Well, I have been with my guy for 3.5 years and about a year after we were dating, he pledged A-Phi-A. To answer the question, greek or Non-Greek, men are men! My man is wonderful and remained that way after he crossed, but I agree with others, they do sometimes change. The time issue wasn't bad for us because I am involved in a non-NPHC organization and several clubs, so I could respect the time. I must say, being with a Greek is like having an "extended family", like some big brothers to look out for you. This may sound silly, but bonds that are shared between other girlfriends of his brothers are precious and I would not trade it for the world. Matter-of-fact, most of my closet friends are dating Alphas and we entertained one another when our Alpha men are out handling business.

I personally think that when your in college, dating a greek has its pros and cons. And everyone has made some valid points. I have dated the spectrum of Fraternities, however, in college I was partial to the Sigmas. When you approach it in a realistic positive manner, dating Greeks have their advantages.(And this is from my "back in the day" college view point) You get invited to VIP parties, picnics, house parties. Their LB's look out for you (when you need a ride, etc, etc). Everyone knows that on most HBCU's campus, frats are just as popular as the football/basketball teams. If not, more.I guess the cons would be all the girls who are sweatin' the letters or basically tryin to see how far they can get with your man.
However, once your in the real world all that crap goes out the window! It's not about you being on his arm at the party anymore, or going to private parties or getting in joints for free or secretly wearing his T-shirt behind closed doors..(Ya'll feel me.)It's about the MAN. Letters or no letters.There are some really nice guys out there.But we have all been through it when some guys go over and their heads blow up. Women come out the woodworks. All of a sudden those 3 letters and that call erased that yuck mouth smile,that warped shaped head, dirty fingernails, even that raggedy ass ride. LOL.I am funny to me.Anyway, I can see it being harder in college to deal with a greek than in post grad life. And most of the time, once they graduate they calm down drastically. Who gives a damn about letters in real life when your not being responsible and considerate??!! Or take a sister to a real restaurant instead of Chinese buffet. Much love to Phi Beta Sigma.

I personally think that when your in college, dating a greek has its pros and cons. And everyone has made some valid points. I have dated the spectrum of Fraternities, however, in college I was partial to the Sigmas. When you approach it in a realistic positive manner, dating Greeks have their advantages.(And this is from my "back in the day" college view point) You get invited to VIP parties, picnics, house parties. Their LB's look out for you (when you need a ride, etc, etc). Everyone knows that on most HBCU's campus, frats are just as popular as the football/basketball teams. If not, more.I guess the cons would be all the girls who are sweatin' the letters or basically tryin to see how far they can get with your man.
However, once your in the real world all that crap goes out the window! It's not about you being on his arm at the party anymore, or going to private parties or getting in joints for free or secretly wearing his T-shirt behind closed doors..(Ya'll feel me.)It's about the MAN. Letters or no letters.There are some really nice guys out there.But we have all been through it when some guys go over and their heads blow up. Women come out the woodworks. All of a sudden those 3 letters and that call erased that yuck mouth smile,that warped shaped head, dirty fingernails, even that raggedy ass ride. LOL.I am funny to me.Anyway, I can see it being harder in college to deal with a greek than in post grad life. And most of the time, once they graduate they calm down drastically. Who gives a damn about letters in real life when your not being responsible and considerate??!! Or take a sister to a real restaurant instead of Chinese buffet. Much love to Phi Beta Sigma.

Greek or non-Greek? Hmmn. At my school, it's so hard to find a non-greek who won't be an ass because of your letters(we have a very small greek population and a large anti-greek one) but its just as hard, if not more difficult to find a fraternity guy who is worthy of dating. My last boyfriend and I had an understanding: our houses were important to both of us, and we both knew that there might be times where we'd have to put them before each other. The difference between his house and mine is that mine never made me choose between him and them. His did. Needless to say, he's still in that house, and we're not together.
As for dating non-greek men, I'd love to. If I could find a guy that could understand and respect my love for my sorority and the responsibilites which that holds, great! It would be nice, actually to have friends that were just mine. I know that sounds greedy, but our greek system is so small everyone knows everyone. It would be nice to keep my relationship out of everyone's business. However, on their defense, fraternity boys, in general, are more gentlemanly(opening doors, being polite, etc.) And I have lots of good friends who are in fraternities, and they're great guys. However, a lot of them are just little boys who want nothing more than one-night stands. t

