shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

I am SO surprised at this thread...that there are basically like two people who have said anything remotely close to telling this girl NOT to do it...and that's IT?!?!?

She has dated this guy for six WEEKS, people!! Not six months...not six years!! This is not a relationship!!...I've had "accquaintences" I've known MUCH longer!

And what happened to moral decency? I mean, there are tons of people posting "oh, well if it's a random 'hookup' then people will talk, but this is 2003..." screw that!!! Why is it NOT okay if it's a random hookup but it IS if you've gone out with the guy more than twice?!? This is SO messed up!

Plus, this girl is a FRESHMAN!! HELLO????? I can't really be the only girl out there who believes that you should at least try to preserve some shred of decency about your sexual behavior. It is PRIVATE and everyone on here is like oh, it's no big deal...and it may be...but if that attitude persists, then random hookups will soon be no big deal either....and NONE of this is private if it takes place in a frat house.

So, while we're all voting,....I vote NO!...(and for the record, I vote no in this situation even if he lived alone...) but maybe that is just because I am living in the "dream world" of thinking that sex should be something that you and your partner in marriage share together.

By the way, if you are not yet in a sorority, and you plan to rush in the south, do not even THINK about doing this...you will be doomed to be dropped from all the good ones who still regard appropriate social ettiquette and good reputation as one of the cornerstones of membership in good standing.

Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Um, wow. Did you know that (a) you can stay overnight at a guy's house and not have anything physical happen and (b) she wasn't asking what she should do in bed, she was asking what the reaction from his brothers would be?

Excuse me for thinking it's totally okay to sleep in the same bed with a guy before I get an engagement ring. I have sisters on this board who are virgins who have spent the night at a fraternity house. You can stay there for completely innocent reasons, like bad weather or being too drunk to drive. Oh wait, that means I was being a bad sorority girl and drinking? :rolleyes:

Good thing that according to certain people, I'm not in a "good" southern sorority. I'm GLAD if that's how you behave. Guess what? Every single sorority ever has a sister up North who has shacked. We're heathens like that, apparently. :p

Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Umm, hi, whose sex life is this again? Not yours? Okay, now that we've got that covered . . .

Not to mention the fact that I know of a number of girls who shacked at big rush, Southern schools and still got bids. And plenty who shack after they get bids -- without a word from their standards boards. Like it or not, things are changing fast. Even in the South.

#1-It does NOT depend on your school...it depends on your moral character and whose opinion matters to you. If you really don't care what anyone thinks, then what the hell...why not?...but since you actually do seem concerned about what other people think, then I would not do it.
If we all went around just doing whatever feels good not worrying about the consequences and other people's judgments of our actions then what the hell is that?!?.... And what is the deal with people not being allowed to "judge" you on your choices??? Since when is THAT a rule?!!? I know Catie mentioned she appreciates not being judged here about considering this,...but I am making the argument that you this is how we are defined...by our actions! And those who are okay with it are OF COURSE going to tell you to go for it, pulling you into the "black hole" of "anything goes and screw you if you have an opinion based on my actions"...But the ones who think it shows promiscuous character are going to define poor Catie by it...and NO ONE is telling her this

#2-And as for sharing a bed with a guy and not having sex...cough..cough..okay, sure, it's been done....LOTS...but that's not what is going to be talked about, is it??? Also, something is odd about making the decision to sleep in a guy's bed and still feel the need to run around telling people "oh, but we didn't have sex"...don't you ask yourself WHY it is important for you to make that distinction? Is one less slutty than the other?? And if it isn't, then why do you care??? I thought we didn't care what other people thought....hmmmmmm

Sorry if I come off hostile....I'm just really passionate that somebody ought to give Catie some WISE advice instead of platitudes and dismissive permission to whore herself (or at least her reputation) out to this guy and the mind's of the guys in his collective fraternity! This is something she could potentially regret for years to come, and it's like BAD ADVICE DAY on Greek chat or something...

CATIE BE STRONG...if you decide to sleep with this guy, at least don't do it in the FRAT house!!!

Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sugar and spice
[B]Umm, hi, whose sex life is this again? Not yours? Okay, now that we've got that covered . . .


LOL...funny that the opinions telling her to "go for it" are totally supported,...but I state my opinion and it's "not my sex life"....

