Dad needs advice regarding Bama

[MDBamaDad]

Hi,

I wish I had seen this forum months ago. While I went to school at Bama and was in the greek system, that doesn't help my daughter. We had to move to another state with our jobs so she didn't grow up there. Anyway, I was hoping to get some advice. My daugher registered for rush at Bama. But, we got some really bad advice. Basically we were told to get her a recomendation for one primary sorority and that was it. And that she was supposed to focus on her resume.

Well, as basically everyone (other than me until finding this resource) can imagine, she got dropped from basically all of the houses. She was told that she needed to get her recomendations in and that she could easily get through next fall or even later this fall or spring - depending on quotas.

Then, I spke with the Director of Greek Affairs and he told us to go ahead and get the recommendations in asap and she may even still be able to get a bid on Sunday.

Is it rude to ask at this late a time for additional recomendations? And how can we let the chapter know she is still interested - even though she dropped out? I don't want her to get in trouble or make things worse. But if they don't know they want think about her.

I just feel horrible about all this. It would have been one thing if they didn't want her, but that was not it.

We have learned a lot about the system at Bama. And I know it will work out. But I am just at a loss of what to do right now. She wanted to quit the school and come back next year. She is just so upset about this.

Anyway, if there is any advice I would appreciate it. Maybe we just messed up. But it will be okay.

I guess I am just a Dad who is trying to help his daughter out as much as I can.

If anyone has any ideas on how to let the chapters know she is still interested (or maybe has contacts with them) I'd be happy for the help. Also, if anyone would be willing to write a last minute recommendation, I'd also be happy to take the help. She'd be happy to send a resume and/or talk with you.

I do not want to make things worse. I am just going by what the Director told me to do at this time. But if this will just mess it up worse, please let me know that too.

And please feel free to PM me. I realize I let a big mistake happen. But I am going to help her fix it.

And I am going to lok through the other forums about this. I am just trying to take are of what I can as fast as I can.

Thanks for any advice or help.

[chioalum]

Check your PM. Did your daughter completely drop from rush or was she dropped from all of the sororities?

[Tom Earp]

No more comment than silly isn't it?

Not taken on merit but who says one is good enough?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Tom Earp

No more comment than silly isn't it?

Not taken on merit but who says one is good enough?

Don't the current Lambda Chis of a chapter decide who is good enough for that chapter?

It's the same with women's groups at Alabama.

ETA: MDBamaDad, I certainly don't mean to suggest that your daughter isn't good enough, but without recommendations, it would be hard for the chapters to compare her with the girls with several outstanding recommendations each.

[Zillini]

I'm sorry to hear you got bad advice Dad and that your daughter suffered. With 1400+ women going through recruitment often the Chapters use GPA and/or not having Recs as a quick and easy way to narrow the pool of candidates. It's nothing personal.

So what can she do now? I hope she placed her name on the "Interested in Snap Bids" list with Panhellenic. Depending on how bid matching went last night that may have given her a second chance. If she didn't or if no one needed to snap (unknown at this time) or if the Chapters snapping felt they didn't know her well enough to extend a bid, that's fine too. Joining a sorority is still an option, just not right away.

The next step is for her to register with Panhellenic as being interested in COR (informal recruitment). This list will be given to any Chapter below Chapter Total and/or didn't reach quota. At this point I have no idea of who or how many may be in this position, if any. But when these Chapters hold COR events hopefully they will give her a call.

Honestly if she wants to go the COR route, spring is probably more likely and here's why. First, more women are graduating in less than 4 years. Many are taking large class loads, plus short term and summer term. The biggest reason now days is financial. The sooner you graduate, the less tuition you have to pay and maybe the less loans you have. Then there are also women who transfer schools and some who do not return to the University in spring either for financial, grades or other personal reasons. My point being, it is possible that come spring some Chapters may fall below Chapter Total and will need to COR to get their numbers back up.

Second, last spring Panhellenic reviewed the numbers and decided to significantly raise Chapter Total. With another year of large pledge classes, it is possible Chapter Total may be raised again. The '06 spring raise pushed about 6 Chapters below Total (for the reasons I stated above) and they had to COR. FYI - Many of these Chapters hadn't COR'ed in eons and it was a "new" experience. At this point we don't know if this will happen but it is a distinct possibility.

Finally, there is next year's formal Recruitment. Several years ago we added an Upperclassmen Quota separate from the Freshmen. Prior to this it was nearly impossible for a sophomore+ to get a bid unless she was a superstar on campus and/or had tons of friends in a particular Chapter. They were severely discriminated against because everyone was hung up on getting a 4 year committment from members. This Upperclassmen Quota has changed all that. Now when you take a Soph you aren't "sacrificing" a Freshman. But don't get me wrong, it's still competitive.

I suggest your daughter concentrate first and foremost on making sure she gets good grades. That is still huge factor whether she goes through COR or waits until fall. FYI I'd suggest she use the previous semester's Panhellenic average as a minimum target. Spring '06 was a 3.18 and it keeps climbing. Also she should try to get to know as many women in each of the Chapters as possible. COR is much more laid back giving everyone the luxury of time. We can really get to know a PNM before deciding whether to issue a bid. Same thing for the PNM. She can decide if this is indeed the sorority for her. If your daughter waits until fall it will still help her with Formal Recruitment. It's easier for any PNM if she has a whole bunch of friends on the "inside" pulling for her. She should also get involved in campus clubs, service organization, etc. Not only is it still important to have a strong resume but it's also a great way to meet sorority members who are also involved in these groups.

