Is GDI better than not getting your top choice?

[PJS]

I am curious about something. Almost every GCer gives PNMs the good advice to "have an open mind" etc. Many threads about very competitive greek schools, however, document that sometimes girls will drop out of recruitment after being dropped by one or two houses that they wanted, even if they had several good options left. (This is not a question about having only your last choice remaining.)

My question is this: It seems odd that girls for whom greek membership is so important, at schools where greek membership is so important, would rather belong to no group than to the right group. Are some of you familiar with these situations, and do these girls regret their decisions later in their college careers? Since most highly-sought-after houses probably don't do COB or bid many sophmores, I assume that many of the girls that drop never pledge a house. Thanks.

[KSUViolet06]

I tend to think that it's always in the PNMs best interest to accept any bid they receive. The new member period is really for deciding whether you want to become a member. If you don't like it, you can depledge (and maybe rush again next year).

Also, at some schools, if you don't take a bid, you miss out on your only shot at being Greek (rush as a sophomore isn't possible). If you feel like you can handle going to Huge Greek School and not being in sorority, then decline. However, if you think it's going to make you depressed to see letters everyday if you aren't in a sorority, then you need to give your 2nd/3rd choice a shot, at least for a few weeks. That way you can see more of the chapter as opposed to declining a bid and wondering "what if."

For what it's worth, I haven't heard many girls say in hidsight that they regret joining their 2nd/3rd choice, but I have heard many say "I wish I would've stayed in recruitment/accepted my bid."

Sometimes girls need to realize that while they're upset that they didn't get their number one choice, nobody said they were guaranteed to get it. If you list a group on your pref card, you need to be willing to get a bid from them. If you know you're going to be upset and decline if you get a bid to a certain sorority, you shouldn't rank them.

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by PJS

My question is this: It seems odd that girls for whom greek membership is so important, at schools where greek membership is so important, would rather belong to no group than to the right group. Are some of you familiar with these situations, and do these girls regret their decisions later in their college careers? Since most highly-sought-after houses probably don't do COB or bid many sophmores, I assume that many of the girls that drop never pledge a house. Thanks.

It does seem odd on the face of it, but keep in mind too that just being Greek at a competitive school is not enough for many. There was another thread here recently where someone referenced the "top six" sororities at Texas. In point of fact, from a social tier standpoint, there is a "top three" within that top six. Same goes for the fraternities- there is a top five, but also the great triumverate within that top five.

And it does not stop there- the best fraternity men from all chapters might get to be a Texas Cowboy or a Silver Spur. Typically 2 spots per chapter (some chapters anyway- not all are represented) are available each semester.

And then of course there are officerships within fraternities and sororities, plus- at some campuses- IFC roles are important as are Greek-wide philanthropy committee roles like Dance Marathon.

The point is, there is always another door- always another "level" of existence. And too often the importance- or even the existence- of such levels is more in the mind of the individual than in the reality of Greek life at large.

Sororities recruit members who they feel will fit in socially, who will be good housemates and who they feel will love and respect the sorority and the privacy of ritual. Sure some info leaks out, but the fact that accurate ritual details still remain largely private after 100+ years and in this internet age are a testament to the fact that sororities make good decisions when recruiting members.

These ladies know what they are doing. During formal rush, they do not have the time to fully meet and know EVERY PNM- but neither do the PNMs. So the experience of the active members is what gives them the edge in making a better decision.

I think if a PNM comes into preference and REALLY knows that she just wants her top choice, then she should put her money where her mouth is and suicide on her pref card. I have known ladies who did this and mismatched and were okay with it. And of course many do get the bid and all is good.

In terms of taking a bid from a place a person did not want originally- the success of that, in my experience, depends on the person's attitude. Those who have an open mind and appreciate the fact they are the newcomers to a complicated and well-planned process seem to find out things worked out well. Those who just decided any bid was better than none are typically unhappy since they had unrealistic expectations.