If a Greek can say that it doesn't matter whether he/she dates a Greek or Non Greek, then why do they discrimminate against certain Greek organizations. A person may not like another person based soley on the organization he/she is a part of. That is dumb and immature, because after college (during for some) life begins and it doesn't matter which organization you are in. People don't even know whether you are or aren't because you are either dressed for corporate or in uniform working for your profession and actually people who work around you are more than likely not a part of any Greek organization and could care less!

darrel rogers:

I agree with you in the fact that upon graduation, people are less likely to be concerned with what organization one affiliates with...character of the person is usually held in higher regards than the organization. I do have to disagree however in what you said about people you work with more than likely NOT being in an organization. It all depends on where you work and in which part of the country. I CAN'T remember which thread it was, but the questions came up as to why people in BGLO's always seem to be downing people in GLO's as to the longevity (lifetime vs. college ONLY) of their Greek affiliation. Someone pointed out that while a lot of people in GLOs often state that they were an XYZ in college, people in BGLOs RARELY, if EVER state similar comments. I say this to point out that where I work, which happens to be a community based organization, EVERY person in the office (Black) is affiliated with a BGLO. On top of that, they sport gear on the regular. Maybe not head to toe like a neo, but SOMETHING ususally dons the fraternity/sorority symbols...keychain, picture in the office, license plateframe, ring, class ring, charms on necklaces (elephants, etc.), checkbook...SOMETHING.

Just a note. Not to stir up any previous "mess" from this board, just wanted to make that point...but I do feel your other points http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

No problem! I was commenting more on corporate and uniformed professions. I work in an Oil and Gas company, many of the people here are in organizations but they are very conservative. That's all. Your point was valid.

I think that it depends on the person that you are dating. Greek or Non-greek doen't matter it is all about trust and honesty!

I personally have found that men in fraternities do understand my love and committment to my sorority, and they can be so sexy! I love a man in a tux at a formal!!LOL !!!! But, I would never rule out dating a non Greek. I would like to marry a fraternity man though, but who knows what fate holds in store!!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by DirectorDST99:
But if I had a choice here's the line up and in this order:

Alpha Phi Alpha
Phi Beta Sigma
GDI
Kappa Alpha Psi
Omega Psi Phi

Ooooooooh! You know you are wrong for that! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif


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We often give our enemies the means for our own destruction.

Aesop c550 BC

Well, the good side of it is that, it feels good to date someone you can talk to about greek life. There are so many deep things to talk about regarding greek life, your process, your sands, mythology, and so on. Most of the non-greeks I have dated do not uderstand the need for road trips, the love you get from and give to greek men, and most important, how much my sorority means to me. I guess the bad side of it is that way too many people know your business (at least in the "greek world"). Greek men do not have any super power and yes, I know many of them can get overwhelmed with the attention some female give them. However, it all goes back to your own judgement when selecting partners; and as with everything else in life, there is good and there is bad. To me my partner would have to be a man first, and then a "greek man"
enough said. Hope it helps.

ONE.

Maria.
GhostFace/Not Limit Soldier
SIGMA GAMMA RHO Sorority, Inc.

First and foremost, I want a man who knows how to treat me correctly. But I won't go into my wish list.

I think it is extremely important that a couple have similar frames of reference in life. I would love to have a husband who's a Master Mason. Will I exclude dating men who aren't? Of course not. It would just be easier to deal with my commitments knowing he has the same commitments and understands completely.

As a Greek man, let me share a few thoughts.

