joining more than one sorority

[snowadams]

i just wanted to get some other opinions on this topic.... here's a short story for you all and please feel free to me what you think.

I'm a member of a PanHellanic sorority (Alpha Chi Omega). My roommate is a member of a NPHC sorority (Delta Sigma Theta). The two of us have talked many times about the differances and consider ourselves to be very educated on Sorority life. Now here's where our problem comes in... our 3rd roommate was a member of Sigma Delta Tau (PanHell) but she dropped after two years. (yes, she became a full sister in this time.) Last semester she joined Zeta Phi Beta (NPHC). Both me and my roommate (the delta) have problems with her becoming a sister of Zeta Phi Beta. We feel like it gave sorority women a bad name. Sororities should be for life and we feel as if the 3rd roommate has made sororites look like a joke. The head of Greek Life at our university hasn't done anything to explain how this is possible and i know that many people feel an extreme injustice especially the sisters of Sigma Delta Tau. Sorority life recently has been given a bad name with that MTV show and all.... I over heard someone say "so i can just another one if i don't like this one?"

So do you all have any opinions of this? (I hope i didn't confuse any of you and know this is a bite confusing too type)

[Dove Gal]

I am a member of Sigma Kappa. About a year ago I was apporached by some members of Zeta Phi Beta. I like many of the members, and it's organization. What I found to be so odd is that they knew that I was in the NPC sorority, but yet they still were trying to get me to pledge them. I told them that I didn't think that I could (plus I thought that would be unfair to Sigma Kappa), the girl told me since they were under a different govering body NPHC that I could. I don't know how true this is, but that is was they told me.

I do feel the same way that you feel. If she initiated into a sorority you are a memeber for life. The question that I have for you is that does her first sorority know that she is pledging Zeta Phi Beta? Does Zeta Phi Beta know that she was in a NPC before? Why would another organization want a person who has already give a vow to be a faithful member to that organization?

[kateshort]

Originally posted by snowadams
Both me and my roommate (the delta) have problems with her becoming a sister of Zeta Phi Beta. We feel like it gave sorority women a bad name. Sororities should be for life and we feel as if the 3rd roommate has made sororites look like a joke. The head of Greek Life at our university hasn't done anything to explain how this is possible and i know that many people feel an extreme injustice especially the sisters of Sigma Delta Tau.

I don't have opinions, but I have questions. Those may help clarify.

First of all, I know that with NPC groups, if you depledge you *can* rejoin if you wait a year, but you can't go another NPC org if you were fully initiated into an NPC group. OTOH, I know that IFC/NIC groups allow guys to switch fraternities as long as the man's original initiating org writes a letter "releasing" him and freeing him up to rush and join a second IFC/NIC org. Local orgs usually are bound by their own rules (either anything-goes, or something agreed-upon by the local panhellenic, depending on the status of the org on a given campus).

Therefore, the first question is: what's the policy for NPHC sororities? Do the Divine Nine have any sort of policy against sorority members leaving or joining groups in *other* sorority conferences? If not, then you can *tactfully* ask the greek life coordinator at your school whether there's an in-school policy about members of different org conferences joining. Personally, I don't think you're owed an explanation from the campus coordinator; this sounds more like a personal problem with one girl than a campus-wide epidemic of org-switching.

Second point is this: yeah, your greek org should be for life, but then again, so should marriage. And yet, we see lots of first marriages that fail, followed by second marriages that can be very successful and last for decades.

Therefore, my second question is: shouldn't she be allowed to partake in a group that she can and is willing to contribute to for life? One where she feels fulfilled, where she feels that she can make an impact or a difference?

That said, if she's going around *badmouthing* her first org, then she should be slapped upside her pretty little head! But if she's trying to be responsible about it and is supporting her second org, then let her be. They evidently don't have a problem with her switching orgs; it'll probably be better if everyone just quiets down and sweeps it under the rug. IF you're loud about it, it might only point out problems between her and her first org, and that can make the first org look worse than it should.

If she later drops out of her NPHC org, again, she needs to have some sense drummed into her brain! But if she's found a second chance with an org that likes her and that she likes, just let her roll with it and get on with *your* lives and *your* sisterhood.

[CarolinaDG]

I'm not sure about the NIC thing... My ex-boyfriend de-pledged one fraternity and joined another, but he wasn't initiated, and when I told a couple of guys about this, they told me that it's impossible to be in two different fraternities.

As far as the NPHC/NPC thing... Yes, as long as it's not an NPC sorority, it's perfectly allowed. And you can depledge an NPC sorority and join another... as long as you were never initiated.

Whether it's right or wrong is up to your own opinion. I was in a service sorority my freshman year, was initiated, and decided to go inactive and go through formal recruitment. I think personally that this is a whole different thing from going to NPHC to NPC... especially since at our school NPHC sits on sorority council. But it's all a matter of opinion, and this person needs to just do what makes them happy.

