Ho be lookin like predator

KABillyMac · #1 11-16-2001, 02:12 PM

Lifesaver, I think you will appreciate this.

I tend to hang out with the same four guys from my chapter most of the time. My little brother, my big, and my grand big (for lack of better titles). We all come from the same side of the tracks. We all farmed, had about the same upbringing, etc.

There is a new bar in our town called "Bottoms Up". Now BU is not your run of the mill everyday bar. It has a patronage that is what even i would call redneck (yeah, you can imagine). This bar also contains a mechanical bull. The later being the object of desire for the four of us. Its a weekly event refered to as the "Ravage, Pillage, and Plunder Series" by the rest of our brothers. Go to BU, ride the bull, sing Poncho and Lefty on Kareoke, hustle some pool, and get smashed. ( I rode the bull on 6 this week. Thats the equivilent of driving your car into a laundry dryer on perma press).

We all just had got done watching WKU beat UK, so we were a little bit pissed. I was approached by a lady, to use the term loosely, who wanted me to dance with her. This woman was just as scarey as you could ever imagine a woman could be. She wasnt large, but she did have seventeen tatoos, was missing a whole row of teeth on the left side of her jaw, and had several scars and scratches on her body. After declining her invitation to dance by explaining to her that I could'nt dance my way out of a wet paper bag, I began to make small talk just to be polite. Our conversation started with her telling me that she just had gotten out of jail that night. Coincidentally, she had been imprisoned for terroristic threatening. Now folks, I aint scared of much of nothin, but just let me give you a sample of the conversation that this woman and I had.........

Me "Where did you get that gash in your arm"
Her "Kife Fight"
Me "Wow. Did you win?"
Her "Yup, he done gone and messed with my babies and told him i's gonna cut him from ear to ear"
Me "Looks like he got the drop on you"
Her "You outta see the side of his face"

Being the gentleman that I am, and feeling that I had been polite enough to have some sort of a coversation with her, I excused myself to the bull for one last ride. As soon as that woman asked me to dance, my table went from 3 guys to some sort of scene out of a ghost town. I found my brothers laughing hystarically at me from the corner of the bar.

Whats the moral of this story Billy? Well kids, I'll tell you. Had I not been polite to this woman, I'm sure that she would have made quick work out of me with a razor blade, she probably had one stuffed in her bra. Never be rude to a woman that has 17 tatoos and kife scars all over her body..............

AOPiLaLa · #2 11-16-2001, 02:59 PM

Okay, your story just made my day! That is the funniest thing I have heard all week. And just a sidebar--in my hometown, Bottoms Up is the gay bar. Just an FYI

KABillyMac · #3 11-16-2001, 03:21 PM

Let me be the first to assure everyone that this is not a gay bar and I am in no shape, form, or fashion, gay myself. I dont really think I can express that strongly enough

Optimist Prime · #4 11-16-2001, 03:25 PM

LOL. In my hometown Bottoms Up is a pizza place. Really expensive too. We left because of that and ate elsewhere. Ya heard me?

XO_Princess · #5 11-16-2001, 03:25 PM

ROFLMAO!!! Damn that was funny

Ideal08 · #6 11-16-2001, 04:09 PM

Billy, do you go to this bar every week? I would LOVE to hear some anecdotes from each week. This was HILARIOUS!!! ROTFLMAO!!

justamom · #7 11-16-2001, 04:20 PM

You had me laughing all the way through! Made my day!

kimmykimmy · #8 11-16-2001, 04:36 PM

Please help an old lady like myself.

What does "ROTFLMAO" mean?

IowaHawkeye · #9 11-16-2001, 04:39 PM

damn billy, pickin up the ladies huh

what kind of drink would this woman be takin down, lol - you are too funny!!!

CrimsonTide4 · #10 11-16-2001, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kimmykimmy
Please help an old lady like myself.

What does "ROTFLMAO" mean?

Rolling
On
The
Floor
Laughing
My
Ass
Off

or LMAO or ROFL for short

kimmykimmy · #11 11-16-2001, 04:48 PM

Thank you! I would have NEVER had come up with that myself.

AOPiLaLa · #12 11-16-2001, 04:53 PM

Oh Billy, I am quite sure you are not gay! But then again, since you wouldn't take that FINE lady that you met at Bottoms Up home with you.............hmmmmmm

And there is a place in ATL called Cowboys that has a mechanical bull and I always make my friends promise when we go there that no matter HOW drunk I am, I am NOT to ride the bull. So far, I have been bull free. Thanks again for a great Friday afternoon laugh.

lifesaver · #13 11-16-2001, 08:01 PM

dude, I was laughing my arse off on that one. KABM, Why is it we attract these kind of people??? Is it were nice? Our stunning good looks? what? I feel your pain KABM. The worst part is the knowledge that, being your true friends and brothers in the bond of your order, they will NEVER LET YOU FORGET THIS. THEY WILL SEE TO IT THAT YOU DO NOT FORGET IT EITHER.

I think finally, and most poignantly, if you were too, and I am NOT making any accusations here, what kind of drink would ya buy a gal like that? I'm thinkin 'shine would be a bit classy for her tastes. Maybe that stuff they brew in prison outta old moldy fruit and bread crumbs. Just wondering aloud over here.

I also know to steer clear of any place d.b.a. "bottoms up" Be it pizza, gay bar, strip club, whathave you. Just sounds a bit, how should I say...NAZDY. Not that I can talk a lotta crap because we frequent a place called, "The Other Woman." Imagine the relationship problems that causes, "Where the hell you think youre going?" "To the other woman!" HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

AOIIAngel · #14 11-16-2001, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AOPiLaLa
Oh Billy, I am quite sure you are not gay! But then again, since you wouldn't take that FINE lady that you met at Bottoms Up home with you.............hmmmmmm And there is a place in ATL called Cowboys that has a mechanical bull and I always make my friends promise when we go there that no matter HOW drunk I am, I am NOT to ride the bull. So far, I have been bull free. Thanks again for a great Friday afternoon laugh.

LaLa, we have a place called Cowboys also with the bull, and I swear I have made the same promise with my friends!! It must be an AOII sister thing!!!

KABillyMac · #15 11-17-2001, 12:46 AM

Yeah but these folks are my people. I dont want yall to get the wrong idea of me cause of my moonshine and possum eatin stories. Thats just everyday life. I come from a good family, I have the good sense that God gave a goose, and the likes. I farmed all my life so Ive run with the richest of rich, and the poorest of poor. Makes no never mind to me where you come from, as long as you got some cold beer handy, and possibly a good line on where a man could get himself a good jug of white lightnin.

The Other Woman just made my list of things to do in my waining college years.

I will update yall on the Bottoms Up saga as the events unfold. Still gotta tell yall about this old boy in a John Deere hat head butting me right in my chest out of no where falling down, then tellin me that he had a 4000 lb herford cow at the house that no man in the world could ride. 2 things wrong with that. 1. If I ever run across a 4000 lb cow, yall better look out cause im hittin every county fair from here to alaska, and 2. just who in the hell would let a cow get that big.

Life. I need me a pet armadillo. Yall got em runnin around like rabbits over there dont ya? I got a good coon hound and maybe have some good shine that I would be willing to give up in trade.