug and pins my arms down saying to everyone else-"she is out of hitting range, right?" Needless to say as he tried to run away he hit the sliding glass door. Now that was funny.

"And I am wondering where my eyebrow went." -Natalie while peering at herself in the mirror (as far as I could tell her eyebrow was still where it was supposed to be)

"I need to go put the tape measure in the mailbox" -Natalie, that same nite.

driving drunk??? no no

My senior year in college, my sister-daughter (Angela) and I were tired of fraternity mixers but they were mandatory so we HAD to go. There was one fraternity guy there who had been a senior when I pledged, so he had been around for at least 7 years and was STILL IN SCHOOL. He was quite drunk at this mixer and when he came over to talk to me, he said "Oh, are you still in school?". I looked at Angela and she looked at me and I said "No, we're alum now! We're both married". He was like "Oh my gosh! I had no idea!". Then Angela pipes up and says "And I'm expecting" and rubs her belly. The very drunk fraternity guy gets this panicked look and says "Can I get you some milk?". LMAO.. it was too funny.

After that, we got into the habit of going to parties and making up outrageous stories to tell to the drunks to get their reactions.

Dee

When I was in Vegas...

My friend was wasted in our hotel and told some guy that was checking out of his room that he looked like a Century 21 salesman. That night she also said that everything was plurry instead of blurry. I guess you had to be there.

Okay reviving an old thread (hooray for search!)...but this is a pretty good one



"I feel ugly if I don't go home with someone."

Some random freshman girl at a party who was pretty much about to get sick all over the vans carrying people from the primer to the party. The sad thing is, she was ugly.

there was this one time, when I was backstage at a Bon Jovi concert doing shots w Jon and I asked him to record my outgoing cell VM message for me...

Oh wait, that hasn't happened yet. MARCH 11th BABY.

"Hi this is Jon Bon Jovi, Amy can't take your call right now, please leave her a message."

HA HA HA

Re: I have nothing to post here, since I don't drink, but....
 

This is the funniest thing I've seen all night...er, along with the "if only you were a big giant sausage" excitement.

Re: Re: I have nothing to post here, since I don't drink, but....
 

Can I tell Mr Amycat on Sunday that he is a sausage? OH! I should do SHOTS before our lunch, makle it infinitely more amusing

I showed up at one of my friends houses one saturday morning after they had been out partying all night long, I was talking to one of my brothers who was hungover at this point and I asked him how the night went he said "I remember leaving the bar, walking back here passing out, then waking up with my dick in her mouth, then passing back out...hey I think I was sexually assualted last night" before our next meeting when everyone was giving shit about hooking up with that particular girl (a rather nasty one) he said "I think I was assualted, I dont remember giving her consent to suck my dick...at least that is all I hope she did"

overheard at quadfest '03:

"I'm glad I drove over here, because I'm way to f-ed up to walk."

Wrong. But funny.

I was in San Francisco last Spring sitting on a park bench with my husband when a homeless guy came up and informed us that we were on his bench. He was drunk, and went on to tell us that he served his country and he is sick of people from Denmark coming over to the US and stealing park benches. He got so worked up and insisted we were from Denmark and finally threw his bottle of malt liquor at us (it missed and shattered against the tree right behind our heads.) He got so belligerent that the police had to take him away. It was NOT funny at the time (we were terrified) but now we joke about those damn people from Denmark all the time.

This thread makes me want to see my college friends! It also makes me want a drink. :p

my buddy jonathan, who is of age, was drunk 'n passed out in the passenger seat. his girlfriend was sober, under 21, and driving. they got pulled over.

while jonathan is sleeping, the state trooper asks if the guy in the passenger seat is alright. allison proceeds to explain to the trooper that, "yes, he's alright. he just got off a long day at work." a likely explaination. that's why he's so sleepy. of course.

things were going smoothly until jonathan woked up and blurted out, "what the fuck is going on here?" flashlight shines in his face and the question asked was, "sir, have you been drinking?"

"why yes i have been. i'm drunk."

jon has to show his i.d. but the trooper still wants him to step out of the car. jonathan enters drunken legal mode. "if i get out, you'll give me a ticket for being drunk in public."

"sir, step out of the car."

"why?!"

"just step out of the car."

"no!"

sternly, "sir i'm not gonna ask you again."

"I thought you weren't gonna ask me again?"

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM????

he got a stern lecture. didn't go to jail or anything, though.

probably could've been worse. the other state trooper was laughing though. at least one of them had a sense of humor.

last night...

me and friend, garrett, in a drunken early-90s singalong:

me: omg, i cant believe you know that song!
garrett: hold on a minute. (looks me square in the eye) not drunk right now, but i'm gonna give you the best turkey-basted babies.
me: :confused:

(maybe you had to be there)

I found it funny, but that's mainly because in a recent small group discussion for one of my med school classes, our advisor (who is a physician) told us a story about a patient they had who was a lesbian but pregnant. Apparently the couple recruited a male friend and they ended up using a turkey baster...

"I love you...whatever the hell ur name is! I've loved you since before my mama was born."

I thought it was sweet. She didn't remember.

After having several drinks on a flight from NYC to Denver late on a Saturday night after having televised a football game at West Point, one of the Executive Producers wandering around the parking garage at the old Denver airport in a daze:

"I know I left my car here somewhere..."

the only way it would have been worse is if he had gotten out of the car. Its not illegal to be drunk in a car, and no policeman can force you step out. Its illegal to be driving drunk and to be drunk in public. Don't trust the police and don't trust anyone who trusts them. And then everyone dies and is sad. Because I'm a pessimist now.

Recently, in Vegas, we were at a Brazilian steakhouse. After bringing around 6 or so meats on swords, the final course was lamb. My buddy Troy, who is WORKED at about 6pm (I mean . . . Vegas), looks at us and goes, "I think more people would eat lamb if it weren't for that whole Bambi thing."

The rest of us kind of looked around for a while, then I got it - I had to tell him that Bambi was a f-ing deer.

Response? "Oh, shit - my bad."

this thread is hilarious!

i had a horny drunk friend say "i'm f*cked. drunk me!"

toward the end of a party in nashville, That Guy comes outside with his guitar. everyone was listen to the stereo, rockin' away pretty hard. Scenester Rock. that's when That Guy precedes to say, "shhh! shhh! everybody shutup, and then a few people help him shush everyone and turn the music down." the entire crowd of scenester kids stops to look, and That Guy starts playing "She Talks to Angels" (Black Crowes.) if you know any Scenester Kids, you know that they don't listen to Southern Rock much. shocked silence. the only person laughing was a 24-year-old oil painter, who thought it was just like a Will Ferrell skit.

That Guy ='s Me. i didn't really care for what they were listening to and i was very drunk and determined to rectify that situation. the painter just told me about this Friday at an engagement party for a mutual friend that i had to play. i fell out laughing.

I'm glad this got bumped. In a variant, I have to say the title of funniest drunk semi-karaoke I've ever heard (i.e. singing along to the jukebox) has been claimed by the guys on my birthday belting out "Do Re Mi" from Sound of Music and "Sing, Sing a Song" by the Carpenters. (Did I mention some semifamous local media guys were included in the group....LOL) And they knew EVERY SINGLE WORD.