At competitive campuses, unrealistic expectations are born of the belief that belonging to a certain sorority can- in and of itself- bring one up socially in the world. Any sorority or fraternity offers a tremendous personal experience for enthusiastic members who embrace these organizations for what they are- a chance to find comraderie at that point in life when we leave home and abandon our comfort zone to go out into the great wide world for the first time.

Those who seek to join "top groups" for more selfish and social-climbing reasons have the wrong idea. And they learn the hard way because they fail to appreciate that sororities populated by socially prominent members are experts at weeding out the pretenders who want to belong for the wrong reasons.

At the end of the day, it is about being part of something larger than yourself and an organization that offers leadership opportunities that go beyond what your average GDI can ever experience.

The active members of a sorority are the stewards of that gift- and they do not grant access to it lightly. And PNMs should not treat it lightly either.

As far as I am concerned, any PNM should be grateful for and pursue any invitation they receive in the later rounds of rush. And if they REALLY don't like how it goes, they should drop that chapter when they pref- even if it means they suicide or drop altogether. Because if they cannot get over not getting what they want, settling for second best means they might be keeping a serious and eager rushee off the list by preffing a place they do not really want to be and bumping a great potential member down the list.

[violetpretty]

Great post EE-BO. Cosign on all of that.

[CutiePie2000]

An oldie but a goodie:

"You'll end up where you were meant to"....

[LadyLonghorn]

Excellent post as usual EE-BO. One of the things I have been contemplating recently is why there seems to be a disproportionate number of unhappy recruitment endings on Greekchat. I think it gives the wrong impression that it happens more frequently than it does IRL. I have come to the conclusion that many of the women coming here prior to recruitment probably lack the understanding of the Greek system that many others already have, so they may not be quite as prepared for a successful recruitment. And a lot of times, especially at competitive schools, there really is no way to completely prepare when you're starting from scratch and using things like the internet for advice, getting all your recs from panhellenic alumna who do not personally know you, going into recruitment without knowing any chapter members etc. And of course there are the large number of women and helis who come here afterward to vent and question the process. I mean how many women come here for the first time looking for recruitment related information after a successful rush? It's always going to be the ones who are disappointed. So I think here at Greekchat we see an overabundance of sad stories instead of all the victories out there, and the casual reader could get the wrong impression that an overly large number of recruitments go very very wrong.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

Excellent post as usual EE-BO. One of the things I have been contemplating recently is why there seems to be a disproportionate number of unhappy recruitment endings on Greekchat. I think it gives the wrong impression that it happens more frequently than it does IRL. I have come to the conclusion that many of the women coming here prior to recruitment probably lack the understanding of the Greek system that many others already have, so they may not be quite as prepared for a successful recruitment. And a lot of times, especially at competitive schools, there really is no way to completely prepare when you're starting from scratch and using things like the internet for advice, getting all your recs from panhellenic alumna who do not personally know you, going into recruitment without knowing any chapter members etc. And of course there are the large number of women and helis who come here afterward to vent and question the process. I mean how many women come here for the first time looking for recruitment related information after a successful rush? It's always going to be the ones who are disappointed. So I think here at Greekchat we see an overabundance of sad stories instead of all the victories out there, and the casual reader could get the wrong impression that an overly large number of recruitments go very very wrong.

I had thought about that, but we still get A LOT of people who drop out as opposed to actually getting released by all chapters on their campus.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

Excellent post as usual EE-BO. One of the things I have been contemplating recently is why there seems to be a disproportionate number of unhappy recruitment endings on Greekchat. I think it gives the wrong impression that it happens more frequently than it does IRL. I have come to the conclusion that many of the women coming here prior to recruitment probably lack the understanding of the Greek system that many others already have, so they may not be quite as prepared for a successful recruitment. And a lot of times, especially at competitive schools, there really is no way to completely prepare when you're starting from scratch and using things like the internet for advice, getting all your recs from panhellenic alumna who do not personally know you, going into recruitment without knowing any chapter members etc. And of course there are the large number of women and helis who come here afterward to vent and question the process. I mean how many women come here for the first time looking for recruitment related information after a successful rush? It's always going to be the ones who are disappointed. So I think here at Greekchat we see an overabundance of sad stories instead of all the victories out there, and the casual reader could get the wrong impression that an overly large number of recruitments go very very wrong.

