I am not being rude to the OP... BUTTTTTT

Am I the only one who noticed timeline problems with this story?

I'm in a better place right now somewhat, because most of this culminated in a huge breakdown where one of my guy friends brought me to the crisis center and I was admitted to the hospital for three days.

I'm not saying that this is all my sisters being bad people because the large majority do NOT know what I'm going through. My big is the only one who knows… she's supported me since I found out I was her little. Sometime after Christmas something changed in our friendship and we haven't been talking except for the day I was admitted.

She is posting this 2 days after Christmas - how was she admitted for 3 days.

And then we have the issue of the Grades for the Semester. She stated the agreement she made with the instructor didn't work out. Also...skipping classes....bad performance. If she was doing so poorly...did she go thru initiation?

If the story is true...Bless her heart.

But I don't think so. She states she's on meds - If she is already in counseling & possible a support group. Why lay it out on the line in Greek Chat..???

Don't mean to offend. & my 2 cents doesn't buy Much.

Just how I see it.

Yes, there is a big difference between filing a judicial charge and police charge. Many college campuses defer to the off-campus police (and higher legal authorities) when it comes to incidents like rape that far surpass the school's jurisdiction. Schools typically do not hire campus security and police to override larger legal authority on such incidents.

As an aside, Google has some examples of forms to file judicial charges for GCers who are unfamiliar with those.

I didn't notice the "admitted" part in the second one.

I did, however, notice that she and her big haven't talked since Christmas and thought that maybe it was premature to lament the lost friendship there (especially considering I owe my big a phone call...since we haven't spoken in almost a week?).

Good point; I forgot how terrible some "counselors" can be, especially the free ones provided by a university.

I take no issue with someone suggesting she report it to the police, I take issue with people saying she NEEDS to do so or that it is the "right" thing to do. The OP should do what is best for herself. There is not some moral imperative for her to report this to the police or for her to see vengeance done.

If someone wants to provide more information on how reporting it can help her, or to share a similar experience where it helped them, be my guest, but telling her that a chosen course of action is the "wrong" one is deeply problematic.

I was under the impression (from the thread title) that she was asking for advice w/r/t her GLO. The OP is a little broader than that, so you are right, we all have opinions on everything. I am trying (though maybe not well?) to draw the line between "you may feel better if you did this" and "you are obligated to do this".

If you wanted to add to the conversation, just add to the conversation. Telling people to shut the fuck up and saying "be my guest" makes me wonder who in the hell you are supposed to be. There are different approaches to this topic. If you want to advise people on tone and wording, you need to check your own tone and wording.

"You need to report this to the police" can be interpreted different ways. Some people will interpret "you need" to be a strong encouragement rather than implying that the person is a hell bound idiot if they do not do so. There are survivors of rape and sexual assault who will also tell people "you need to report this to the police," sometimes in a much stronger and more assertive manner.

You do not ask for GLO advice and then preface it with a story of rape. The GLO part of the story will always be the least important part of the story. But, again, this is what happens when people use Greekchat as a center for advice.

I wish to be unambiguous about the fact that the OP has the right not to report this if she chooses not to do so. If the OP is indeed a real person, she has probably taken that message away from my post. Nothing I say is going to change the minds of the people who feel that she has some moral imperative to do so. Therefore, I believe my word (acronym?) choice has conveyed exactly the message I intended.

You are more than welcome to continue scolding me if you feel that it somehow "adds to the conversation", though.

Just as telling the OP that she needs to call the police probably conveys the message intended which is not necessarily the same message that you interpreted. The OP will decide where to go from there.

"Be my guest."

It's hard to tell you what to do without knowing the makeup or size of your chapter. To say "reach out to your sisters" is vastly different when you're talking about a chapter of 40 and a chapter of 240. Not to mention the social norms/makeup/etc etc of your campus in general.

Don't be mad at your big. She may be pulling away because she doesn't know how to handle it or how to help you. This is a basic self-preservation instinct, and also it's very normal to feel frustrated when you see someone hurting and don't know what you can do (if anything).