1. I think men are men, there are all types inside and outside of Greek life.

2. I think it depends somewhat on which Fraternity a man belongs to. There may exist differences between BGLO's and other Fraternities; there may be differences between different BGLO's; and differences on different campuses. At my school, the Kappa's had a reputation for being ladies men who ran through many women. Of course all did not do this, but this was the reputation...it affected who pledged and what the social activities were. IMO.

3. Greek life does provide temptation. On my campus, Greeks held leadership positions. Further, we (Alphas)developed our own female auxilliaries. Not to mention that our frat was closely aligned with AKA's. Anyway, lots of women would approach us with all sorts of distractions. Anyway it becomes a test of character that brothers respond to in many ways. Some resist, some dabble, some completely lose their minds. But I think of it as a personal challenge that individuals respond to in different ways; it's not really a Greek thing.
4. Some brothers are immature, some are just dogs. Again, that's not a Greek thing.

5. The 360 is also a challenge. Some folks pledge with the full intention of doing a 360. Others change due to increased responsibility and dedication to fraternal ideals.

6. It is different when Greeks date Greeks,mostly in terms of they understand a lot about the commitments of Greek life (and I'm talking about BGLO's, I don't know much about how it is with others). Most BGLO's have some commitment to scholarship and community service. Combined with the social activities, they get to be pretty close knit groups. Some are reluctant to share or explain details of their organizational activities to independents.

Still, most folks are not Greek. So I think everyone should try to explore relationships with people they like, and not worry about the Greek thing so much. There are some bad apples, but I don't think that immaturity,360 syndrome, and submission to groupies is a Greek thing.

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is a member of Kappa Alpha Psi and he has been for the past 6 years. He was a NUPE when I met him and I can't change that nor do I want to. His being a Greek has not changed anything about our relationship. He is saved and I think that plays an important role in the decisions he makes. However, he was saved before he pledged so it didn't really make a difference. I just think it depends on the person. I just got lucky because I didn't have to deal with the whole pledging process and the things they go through. You can e-mail me at TISHA5707@AOL.COM if I can be of anymore help to you.

Personally I have had bad experiences dating frat guys,they seem able to commit to one girl.

I think girls should date greek men. Especially ones going through rush in a couple of weeks http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

I feel ya' Crimson... For REAL!!!
The only ones I can't stand are the haters...
GDIs that get a chip on their shoulder anytime someone 'Greek' walks into the room
OR
'Greeks' that disrespect/mistreat people who are not greek for that fact alone (I have only run into a handful of those)...

I once talked to a guy that couldn't stand the fact that I am pursuing membership in a particular Sorority.
Needless to say -- we're no longer friends.
It just depends. People vary -- but like Crimson Tail said -- if they were an a$$hole before Greek life -- they will likely maintain their a$$holishness afterward. I have met all kinds, known them before/after they crossed ...
Some are made stronger (and thus encourage me in my pursuits)... While others remain weak.


[This message has been edited by novella000 (edited January 30, 2001).]

I have dated several fraternity guys from several different fraternities. From my experiences with them I would say that they can be very big players. I'm not saying that all are but a lot of them have a hard time committing while they are in the fraternity atmosphere. I would simply incourage all of you to watch your back b/c they can hide it well. One example of this is...I went over to my guys house to watch a movie with him and some of his brothers. About half way through the movie this girl walks in and sits on the other side of my guy. I didn't know at the time but she was his other girl. Luckily one of his brothers was nice enough to tell me the next day. I don't think the other girl ever found out b/c they are still dating and he is probably cheating on her with some other girl now. So basically what I'm saying is just make sure you can trust them before you get in a really serious relationship!

I've dated a few non-Greeks and a few Greeks. I go to a small college so the dating scene isn't very good. The frat boys tend to be the best looking (although not always the best dating material). I'm currently engaged to my Beta boy and have found everything I'm looking for in this Greek god! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

I really don't like to date greek men. I have several reasons for why I do and why I don't. First, most of them don't have time for you and pay more attention to their social life than you. However, they are good guys b/c they really know what it's like to be greek and how much work it can be sometimes. But, it really isn't my preferance to date Frat boys unless they are really good guys!

