I did something dumb-Help!

AePhi6782 · #1 07-19-2002, 09:24 AM

My boyfriend of two years and I have recently taken a "break" this summer and it has been very harde on me because I still love him and he has been acting differently lately and it hurts. So, one day I was upset and I was taking to my big. When she asked me why we had broken up, I said ..."He's a dick...I should be treated like gold...he's rather hang out with his friends than me...etc...etc...etc.. Anyway, the point is...my cell phone is voice activated and when I said his name...it called his home line...and all of this was left on his answering machine...where his very protective mother and older sister listened to it!!!!!!!!!! I am so embarrased. How can I ever see her again?Should I send her flowers? A note? What should I write- im sorry? Im so confused...what would you do...and guys...what would you want your girlfriend to do. I really want to get back together with him and this just makes things worse.

aephi alum · #2 07-19-2002, 09:42 AM

If you believe your relationship is worth saving... how close are you to his mother? Maybe a nice note telling her you're really sorry, you didn't mean what you said, and that you were just having a bad day or something. If you feel you need to do damage control immediately, use email, otherwise send a card or letter via snail mail.

You should also drop a line to your bf saying something like "look, I'm unhappy about how our relationship is going, I said some things I didn't mean, etc." Be honest.

If you don't believe your relationship is worth saving, then break it off.

Oh, and in either case, get a new cell phone. Or at least get rid of the voice activation thing.

AePhi6782 · #3 07-19-2002, 09:50 AM

Thanks for the advice....I am kind of close with his mother...I always sleep over their beach house and she even gets me presents on my birthday and christamas.....i feel terrible... do you think I should send flowers as well. I already spoke to him about it and apoligized but should I send flowers to both of them?

justamom · #4 07-19-2002, 10:11 AM

Let me tell you somethig about mothers and their sons.

We believe our sons are the greatest "catch" in the world and every female is out to get them by ANY means possible. No one is good enough for our sons. You have one thing going for you-She likes/liked(?) you.

Actually, a similar situation happened very recently. I received a message intended for my son. Do I want to hear from this girl again??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO but I don't know her.

If I had a close relationship with you and you had been dating for 2 years, I MIGHT just say, "Yes dear,he CAN be a d-----!" and let it go at that.

Your problem is that you have broken up, and in MOST cases, Mom is going to think there was a perfectly good reason WHY you broke up. My advice would be get the relationship between you and her son straight first. If it's OVER-it's OVER so don't sweat WHAT "Mom" thinks (unless it's a small community- that's another situation). If you get back together, the right time will present itself and at that point, what she thinks may be softened.

Jaggergirl · #5 07-19-2002, 10:16 AM

Wow, it's so nice to have a voice of reason on the boards. Thanks justamom!

AePhi6782 · #6 07-19-2002, 10:43 AM

Justamom....thank you for your advice...but if this was you, would flowers help...or an apology note? The son and I are trying to work on things but he wants to be alone for a while and it is killing me. It is not over though, just temporarily paused. But if this was your son, what could I do to make it better? Anything?

lifesaver · #7 07-19-2002, 11:57 AM

Yeah, you can apologize to the mom, etc...

But you were beign honest with your feelings. It is how you felt...and you should never apologize for how you feel. Its like apologizing for being tall.

You could explain to the mom your frustrations, etc. but dont apologize for your feelings. Apologize that she heard them.

Aint technology grand?

JMUduke · #8 07-19-2002, 11:57 AM

can that really happen? my phone has voice activated calling, but you have to hold down a button and say the name at the same time to get it to work....sorry i am not trying to be a brat...just curious

justamom · #9 07-19-2002, 12:26 PM

Sweetie, I just don't know... She may think you are trying to keep contact wih her son through her. If I was happy about the relationship, if YOU KNEW FOR CERTAIN I liked you and wasn't just placating my son, then consider exactly what lifesaver said in the way you would word things and do no more than a short note.

I had some gut wrenching, heartbroken moments where I cried my eyes out. If you honestly think this is it, hang in there but don't stop living. Here is a hug from one who knows what it feels like.

Intercepting messages- The way it has happened here is
1 a cell phone calls here and they never disconnect so they keep rattling on while I'm YELLING "HANG UP YOUR PHONE"
2 calls late at night and they think my son has a private line
3 Auto redial gets hit and it's ME not him.
4.Another mother reports MY son doing the same thing

5.They think the answering machine is to HIS phone line because he made the recording!!!

AePhi6782 · #10 07-19-2002, 12:56 PM

Justamom: Thanks for the hug

, I needed that. Im just so upset..Im even crying at work. I really love the son and we are still talking, so I dont think she would think that im trying to keep contact through her. I guess lifesaver is right...i cant apoligize for how i feel...i just wish she had never heard it...i can just imagine her listening to it over and over again talking about how stuck up i am for saying that "I am gold and deserve to be treated like it!" on her answeing machine. I can't even bear to think about it. I guess i will just send a nice handwritten short apology along the lines of..."I am so sorry for the message that was accidentally left on your machine. My machine is voice activated and sometimes dials the person i am talking about...I am going through some really tough times right now and i was just venting to my big sister. You know I think (the son) is the greatest guy in the world and I am really sorry for some of the things said. Love, me"
What do you think? Thanks again for all your advice.
PS- my phone was in my purse when it happened. The voice activation button that you need to hold down is on the side of the phone and probably pressed up against something in my purse...and when i said his name...it dialed. Thats how it can happen.

aephi alum · #11 07-19-2002, 12:58 PM

Sounds good to me!

Hope all goes well.

justamom · #12 07-19-2002, 01:06 PM

You might consider adding, "Hope you can forgive me". That phrase can make people feel good about dong the right thing---forgiving another.

Now, forgive yourself, we all have made mistakes we dwell on far too long.

James · #13 07-19-2002, 01:39 PM

I think Justamom is on thr right track here. Don't apologize unless/until you get back together with the son. If you two get back together you will all get a chuckle out of it. If you two don't, well no one is going to care and you are not going to get back into her good graces anyway.

So don't go rush off to send a letter that will probably be looked at like you are a strange person.

Also, keep in mind your state of mind. You are stressed and hurt, you are probably not sleeping well, so you feeol the need to take immediate action about things. This is not always a good thing. Disconnect your phone for a few days so you don't know if he calls youe not, go sleep over some friends and invest in sleep. Take a deep breath and a step back.