If she didn't care what people thought of her staying the night at a frat house, she wouldn't have posted her personal business on greekchat. Not everyone's opinion will be the same...just trying to throw in a different point of view from a girl who is still in college at a large southern school where this would NEVER be okay.

(Shacking at guys' apartments is one of those things that is ignored and overlooked,...but at my school...shacking at a frat house is a huge reputation issue for PNM and a standard's issue for members.)

Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by amazinglagirl
[B]Well since we have already ESTABLISHED that she goes to school in OHIO I doubt it would be an issue since we aren't trying to get into the Junior League here.

And thanks for attacking my morals, because that's always fun at 5:43 AM. One wonders what you're doing up. Perhaps you just came home from a late night so you wouldn't be shacking, just sneaking around in the middle of the night?

And where do you go to school and what house are you in?

-The Trashy Northern Alum

I don't think any advice given has been bad. Ultimately, this is her decision, and if she's going to make a decision solely based on what we think, well then she's got deeper problems. And by the way, having sex with your boyfriend is not whorish! It's whorish to sleep with a guy in a fraternity house after knowing him a night or something, but if this is her boyfriend, she is not a whore! Geez.

Listen to your heart, Catie. No one else really knows what is best for you but you. Sleeping with your boyfriend in his fraternity house is nothing to be ashamed about. I basically lived at my ex boyfriend's house for 6 months, and I had a great time getting to know the guys in his house. They respected me, and I'm still friends with many of them to this day. Do what you feel is right. As long as you are true to yourself, you'll never regret it.

Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by amazinglagirl
[B]Umm . . . she didn't ask for advice on whether or not she should be having premarital sex. She asked for advice on whether or not she should stay over at her boyfriend's frat house.

As stated, just because you don't agree with having sex before marriage -- especially in a frat house, because somehow doing it in an apartment is less sinful than in a fraternity house (someone explain this to me, please?) -- doesn't make it whorish, and to call someone names based on the fact that you don't agree with their behavior . . . well, not exactly classy.

Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

I suppose I missed where I attacked your "morals"....perhaps you felt my commetns revealed my opinion of your lackthereof...but I don't think I attacked anyone by stating that people's actions speak volumes to others about their moral and social character.

This is just a fact...however unpleasant it may be for you or anyone else, it is true whether you approve of it or not. Everyone has freedom of choice here...but it doesn't mean that you just run around doing whatever with the assurance that everyone is going to smile and nod and accept what you choose to do as "the norm" or "appropriate"...and that is the point I was trying to make with Catie. Your choices are yours to make...but there is almost always an upside and a downside...and you can't force people to see things your way....just as I do not expect that you will agree with my opinions that I express here.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

I think your actions show that you're so insecure in your morals that you need to attack a girl for something she hasn't done yet. Telling her to be strong? Is she GIVING BIRTH? I don't care what some girl in some random house down South (maybe, since she won't admit it) thinks about my alleged sexual behavior during my active days. I don't care who shares a bed with who or what they do in it as long as it doesn't wake me up when I'm trying to sleep! The upside of that is I don't feel the need to attack someone because I'm worried she might have sex. There goes my crazy liberal viewpoints again....

Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Yes, I added that bit in parentheses about voting no even if he lived alone, simple because I wanted to avoid being accused of supporting ONE as A-Ok and classifying the other as sinful...was not even bringing up the topic of sin. Just a social value...I do NOT necessarily think that one is okay, and not the other...but I REALIZE THAT THIS WAS NOT THE ISSUE BEING RAISED so I was trying to limit it to the issue of the FRAT HOUSE which could damage her reputation.

And, for the record...I didn't say SHE was a whore...I said people on here are condoning this girl "whoring" herself out to this guy and the THOUGHTS of his frat brothers...meaning that they are likely to look at her in this way.

I feel like I need to keep repeating...THIS GIRL HAS BEEN DATING THIS GUY FOR SIX WEEKS.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

And I shared a room with my last boyfriend on the night of our very first date. We didn't have sex and we were together until he died. Is God going to strike me down now? :rolleyes:

Can you tell me what house you're in and where? I'm still waiting.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

The odd thing to me is that strangely, you DO seem to care what I think. I am just posting one of many opinions on this board...and the strange thing to me is that you care very much what I think when it doesn't agree with you. You are "allowed" to do and say whatever it is you want...but if I express a contrary opinion, it is somehow "attacking" you because you don't have the same opinion.

