Ok, so my roommate has a creepy boyfriend. But, he's not even really her boyfriend. Here's the situation:
My roomie has a long history of horrible relationships. None were abusive or anything; her relationships always ended with the guy screwing her over (cheating on her, stopped calling her, etc.). This guy, Jay, who she's with now is one of those guys. They started dating December 2001. Everything started out fine. He went home for winter break and just stopped calling her. They didn't speak again until Summer 2002. They started getting back together again. This is when the weird stuff happened. My roomie was living with her best friend, Kate, at the time. I'm not sure exactly of the situation (although it's starting to become more clear to me now) but Kate and my roomie got in a huge fight over something that happened with Jay. Kate and my roomie had been best friends since elementary school. When they moved out, they were no longer on speaking terms. They haven't spoke since. Jay ended up screwing my roommate over again (stopped calling her and wouldn't answer the phone when she called). They started dating,
again, February 2003. Everything was going fine and then he pulled the same crap again in May. A few weeks later, they got back together and they've been ok ever since (until he screws her over again......).
Jay is a creepy little bastard. For starters, he won't put a title on their relationship. She keeps asking if they're boyfriend and girlfriend and his response is, "I don't want to label us." Jay seems like the type that's always looking for something better. The reason why he stopped calling my roommate the last 3 times was because he found someone else who he thought would be better. My roommate is a great girl but I think Jay is just constantly on the look out for something better which is why he won't put a "label" on the relationship. This is where the problem comes in.
I feel like he hits on me and my friends. I've been a little weirded out by the way he talks to me and looks at me. Nothing that I could describe...it's "woman's intuition" type stuff (all the girls know what I'm talking about!
). The other day, I came home from work and had a tough day. My roommate walked out of the room for a bit. That's when Jay walked over to me and started massaging my shoulders. I pulled away from him and he came back over. As soon as my roomie walked back in, he jumped away like 10 feet.
A few nights ago, we were out partying and I brought one of my sorority sisters with us. Jay was drunk and went over to her and said, "You're the sexiest thing I've ever seen."
Last week, I had my friend, Jen, over at my apartment. Jay was there. She told a funny joke; you know how sometimes you might hit someone on their arm or pat their back if they say something funny? Well, Jen informed me today that Jay pat her butt. That's a little abnormal. Luckily, my roomie didn't see that.
The problem is that I don't think my roommate would believe it if we told her. She's so wrapped up in this guy and she's totally in love with him. She looks at him and thinks he could do no wrong. She's also in denial. Everyone tells her that he's a jerk and that's why he screwed her over 3 different times. She tells herself that he just got "scared" because his love for her is so strong.
It's a catch-22. I tell her, she gets pissed at me and I have to live with her for another year. I don't tell her and he'll just screw her over again. I also found out from a mutual friend that one of the reasons my roomie and Kate got in a fight last year was because Jay started hitting on Kate. Kate mentioned it to my roommate and it started WWIII.
So, my question is: should I tell my roommate or just keep it to myself?
Need advice regarding roommate and her creepy boyfriend
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