Silverblueangel,

Thats awesome http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

Kevin

I would have to say there is a difference in dating a greek man as opposed to dating a non-greek man. Someone who is greek along with you will understand the commitments and responsibilities of being greek. I've found that non-greek men have the typical stereotype of greek life in their heads and it takes a lot of talking and explaining to help them understand why you're greek. While dating someone who is greek might be a little easier because they can understand your commitments I have found that they tend to party more and will have less time because they also have commitments. Either way you should find the guy that's right for you greek or not greek, it doesn't matter.

I've dated both Greek and Non-Greek while I was in college AND after college.

My first impression is to say it doesn't matter. And, truly, when it comes to the challenges you face in a relationship, it doesn't.

However, someone who is greek will understand your commitments while in college, and someone who is greek will understand your commitments out of college. Someone who is greek will have had a similar college experience, and sometimes that can be invaluable in getting to know one another--you have a common ground to jump off of.




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"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I am greek, and was dating a non-greek for several monthes before I pledged. We dated for two and a half years after I pledged, too. Although we never had any problems b/c I was Greek and he was independant, he also never really understood why my sorority is so important to me. . . he just couldn't comprehend it. He claims to be in awe of my attachment to greek life, and plans to transfer to my university and rush a fraternity in the fall.

I am now dating a greek guy from my university, and it is definitely different. He understands that my sorority is a priority for me, and he never bugs me about all the time I put into it. . . I know a lot of the other women in my chapter agree that for those of us who are really involved, dating a guy who is really involved in his fraternity is nice, because although you don't share your letters or your ritual, etc. you do share the fact that you have them, etc. Similar interests & values. . . etc.

I have been dating a Phi Tau for over a year now, and he has had no problem with commitment. Yes, we have broken up several times, but that was his idea. I think that if you are greek, and your mate, they understand how busy you are, because they aree just as busy as you! But, other than that, I love my boyfriend dearly! I AM STILL WAITING FOR THAT LAVALIRE THOUGH!!! LOL!

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Loyaly in our bond,
ULChiOCutie
Check out UofLouisville's Chi Omega Website!
http://chio.webprovider.com

This is a cute idea for a topic. I'll put in my 2 cents. I am non greek that dated and married a frat guy. I used to be very anti frat. I dated a couple of frat guys that where incredibly immature. They seemed to think that because they were in a fraternity they were now elevated to some sort of status meaning I should be honored to date them. I don't think so. Then, I met this adorable guy at a party and dated him for a week or two beforing finding out that he was "greek." Hmmm. We decided to not date exclusively. That lasted from maybe an hour and his first letter asked me to be his girlfriend. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif We continued to have a long distance relationship resulting in a lavaliere then a ring. Now we have been married for almost 7 years and have two adorable kids.

His status as a "frat boy" had some effect on what I thought of him. It made me a bit wary. It also frustrated me that the frat was such a priority. There were many weekends that I would have loved to have had him home that he had a responsibilty to stay at the house. Specifially thinking of greek games, I got back by telling friends that he wasn't in town because he was busy wearing a dress. Part of the event was a Ms. (fill in the fraternity) contest. My love was representing his house. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif The photos will make great stories for our children some day and he drove up to visit the very next weekend. On the other hand, I loved wearing his sweatshirts and attending formals. I still love the bond that is there between the brothers and really truly feel that I have over 70 brothers-in-law.

To sum up? Yes, there are some stumbling blocks that go along with dating as non greek and greek. Not insurmountable tho. If he really really loves you, you will come first in his heart. You need to make room for the friends tho. You need to let him spend time with friends and try to understand that this is something important to him. If you can appreciate the committment he's made, who knows, maybe you will find some new friends and even change your opinion of fraternities. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

The nice thing about dating a Greek man is that he understands your commitment to your sorority and won't have a cow when you tell him you can't see him for a weekend because of a sister retreat.

The bad thing is that he probably does have more access to women than the average Joe College...but this largely depends on the campus. Heaven knows a guy doesn't have to be Greek to be a total horndog! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Making ANY relationship work in college is hard, no matter your affiliation or lack of same!

