Question about Rec Ltrs

Run262 · #1 07-13-2021, 10:07 AM

Hi,
I'm new to the entire process. My daughter is going to be a PNM this fall at a BigXII school - she's getting all the rec ltrs for each sorority and is only missing two but believes she'll get those this week.

Q: Do you ever really know the rec letter (RIF) was sent? Everyone she's talked to (and they've all be so kind and receptive) and sent her resume, pics and transcript at times, has said, "great, thank you for the info., I'll send the rec letter for you." BUT, and this is just the professional mom in me, she never gets a confirmation it was actually sent. Only one person came back around with an email and said, "just letting you know, I sent your rec ltr."

I'm not saying they don't send them, but we all know that sometimes we say we're going to do something, and then get sidetracked with life, procrastinate a little and then next thing you know a week or so passes or you forget.

I wish there was some way to check that a letter was sent and received without compromising the process. That's all. I would hate for her to go through all this thinking all the houses received rec letters and maybe some didn't.

Thoughts??? (Just being overly cautious)

carnation · #2 07-13-2021, 11:30 AM

There's really nothing you can do with that. It's hard to trust your rec writers but you pretty much have to.

honeychile · #3 07-13-2021, 11:34 AM

This is a very strange year for recs, as many/most of the sororities have changed the way that they are handled. I do understand your concern. FWIW, I usually let each PNM know when I've completed her rec.

Unfortunately, I let them know I'm working on it because I don't have enough information to complete the rec. It does give the rec writer a glance at how the PNM reacts under pressure!

Run262 · #4 07-13-2021, 11:46 AM

Thanks for the reply. I know it's recommended that if you can't find a member of a specific sorority to write a rec letter, to reach out the local area's alumnae chapter. Today was the first time she was turned away by the local alumnae chapter. They said they can't do rec letters unless the candidate actually knows a member of their sorority. She's just going to pass on getting one for this sorority unless something comes up between now and end of July.

Not mad - I get it. They all have different rules they follow for their chapters.

AZ-AlphaXi · #5 07-13-2021, 11:57 AM

Someone suggested awhile back sending thank you notes or emails to the rec writers. That way, if they hadn't done it, it jogged their memory and if they had, it was a courteous followup.

carnation · #6 07-13-2021, 11:58 AM

Well, it's getting pretty bad with people trying to get recs from strangers and then the reason is often that nobody who knows the girl will rec her because she's really evil.

SquirrelyDays · #7 07-13-2021, 12:04 PM

I just got a request today from someone who lives 3 hours away from me. I'm just so curious about that, because we do have alumnae in that area, so I'm not sure why she couldn't meet someone local to her. She contacted the Alumnae Panhellenic president in our town who gave her the contact information for the presidents of 5 different organizations - like a clearing house. Curious. On paper she looks amazing, and I'll be happy to talk with her, but I'll definitely be making it clear when I submit my notes that I do not know her personally. Every organization is different about who can write in support of a PNM. I know my org will take information from anyone - it's no longer really a recommendation letter for us - so I'm going to suggest that she find someone who knows her personally in her hometown to send information in, too, not just me.

AZ-Alpha Xi - that's a good idea.
Run262 - if there is a specific deadline, be sure to mention that to the rec writers.

DaffyKD · #8 07-13-2021, 04:08 PM

I haven't written a rec in quite a while. When I was President of my local alumnae chapter I wrote several, but I ALWAYS noted that all information was based on the resume presented by the PNM and a short face to face meeting and that I did not know the girl personally. All but one of these short interviews were conducted 2-3 days before the deadline set by the collegiate chapter to receive recs.

DaffyKD

Titchou · #9 07-13-2021, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Run262

Thanks for the reply. I know it's recommended that if you can't find a member of a specific sorority to write a rec letter, to reach out the local area's alumnae chapter. Today was the first time she was turned away by the local alumnae chapter. They said they can't do rec letters unless the candidate actually knows a member of their sorority. She's just going to pass on getting one for this sorority unless something comes up between now and end of July.

Not mad - I get it. They all have different rules they follow for their chapters.

Has she asked the women who have agreed to send a rec if they know anyone in that group - or the other one she still needs? That's perfectly OK to do. Greek women know other Greek women and can vouch for you!

navane · #10 07-13-2021, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SquirrelyDays

I just got a request today from someone who lives 3 hours away from me. I'm just so curious about that, because we do have alumnae in that area, so I'm not sure why she couldn't meet someone local to her. She contacted the Alumnae Panhellenic president in our town who gave her the contact information for the presidents of 5 different organizations - like a clearing house.

