I couldn't care less.

:eek: Your parents actually SAY that to you? I'm in shock. I understand the part about being called ungrateful, etc., because I hae to listen to that all the time, too. I get good grades, but I'm the supposedly the "dumbest smart person" in the world and all I'm good for is sitting around looking pretty. I never do anything right. Even if I do something half right, there's always something wrong with it. Oh, yeah, and I'm lazy. But I've never been told straight out that my parents would have been so much better off if I weren't around. I'm so sorry. If you ever need to vent, just PM me! :)

I feel like my mom resents me. I feel like she secretly hates that I have a steady boyfriend and a happy relationship, that I have friends, and am setting up for a great life.

Sometimes, I'll go to do something, and she'll say something negative about it that just causes me to feel like I'm stupid for wanting to do it. Tonight Boyfriend and I were going to go out and celebrate the end of my finals by maybe going to Pat O'Briens. She gives a withering sigh of "Okay" which just says "its okay, but its not really okay." She thinks its a touristy thing to do, so I shouldn't do it. She claims that she worries a lot that something will happen, and that's why she doesn't like me going out and about. But, I live in a suburb, where nothing is open past 10pm. I'm 22 years old. I don't want to live like a nun (like she does). Its to the point where I don't enjoy going out anywhere that will take me more than a few miles from my house, because I feel like I need to call and check in every so often.

I just feel like my wanting to have a normal life disappoints her. I feel like my growing up and being an adult dissapoints her. I feel like the best way to make her proud is to be unhappy like she is. Otherwise, I'm a disappointment because I'm like "them" "a sheep" blah blah blah.

:(

:eek: :eek: :eek: I'm really bothered by the last four posts!

I hope that in the years to come all this gets resolved... I honestly think most parents do the best they can, but mistakes are made.

I know I put a ton of pressure on my daughter, FIRST BORN, but it was misplaced pride. Yet, when some parents were saying, "Oh you are the prettiest, the smartest, blah, blah blah," I would tell BOTH KIDS, "The world is a competitive place. You need to be the best YOU can be because in this world there will always be someone who is richer, smarter, prettier/better looking than you." This was in context of them seeing other kids with more money, better at athletics/popularity/talents or with parents who threw a praise-a-thon every time their kid remembered to flush the toilet... I certainly didn't hold back on the praise, I just really meant it when I said it and they KNEW this. I TRIED NOT TO CRITICIZE, but the WORDS a parent says are often NOT heard and a totally different meaning is interpreted. Yet, maybe that's why they trust my opinion. THEN again, maybe I see some things that would have been different if I had just poured on the syrup. WE WILL NEVER KNOW IF WE DID IT RIGHT OR CAUSED DAMAGE TILL IT'S TOO LATE! These are the kinds of questions PARENTS must deal with.:(

I agree with Justamom. When you become a parent, you begin to see life a whole new way. You don't want your child to make the same mistakes you did, you want them to do the things that turned out right for you, and --here's the biggie--you still want them to be happy. And no one can do all of that!

There were some things my parents did that I swore I'd never do as a parent. I did them anyway. There were some things they did right that I've done too. As I look back, I realize the time and effort it took to do some of the things they did for us.

Your whole perspective changes when you have children--you think, how did my parents manage that? It was great! Or, why did my parents do that? I could not do that to my kids! And every year, more things occur to you. All I know is that when my youngest gets out of high school, I want to be able to look back with satisfaction at how all my kids' lives are going.

We parents try our best. It's just that circumstances or other limitations may keep us from doing what we want for our children.

That's the biggest beef between us and our parents, especially our dad. I think he is soooo overzealous that we don't repeat the same mistakes, that it may be backfiring. Because of that, it makes us really hard if not impossible to please him.

I just don't get my mom sometimes..
 

Apparently she's very mad that I told her I dont' feel like I have any freedom sometimes. She interpreted it as "you dont' understand why I worry about you and therefore you don't see that I love you."

She had said maybe we'd do something today. I slept late today and was not too willing to get going because I'd taken a muscle relaxer last night (yes, law school had me so stressed that I was having muscle spasms). She came in my room a few times to ask to borrow clothes or something else. She never said what she was doing.

Finally at 11AM she said "well, i'm going shopping, and you apparently don't want to go with me because you didn't make the effort to get ready...If Josh had said he were coming for a certian time, you'd be ready...why don't you go do something with him...I'm just going to have to be alone again.

Right.

Basically, she set me up to not go with her, so she could be mad at me. I didn't know what we were doing, and so I didn't bust ass to get ready. She said I could go if I didn't take time to shower or anything, because she needed to get going. Had she just told me from the outset that she wanted to go shopping with me, I would have gotten together. I guess I'm just suposed to be a mindreader.

Personally, I think my mom resents that I haven't made any of the mistakes that she has. I've worked my butt off in school and donne really well, been a happy relationship, had good friends. I know I have the potential to go far and be very happy. She, however, feels that since my dad died its her punishment to be alone; she feels that she is a failure in her career. And because of that, part of her can't love me and has to make me feel badly about who I am and what I do. Either that, or I was never supposed to grow up - I was supposed to stay at home forever, and take care of her.

