Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

AMEN!!! I can not echo this statment enough. I know it sounds so cheesy and stupid but it's so incredibly true. Seriously my relationship happened when I wasn't looking for one, wanting one, or interested in having one. Then all of the sudden this guy just kind of fell in to my lap out of nowhere and stuff just happened.

Also, being in a lot of relationships isn't as great as it might sound. It just means a lot of heartbreak for you, the other person, or both of you if the relationship doesn't work out and that's never fun.

Re: Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

who said i wasn't in that position? as a matter of fact, i am! don't be so quick to judge.

i, too, always had many good guy friends. none of them ever liked me either. but not because i wasn't a size 2, it was because i was their friend! i wasn't attracted to them and they weren't attracted to me. but i did meet a few good guys who were attracted to me. i've also met plenty of guys who WEREN'T attracted to me--whether because of my size, personality, hair color, religion, etc.

i still say, don't blame weight on not finding a guy. yes, it MAY be a deterrent for some guys, but definitely not all! go about finding a guy in a different way--maybe the bar scene isn't right for all people. it sure as hell wasn't right for me.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

Politcal Correctness aside, I think Pm_mama is correct.

Generally, the closer you are to average the more attention you are going to get. The more attention you get the more likely someone is going to like you or you are going to like someone.

To a certain degree that applieseven if you are not-average in the direction of exceptional beauty . . the amount of attention begins to drop off.

The sooner people realize that the better. We can spend years agonizing over people not liking us because we are out of shape, or have abrasive personalities, or we can do something about it.

However, most people would rather say "it shouldn't be that way." rather than do anything about it.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

James, I wish you were a motivational speaker. ;)

I think you have to be hugely obese for it to really be a problem. I haven't been skinny since I started college because I value vodka tonics and ice cream more than running 5 miles a day like I did in high school. I've spent 75% of college in a relationship. I think that blaming your weight or size is a crutch for you not being willing to try.

GP is right! There are plenty of full figured women who have wonderful, meaningful relationships. I haven't had a date in over a year, and I've never had a serious relationship. I used to blame my weight, but now I know that it's not so much my weight as it is my insecurity in myself.

It's taking time but I'm getting better. You have to love yourself before anyone can love you back. You also have to change the way you look and feel on the inside before you can truely change the outside.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Has there been anyone who has never been in a relationship?
 

I have been overweight all my life. At times (college) I was only about 15 pounds overweight, but I've also been 140 pounds overweight (when I met my second husband, in fact). I'm a total yo-yo weight wise. The bottom line is, I have a beautiful face and I'm a beautiful person inside. My smile lights up a room and I'm confident (and sounding very conceited right now!). I'm a great catch because I'm independent, financially and emotionally and intelligent with a great sense of humor and a warm caring heart. My problem is that I'm completely intolerant of men's flaws so they get on my nerves and I reject them.

The true irony is, when I was in college and was just a little overweight, I had no confidence and stuck to one serious boyfriend. When I was at my heaviest, I had reached a point that I liked who I was and felt confident about myself in spite of my weight, and I had more dates than I had time for.

It's more about your self confidence and belief in yourself than it is about your weight. Were there men who didn't date me because of my weight? Probably. But, would those be the men who would stick with you through a pregnancy, a mastectomy, a 90 year old wrinkled body, or a colostomy? Probably not. If you don't love yourself the way you are, then why would somebody else?

Dee

great post

At least those who haven't ever been in a serious relationship aren't like those girls who ALWAYS have to have a boyfriend. I hate girls like that. I know girls who have dated guys that they don't even like and guys that all their friends hated just to have a boyfriend. I think sometimes it comes from insecurities.

As usual, Dee speaks the gospel.

I'm a fat girl. There, I admitted it, so all you guys who think that's an insult, feel free to hurl it my way. I spent a long, long time clinging to men who were awful b/c they paid attention to me. I thought a bad relationship was better than being alone. I was convinced that no one would love me, and I settled for what I could get. I was miserable, and it was evident in everything I did. I truly believe that certain types of men can sense that out, figure out when a woman's confidence is low, and sweep in to call her pretty a few times, then treat her like shit.

Then, a few years ago, I chucked them all. I decided to take time FOR ME. I got in touch with who I am. I realized, yes, I'm plus sized, but I'm also intelligent, kind hearted, and, frankly, I have a great ass ;). I learned to look in the mirror and pick out good things, not to sigh b/c my boobs were too big or that my hips are wide. I realized that people were right-I DO have a beautiful smile, I DO have a pretty face, I DO have good hair, etc. Before too long, that confidence came radiating through. Yes, I did lose a few pounds along the way, but I knew I did it FOR ME. A few months later, I met my now-husband, who is the kindest, sweetest human being on this world. My friends and family are insanely jealous of me, he treats me so well.

Phyllis-Good guys are out there, I promise. You're a beautiful, wonderful person-believe in yourself, and you'll find someone who will make you happy. You can lose weight, you can gain weight, it doesn't matter. Whatever you do DO IT FOR YOU.

Is it bad that someone's never been in a serious relationship? You always hear girls saying, "He's afraid of committment." But what if that's not it? Is it ever too late for a relationship?

No, I don't believe it's ever too late for a meaningful relationship. For some people it just takes time to find that special someone. It's only too late if you tell yourself it's too late.