honeymoon fundraising

ASUADPi · #1 08-30-2013, 08:40 AM

Has anyone ever seen this?

One of my facebook friends (who will be my SIL's SIL) and her fiancee keep posting a honeymoon fundraising link.

Etiquette wise this seems incredibly tacky to me. I don't think it is appropriate to ask people (on facebook no less) to donate to your honeymoon, when some of those people may be going to your wedding and be giving you a gift. Unless you are counting them donating to your honeymoon as your gift.

I'm not sure what their expectations are (donation in lieu of gift).

Kevin · #2 08-30-2013, 08:50 AM

Donation in lieu of gift would seem appropriate. Maybe donations in lieu of a wedding shower would be fine as well. Adding a wholly new tradition where people are expected to give you stuff seems on the tacky side.

FSUZeta · #3 08-30-2013, 09:02 AM

I think it is tacky too. If people want to give money as a wedding gift, then the couple is free to use it however they see fit. But directly asking for money to fund the fabulous honeymoon trip that must be above their means (elsewise, why would they be asking for $$ for the honeymoon fund) makes me clutch my pearls.

TonyB06 · #4 08-30-2013, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

Has anyone ever seen this?

One of my facebook friends (who will be my SIL's SIL) and her fiancee keep posting a honeymoon fundraising link.

Etiquette wise this seems incredibly tacky to me. I don't think it is appropriate to ask people (on facebook no less) to donate to your honeymoon, when some of those people may be going to your wedding and be giving you a gift. ....

+1. What, the money dance with the bride didn't want none of dat?

Sciencewoman · #5 08-30-2013, 09:09 AM

It is tacky...repeated FB requests? If you're so inclined, money as the wedding gift seems like a good solution. These folks are probably going to return registry gifts for cash, anyway.

I was invited to a bridal shower for a 3rd cousin of my husband's, in which we were asked to bring money for a "money tree" they were creating. The invitation came with a "cute" little poem about the money tree, and a hand-made envelope made out of paper with money printed on it.

I didn't go. I envisioned the bride and guests sitting around while the bride opened each envelope and oohed and aahed over the amount of cash each one contained. I wasn't really sure that would happen...maybe we were supposed to bring a standard gift as well, and she'd open the money tree enveloped later. But just the thought of opening the envelopes added to my abhorrence.

Anyway, I had my MIL and SIL take a gift from her registry, and skipped going myself. It turns out she didn't open the envelopes there. The participation level was lower than expected.

AZTheta · #6 08-30-2013, 09:24 AM

Are you freaking kidding me?

That's just awfully ... awfully ... annoying.

FSUZeta · #7 08-30-2013, 09:27 AM

I attended an Italian wedding where the bride carried a string purse at the reception and men put cash in the bag to dance with the bride. I had never seen this done before and I was sort of

TonyB06, is this what you were referring to?

WVU alpha phi · #8 08-30-2013, 09:33 AM

My friend (she and her fiance both have great jobs and are not at all hurting for money) is doing this to finance her 2 week honeymoon to Greece. I think it's the tackiest thing ever. Receiving cash/checks as wedding gifts and using that towards your honeymoon is fine, but asking people to "buy us a gift card for this 5 star restaurant!" is so tacky to me.

Don't even get me started on the money dance.

ASTalumna06 · #9 08-30-2013, 09:42 AM

My mom and stepdad recently went to a wedding for a couple who had already lived together for years, so they didn't want all the stuff that people usually put on a registry. Instead, on their wedding website, they were able to set up a "pay for our honeymoon" section, which allowed guests to pay for different parts of their trip (in lieu of a physical gift/check, which they clearly stated). They had things like the hotel and different excursions listed with the total cost for each. Guests could pay for an item in part or in full. I believe this couple was going to Thailand? and my parents bought them an elephant ride.

In a situation such as this, it's perfectly acceptable to have people pay for the honeymoon, but the situation described above.. uh, no.

Oh, and the other cool thing about this couple's wedding website - you could request up to 5 songs for the DJ to play at the wedding. That way, he would have songs set up ahead of time, and there wouldn't be tons of people running up to him all night with requests.

agzg · #10 08-30-2013, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Oh, and the other cool thing about this couple's wedding website - you could request up to 5 songs for the DJ to play at the wedding. That way, he would have songs set up ahead of time, and there wouldn't be tons of people running up to him all night with requests.

This is a tangent but Live-in and I are attending his best friend's wedding in two weeks and they put on the invite "write on the response card your guilty pleasure song" (mine was "Call me Maybe"), and that's now their playlist for the event! I thought it was fun. Now, getting a DJ to play all those songs has proven pretty tricky - they're on their second, because the first refused, saying "I don't let people do my job for me, you might as well set up an iTunes playlist" - which was weird because typically the DJ is the MC of the event.

carnation · #11 08-30-2013, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

I think it is tacky too. If people want to give money as a wedding gift, then the couple is free to use it however they see fit. But directly asking for money to fund the fabulous honeymoon trip that must be above their means (elsewise, why would they be asking for $$ for the honeymoon fund) makes me clutch my pearls.

Ack! Clutching pearls too! Well (looking down), clutching Auburn beads.

OldOleMiss · #12 08-30-2013, 10:43 AM

yes I've seen it, and yes its beyond tacky- but good Lord seriously don't get me started on what ISN'T tacky on FB these days... everything from begging for money for honeymoons and weddings to personal fundraising for medical expenses... people honestly have ZERO SHAME any more!!!

OldOleMiss · #13 08-30-2013, 10:45 AM

didn't finish

--- the absolute WORST I have seen on FB was the bride who listed all of the things that "those of us invited to the wedding"- SHOULDN"T BUY HER!!! Including such items as picture frames, small appliances, and coolers...

TonyB06 · #14 08-30-2013, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

I attended an Italian wedding where the bride carried a string purse at the reception and men put cash in the bag to dance with the bride. I had never seen this done before and I was sort of

TonyB06, is this what you were referring to?

Yep. It happens a lot at Black receptions as well. Usually you give the money to a bridesmaid or someone who is holding a container, before you dance with the bride. Or you pin the money on her wedding gown, or whatever she's changed into.

If I want to make a transaction, I'll go to PNC Bank. Not that I haven't done it for brides I really like (it is a festive occasion), but it just makes me feel some kinda way about it.

DeltaBetaBaby · #15 08-30-2013, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

If I want to make a transaction, I'll go to PNC Bank. Not that I haven't done it for brides I really like (it is a festive occasion), but it just makes me feel some kinda way about it.

As you should. It is misogynist and treats the bride as property.