I would prefer to date a guy that was in a Greek Org but that doesn't mean that I will pass up a GDI. With Greekz, you can bypass a lot of worriez that you might have with GDI'z..like: Are they interested in the community, do they/have they attend(ed) college, etc.

But, a man is a man. So, it's not like I am saying that I will date a Greek b/c he is more stable/faithful. I would date one because we would have things in common to start off with...That's alwayz a good thing.

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Sweeter than sugar and as good to you as milk
DEM ZETAS are Finer Women and they smooth as silk.

I think I have a bit of an odd experience. I dated a guy who dropped his fraternity the day before initiation. I didn't start dating him until two years after the fact, but the odd part was that the brother who made a comment that fixed his decision to drop is dating my big sister. It was awkward at first, but they both got over it. The only real fights we had about me being Greek was that I was so busy with rush practice this fall that I didn't see him for three days, and we both lived on campus!

My experience with dating Greek guys hasn't been that positive, but that's just about guys in general I knew freshman year who pledged and seem to have gone downhill since then. But then there's Greek guys who are great. I think it depends on the person, not if they're Greek or not.

Jen

Hey all , this is truly a great topic, me myself, as being greek, I tend to steer clear of my greek brothers. Now don't get me wrong, I love all of my greek brothers from SAE to Phi Beta Sigma, cause it's all about unity. But when it comes to dating, I'll have to pass, some one in this thread earlier that some male greeks act a bit immature. And I totally understand the meetings and activities, and etc, cause we all have that, but greek guys can be a total trip sometimes. I still luv ya'll though, so maybe I just don't know the right greeks, but I try not to date greeks http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif
One and Much Love to All

To me I wouldn't say they are all immature I have found some who are very focused as far as GL or NGL I'd have to go with NGL. But letters don't make a person. If I was to go GL I'd have to go with:

There would usually be a tie between Kappas and Omegas but Kappas are winning right now for various reasons, aint that right boo. lol. Anyway then I'd have to say PBS cause the unknown Sigma known as Mandingo "boy you are tooooooooooooooooooooooooo sexy, ya heard" Has anyone else peeped him out? If not I say be at the next step show the unknowns of Florida are in. But anyway I have my Virgin Island warrior to think about.

It is so difficult being a non-greek woman dating a greek man. You have to compete with the women, their frats,and their lifetime commitment the their fraternity. I have dated a member of Alpha Phi Alpha and am currently dating a member of Omega Psi Phi. Everything was fine with the first boyfriend, at first. It became a problem when I could barely get in touch with him and when I'd call him on it all he'd have to say was that I got some Alpha business to attend to or my frat needs me. I understood his commitment, but, what about me? I understood that he was an Alpha before me and he will be an Alpha after me. But, it became ridiculous. He even had the audacity to tell me that when he went to their convention, some of their "sweethearts" offered themselves to him. He says that the only reason he declined was because me and him were together. The bottom line is that his priorities were messed up. If he needed anything within reason and I could help, like the good woman that I am, I helped my man out. His frats were not there when he really needed them, I was. Now, this new relationship is a completely different story. My current man is a Que. They are predispositioned to be wild, crazy, sexual, the bad-boy type and most women love it. He's a neophyte and he's on another campus in the same city that I'm in, so, it was a lot to swallow. He's pretty mature, but, still, we'll have to see what's going to happen. It's only been about 4 months, so, it's hard to tell.

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Be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place......

[This message has been edited by Intensify (edited April 24, 2001).]

hmmm...what an intriguing topic. I have actually never date anyone that WASNT greek. Granted I am only a freshman so I have time, but i have dated probably 8 different guys from various fraternities this year. Two of them more seriously, but I have basically come to the conclusion that it is more fun to stay single. Keep ur options open is my opinion. And at one time or another all guys will show u their true nature...(WOOf WOOf-DOGS!) hehe

BabyziIIa--AMEN!