[33girl]

Does Zeta Phi Beta KNOW she was in SDT???!!!?! From what I have read on this board, what she did is a BIG NO-NO.

[SoTrue1920]

Some NPHC organizations have rules against this. As far as I know, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. does not. NPC rules concerning affiliation only affect NPC sororities. I'm also curious to know whether my sorors knew she was a SDT.

On the other hand, I agree with kateshort's statement: people -- especially college students -- change. What you liked and were in to at 18 or 19 might drastically change by the time you're 20 or 21. Unless the university has a policy against this, I don't really see anything wrong with what she did.

We all like to say our greek affiliation is "for life" but how many of us know people who say "Oh, I used to be a Zeta" or "I was a Tri-Delta in college", or people who don't own up to being affiliated at all?

[PsychTau]

While I think this is a very interesting situation and I admit I am curious to know what the NPHC orgs position on "dual membership" is, I think it should be left to just that. . .a curiosity. Unless she is doing more than switching to a different org (such as horrible behaviors, bad rep, etc) I don't see how she is making a joke of Greek Life. Her actions will only affect you if you let them. So I wouldn't waste too much energy on figuring out her motives, etc. Just let her be and move on.

When I joined a sorority, I personally joined for life. Same thing for my university. I am a Reddie and always will be. Same thing for my marriage. My first and only one (barring extreme circumstances such as death or abuse). That is how I approach my committments in life. . .as committments FOR life. Not everyone values committments in the same way. And that's OK. If I figure that out about someone, then I use that information in determining how much I trust them. But I don't necessarily fret over it.

My suggestion is that you don't fret over it either.

[snowadams]

Hi again

To answer some of your questions.... yes my roommate was an initiatied member of SDT and the organization was unware that she was pledging another sorority. And yes Zeta Phi Beta was aware that she had been an SDT.

KateShort- i agree completely with you that people can change. And i think my roommate did not fit in with the SDT's at my university anymore and i would be all for her becoming part of something that more suited her. But the simply fact is that she doesn't get it. She doesn't get that joining a sorority is a big part of your life and that it is for life. I have never heard her talk bad about SDT in public but what upsets me the most is she acts dumb about Panhel sororities. She asks me questions that i know she knows the answers too because she been through it herself. And the way i hear her talk about Zeta Phi Beta upsets me too. If something upsets her, she just say "whatever, i don't need them." ANd i know that NPHC sororities have 'party walks' they do to certian songs and my roommate trys to teach them! I just don't think she has enough respect.

thanks for all your comments everyone... my roommate (the delta) and i have enjoyed reading them. You've given us more to think about and more reasons to try and understand our 3rd roommates state of mind.

[Munchkin03]

It was stated to me over and over and over again that, when I joined my group, that membership in an NPHC group was no longer an option for me. I've definitely heard stories of Tri-Delts who became Deltas on the alumnae level, but I don't think it's technically allowed (maybe it's on an organizational level). Besides, it seems as if there are too many people who would know what the real story was.

It seems like a sticky situation, but I feel like things will work out.

[Finer Woman10-A-91]

Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. does not have a policy against joining more than one non-nphc organization. You don't have to like it and quite frankly your opinions on the topic won't change anything. I may think some of the policies of AXO and DST are dumb or plain wrong. But guess what? Its really not for me to "speak on" and to attempt to do so in public is plainly in poor taste.

My suggestion to the sidechatters concerned with what the "Jones" are doing is to find a new hobby or better yet focus your attention on more important things...like community service.

As for the lifetime membership reference, when you can say you have been ACTIVE and financial for 10 plus consecutive years, then you will have a better idea of what it actually means to be a member for life. Lets be honest, more than half of the current collegiate Greek community will become inactive after graduation.

Using the "membership for life" tag has not kept the Greek community 100% active and financial in the NPHC, NIC, IFC, NPC or any other group. And trying to use "the membership for life" tag as a means to dissuade others from seeking membership in an organization that speaks to one's heart at "the moment" is a waste of time. People join fraternities and sororities for a hosts of reasons. Sometimes the reasons are silly. But the interesting thing is some of those members who "appeared to be " joining for all of the "wrong" reasons later become some of the most valuable players on the team.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally posted by kateshort


I don't have opinions, but I have questions. Those may help clarify.

First of all, I know that with NPC groups, if you depledge you *can* rejoin if you wait a year, but you can't go another NPC org if you were fully initiated into an NPC group. OTOH, I know that IFC/NIC groups allow guys to switch fraternities as long as the man's original initiating org writes a letter "releasing" him and freeing him up to rush and join a second IFC/NIC org. Local orgs usually are bound by their own rules (either anything-goes, or something agreed-upon by the local panhellenic, depending on the status of the org on a given campus).

