Granted, but you can only eat the native food from the outside vendors (snake on a stick, dog liver, dung beetles...)



I wish I had a new dishwasher.

Granted but she steals from you, doesn't speak English and you have her deported.





I wish i could play madden

Granted, but Nicole Richie might get jealous.

I wish all my laundry was done, folded and put away.

Granted but your laundry has bleach stains all over it, and has shrunk so much that your clothes now can only fit a preschooler.

I wish trying to get into grad school wasn't so time consuming.

Granted, but you are now a member of the DeVry Institute's Graduate School of Grating Up Those Little Tiny Onions to be Used on McDonald's Cheeseburgers.

I wish my ex would take the stick out of his ass.

Granted, but you don't want to know where that stick now is...


I wish my eyes would stop watering...

Granted, but now your nose won't stop running.

I wish someone would call me and ask me to hang out with them.

Granted, but it's Tom Earp and he wants to go hang out at Point Loma with you and drink Mad Dog 20 20.

I wish I could go back to Chile again.

granted but you lose your passport on the way back into the U.S. and get detained..

I wish I could buy a new car.

granted, you just got a orginal hummer (that kind that takes $600 to fill the gas tank)

Oh for the love of all that is holy i wish I was 21 already!

Ditto! Two days til my b-day!!!

Granted, but they'll change the drinking age to 22 a week after your birthday.

I wish I could go to the Lonestar show on Friday.

granted, but the band had to cancel so you're stuck listening to the "Elmo and Friends" instead.

i wish birthday presents for other people magically appeared.

granted but all the birthday presents are from Condom Kingdom



I wish I had someone to cook for me

granted but they're an amateur so you get food poisoning.

I wish I could go to the movies

Granted, but all that is showing is really bad amateur porn.

I wish I had a king-sized bed instead of a queen.