GreekChat.com Forums - I hate my boyfriend's fraternity

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- - I hate my boyfriend's fraternity (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=91212)

Ahhhh, thank you! That will go in my handy-acronyms-to-have-around-file...

Quote:

Originally Posted by nittanyalum (Post 1543247)

Ahhhh, thank you! That will go in my handy-acronyms-to-have-around-file...

We may need that for The Race. ;)

(Although I knew what it meant. More skills we can use. :D)

[quote=MysticCat;1543254]We may need that for The Race. ;)
[quote]
You read my mind! :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 1543244)

fantASTic, you have also made points w/ me for being a Savage Love reader. :)

:D Every week. It's my version of crack. I can't give it up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fantASTic (Post 1543005)

DTMFA.

You took the words right out of my mouth...LOVE Savage Love!

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Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 (Post 1542760)

Also something to put this in perspective, he won't be an collegiate fraternity member forever.

While this is true, I think you should probably make an effort to get to know the guys in your bf's fraternity.

What is it about them that you don't like? Are they mean to you?

I didn't read the whole thread, so I don't know if you're a freshman, soph, etc, but even if it's only a couple of years left, this is something you have to deal with if you want it to work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by texas*princess (Post 1543635)

I didn't read the whole thread, so I don't know if you're a freshman, soph, etc, but even if it's only a couple of years left, this is something you have to deal with if you want it to work.

I'm guessing from this post that she is a junior.

I'm also wondering from that post if her problems with her boyfriend's chapter may stem, at least in part, from some impressions she has made in the past (and may still be making).

My brothers didn't like one of my ex's, one incident happened. At the next meeting I politely explained that I understand that most of them don't care for her but that it was my choice to date who I dated and that they should respect me and my choice and treat her with respect. At the very least I asked them to respect the fact that if they treat her bad I'm going to have to hear about it and I really don't have time or patience for drama.

I also explained in a similar fashion to her that she needed to treat them with respect even though she knows they don't like her or ignore them.

worked out ok

after some thinking ( and of course after reading eveyone's responses) i decided i had enough of the relationship. so, i told him i was no longer interested because clearly he loved his friends more. and there was no shame in that.

afterwards, i stoped talkng to him. however, after 2 days his brother ( his biological brother) somehow got my number and told me how misrable my boy was. yes, i took him back and things are great. his brothers don't bother me, anymore.

EDIT: Oh, sorry. I subscribed to this but i guess my email blocks some of the notifications. anyways, my bf and I are both seniors. and why dont his brothers like me? according to his brother, they think he's whipped but i dont know if that's the reason. i dont interact with them. i try to avoid them. I don't feel like I should have to bend backwards for people who are rude to me and thankfully i didnt have to in this case.

As long as people can treat each other respect no one has to like anyone, I know that the second a woman I date tries to shut me off from my brothers or make choose it's done, because my choice would be easy.

Maybe it's because I am not part of a greek org and that is why I cannot understand the intense loyalty. I just know that i love my boyfriend and i really want to be with him forever. that's why i tried to put up with as much crap as i could; but I love myself, too and i really believe that i am deserving of being in a happy relationship. And i could never be happy coming 2nd to his fraternity.

At this point, I know that I won't even be happy being equal to his fraternity. i dont want to possibly spend the rest of my life "sharing" him with his brothers. I've never been married, but in the past he and i have discussed marriage. I kindve have this idea that, once we're married, we are suppossed to belong to each other. other people ( outside our biological families) should not even be a factor.

so, yes- I did tell him that I believe that he should love me more than his fraternity and if he isnt able to do that, then I dont want to be with him. i'm glad he made the "right" decision.

edit: now that i think about it, maybe this is why i am unpopular with his house. maybe this whole time they always suspected i secretly felt this way. but nope, i refuse to ever be friends with them, not after the hell they put me through. ESPECIALLY because they tried to take him away from me. the only one i am friendly with in the fraternity is his younger brother.

I would probably guess that the love and loyalty for his fraternity is a different type of love then he has for you.

If you truely love him just be happy with your relationship for what it IS right now and give it time. Every guy has to grow up at some point, I was intensely involved in my organization and now two years after graduating, I maybe hang out with some of my brothers regularly, and maybe 1 to 3 times a quarter I'll go stop by an official event of some sort, but honestly I wish I could find a good girl to kind of calm my life down more and just have laid back fun weekends with.

So what I'm basically saying is, he'll grow up, and he'll still love his fraternity just as much, but his life will stop revolving around it. So if you really love him, wait.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gem_star17 (Post 1546921)

edit: now that i think about it, maybe this is why i am unpopular with his house. maybe this whole time they always suspected i secretly felt this way. but nope, i refuse to ever be friends with them, not after the hell they put me through. ESPECIALLY because they tried to take him away from me. the only one i am friendly with in the fraternity is his younger brother.

Did you feel this way from the beginning of your relationship? I mean, did you ever try hanging out with his brothers and letting them get to know you? Or did you from the beginning say "these guys are jerks, I hate hanging out at the house, the Delta Chis are so much nicer than these guys, I want you all to myself"?

Also you've expressed that you don't like the girls that hang out there. I don't know if you mean girlfriends or who, but the fact is that if you show disdain towards women that the brothers like, it'll be very offensive to them.

I don't think they would be so antagonistic toward you if it was just a matter of you not being a "party" type person. I've known lots of fraternity guys w/ girlfriends like that and they were accepted just fine.

It also sounds like your boyfriend blames everything on you when he's talking to his brothers - that is, even if he would rather have a quiet night hanging out with just you instead of whooping it up at the house, he's like "oh, gem_star is bitching about having couple time, sorry guys." He needs to grow a pair and tell them that just because he's with you doesn't mean he doesn't have loyalty to them too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gem_star17 (Post 1546921)

While I'm not putting your guy in the clear in this situation because he obviously needs to improve, asking him to basically choose between you and his fraternity is extremely selfish of you. This is something that is important to him, how would you feel if asked you to choose between him and something that was important to you? Yes, you all should be dedicated to each other if you are going to be in a relationship but expecting him to basically turn away from his fraternity when you want to be with him is unfair. Just because you may feel that you are a priority does not necessarily mean that you aren't. You admitted that you don't exactly understand things since you aren't Greek so at least you recognize that. I liken fraternities and sororites to smaller versions of a family. You don't like everything about them, you don't like everyone in them, but you love them anyway and there is a strong sense of loyalty and obligation at times. Would you like it if he didn't get along with some of your closest friends and then asked you to choose between him and them?

if sticking up for myself is selfish, then i wish more girls would be selfish, too. Because the way they spoke to me, is not a way for any girl to be spoken to. No girl should have to go through that. ever. Besides, his friends live with him and they're lucky all i only want is 2 days out of the month. if they cant handle that then screw them.

initially, i wasnt mean to his friends-i just didnt want to come over. and it wasnt ( at first ) because I hated them. I didnt want to go to his house because i believe if a guy wanted to see me, then HE will be the one to come over. i love him but at the end, we both have to do what we feel is right. i decided it would be in my best interest if i didnt deal with his friends. If he doesnt like it, he should find someone else that will cater to them.