Therefore, the first question is: what's the policy for NPHC sororities? Do the Divine Nine have any sort of policy against sorority members leaving or joining groups in *other* sorority conferences? If not, then you can *tactfully* ask the greek life coordinator at your school whether there's an in-school policy about members of different org conferences joining. Personally, I don't think you're owed an explanation from the campus coordinator; this sounds more like a personal problem with one girl than a campus-wide epidemic of org-switching.

Second point is this: yeah, your greek org should be for life, but then again, so should marriage. And yet, we see lots of first marriages that fail, followed by second marriages that can be very successful and last for decades.

Therefore, my second question is: shouldn't she be allowed to partake in a group that she can and is willing to contribute to for life? One where she feels fulfilled, where she feels that she can make an impact or a difference?

That said, if she's going around *badmouthing* her first org, then she should be slapped upside her pretty little head! But if she's trying to be responsible about it and is supporting her second org, then let her be. They evidently don't have a problem with her switching orgs; it'll probably be better if everyone just quiets down and sweeps it under the rug. IF you're loud about it, it might only point out problems between her and her first org, and that can make the first org look worse than it should.

If she later drops out of her NPHC org, again, she needs to have some sense drummed into her brain! But if she's found a second chance with an org that likes her and that she likes, just let her roll with it and get on with *your* lives and *your* sisterhood.

I just wanted to tell you that I think this was an excellent post. I had never thought about some of these things before.

[aopirose]

Amen to the sound words of wisdom by kateshort and Finer Woman10-A-91!

[MysticCat]

Originally posted by kateshort (in part)
OTOH, I know that IFC/NIC groups allow guys to switch fraternities as long as the man's original initiating org writes a letter "releasing" him and freeing him up to rush and join a second IFC/NIC org.

and

Originally posted by CarolinaDG (in part)
I'm not sure about the NIC thing... My ex-boyfriend de-pledged one fraternity and joined another, but he wasn't initiated, and when I told a couple of guys about this, they told me that it's impossible to be in two different fraternities.

kateshort is right, and so is CarolinaCG -- the operative point is "it's impossible to be in two different [NIC] fraternities" at the same time. However, XYZ fraternity may initiate a man who was previously initiated into ABC fraternity if the national office of ABC writes to XYZ and informs XYZ that the man in question is no longer considered a member of ABC.

[Eirene_DGP]

Originally posted by Finer Woman10-A-91
Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. does not have a policy against joining more than one non-nphc organization. You don't have to like it and quite frankly your opinions on the topic won't change anything. I may think some of the policies of AXO and DST are dumb or plain wrong. But guess what? Its really not for me to "speak on" and to attempt to do so in public is plainly in poor taste.

My suggestion to the sidechatters concerned with what the "Jones" are doing is to find a new hobby or better yet focus your attention on more important things...like community service.

As for the lifetime membership reference, when you can say you have been ACTIVE and financial for 10 plus consecutive years, then you will have a better idea of what it actually means to be a member for life. Lets be honest, more than half of the current collegiate Greek community will become inactive after graduation.

Using the "membership for life" tag has not kept the Greek community 100% active and financial in the NPHC, NIC, IFC, NPC or any other group. And trying to use "the membership for life" tag as a means to dissuade others from seeking membership in an organization that speaks to one's heart at "the moment" is a waste of time. People join fraternities and sororities for a hosts of reasons. Sometimes the reasons are silly. But the interesting thing is some of those members who "appeared to be " joining for all of the "wrong" reasons later become some of the most valuable players on the team.

I quoted the entire thing because I totally agree with what Finer Woman said. People are human and their actions can disappoint us. I don't think it's fair to not allow someone to pledge something else if they truly want sisterhood and service and they dont feel the old sorority is living up to its goals. I know with our sorority you are free to join something else if it is not for you. My question is why would you want someone to stay in your org. if you knew they no longer wanted to be a part of it?

[Shelacious]

Originally posted by PsychTau
While I think this is a very interesting situation and I admit I am curious to know what the NPHC orgs position on "dual membership" is,

The NPHC is an advisory organization, not a regulatory one--each individual organization within the NPHC is allowed to determine its own rules and regulations relative to its individual needs. Therefore, an organization like Delta Sigma Theta can have a rule prohibiting NPC membership, and others may not have the same rule. I "believe" that a person cannot hold dual membership in any NPHC organization, nor can you "depledge" an NPHC org and then join another NPHC group (ever), but I think even that is an individual organization's decision--there's nothing yay or nay in the NPHC C&BL.

On a Zeta Phi Beta level, understand that even though Zeta has no national rule prohibiting a person who had non-NPHC sorority membership from joining Zeta, it really is up to the individual chapters to decide for their particular campus--there are many chapters I know of that would rank this person pretty low on the scale. Obviously, this chapter saw something in this woman that would make her a quality Zeta woman--hopefully she is deserving of their decision.

**Hugs to SoTrue and Finer**