So what about those Recs? It certainly wouldn't hurt right now but it's not that big a deal. During the months leading up to Formal Recruitment Recs are treated like gold. Heaven forbid one gets lost! The world may come crashing down! But afterwards, well let's just say folks aren't nearly as diligent in keeping track of them especially if they aren't needing to COR. Besides, COR is far more focussed on getting to know the PNM. If/when a bid is pending, then a Rec is important and depending on the GLO possibly required. If a Chapter wants to issue a COR bid this is when we can go looking for one.

But like I said, this is all my personal opinions and others may think differently.

[FSUZeta]

dad, the above is excellent advice-zillini is an advisor to a chapter at bama and she knows what she is talking about!

[AnchorAlum]

like FSUZeta said, that is excellent advice.

Advise your daughter to make good grades and get involved in campus activities that lots of Greeks gravitate towards.

She'll get to know lots of women in different houses and in some ways that might be helpful as far as learning just where she might be most comfortable.

[MDBamaDad]

I just wanted to add a comment. I want to thank everyone for the helpful advice that was received. I’ve also seen a lot of comments about girls who got cut or dropped and their parents’ responses.

As for my daughter, she is going to be fine (she already is.) She wasn’t ever really heartbroken – just disappointed. She is meeting girls in sororities now and making friends that will help her know which sorority she will really want to be in. She is also getting involved in a lot of different activities. And she is doing (and will continue to do) well in school – honors college, pre-med – and doing intramurals. All of these are things that will help her in recruitment. And there will be no problem with recommendations.

So, I don’t think she will have any trouble getting into a sorority that she will be happy with. This may take place through informal rush this fall or spring, or it may be next fall and formal rush again. I know she would prefer a more informal rush. But even if she waits until next fall, she will now be able to develop a much better idea as to which one she wants to be in.

(BTW: Does anyone yet know if any houses are going to do COR this fall? I haven’t seen the final numbers though some girls have mentioned informal rush it to her.)

At least from our experience, I almost think that an out of state girl should strongly consider waiting to rush. I kind of wish Bama did the formal rush as a delayed or spring rush as it is just seems like too much information to absorb if you are new to this. While I am sure 99.9% of the girls that pledged this fall will be happy with their choices, I imagine more than a few would have made a different choice if they had more time to adjust to college and make friends. But with the large number of girls, maybe that is just the way it is.

I know Bama won’t change the sorority recruitment process. And I just hope they never do for the fraternities – I like it the way it is for my son. Anyway, I almost do think they need to strongly suggest out of state girls waiting to rush. I looked at the rush list and it is pretty interesting to see the breakout of where the girls are from. What I’d really like to know is what percentage of out of state (really out of region – outside of TN, GA, MS, FL, AL, etc.) girls pledged. But maybe our experience is just different.

Still, it doesn’t matter. I’d say my daughter will be a lot happier and have a better experience now that she will know about the different sororities and they will know about her. She didn’t have friends and other classmates in Maryland to tell her about the different sororities before she got to Bama. And we didn’t know about this website either. (GreekChat is a very valuable asset!)

So, she’ll be great. And she won’t wind up settling for a sorority because no one knew her or she didn’t know them. I am not implying that there are any bad sororities at Bama – I just mean she will be better able to make the best match between her and the sorority.

I am very proud of my daughter and the way she has handled things. I know it is going to be just fine for her. And before long she will find the right sorority for her.

Again, I want to thank the people here for your help and advice. They should mention this website at the sorority informational meetings at orientation! It would prevent a lot of problems.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by MDBamaDad

They should mention this website at the sorority informational meetings at orientation! It would prevent a lot of problems.

While the sentiment is nice, I don't know that it would prevent as many problems as you'd think. Especially if the sorority information meetings are shortly before rush (I have no idea when they are at Bama). There wouldn't be enough time for PNMs who are just finding out about the importance of recs to secure them; I think it would just make the PNMs a heckuvalot more apprehensive.

Regardless, I'm glad to hear your daughter is participating in other activities; I'm sure Bama has a lot to choose from!

[GeekyPenguin]

MDBamaDad, you should turn on your private messages.

[Bamamom13]

MDBamaDad,
My daughter went through rush this year as a sophomore after an unhappy rush last year. One thing your daughter may want to consider if she will be doing formal rush next fall is Panhellenic Weekend. It is during the spring, it was in April last spring, and she may get to go to informal parties for some of the houses. There is also an informational day on Saturday; What to wear, what you need when registering; pretty much any question you may have will be answered. Also you can tour the houses and each chapter gets to tell you about their house. It was very helpful to my daughter. Panhellenic will be able to tell you the dates next spring semester. My daughter is an out of state student and after re-rushing this year she received a bid from her first choice, which was a different house than her first choice last year.

[Benzgirl]

MDBamaDad
It sounds like your daughter is not only smart, she is very grounded. Keeping involved in activities will steer her to meet the people that she will have the most in common. And, she will probably meet some potential sisters.
Good luck to her in the coming year