advise needed . . .

jcbeta07 · #1 09-28-2005, 09:02 PM

SO my pledge brother and best friend recently "came out" to the entire house. I love this guy like I would any brother of mine. He is an outstanding individual and a great asset to the house. However, some guys are having a difficult time in dealing with this, and yet, I doubt those same guys have stopped to think of how he's dealing with it all . . . Has anyone else dealt with this shit? ? ? ?

a.e.B.O.T. · #2 09-28-2005, 10:23 PM

something like this just takes time... the brothers who are taking it hard just need time, it is an issue they probably have not dealt with extensively so this is a reality shock. 9 times out of 10, they come around. It will be rocky for a while, but they just need to see that he is the same person as he was before

jcbeta07 · #3 09-28-2005, 10:27 PM

thanx man, that's exactly what I'm trying to let everyone know.

ZZ-kai- · #4 09-28-2005, 10:55 PM

We had a pledge come out just before Beta Week and since I graduated, at least 5 other guys came out (at some point, undergrad or graduated). When you're 18/19/20 years old, frat guy with nothing but chicks/partying on your mind, they'll likely not undestand. When they 'grow up' a bit, they'll realize it's not a big deal. Gay or not, it doesn't (shouldn't) matter.

All you have to remind people is that he is an asset to the chapter. He brings diversity to the group, and is no lesser of a person for it.

Beta does not discriminate. He should be welcomed like any other.

Word.

furmanbeta · #5 09-30-2005, 11:04 AM

Yeah, it's always an interesting situation when something like that happens. One of the brothers actually came out during a chapter meeting about 3 years before I pledged. No one really saw it coming. I go to a pretty conservative school, but over time people learned to deal with it. It takes some people longer than others, for me meeting gay people took a good bit of adjusting to because I had never known any while growing up. Honestly, they can end up being an asset over time though, because if you think about it, tons of chicks will show up wanting to chill with the gay dude.

ECUJacob · #6 09-30-2005, 11:09 AM

I think every chapter will, and should IMO, deal with this issue at some point in their history. Our chapter has dealt with it from day one because two of our founding fathers were openly homosexual. I think our culture is a little different because we have been exposed to it from the word go, but other chapters I can see might have some difficulties. I agree with the others completely. It may take some time for others to get over the initial shock, but these days I think we are all a bit more willing to accept them than if it had happened 30 years ago.

jcbeta07 · #7 09-30-2005, 12:56 PM

thats real brotherhood . . . any out guys active right now ? I think hearing all this from someone who has already gone through it would be best for him.

ECUJacob · #8 09-30-2005, 01:34 PM

Our chapter currently has two actives (and one advisor) that are currently "out" in regards to their sexual orientation. In our view, it doesn't matter which gender you prefer, it's how you present yourself and how you portray the goals/values of Beta. We found that approaching it from that point of view helped best. If the guys contribute something worthwhile to the chapter, then their personal lives should have nothing to do with it. The main obstacle we faced was overcoming what we thought the other GLO's on our campus would think... little did we know that the other groups had their own identical situations.

Coramoor · #9 09-30-2005, 04:17 PM

I guess I'll take the other side.

I really don't care what people do, but a gay guy probably wouldn't be welcome in my chapter.

Fraternities appeal to certain people and that appeal usually isn't what a gay is looking for. I'm starting to understand why some Beta chapters are having number problems. Being in a fraternity carries a certain image. If your frat doesn't have that image, a lot of times quality social guys don't even check it out.

As far as I'm concerned, Beta isn't a charity to give everyone a chance.

a.e.B.O.T. · #10 09-30-2005, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Coramoor
I guess I'll take the other side.

I really don't care what people do, but a gay guy probably wouldn't be welcome in my chapter.

Fraternities appeal to certain people and that appeal usually isn't what a gay is looking for. I'm starting to understand why some Beta chapters are having number problems. Being in a fraternity carries a certain image. If your frat doesn't have that image, a lot of times quality social guys don't even check it out.

As far as I'm concerned, Beta isn't a charity to give everyone a chance.

HOLY SH** i dont know how to even approach this... THATS AWFUL... for one, not all homosexuals follow the 'sterotype' and most times you cant even tell. Its likely you have one in your chapter right now, he is just scare sh**less to practice confidence and trust with his brothers cause you guys have that sort of attitude

Secondly I would have a fraternity of all gay men, then have a guy who refuses to be in a fraternity with only one or two gay men. Being gay is not some devilish rebel that would put the fraternity to shame, it is who the guys are...
It doesnt matter their sexual orientation, as long as they live up to the prinicpals of Beta Theta Pi. I can not believe you are blaming our recruitment problems because we have homosexuals in our chapters.

Coramoor · #11 09-30-2005, 07:31 PM

I'm just pointing out things I've noticed. Also, I am not blaming recruitment problems on having gay members.

For one, I have met guys from chapters that I would in no way be associated with outside the fraternity. I'm not saying any of you or anything, I don't know you for one. Just a few guys that I've met in real life on various Beta retreats and road trips.

Is there a gay guy in my chapter? I don't know, maybe maybe not. It does carry a stigma. Right or wrong, it is there.

jcbeta07 · #12 09-30-2005, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Coramoor
I guess I'll take the other side.

I really don't care what people do, but a gay guy probably wouldn't be welcome in my chapter.

Fraternities appeal to certain people and that appeal usually isn't what a gay is looking for. I'm starting to understand why some Beta chapters are having number problems. Being in a fraternity carries a certain image. If your frat doesn't have that image, a lot of times quality social guys don't even check it out.

As far as I'm concerned, Beta isn't a charity to give everyone a chance.

Statistically, your fucked bro. It would be way naive of you to believe that everyone in your chapter is straight . . . and if you're trying to say that you would rather they hide their orientation and surpress a huge part of their lives, well forgive me for not seeing to brotherhood in that .

and as far as recruitment goes . . .dude nevermind , lol, no comment.

you're that off.

a.e.B.O.T. · #13 09-30-2005, 07:49 PM

My hope for you Coramoor is that one of your good buddies comes out, cause your views need to change

Coramoor · #14 09-30-2005, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jcbeta07
Statistically, your fucked bro. It would be way naive of you to believe that everyone in your chapter is straight . . . and if you're trying to say that you would rather they hide their orientation and surpress a huge part of their lives, well forgive me for not seeing to brotherhood in that .

and as far as recruitment goes . . .dude nevermind , lol, no comment.

you're that off.

Like I said, I don't know if there is or not.

ZZ-kai- · #15 09-30-2005, 09:40 PM

woah, dudes. I ditto a.e.B.O.T.

Secondly, as for "For one, I have met guys from chapters that I would in no way be associated with outside the fraternity." it's not a Beta thing, its a greek thing. Cuz, chances are, if you were to go to a different school and do it all over again, you'd likely not be a Beta. I know I can say that for schools I have been to....

Anyway, gay or not, discrimination has no place in Beta...none-the-less the Greek World.

Time to smell the cookies. Not sure of your family size, but it's likely you have someone in your family that might be gay, or likely in your chapter, or someone in your close circle of friends. Time to deal with it.