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Since the majority of these adoptive parents are white Americans, those who don't know need to know that whiteness and Americanness aren't the norm, aren't generic, and aren't invisible. They are very much socialized into whiteness/as whites and into Americanness/as Americans. They can choose to challenge these constructions of race and ethnicity and nationality. But they can't do that if they are going to intentionally or unintentionally socialize the children into whiteness and Americanness. While these parents may pretend that they are generically being good parents, the kids discover early on how they have a difficult time relating to those who "look like them." |
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Adoption's complicated for a lot of reasons. I see a lot of reasons to foster and to adopt an older child through the foster system rather than to go infant hunting. (And not just because there are many older children who need homes, but that's good too.) |
I knew this thread would get pissy if I posted in it....which is why I hesitated for a few days. :rolleyes:
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I have friends who have adopted internationally, I have worked for a family who adopted all of their children from Korea, am I happy for them? Hell yes, and I babysit and support them, but I will do what I can to help kids here as well. It isn't an either or, but the system has to change somehow and I know the kids abroad will be adopted, but I want the kids here to not be victims and miss out as well. |
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I don't see how what you said about internationally adopting babies was "pissy." Isn't it true? Doesn't domestic adoption lend itself more to adopting older kids? People who are looking for a more "clean slate" would want to adopt babies and perhaps do so internationally. (Of course, my question had more to do with why some parents felt the "clean slate" can't be filled with an understanding and appreciation for race and ethnicity, culture, and nationality. :)) |
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I'm not saying stop adopting kids from overseas, I'm saying that we can do both here. A family I babysat for adopted internationally and was a foster parent to children from that same ethnicity/nationality who ended up needing a home. They eventually adopted the foster children and I know that part of what made them successful was that they were an interracial couple and the father looked like the kids and they did a lot of work with other families who adopted from that same country with both parents being white. I provided many a notarized document for this family because of how they did things. It isn't an either or, it is a both. We need systems in the USA to support the kids who are adopted internationally, and for domestic children to be fostered or adopted. Granted there's a whole huge separate issue, the elephant in the room which is tattooed on DrPhil's forehead of why we have so many kids internally who are also in need and what can be done in that arena. |
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I think so much needs to be done in the field of white people admitting and accepting their white privilege and how it affects them and others. I've been involved in small group sessions/workshops at my University where we're working to address this through education and exploration, and I'd like to think I'm doing something on the micro scale. I'm not saying "oh poor white people, life is so hard" but if I am the agent provocateur who can confront people or help them work through it, than so be it. |
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I have friends who have been trying to adopt a newborn dometically (which involves being chosen by a pregnant birth mother via an agency). They've been signed on with an agency since they got married 4 years ago and have not come close to being chosen by a birth mom. There are like 100 couples signed with this agency (or more) and about 20 or 30 birth moms at any given time-- and all of those women won't go through with it, so there are less than that. You could be signed on with an agency for YEARS and never even be considered by a birth mom, much less be selected as parents. |
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You got me thinking, and I now have realized that all the couples I know who have successfully adopted domestically either straight out or through foster parenting have been interracial/biracial/multi ethnic and that is probably a deciding factor for a lot of reasons. They have less, competition if you will, as they aren't trying to only get white children, and they also have their own identity and life experience which mothers and agencies may prefer for these babies/toddlers. |
Been there, done all of it. It isn't so easy to find children through the foster children, especially if you're looking to find children with mild issues. Even those who are taken from their parents at a very young age may have big issues that haven't shown up yet, such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. And face it, for a child to be permanently removed from the family home, the parents have almost always done something awful that hugely impacted the child.
There are websites like www.adoptuskids.org that have pages of adoptable kids but often, dozens of homestudied families are submitting on the same kids and you may never even hear back from the workers. There are message boards where potential adoptive parents talk about how they've been hunting for children--sometimes very challenged children!!--for 5-6 years and they can't even get workers to call them back. Many states have PR campaigns that make you think that there are all these great adoptable kids in the system but I know far more people who finally gave up after years of getting approved, then searching and searching, than I know people who succeeded-- and none of these parents were searching for a perfect baby or even young child either. :( |
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Yeah being aware is not to confused with white people feeling a need to be apologetic or anything of that sort. It's simply the case that constructs and modes of social interaction don't disappear just because people choose to ignore them when it is convenient for them. |
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