could you give me advice?

SAEguy · #1 02-26-2002, 07:38 AM

Well I know you all probably are indifferent to my life, but I figured who better to ask about this than my GC family!

Ok my ex-girlfriend and I have been trying to figure out what we are; heres some background info. We started datng then she decided she just wanted to be friends, this crushed me. I took her back a week later, and everything went fine. Then we stopped dating again, and once again I took her back before we left for winter break. While on break she said "we need to talk", the last time she said that was right before she followed it up with "let's just be friends" so I brke up with her to avoid that hurt. Now we have been back from break a little while, and are hangin out again. I only now realize how much I love and miss her, she has gotten 2 extra chances from me, now i want mine. She says she isnt ready to date, she says she wants to be friends and that she knows that may be hard on me. Is it unreasonable of me to want to try this one last time, since the last time we broke up was over a misunderstadning. I'm sure I'm stupid and will get flammed, but I just cant see myself with another and need some advice!!!! Thanks!!!

SparkliiQTMTSU · #2 02-26-2002, 11:10 AM

Ok the thing is that if she just wants to be friends right now you have to respect that. I am going thru a problem a bit similar right now and well I understand how you feel and that you want to give it another go but just give it time..its hard to hang out with someone you love and just be friends with them but you have to do it. if you wanna talk anytime just PM me...Sorry I didnt write too much Im in class right now

LOL write more later though.

nichole

ansturge · #3 02-26-2002, 12:35 PM

As long as you keep taking her back she will keep telling you that she just wants to be friends

I put up with that shit for 2 years and then i said screw you im moving on i couldnt deal with the emotional rollercoaster anylonger. It will wear you down too!!

the only reason i did put up with it was he was my "first love" I grew up!!

I cant tell you what to do, but ive been where you are and it totally screwed up my life at the time.

He and i still speak on occaision, but i am much happier now that he is basically out of my life.

SAEguy · #4 02-26-2002, 01:00 PM

Well I cant give her up she means to much, I thought about that as an option. She said she still kinda wants to give it another shot, so I'm going to see if we can do the friends but lets wait and see.....I'm still very confused though!

Peaches-n-Cream · #5 02-26-2002, 01:36 PM

Yet another case of bad timing. If she says that she wants to just be friends, be the best friend that you can be to her. Just know that you deserve the same from her. If she runs hot and cold again, get away from her because she's not being a true friend to you.

valkyrie · #6 02-26-2002, 02:02 PM

Ohhh, I really hate to say this, but, dude, run for the hills. It sounds like this is one of those situations where you are much more invested in having a relationship than she is, and she will keep stringing you along until she finds someone else and that will be the end of it and you will feel even worse. Staying with her and trying to work it out is only going to end in misery, and you don't need to waste your time with someone who is so insensitive to your feelings. She's not ready for what you want -- and why would *you* want to waste your time with someone who only "kinda" wants to give it another shot? Tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on her way out... It will suck for a while, but you will get over it.

h2oot · #7 02-26-2002, 02:03 PM

If it were me I would let go and move on. She has repeatedly shown she cannot be what you want and most probably never will.

Relationships are not something we can force, in fact usually the opposite happens. This is more about her than you, although I know it affects you deeply. Most of us are young and are still discovering who we are and what our needs are. You have to respect where she is at the present.

I would begin dating other people even if I didn't feel like it at the time. Often our feelings follow our actions, although many of us want to "feel before we act". Good luck.

justamom · #8 02-26-2002, 02:48 PM

h2oot and valkyrie are probably giving you the best answers.

Are you really crazy about this girl or her elusiveness?

I really believe if it is meant to be-it will be. Time to examine the relationship at a distance can be beneficial for both of you.

justamom · #9 02-26-2002, 02:50 PM

Well, on second thought ALL the reponses seem to be telling you the same thing.

xo_sue · #10 02-26-2002, 03:16 PM

I wish I had some good advise for you except all I can say is give her the time she wants. If after a month or two-if you still feel that strong about her; drop her a simple "I miss you" card and feel it out- if she misses you too- it will be a sweet way to open the door of communication. If she does not do anything - you know it is time for you to let go and move on.

Kinda silly maybe but whenever I was in your situation- I started a big ole workout kick. A. It would take my mind off the person. B. It made me feel better about myself and C. - you do look better and those stares from the other girls (in your case) do wonders for the ego! Just trying to think of a way so you can get your mind off of her... I hope it helps! Sue

SAEguy · #11 02-26-2002, 05:00 PM

I know what you mean, whenever stuff like this happens I just go out and run till I cant feel my legs anymore. Well everyone is saying the same thing....which I guess means thats the way to go. I really love her not her elusivness, thats what kills me I have finally realized how much I love her, and now she has closed the door. I have gone on some dates but at the end I just keep feeling like somethings wrong, maybe its just me. I just want to say thanks to all you, I know you all have problems that our probably worse than mine, and to take a few seconds out of you day to give me some much needed advice means alot!!! I'm supposed to go over to her place to get tutored in math so I'll let you know how that goes!

justamom · #12 02-26-2002, 05:58 PM

SAEguy-
You could never bring a poblem to the table that seems to trite for ALL the GCers. Because you are now a BONAFIDE member of this community, you will receive help when you don't need it, advice when you don't want it and critiques when you don't deserve it! LOL! And always remember-"It's for your own good!"

GreekLetterGirl · #13 02-26-2002, 06:23 PM

situations like this are never fun, if you truely love her than give her what she needs, but also keep in mind that she has had 2 tries... also what every one is saying is really great advice about keeping busy and the card idea is a great one, realize that you are going be opening your self up to possibly get hurt again... hopefully not but you need to know that is a possiblity.

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Quote:

H2oot - Relationships are not something we can force, in fact usually the opposite happens. This is more about her than you, although I know it affects you deeply. Most of us are young and are still discovering who we are and what our needs are. You have to respect where she is at the present.

that is also true and great advice as well as what everyone has aid, take some time to see what you want as well... good luck and keep us posted

SAEalumnus · #14 02-26-2002, 07:05 PM

Hey bro!

I've got a story longer and more personal than can be related here about one of my best friends - PM me if you want the details, but I'm not sure getting back together with her on again-off again is necessarily such a good idea. Good luck though... just figure out exactly what you want out of the relationship first (hint: she needs to do this too), and if you don't both want the same thing, then you need to move on.

Phi Alpha,

SAEactive

Tom Earp · #15 02-26-2002, 07:19 PM

Hey Dude Bro. get over it! All comes to past! By the by, Are you going to be free early SUN. Morn about 10

o? Oh A Week from this Sun!If so I am coming back from from Tapuka Ks that morn! E-M me!

Serious, the heart breaks, but life will go on!

Voice of Experience, yrears of happilly bliss loving all of the Lovely ladys on GC! They are the Best I wish I could Snag One!

If we are both lucky, we will meet each other !!!!!!