Before you get married...

Munchkin03 · #1 10-24-2003, 07:25 PM

Since we tend to discuss marriage, engagements, and long-term relationships a lot...

What do you all think is one thing someone should do before he or she gets married?

Eclipse · #2 10-24-2003, 07:31 PM

I had more but you said ONE thing so I deleted the others. This is my number one

1. Live alone (while supporting yourself) The apartment/house that mommy and daddy bought/paid for doesn't count!

valkyrie · #3 10-24-2003, 07:33 PM

Have sex with someone other than your future spouse.

smiley21 · #4 10-24-2003, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Have sex with someone other than your future spouse.

i couldnt do that before i get married

i personally dont think it is wise. just my 2 cents

ThetaPrincess24 · #5 10-24-2003, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eclipse
I had more but you said ONE thing so I deleted the others. This is my number one

1. Live alone (while supporting yourself) The apartment/house that mommy and daddy bought/paid for doesn't count!

So true. You have to be good by yourself before you can be good with someone else.

MereMere21 · #6 10-24-2003, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eclipse
I had more but you said ONE thing so I deleted the others. This is my number one

1. Live alone (while supporting yourself) The apartment/house that mommy and daddy bought/paid for doesn't count!

DEFINATELY!

my only other thing is to live together before you get married - it gives you a little glimpse of what being married is like.

adpialumcsuc · #7 10-24-2003, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eclipse
I had more but you said ONE thing so I deleted the others. This is my number one

1. Live alone (while supporting yourself) The apartment/house that mommy and daddy bought/paid for doesn't count!

Absolutely the # 1 thing

smiley21 · #8 10-24-2003, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MereMere21
DEFINATELY!

my only other thing is to live together before you get married - it gives you a little glimpse of what being married is like.

i seriously want to do that. but like i said some time before, my mom will want to practically cut me out of her life.

my dad wouldnt want to speak to me.

honeychile · #9 10-24-2003, 08:20 PM

Instead of just saying, "me, too" I'll suggest that the couple takes the pre-marital inventory tests that many churches offer - even if you don't plan to make church part of your life. This is not the pre-Canna weekend, but right now I can't remember the names of them.

In the one set of tests, you answer questions honestly about how you feel about certain issues. Then you answer how you think your future spouse will answer. This is a HUGE eye-opener!!

imsohappythatiama · #10 10-24-2003, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MereMere21
my only other thing is to live together before you get married - it gives you a little glimpse of what being married is like.

Let me tell you... living together is NOTHING like being married...it's not even a tiny little glimpse of what married life is like!

I would NOT recommend living together before you're married--not that I have a moral problem with it--I can just say from experience that it really doesn't have any upsides...only downsides. Plus, more people who live together before marriage tend to divorce than people who wait to live together until after they tie the knot.

Just my .02.

Hootie · #11 10-24-2003, 11:37 PM

1) Live alone for sure. People need to spend time learning who THEY are before they can become ONE with another person.

2) Get tested. Seriously...it's better to know before than after. And perhaps you may have not known you had something and never saw the signs. But at least you'll both be on the same page.

3) I don't think it's completely necessary to "sleep with each other" but I does help

4) Go to pre-marriage counseling

5) Meet each others WHOLE family!!! VERY MUCH A MUST!

Hootie · #12 10-24-2003, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by imsohappythatiama
Let me tell you... living together is NOTHING like being married...it's not even a tiny little glimpse of what married life is like!

I would NOT recommend living together before you're married--not that I have a moral problem with it--I can just say from experience that it really doesn't have any upsides...only downsides. Plus, more people who live together before marriage tend to divorce than people who wait to live together until after they tie the knot.

Just my .02.

I echo that! Living together UNMARRIED just causes problems. I learned that out first hand.

The thing is, people don't have as much of a committment because hell, you're already living together. Not only that but some couples who really don't know each other and THINK they're in love (and live together) are just (as my mother says) "PLAYING HOUSE". It's sooooooo not a good idea.

I think living together before marriage can work, but it also puts a stress on the relationship.

imsohappythatiama · #13 10-24-2003, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hootie
1) Live alone for sure. People need to spend time learning who THEY are before they can become ONE with another person.

2) Get tested. Seriously...it's better to know before than after. And perhaps you may have not known you had something and never saw the signs. But at least you'll both be on the same page.

3) I don't think it's completely necessary to "sleep with each other" but I does help

4) Go to pre-marriage counseling

5) Meet each others WHOLE family!!! VERY MUCH A MUST!

Hootie, you and I are *totally* on the same page--these are all MUSTS!

Optimist Prime · #14 10-25-2003, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hootie
I think living together before marriage can work, but it also puts a stress on the relationship.

I think it would better to have that stress before marriage though. Because what if something surfaces after you're married. Its not going to be less of a problem just because you're married.

juniorgrrl · #15 10-25-2003, 02:27 AM

In general, I think it all depends on the person what they "should" do before getting married. Some people need to spend their early 20s partying like a rock star before settling down, others don't.

I do think its a good idea to finish school and work for some time before getting married (ha ha, I should talk). It's going to be tough living on one income for that last year I'm in school and taking the bar. We just didn't want to wait another year to be married.

One thing that couples should do before marrying is discuss your financial situation and expectations of each other. Find out if your SO is a spender or a saver, or something in between. Know how much debt they have. Let them know how much you have. Money is a scary, tense subject. Know BEFORE the wedding, not after.

FI and I went to pre-cana last Sunday. It was a good program for people who are thinking of getting married. We were bored because we've been dating for 6 years and have discussed all the relevant things way before discussing marriage. But the questions the workbook had in it were really good. I think that it would be a really good idea for ALL couples to do something like that - it dealt with conflict styles, money matters, family and upbringing and how it affects you...the program was only about .01% catholic content. It was mostly just good sense abour relationships