If she actually believes that... well, I'll refrain from being too harsh ... but she's gotten beyond the point where you can help her. :(

She has got to talk to someone. This is more about her than it is about her relationship with the husband.

Good luck!

You should go talk to friend #1 when hubby is not there and give it to her straight, no chaser. Then step back and let her know that you are available when she needs you *cuz she will need you at some point*, but that you can not and will not be, as some said earlier, her waste management company.

#1 honestly sounds like she's being abused, if not physically, then emotionally/mentally.

Well, we have known each other since we were about 11, and we've had periods where we weren't as close because we all weren't living in the same region, etc. It is surprising to see my married friend acting like this because she was always, in my opinion, the most independent one in the bunch. She was the one who always stood up to her parents; She was the one who would ALWAYS kick a guy to the curb who wasn't treating her right. She was so strong before she met this loser.

I guess you can say my other friend was somewhat of a late bloomer. She was afraid to talk to boys as a teen, and didn't have a serious boyfriend until after college. This was only her second "relationship" ever, and she's 32. I know this is part of her problem. The first boyfriend she had (for 4 years) never treated her properly, so she doesn't even really grasp what it means to be in a healthy relationship.

You're right. Some of our other friends have suggested having an intervention with her (because even her siblings have noticed a negative change in her), and having a professional there to follow up with her.

Yes, you are correct. Right now it is emotional and mental abuse, and I am afraid it might go further than that at some point. :(

Agreed with 33girl- I'm wondering how bad things have gotten, and if there are things she is too "ashamed" to tell you.

Yes, that worries me, too. She and I have discussed counseling, or at least marriage counseling, but she's expressed to me that because of their cultural background, it is not an option. (Which really doesn't explain why she feels free to tell me about all this strife. :confused:)

Her mother isn't helping. Her mom (who stayed with a male for over 40 years even though he had a family with a woman in their home country) basically told her to "suck it up" because that's "just how men are." :rolleyes:

Ok, uh, no. Stage an intervention and go from there.

And let us know what happens.

Sounds like a "Waiting to Exhale" moment in the making.

Make sure when she starts to sell the cars and good for a buck someone call me

Well, this explains a lot. People who come from unhealthy homes typically do one of two things: (1) recognize the problems from their childhood home life and vow to never be in a similar situation, or (2) fail to recognize the problems from their childhood home life and practically recreate that toxic atmosphere.

It sounds like your friend falls in the second category.

While it would be encouraging to know that your friend's mom is supportive of your take on the whole matter, in the end, it probably wouldn't make too much of an impact. Children often don't appreciate their parents' opinions when it comes to relationship woes... regardless of how old/young they are.

Glad to hear your other friend knows what's going on with her (hopefully ex) boyfriend.

Good luck dealing with all this; I know it can't be easy for you.

People often imitate (consciously or not) what they saw growing up. :(

Your friends are lucky to have you.

Thanks, ladies :)

And DaemonSeid, didn't she set the husband's car ablaze in that movie? LOL!

yup....lol

What exactly do you mean by that?

Her words, not mine: "Asians are not supposed to seek help for stuff like this." :(

stoicism doesn't stop an arsewhupping