well, if someone contacted me regarding phi mu and they were in my area, i would consider meeting them (pending on things that have happened here). if they were not here, and i didn't know them well, i would be happy to put them in touch with the person at our hq who is responsible for the program. i would be happy to answer questions, but i really don't think i would just say, "hey, you seem great skippy123 so let me start filling out paperwork to sponsor you."

Snaps to that...

Alpha Chi Emily said:
"I personally vouch for the character, integrity and ability of this woman to successfully integrate into this sorority."

And that is exactly why it meant so much to me to be sponsored by my good friend.:)

Yes, but I never officially sponsored you......... :)

Technically, I only helped you get the ball rolling.

If the person is local, I will meet with her (example already given) and then go from there. If I don't know her, I will put her in touch with the AC in her area and make an opinion if I have one but I usually just pass on what the woman has said to me and make a point of saying that I do not personally know the woman.

I could possibly consider that, but the trouble is, once you meet them, if you don't "dig them", they could be difficult to shake. And if you know that the answer is going to be "no" by your chapter sisters, you might have a hard time getting rid of "hanger-on'ers". Some people just don't know how to take the "hint" when they are being told "NO".

SIGH.......

That's an excellent point, CutiePie.

Say you meet this woman who originally contacted you online. You realize that it probably wouldn't work out for whatever reason (which you keep to yourself - as we all know, Membership Selection is ritual). This is just you, a regular alumna, with no immediate national contacts.

Now, is it up to YOU to tell this PNAM that it's not going to work?

Or do you just not answer their calls/PMs/IMs/emails?

In an ideal world, I think the best thing to do would be to tell these women "I'm sorry but it's not going to work out, but I do wish you the best of luck" -- and she would accept this information and move on.

In practice though, some people just don't hear the word "No" and would keep persisting. And honestly, some of us aren't really all that assertive when telling someone no (I know I'm not). If you aren't explicitly clear with your rejection, they're going to hang onto hope based on some sort of ambiguous thing you've said.

I think the nice thing to do is clearly and unambiguously tell a PNAM no, and then if she keeps persisting, you're free to refrain from engaging in further correspondence.

I think you do the mature thing and tell them that the group has decided not to pursue her as an AI candidate. It's better to be honest and frank than to dread answering your cell phone and checking your email, or hiding behind displays at the grocery store! Send the person an email if you don't want to do it face to face or by phone, a la:

Dear Patty PNAM,

We enjoyed meeting you the other night at the ABC Alumnae Social. While you seem to have many impressive qualities and achievements, I regret to inform you that we have decided not to pursue AI with you at this time. Our membership selection is, of course, a private matter, and while I cannot disclose the details of selection, I do want to impart that I think you are a lovely person with much to offer your community. I wish you the best of luck in your AI search.

Respectfully,
Angie Alumna

This is a tactful way to formally say, "Don't let the door hit you in the rear on the way out."

This post should be framed!

It's much kinder to tell a PNAM that she isn't right for the group than to not say anything. Silence can mean, "We're waiting on more paperwork." or "We're waiting on a vote from national." or "We don't do AI very often, so we're inquiring on how to proceed." If the decision is no, then your letter is a perfect and tactful way to handle the situation.

The truth does hurt- although you put it in a nice way.

But it does not hurt anywhere near as much as passive aggression.

So letting a person know is the right thing to do- as long as it is done kindly.

I'd omit that last sentence, but otherwise seems like the most gracious way to do it.

I'm not a PNAM nor am I in a sorority but if I was, I'd try to get in contact with the local chapter if I can before I start contacting people online. I think face to face contact is better than online contact. That's just my small opinion.

I think this is very different. I see no problem with this at all. :) I do, however, dislike the idea of somebody sponsoring a woman they have never met in person.