And, I hope that opression of people's thoughts and opinions are not now the new definition for "liberal" or I might have to change my party affiliation....

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Im at LSU, but if I wanted to discuss my house and my particular situation with you using this screenname, I would have addressed your question already. But thank you for your interest.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

That's good, you'll fit in nicely with the anti-sex education crowd. I'm not attacking you. I don't like the fact that you assumed that just because she was sleeping at a fraternity house meant that she was engaging in sexual activity. Maybe they were just spooning.

Edited because we posted at the same time.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

I would just be spooning. :(

You have a right to your opinion and nobody is disputing that.

But, don't attack the advice of others and claim it isn't "wise" simply because it doesn't agree with your moral standards, people live by different morals and standards. Don't discount those other opinions simply because you don't agree with them. Six weeks could be dating, simply because you have known people longer than that doesn't make you the ultimate power in saying so. Your life and experiences don't reflect those of others and certainly not those on this board.

There has been a lot of good advice on this thread and it has been "wise" as well. It is 2003 and times have changed quite a bit.

And yes, a man and a woman can share a bed without getting sexual. And no sex isn't going to be the only thing talked about, people will probably sleep believe it or not. I've spent many a night with a female in my bed without doing anything but that's my life and I'm not pushing that on anyone.

Again, you are entitled to your opinions and they are respected as long as you respect the opinions of others and quit discounting them as "unwise" because this holier-than-thou attitude doesn't work.

Now play nice kiddos, don't make me own you.

Wow....


This thread started out really well, with some great advice.

I must say to the senior members and moderators of GC, I dont think your morals are lacking at all. I think ya'll gave great advice to a girl who asked a simple question. I also believe you can spend the night with a guy and it not mean anything. My best friend is a guy, and he would do anything for me. We watch movies on my bed together (oh no!)..and we would never do anything physical together. On a side note, before the LSU girl attacks me for watching movies and him falling asleep on my bed with me..I will say this: Im a virgin who does not believe in premarital sex. Ive actually taken a vow before God in the Catholic Church for it. So, yes, you can be in the same bed with a guy and not do anything physical.

On another point, I am from a Southern school, in one of the most Southern states of all, Texas. (I went out with some ATO's and he told me he looks at the texas flag and thinks...damn straight. Haha...weirdo texans). We do have a rule in my Pi Phi chapter that no one is allowed to go on the 2nd floor of a fraternity house..even if you are just going to get something. They will give you a standards call, and I have seen it done before. Now..my friends down at A&M have slowly been changing the rules...and im glad that maybe we are outgrowing that Southern conformity that LSU girl seems to think we need to do.

On another side note....hehe. Junior League..i dont think thats around in Texas as much anymore. They have Cotillion and National Chairty League to pick up the slack for not having one.


And yes..this is 2003, not 1953, where on TV you had to have seperate beds because they did not want anything to imply they were having sex! *The kid just kinda popped out on I love Lucy I guess...* but i mean, really now.

I would like to reiterate that the girl asked what the brothers would feel..and never implied she was going to have sex. When did this become a moral issue anyway?

*I would advise you,amazinglagirl, as a junior member of GC not to attack a moderator...for when you attack one of the long-standing GC members, your not going to get alot of slack.*

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Great, so you're one of our multiple personality disorder GCers :rolleyes:

If you believe so strongly in what you're saying and trying to advocate here, then you should have no problem expressing that on your real GC name. Using a fake name to do so shows cowardice and weakness in your belief. Obviously your convictions aren't that strong if you can only stand up for them under a pseudonym.

I'm at a big Southern university and I'm part of a traditionally VERY southern sorority. We've had plently of girls who have spent the night at boyfriend's fraternity houses (and, yes, after 6 weels) and it's not looked down upon.
While maybe it might not be a good idea to this at LSU, it doesn't mean it's like that everywhere. I think Catie needs to see how conservative her school may be. She should also check with friends of hers in sororities and get their opinion.

PS:
She asked a simple question. It's really not worth the bickering or the headache. We've had far more controversial topics on GC that are more worth getting our panties in a twist than this thread. Thanks.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

that's what i was thinking as well... :o

will you own me?? ;):p

Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Wait... But I am! And I agre with you!!!:p :p :p

Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Always know, GeekyPenguin, that the Southern Pi Phis have your back. :D

Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

We roxor!! I heart you Txsurfinwaves!

Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Well...i guess i have no decency because i sleep over my boyfriend's practically every night. :rolleyes: We started doing that after about a month. Do whatever you want Catie... I honestly do not think that sororities will think you have "no moral decency" and on top of that you could probably meet some cool girls...i am good friends with a couple of the other girlfriends who are always at the house.
This makes me really glad that I went to school in the north where I can live like it is 2003.

Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

And this ADPi :)

Txsurfinwaves, you're right.. this thread got so crazy in just a short amount of time! :(

Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

Count me in! :)

I'm in a good southern sorority and I agree with you!

Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

I'll agree with you here!! yay North.


My view? ITS NO ONE'S BUSINESS. Do what you feel is right. At my school, no one cared who stayed over, and we even had guys stay over at OUR house (although, yes, it was against our house rules but our house mom turned a blind eye)... no one felt embarassed because its our own personal business.

I cant believe sororities would actually drop you because you slept over at your boyfriends house... that would never happen here. Like some of the guys said, it would actually help you to get to know the brothers-- some of our best sisters were recommended to us by their fraternity boyfriends and their brothers.

THIS southern sorority girl is a GREAT fan of shacking! i mean, how else am i going to stay warm on those chilly january nights if i don't have my baby to cuddle with ;) ? i'm not really a fan of fraternity boys :D , and my current bf isn't greek, so i don't shack at a fraternity house.

however, i know that at lsu all of the sororities have rules that the girls can't go upstairs in the guys' house and vice versa. i know, though, that when it comes to the girls at the guys' place - it happens.

Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

AmazingLAGirl, I am sure that KD at LSU is an outstanding, conservative, well-mannered southern chapter of an outstanding sorority. I, however, am an alumna of an equally outstanding southern sorority from a very conservative "Bible Belt" school, and I have to say I think you are approaching this issue the wrong way altogether. Issues like this, especially in the South, are issues to be dealt with privately, among sisters. The reason I haven't posted my opinion is because I think some decisions should remain personal. If one of my sisters, or friends who could potentially become sisters, were behaving in a way that I felt was inappropriate or represented our GLO badly, I would speak to her individually. Having an all-caps, multi-post, all-or-nothing GC brawl is not the way to represent yourself as a well-mannered, southern sorority woman. I think being judgemental is as crass as "whoring yourself out" (not saying I agree with your definition of that), and just as public an offense. I suggest you reexamine your motives here, and leave the outspoken advice/diatribes to people you know in your own life and sorority. Threatening someone or implying that their efforts to join a GLO if they don't change their "immoral" ways certainly does not reflect well on you. I am sure you are a well-meaning, thoughtful person who is hoping to spare Catie some pain and embarassment, but your means of expressing that is contradictory, to say the least. So, from one southern sorority girl to another, I'd say the best way to handle this situation is to tone down your vehemence, deal with it personally, or (better yet), bow out gracefully without offending any more moderators or older GC'ers than you already have.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

I heart both of you! I'll have to tell my Pi Phi friend that I "met" some cool sisters of hers! ;)

Long live the NORTH!

I don't even think it's a north/south issue - I think it's a class issue. :p

Sorry to jump in so late:D

I think it's perfectly fine to sleep at a frat house if that's where your boyfriend lives. My experience has been that if you're exclusive with that guy his brothers will notice and respect you. Now if it's a random hook up or you're a regular booty call then they'll probably not be as resepctful.

Just this WV DG's opinion:)

i wholehartedly disagree.

I think it all comes down to the person. If it's something that you're ashamed of doing then don't do it.

Re: Re: shocked...no REALLY I AM!
 

I definitely agree!! I've definitely spent at least ten nights in frat houses and never once was I having sex...sometimes it was just REALLY late and the guy didn't want to walk me home in the very scary ghetto around USC so I slept in his bed with him, and sometimes we just passed out, sometimes just wanted to spoon....

i will be honest, i wish more girls and guys had more respect for sex, and saving it for marriage, but i know that's not how it is. and i respect any sexually active person that is responsible. But don't yall think it is sad that in 2003 we are still worried about the girl's reputation. That the girl that has a one night stand at a fraternity house is still looked down on, but no one even mentioned the guy's reputation...

I agree 100% with what you said!!