Would you get married quickly if you had no doubts?

christiangirl · #1 05-31-2010, 03:32 AM

Background: I am one of 3 cousins who are close in age and the family often takes bets on which of us will be the first down the aisle. This is clearly one of those games they play when there's nothing to do because the answer is always the same. They say it's me because, even though the other two have had more relationships than I have, the fam believes I'm the type who will get married very quickly (e.g., less than a year) once I'm sure my guy is "The One" whereas the other two would weigh their doubts a million times before making the commitment.

I used to agree with that--once I was sure I wanted to marry a guy, why wait? If he proposes after 6 months and I'm dead sure, then why not? But tonight, I was thinking. I've seen couples together for years and they often seem to have a level of comfort and familiarity that comes with being with someone long-term without adding the pressure of taking the next step. If I got married quickly, even if I was given a guarantee it would work out, I'd feel so cheated out of that. So what say you, GC: If you were both absolutely certain you wanted to be together forever (and were in a financial/situational place to do so), are you the type to push for marriage or do you prefer the low-pressure long-term?

dreamseeker · #2 05-31-2010, 05:33 AM

maybe in the beginning i would have. but now, i've been with my bf for nearly 4 years and we're not in a rush. it's kinda relaxing to just chill and observe everyone around us who've dated for less than us get married.

MUSK81 · #3 05-31-2010, 08:12 AM

I think I would. DH and I were together three and a half years before we took the plunge, but I was in graduate school and it took him a long time to find a decent job. We sometimes wish we'd gotten married sooner and had more kids, etc.

XAntoftheSkyX · #4 05-31-2010, 08:19 AM

Probably not, because I'm the type of person that doubts all the time, even if everything is going right.

Senusret I · #5 05-31-2010, 09:28 AM

Only for Lenny Kravitz.

Everyone else has to wait a while.

BluPhire · #6 05-31-2010, 09:49 AM

I did. Now going on year 7 of marriage.

But I always tell people don't follow our lead. You have to truly be rooted and grounded in each other for it to work because we had our rough patches.

AOII Angel · #7 05-31-2010, 09:57 AM

I think the problem is that for most people, you just don't know enough about them after that short a period of time to have "no doubts." People can hide all of their quirks, bad habits, family secrets for that period of time. Hell, I dated my husband for two years, but I was married for 6 months before I met his family and found out that I had married into the freaks that used to live down the street from me when I was little!

I guess I've seen the bad side of marriages that started after people that dated only 6 months. My mom had no idea that my dad had a temper until they'd been married. My sister's husband drives her nuts, but when they were dating, he was prince charming with no bad habits.

Marriage is a long term commitment. I'm glad I took it slow. I knew that my husband and I were in it for the long haul from the very beginning, but there were so many things that almost derailed that. I had to decide if any of those issues were deal breakers, and that's important to know before the legal bonds are made. Just my two cents.

agzg · #8 05-31-2010, 10:04 AM

Live-in and I have been together for 4 years, and we're definitely in that comfortable and familiar place. I joke about not winning at life but we'll get there eventually and don't see the point in rushing.

We're enjoying our "alone time" together right now because except for his mom (and you guys all know she's crazy) no one is pressuring us to have kids or do anything. I see him as my life partner, there's no need to change that at this point in time. It could change tomorrow, but either way is fine with me.

AlphaFrog · #9 05-31-2010, 10:49 AM

My husband and I got married after a little more than a year together. Granted, there was a baby involved, but the baby wouldn't have been involved if I hadn't known that he was "the one". We're going on year 6 of marriage, and of course there are rough patches, but I feel like we were never in that "dating have to hide things so the other person will like me" stage. There wasn't much I found out in the way of annoying habits/crazy family stuff that I hadn't known by month 3 we were together.

AUDeltaGam · #10 05-31-2010, 11:19 AM

I met my husband in February 2009, we got engaged in December 2009 and were married January 17, 2010.

When you know, you know

RU OX Alum · #11 05-31-2010, 11:21 AM

Yes. I believe in true love at first sight though, so I don't think that if you speant the evening talking, and wanted to get married then, that it would be too soon.

Drolefille · #12 05-31-2010, 11:33 AM

I'd be more likely to rush a marriage decision if I was "sure" ONLY if there was some reason marriage was needed like benefits or something.

Even if I'm sure I'm not really in a hurry to get married otherwise. (Obviously my equally "sure" partner's opinions on the matter would be important.)

33girl · #13 05-31-2010, 12:30 PM

Yes. (Says the daughter of the parents who dated on & off for 12 years before finally marrying.)

I'm betting there are people out there who would have been much better served by getting married more quickly than they did - but they were worrying more about the wedding than the marriage.

DSTRen13 · #14 05-31-2010, 12:31 PM

I first met my now-husband in sixth grade, starting dating freshman year of college, got "semi-engaged" a year later, "for-real engaged" about a year after that, and then married five years after we started dating. Now, two & a half years after we got married, we are still getting used to living together and constantly finding out new things about each other - because people are complicated and that's what makes everybody interesting

So personally, I'm a big proponent of pacing in relationships, just taking things one step at a time, but you gotta do what works for you.

KSUViolet06 · #15 05-31-2010, 01:42 PM

At six months, I feel like you are still sort of "honeymooning" and may still be exhibiting "dating" behavior.

Everything they do, even the annoying stuff is still adorable to you.

So of course they're going to be perfect in your eyes and you aren't going to have any doubts that he is the one.

I'm one of those crazy people who thinks that you really need to get out of the honeymoon stage and get to know someone before making any sort of lifetime committment to them.