:(

Oh, my God, you said exactly what I think all the time. I think most parents (especially mine) have the best of intentions and they want to ensure that their children turn out "better" than they did, but a lot of times, like in my case, this leads to impossible standards that NO ONE can live up to. I am so glad for the miracle that is Celexa. ;)

Juniorgrrl, you said some things that I see in myself and I THINK I may understand how "Mom" is feeling. I think she is flat out lonely for you AND your Dad. She wants to be reassured (over and over) that you still love her and need her. When you didn't jump out of bed with excitement, she may have felt that spending time with her wasn't important to you. I would bet my bottom dollar that she was really excited about Christmas shopping with you and being Mom and Daughter for a while. I would guess it hurt her a LOT. Instead of being straight up with you, she acted like it was no biggie-she didn't EXPECT anymore from you so go do what YOU want to do and don't "worry" about her... She wanted-needed to see it come from YOU. Yes, it does seem unreasonable, especially from your perspective, but it happens when communication breaks down and a cycle begins.

She NEEDS to have YOU plan something special to do together. It won't change things overnight, but it will mean so much to her.
Just be sure for a few hours, you thicken up your skin (old habits are hard to break-even in the middle of a good time) and talk like you did when you were friends. Listen to her as well. You may get a better understanding of her feelings, maybe some things you are unaware of. What could it hurt?

I totally understand where you are coming from--it is not an easy place to be. Sweetheart--please try to resolve your problems with them--live your life and be happy with whatever you decide to do---it all comes down to you--you have to live with yourself!!!!
I am 28 years old and just realizing that my entire life as been spent trying to get my parents to tell me they are proud of me!!! I graduated from college in 4 years, worked full time, and changed my major 3 times--and busted my ass to get thru in 4 years--because that was all it was suppose to take!! I got married 2 weeks after college graduation--lived in a dump that my mom was constantly bitching about--but you know what we were happy there--yeah it was a nasty complex--but we were happy!!! I got pregnant and fell into my mom's line of "my grandchild cannot live in these apartments" So at 23 by husband and I bought our first house--not a small "starter" home--but a new 4 bedroom 3 bath house---just so my mom would be happy--we would have been good with a smaller-older house--but we got this---and while i love my house--- there was no need to worry about what my mom would think.
And the stories with my dad could go on and on---let's just say step brother with drug problems get the attention--i get nothing from my father.
But I am finally starting to realize that I am constantly seeking approval---I need to worry about what will make me happy--it is my life--and if my mom cannot be happy and proud of being just living a good--happy life --then that is her problem--it is not mine!!!
Good luck--just do what you need to do to make you happy!!!

-Wendi

Oh can I totally relate... I am 22 and just got my own apartment. My dad whom I love DEARLY just REFUSES to let me grow up, I am constantly being bombarded with where are you, who are you going out with, are you driving ( I just bought a new car), be careful the weather is bad, the list goes on and on... now granted i know that he is my dad and I am a first born and a daddy's princess... it still is annoying to feel like i am so close to being a grown up yet he refuses to see me as one... i too managed to gradute college in 4 years dispite multiple major switches, and a transfer, worked 20 or more hours a week and still get ok enough grades, i am happy with all aspects in my life i just want my mom and dad to see me as an adult... sorry it is 1 am and i still am at work for 7 more hours... :( :( :( :( if this post makes no sense

The thing is...we're together a LOT. We do a lot together, especially since I moved home. When we're both home, I'm usually in the living room watching TV with her. Its not like I'm never around or available.

This whole thing has blown over, but for a very sad reason - her best friend died yesterday after a 2 1/2 year battle with cancer. She was very quiet about it and they didn't talk but every few weeks because she didn't like to talk about her illness. So, when they hadn't spoken in a few weeks, we didn't worry. Her husband called yesterday to tell us she'd passed away. Mom has been very sad, so I've been there for her. :(

These last posts made me appreciate my parents a whole lot more. Thanks to all of you for your prayers for my sister-inlaw and brother. They got married last night.

Yay congrats!! I need to keep the 3.0 or higher for UCLA

Congrats to your brother and his new wife! I hope you are doing better. Reading this thread really made me see that so many people are in this situation. I guess we all have things in life that we have to strive to overcome. I definately know what you are talking about and I am here to listen anytime. :)

I'm sure that your parents are proud of you, you are a wonderful, intelligent person. Most people need acceptance, reassurance and praise from parents. I still put A papers and grades on the refrigerator when I come homeand then I think, "What am I doing, I'M IN COLLEGE???!!!!!!!!!"

When choosing my major, that is all I thought about!! What will make my parents happy? I have no idea where this comes from, my parents have always been extremely supportive and tell me all the time to do what makes me happy. It only makes it worse when my parents brag about things i have accomplished and I think that I must keep this up and strive to be better.
I find myself telling my parents my grades in classes, then looking for their reaction.
I'm Pre-Med because I wanted to help people, or so I said. I knew how proud it would make my parents (not to mention inflate my ego) Who am I kidding, in almost any occupation you can "help" people, I want to be a doctor for other reasons. Now, I'm reconsidering but I still put pressure on myself.