I get what you're saying now. Sorry!

Sciencewoman: it would be funny, but I kind of need to maintain the shreds of dignity that I have remaining.

So, we got an invitation to her Graduation, but they didn't have a party - which is fine - her ceremony was at 7PM the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, and we couldn't make that work.

That said, we sent her a nice card with a check (also nice, actually).

I'd love to go the party. As I said, she's a good kid and I like her and her folks. And since it's on the husband's side, I don't want to rock the boat and raise an eyebrow. I know her parents work hard and don't make tons of money, and the things on her list are definitely more "needs" than "wants".

So we'll see. I wanted to feel it out here and I appreciate the feedback.

I think calling it a "dorm shower" is what's giving off the tacky vibes. If it were called a "going away/belated graduation party" all the same things would be happening but it wouldn't be so off-putting.

At my graduation party, my favorite, most useful gift was sent from some friends of the family and was a "dorm kit" in a personalized, decorated toolbox with a glue gun, some office supplies, basic tools, batteries, a flashlight, etc inside. It came in really handy and I still use it as my actual toolbox now. It couldn't have been very expensive but it was so thoughtful and helpful.

I also love the idea of "bring something you wish you'd had freshman year"!

//swerve//

I was just ranting about this to a sorority sister on Saturday night. I received a baby shower invitation from a distant relative who is having her third child in less than 6 years. She has one of each already, so she does not need gender specific items nor infant most infant needs other than diapers. I am tired of this entitlement of "I am having a baby buy me things". Showers were intended to help first time parents out by giving them a head start on setting up the nursery.

And while I am ranting, full blown bridal showers for third time brides. Really? You didn't get enough items during the first two marriages? I have no problem with an engagement party to celebrate the couple or a bachelorette party to give the bride one last wild night out, but having a bridal shower? Again, bridal showers were designed to help newly married couples set up households with essentials. If you have been married multiple times, and your spouse to be has too, then you both already have households to merge.

//back into the lane

I totally agree with you. I dont mind showers for first babies or first weddings. I'm not cool with second, third or whatever of either variety. My only exception is perhaps a late in life oopsie baby. Because at that point, you probably really don't have any hand me downs available.

I also think the idea of bringing something you couldn't do without in the dorm is cute. Calling something a shower is just flat out a request for gifts.

The "items you couldn't do without" was a clever idea, much better worded than a dorm shower. I didn't mention earlier that she got quite a few $5 gift cards to Starbucks since there was one a block from her dorm. She said those were golden during finals week! :) I think everyone who came brought her a little something ranging from the $5 gift cards all the way up to a foldable laundry basket filled with a Tide, Downy and Bounce.

I have never heard of a dorm shower before.

Most of the students I know are not from well-off families. In fact, there was a graduating senior from my high school that I connected with last year who had been homeless as a middle schooler. I didn't really have graduation money to give him, but I would have thrown a dorm shower had I known they were a thing.

I will also say that in my community, it is not a given that graduation gifts are for college. I have never heard that before.

I think that is a really creative idea (the items you couldn't live without) and is a world apart from the issues being complained about otherwise. By the nature of the invitation they're asking that you not spend a lot, unless the thing you can't live without is a replacement fancy dancy bed to replace the university-issued one. The thing I couldn't live without (but did) was a humidifier. That room was an oven. But rolls of quarters would have been manna from heaven.

Unfortunately, worded differently there would be NO problem with this party. And delaying the graduation party until later in the summer is a good idea. There are so many clustered at once that a lot of people who would like to help her celebrate wouldn't have been able to.

Teas.
You throw a luncheon or a tea for 2nd or 3rd babies, marriages, etc. Do people bring gifts? Of course. But the guest of honour is then able to act pleasantly surprised. This is also a way to get around the tackiness of a family member throwing a shower. A lovely event celebrating a milestone? Yes. SHOWERS? No.

(Going back to clutching my pearls over all and sundry gift grabs)

I've never heard of a dorm shower. Gifts aren't necessarily given at grad parties either and the gifts that are given were gift cards and smaller checks. I wrinkle my nose at the idea of dorm showers.

Somewhat on subject, does one bring a gift to a bachelorette party? I'm going to one next weekend and then a shower for the couple the weekend after.

On a side note: I also thought this was about showers in a dorm and was a little worried by what I might find in this thread. Something about parties in dorm showers or something similar.

There should be two showers in your life and two showers only: baby showers and wedding showers.

Anything else is excessive. If you're a proud parent, throw a reception. Many of my wife's students' parents throw receptions when they graduate HS. I never have seen a dorm shower and wouldn't go to one if invited. It seems tacky.

Something off-color and tongue-in-cheek...wedding night gag gifts.

Heh, tongue. Heh.


And sorry for the misleading "Shower" title. Couldn't think of a better way to put it.

Makes perfect sense if you think about it. Since I had never heard of it, my mind went to a more familiar idea.

Gift grab. I don't care how "nice" someone is, it is an odd scenario. I have also noticed lately that moms, sisters and grandmas are hosting showers for the Bride/Mama to be. I thought that was tacky too, but some friends have made no bones about it..."giving a shower for darling , hope you can make it!"