This is very true.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I had thought about that, but we still get A LOT of people who drop out as opposed to actually getting released by all chapters on their campus.

Well, I would consider that just another one of the unhappy recruitment scenarios.

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

Excellent post as usual EE-BO. One of the things I have been contemplating recently is why there seems to be a disproportionate number of unhappy recruitment endings on Greekchat. I think it gives the wrong impression that it happens more frequently than it does IRL. I have come to the conclusion that many of the women coming here prior to recruitment probably lack the understanding of the Greek system that many others already have, so they may not be quite as prepared for a successful recruitment. And a lot of times, especially at competitive schools, there really is no way to completely prepare when you're starting from scratch and using things like the internet for advice, getting all your recs from panhellenic alumna who do not personally know you, going into recruitment without knowing any chapter members etc. And of course there are the large number of women and helis who come here afterward to vent and question the process. I mean how many women come here for the first time looking for recruitment related information after a successful rush? It's always going to be the ones who are disappointed. So I think here at Greekchat we see an overabundance of sad stories instead of all the victories out there, and the casual reader could get the wrong impression that an overly large number of recruitments go very very wrong.

Well said.

Young women who are serious candidates for socially prominent chapters at competitive campuses- don't need Greek Chat to gain access. Those candidates come into the process with a background and family/friend support with a knowledge base of what is needed.

This does not mean GC has no value- it certainly does. But the fact is that a lot of the sob stories and heli-mom nightmares involve top chapters and competitive campuses, and those posters- as a general rule- will never understand why they or their daughter never had a chance in the first place.

95% of the time, I think GC can be a helpful resource for PNMs. That other 5% of the time are those who are most likely to come back with a slam thread expressing anger- and all too often it happened at a competitive campus where someone was hoping to not join a sisterhood but instead use Greek letters to make up for other social inadequacies.

Point being, I see the somewhat high rate of negative outcomes here are based on the fact we get overloaded with those who are getting in over their heads for the wrong reasons. But thankfully there are many happy tales to overcome that in the big picture.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

All too often it happened at a competitive campus where someone was hoping to not join a sisterhood but instead use Greek letters to make up for other social inadequacies.

This is so true. I find that this was the case even at the non-competitive school I went to.

The girls who ended up having the best experiences and being happy in the end were those who didn't set out only wanting Most Popular. They're the ones who just want to be in a sorority that wants them and they feel comfortable with.

In addition, I think that girls would come out of recruitment having had a better experience if they could get this idea through their heads:

If you did not get invited to join your top choice, they didn't want you. But your 2nd/3rd choice that you got a bid from obviously did. So you should give them a chance, as opposed to getting upset over a group that wasn't interested enough in you to rank you high. Why not be with the girls that wanted to have you?

Harsh? Yep. But it is also true.

[lawgal]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

Well said.

But the fact is that a lot of the sob stories and heli-mom nightmares involve top chapters and competitive campuses, and those posters- as a general rule- will never understand why they or their daughter never had a chance in the first place.

I am afraid this comment really sounded elitist to me - was it meant to? Are you saying that someone without the good old girl network never has a chance at a top sorority on a competitive campus? Or was the qualifier - "as a general rule" - meant to refer not to the understanding of the posters but to the general chances of the pnm?

It seems to me that ignoring pnms without the steeped in tradition background would exclude many young women who could positively enhance and improve the sorority. Just my opinion...

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by lawgal

It seems to me that ignoring pnms without the steeped in tradition background would exclude many young women who could positively enhance and improve the sorority. Just my opinion...

Chapters have autonomy in selecting their members. If they want a certain background and want to ignore other PNMs, that's their prerogative. No one ever said recruitment was fair.

[lawgal]

But many sorority members do object (and rightly so) to being labeled elitist and snobs.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by lawgal

But many sorority members do object (and rightly so) to being labeled elitist and snobs.

There's a big difference between being selective and being elitist snobs.