Is there an Alumnae Panhellenic chapter in her area? I would ask the PNM if she had reached out to her own town's alumnae panhellenic first and, if so, what was the result of it. I might even contact them to see if she did. If she's reaching out to people 3-hours away, that likely means she didn't get the recs she needed near her. I'm curious about why. (ie. she has a poor rep in town and that's why no one in her town will write her one.)

Overall, though, I wonder if we might see a little bit of a passive revolt from some alumnae panhellenics. Since some GLOs have changed policies so that now anyone (member or not) can write a rec for a PNM, then there's no need for an alumna to go to the trouble of doing one for someone she doesn't even know. That might explain the "we don't write recs for people we don't know" response Run262's daughter received.

FSUZeta · #11 07-14-2021, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SquirrelyDays

I just got a request today from someone who lives 3 hours away from me. I'm just so curious about that, because we do have alumnae in that area, so I'm not sure why she couldn't meet someone local to her. She contacted the Alumnae Panhellenic president in our town who gave her the contact information for the presidents of 5 different organizations - like a clearing house. Curious. On paper she looks amazing, and I'll be happy to talk with her, but I'll definitely be making it clear when I submit my notes that I do not know her personally. Every organization is different about who can write in support of a PNM. I know my org will take information from anyone - it's no longer really a recommendation letter for us - so I'm going to suggest that she find someone who knows her personally in her hometown to send information in, too, not just me.

When that has happened to me, I try to contact a sorority sister that does live in the same town as the PNM and ask her to meet with the girl and possibly write her a rec.

SquirrelyDays · #12 07-14-2021, 09:17 AM

Yes, good suggestions, Navane & FSUZeta. I agreed to speak with her before I realized she was across the state. I just talked with her last night and realized that since she just moved here from another state, the alumnae in her town wouldn't know her any better than I do.

I did pass along another PNM to a different alumnae Chapter just as you describe. It works well.

Titchou also had a good suggestion to ask the women who already wrote recs to see if they know someone from the missing org. It's surprising how connected we all are - especially those involved not just in their own Alumnae org but also in the Alumnae Panhellenic groups.

TLLK · #13 07-14-2021, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

This is a very strange year for recs, as many/most of the sororities have changed the way that they are handled. I do understand your concern. FWIW, I usually let each PNM know when I've completed her rec.

Unfortunately, I let them know I'm working on it because I don't have enough information to complete the rec. It does give the rec writer a glance at how the PNM reacts under pressure!

I do the same. When I've received confirmation from Delta Gamma that my online recommendation was submitted, then I typically send and email or text to the PNM.

Run262-Good luck to your daughter!

AnchorAlumna · #14 07-20-2021, 02:00 PM

There are only, to my knowledge, one sorority, Phi Mu, that has done away with recs entirely. Four more (that I'm aware of) have opened recs to non-members - Alpha Gamma Delta, Gamma Phi Beta, Kappa Alpha Theta, and Sigma Sigma Sigma.
The rest still want member-signed recs.
I will say, I run 3 sorority parent groups and the requests for "stranger recs" has run rampant, especially this year. We have rules against them but we couldn't keep up. I finally resorted to, after an overall warning, shutting down comment on each request. When I'd find one from someone in a heavily-GLO area, such as Dallas or Atlanta, I'd kind of take a fit on them and tell them they were surrounded by sorority women if they'd just get off their rears and ask around, and to reach out to sorority alumnae groups in their area.

But to refuse, for the entire group, to write one unless they know you? That's pretty rude.

BlueBayou · #15 07-22-2021, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

There are only, to my knowledge, one sorority, Phi Mu, that has done away with recs entirely. Four more (that I'm aware of) have opened recs to non-members - Alpha Gamma Delta, Gamma Phi Beta, Kappa Alpha Theta, and Sigma Sigma Sigma.
The rest still want member-signed recs.

Tri Delta now has an interest form. It's something a PNM fills out. It is something they introduced around the same time they eliminated legacy preference in recruitment. I believe it is to give PNMs that are unable to get a reference from an alumnae member the ability to introduce themselves to the chapter. (Technically - there is no such thing as a "recommendation" in Tri Delta. They are "references." I believe the distinction is, or at least was, important to the founders. They were intended to be an introduction to the chapter. The distinction has always been stressed)

From the national website:
"Joining Tri Delta – Bring You!
Women are encouraged to participate in the recruitment processes as determined by our host institutions.

Tell us about you – What are you passionate about? What makes you, you? We invite you to complete this form so we can learn a little more about you!"