All I can say is, bring these questions to your counselor and ask them for advice. And be COMPLETELY honest with them. If you cut yourself 20 times in a week, don't lie and say it was 5. They are un-shock-proof and they don't judge. That's their job.

I would hold off on talking to anyone in the sorority who doesn't know until you speak with your counselor. Have you gotten your grades yet?

"My main issue is that I would like to know how I can better reach out to my sisters; as I said, these are girls I love and want to get to know better, but I need to know how to do this when I feel like a sea of my own unique and bad experiences and my own mental state seem to be hindering me from doing this."lunalovegood


your counselor might be the best person to advise you, in that respect.

Been there, done that.

Here's what helped me:

You need to substitute a healthy behavior for the cutting. You're doing that to deal with the anxiety, yes? Try running. You should start a running program every morning. Get up early to do it. Every time you feel like cutting go for another run. It will help with the depression and help blow out the anxiety. If you can't run, get a couch to 5k training program and learn to run. Biking or swimming or any other hard aerobic exercise is going to help. This will start helping in the short term. If you do it regularly, it should start helping right away.

You are already taking an SSRI medication. (Zoloft, Prozac, etc.) They are excellent for relieving the type of anxiety that you are dealing with. If they are not doing enough, you can change medication or change dosage. Talk to a doctor. You may need to take a different kind of medication, like Wellbutrin.

Take a holiday from drinking and going out where there will be boys. Start showing up for house events that don't involve those things. You bond with people by spending time with them. Spend time with your sisters doing things that don't involve alcohol or boys.

I guarantee that other women in your chapter have had sexual assault experiences. In my small chapter, several people had those experiences. About 25% of college women will experience some form of sexual assault. It's not your fault and you're not weird for having this happen.

Give yourself time. It may take a year or two to settle down.

Counselors didn't do much for me, frankly. I got a lot more out of Albert Ellis' self-help books. Ellis founded a school of psychology called Rational Emotive Therapy. It's a sort of DIY cognitive behavior therapy. It was really useful to me. He has a tone of books, but you might try this one:

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Des...1&sr=8-3-fkmr0

Also, I had to quit drinking entirely. About two years after my rape, I decided I had a drinking problem and went to AA. I spent a long time in AA. It helped me, but I had access to some very good AA groups and groups with young people in them. There's a lot of bad AA out there, so it may not be helpful to you. You also have to watch what group you join because I've known women to be revictimized by male AA members. It's 18 years later and I'm not sure I was an alcoholic. I do know that drinking triggered my PTSD, though. I would barricade myself in my room when I drank. I just can't drink anymore. (I was pretty drunk when I was raped. Not too drunk to run away or say "no," but too drunk to stop it.)

You may also not be alcohol dependent, even though you're drinking too much. If AA isn't for you, you might want to try Rational Recovery (read the Little Book). It can give you strategies for quitting drinking abusively without declaring yourself alcoholic. Women for Sobriety is a great group for women that focuses on building women up, rather than the "ego deflation" that is one of the core principles of AA . Moderation Management might also be worth a check.

My question marks were her saying in one place that she has trouble sleeping and under the "self destructive behavior" she says she sleeps all the time. And promiscuity when she says sounds and colors and words can cause paralyzing fear? Not saying it couldn't be caused by the feelings of worthlessness, but I just can't see someone with the fears she's described being capable of being promiscuous.

I can believe it, when you add in the drinking. It seems believable to me that someone could have a lot of problems when sober, drink too much to dull the symptoms, and act out sexually when drinking.

The sleeping thing... I don't know. Sleeping too much is a depression symptom. Not sleeping is a depression symptom. I don't know if people go back and forth between the two.

You get those things from other people by giving those things to other people. You need to suit up, show up and be of service to your sisters. Make yourself useful. Help with whatever you can help with. Go to intermurals. Ask people to the movies. If you don't live in the house, go hang out at the house. Watch TV with your sisters.

It takes time and effort. If it's difficult at first, you need to fake it until you make it.

You need to focus less on yourself and more on others.