Invasive question

[James]

Quick questions that you may not want to answer but you are hiding behind a pseudonym.

• Have you ever cheated on a significant other.
• Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions?
• Would you want to know? Why?
• What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?

Note: just interested because I have heard some surprising variations on this topic.
Like its not cheating if your drunk. ITs not if you are out of state/country. ITs not if you are fighting etc.



[This message has been edited by James (edited May 17, 2001).]

• Have you ever cheated on a significant other.

• Yes, I once cheated on my ex 4 years ago.
  
  
• Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions?
  Yes. After we broke up. It was only once, but I told him that it happened on numerous occasions to make him feel like crap.
  
  
• Would you want to know? Why?
  If this is concerning my current BF, definitely. I plan to be with him for a very long time, and I don't want to commit a lifetime to someone I can't trust.
  
  
• What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?
  My ex ended up cheating on me with FIVE other girls. That's why I made up that lie about the numerous occasions. My uncles dealt with him accordingly.

[AlphaChiGirl]

[*]Have you ever cheated on a significant other.
No. [*]Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions?[*]Would you want to know? Why?
I would definitely want to know. I plan on being with my SO for a very very long time, and that's an issue of trust.[*]What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?
It honestly depends on the circumstances. If he slept with that person? I would be so gone. If it were a peck on the cheek? No. [/list]


------------------

"Don't tell me I've been wrong...don't tell me all the magic's gone."--Liz Phair

[amycat412]

Have you ever cheated on a significant other.
Yes.

Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions?
I told one and I didn't tell the other

Would you want to know? Why?
NO! I've been told, and I'd rather not know if it was a fleeting, one time, I made a stupid mistake kind of thing--telling relieves the cheater of some guilt, but gives the cheated on a lot of pain. bear the pain of knowing what you did as punishment, don't hurt the one you love further.

EXCEPTION--if you had unsafe sex. Then you HAVE TO TELL.

What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?
Depends on the relationship and the circumstances.

OF COURSE, I can argue for and against my feelings on all these questions, this is just my gut reaction based on a not too serious or long term relationship. If you plan on marrying the person you are with, one, WHY ARE YOU CHEATING and two, Your relationship needs the honesty and communication to survive.



[This message has been edited by amycat412 (edited May 17, 2001).]

[DGPhoney]

[[*]Have you ever cheated on a significant other.
nope never [*]Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions? I think if it's a major cheat like "hooking up" then yes I will definetly tell my other, but if it's like a kiss then no, unless there was meaning behind it[*]Would you want to know? Why?
yes I would want to know, I dunno why I think I would just need to know[*]What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?[/list]well unless it's a really really long relationship then I would think on it, but other then that the answer is no, a cheating spoon is always a cheating spoon
DGPhoney

[33girl]

OK James, I am visiting this topic, but I need you to define "cheating" for me. Kissing, mental sex or the whole casaba?

[James]

LOL . . . well according to Clinton anything short of intercourse is pretty ok Good for us guys

But, if you have to split hairs like an attourney you are already answering the question.

However, lets define cheating as what would make you flip if you walked in on your SO doing it with someone else does that change things a bit?

[This message has been edited by James (edited May 18, 2001).]

[KillarneyRose]

**Have you ever cheated on a significant other?
Yes, my college boyfriend and I attended schools 450 miles apart and I cheated on him on several occasions. (Ugh! That looks REALLY BAD in writing!)

**Should you/Did you tell them what you did?
No, I never did. When I broke up with him I came right out and asked him if he had ever cheated on me and he admitted he had. He asked me and I was like, nooooooo, never!

**Would you want to know? Why?
If my husband ever cheated on me, I would definitely want to know. I just don't like being in the dark about things, no matter what.

**What would you do if you found out they did that to you?
I have tried to come up with a good answer to this one, but I can't. I guess it's just one of those things I wouldn't know what I'd do unless I was actually faced with it.



[This message has been edited by KillarneyRose (edited May 18, 2001).]

[SSS1365]

• Have you ever cheated on a significant other.
  Yes I did cheat on my ex once. I didn't sleep with the other guy, but ummm... my ex still had every reason to be upset.
  
• Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions?
  Yes I told him. And for some odd reason we stayed together for a month after it happened.
  
• Would you want to know? Why?
  If my current boyfriend cheated on me, yes I would want to know, because you can't have any trust in someone if they're not honest with you.
  
• What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?
  My current boyfriend did sort of cheat on me once. He was drunk at a New Year's party and kissed another girl. He told me about it though, and was SO sincerely sorry. Since it was only a kiss, and he felt bad about it, I forgave him and we're still together. But if it ever happens again, we're through. And if he had slept with someone, we'd be over.

[This message has been edited by SSS1365 (edited May 18, 2001).]

[dzrose93]

Have you ever cheated on a significant other.
No, never!

Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions? Can't answer that b/c I've never been in that position.

Would you want to know? Why?
Yes, I would want to know so I could find out the reasons behind it.

What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?
I stayed together with one boyfriend after finding out he had cheated because we had been together for so long and I really wanted to work things out. But we broke up a couple of months later because of trust issues. When another boyfriend (who was living with me at the time) cheated, I had the locks changed while he was at work.

[mgdzkm433]

Have you ever cheated on a significant other

~Yes. Once I cheated on a BF in college. Temptation got the better of me. I really liked my BF too--this isn't an excuse, but we were 5 hours away from each other and saw each other only once a month--if that, but like I said--it's not an excuse.

Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions?

~I broke up with him for the other guy. Of course, that didn't work out! LOL I didn't tell him when we broke up WHY, but about a year after we broke up, I resurfaced and told him. That's when I also found out that he came very close to cheating on me with a mutal friend.

Would you want to know? Why?

~For sure. I'd want to know. Especially now because I'm marrying my SO.


What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?

~I'd take it as a sign that we aren't soul mates and leave him. I believe soul mates carry a connection. If someone cheats on you, the two of you don't hold that connection and you need to find the person that you hold that connection with.

[James]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by James:

• Have you ever cheated on a significant other.
  
  Not yet . . .
  
  
• Should you/did you tell them that you
  did. Exceptions?
  
  I am not sure if I would tell, if it was indicative of a problem . . . I would probably just break it off with them and NOT tell them.
  
  
• Would you want to know? Why?
  
  Not sure if I would want to know . . . Some girl got upset with me when she broke up because I didn't want to know what her reasons were. I just replied that I am sure she considered the matter carefully and I would have to respect her decision, and said good bye . . . for good. I am still not sure why this flipped her out any thoughts or was she just insane like most women? . I would definitely want to know if it was going to continue . . . and if I am going to find out it better be from her.
  
  
• What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?
  
  Probably not . . . oh maybe for a little bit while I still had mixed emotions, but I am sure that unconsciously I would slowly become more and more bitter and secretly begin to hate her. I would also feel cheated out of all the opportunities I had to be with others that I missed out on. Best case scenario: I would look at it as a get-out-of-jail-free card that I would have to use. e.g. I would probably cheat on her back if I stayed.

[This message has been edited by James (edited May 20, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by James (edited May 20, 2001).]

[James]

ttt

[Jestor]

For my 100th post, I'll veer slightly off-topic from the OP and say that physical infidelity doesn't bother nearly as much as emotional infidelity.

So a girl I'm dating decides to bang some other guy. If it's just a physical attraction thing, fine, no problems with that (relatively speaking).

It's when they get emotionally closer to someone else that I'm likely to leave. This ties into my whole concept of heirarchy of preferences in which people have a heirarchy of preferences of people they'd generally rather be around in any given situation. Note: I said generally. I realize that in specific situations the heirarchy of preferences will change, f.e. a dude preferring to go to a game with his buddies who know and enoy the sport more than his sig other who couldn't give a damn about.

[christiangirl]

Have you ever cheated on a significant other.
no


Should you/did you tell them that you did. Exceptions?
yes, except if we've already broken up by the time I'm about to tell them

Would you want to know? Why?
yes, so I can determine if I still want to be with him

What would you do if you found it they did that to you? Stay together etc?
I might give him one forgiveness card if he made out with her or something, but if he had sex with her, it'd definitely be over.