I, too, am non-greek (formerly anti-greek)... dating a greek man. I actually met him on the internet and when I found out he was greek, I was wary, but thought he was fun to talk to (didn't know many greek guys well in person, afterall). I then found out that he went to high school with a friend of mine, so I took him more seriously (it's easy to not take 'net acquaintances as seriously as real ppl sometimes, i think). we ended up becoming friends and on the verge of more-than-friends, so then we met in person and hit it off.

I have to admit to being nervous about the fraternity thing--it's a different lifestyle than one I was used to being around, but the guys really grew on me and instead of despising stereotypical greek immaturity, I started thinking of them as "adorably crude," if that's at all possible *lol* They aren't bad guys at all, but there are some antics that I have to laugh at or I'll get irritated about them (I won't go into detail here *L*)

But I should really clarify that I totally LOVE my greek guy--he is the sweetest most loyal guy I have ever met and after toughing out the long distance relationship for over a year, we're now engaged.

It really helps just to remember that guys will be guys will be guys and that they all have groups they associate with, whether they are marked by greek letters or not. I think fraternities do instill some important values in the long run, even though they take a lot of crap from surface reputation.

I don't know that I have any greek vs. non-greek stories, but I will say that it is sort of neat how greek guys are a PART of something, and sometimes non-greeks aren't. so for anybody, when you date the greeks, you have to deal with the rest of the guys in some way or another--thus making YOU a part of it, too. (I have always joked about how I haven't pledged a sorority b/c I like the guys more than I like girls *L*)

Oh well... there was my little (or long!) story http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I guess there are both pros and cons in dating a Greek man. (I cannot say about GDI's, although I am friends with a lot of them, I've never been involved with one). Like most of you guys already said, they understand the commitment you have to your organization:time constraints (like those chapter meetings that can take FOREVER),financial issues, responsibilities, etc. You guys are on the same boat when you're talking, like if you guys talk about some aspects of your pledge semester you can see where one another is coming from...and of course, you guys never run out of formals,semi formals, etc to go to (and i love dressing up.Anyway, the negative aspect in my experience with my boyfriend who is a Sammy (in a different university) is that we just have to trust each other when we have our own separate mixers or functions to go to. We cannot be there to watch each other but thank god we love and trust each other enough not to do anything despite all the "temptation". I would say that a Greek long distance romance could be slightly different than a typical long distance romance coz there are more "complications" like groupies, etc. But i think in terms of the guy's character, it's really up to the guy, coz I've had experiences with other fratboys who were just plain immature, just want some ass, and they were just dogs, i was so ready to give up on greek men...thankfully my bf came along and convinced me that not all greek guys are like that! =)

well i am sure no one will read this because my reply is way here at the bottom...sniff sniff sadness. but dating greek men. the only differance i can see is that if you are serious with your greek stud of choice then his whole frat kinda adopts you. meaning that they see you as a little sister and you tend to be at his frat house a lot more than you normaly would. my boyfriend is a sigma nu and whenever they have parties and get togethers i am always over there. it's kinda nice though because when they have big philanthropy events i know everyone! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif all guys are the same though...immature and weird

One thing that I remember from college, at least at my school, was that if you dated one guy from a certain fraternity you couldn't date another guy from the same fraternity even after you broke up with the first one. Girls who did this were considered to be "(Insert name of fraternity here) pass-arounds". Now that I look back at this, it is pretty weird but at the time it made sense I guess.

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~@~Tracy~@~
Proud to be a Delta-Z :)

Well, I have dated a Alpha Phi Alpha and he was no different than the non greek men I have dated. I am not in a sorority yet but by the grace of god I will be come spring 2002. I prefer my boyfriend I have now, who is a non greek. It really does not matter.

I think dating greek men is different in some way because they undertand the hard work and the meaning of sisterhood and brotherhood a little bit more. I wish at my campus we had more fraternities because I would love to find me an Awesome Greek Man
:-D Hey if ya know where to find a good one in GA let me know O:-)
ZL
Flor De Mayo