Etiquette for Invites

DaemonSeid · #1 07-12-2010, 12:01 PM

Question: Is there a way to invite people where some will get an invite to the ceremony only (friends and aquaintances) vs those who will be invited to the ceremony and reception (very close friends and family).

Is there a way to also handle this if everything is being done in the same venue?

SWTXBelle · #2 07-12-2010, 12:07 PM

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question...1153357AA1u4Fh

Can't help with the same venue problem - that's gonna be tough. How can you get rid of the ceremony-only people without appearing rude? I don't know that it can be done.

DaemonSeid · #3 07-12-2010, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question...1153357AA1u4Fh

Can't help with the same venue problem - that's gonna be tough. How can you get rid of the ceremony-only people without appearing rude? I don't know that it can be done.

Short of keeping the reception area closed off and having someone stand at the door and check people as they go in...is all I can think of.

agzg · #4 07-12-2010, 12:11 PM

The typical etiquette is to do it the other way around, some are invited to both, others are invited to the reception only. This is usually done in instances where space is limited for the ceremony.

Not inviting friends and acquaintences to the reception is considered "cheap" and a grab at gifts without actually inviting them to celebrate your marriage.

Check out the Etiquette Hell forums - they usually debate the pros and cons of various etiquette rules. This thread may explain my thinking:

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/ind...?topic=79165.0

DaemonSeid · #5 07-12-2010, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg

The typical etiquette is to do it the other way around, some are invited to both, others are invited to the reception only. This is usually done in instances where space is limited for the ceremony.

Not inviting friends and acquaintences to the reception is considered "cheap" and a grab at gifts without actually inviting them to celebrate your marriage.

Check out the Etiquette Hell forums - they usually debate the pros and cons of various etiquette rules. This thread may explain my thinking:

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/ind...?topic=79165.0

Issue is, we aren't 'in need' (not saying it to be snotty if you know what I mean) of a lot of gifts so that's not the case. We have rather large families that are coming from out of town and, those jokers are getting a free meal...LOL. We also have a lot of people that have expressed an interest in coming and as time draws closer I keep looking over and over the list of people we want to invite trying to figure out who we really would like to come and those we would rather not invite. We also know that there are a few who 'say' that are coming that won't show so.....HHMMmmmm

agzg · #6 07-12-2010, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Issue is, we aren't 'in need' (not saying it to be snotty if you know what I mean) of a lot of gifts so that's not the case. We have rather large families that are coming from out of town and, those jokers are getting a free meal...LOL. We also have a lot of people that have expressed an interest in coming and as time draws closer I keep looking over and over the list of people we want to invite trying to figure out who we really would like to come and those we would rather not invite. We also know that there are a few who 'say' that are coming that won't show so.....HHMMmmmm

Check out EHell. You guys might get a lot of helpful tips as you're navigating what I see as the #1 way to piss your friends and family off (getting married).

Keep in mind, too, that you're the hosts of the event and ultimately are in control of the guest list. I was just looking at a sister's wedding pictures this morning - I was not invited - and I don't feel slighted by that. Sure, I wouldn't recommend not inviting your best friend, but most (reasonable) people understand that weddings are expensive and while the bride and groom may absolutely value their friendship with any given person, it's not always possible to invite everyone to the wedding.

DaemonSeid · #7 07-12-2010, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg

Check out EHell. You guys might get a lot of helpful tips as you're navigating what I see as the #1 way to piss your friends and family off (getting married).

Keep in mind, too, that you're the hosts of the event and ultimately are in control of the guest list. I was just looking at a sister's wedding pictures this morning - I was not invited - and I don't feel slighted by that. Sure, I wouldn't recommend not inviting your best friend, but most (reasonable) people understand that weddings are expensive and while the bride and groom may absolutely value their friendship with any given person, it's not always possible to invite everyone to the wedding.

exactly and true!!! It's one thing not to invite your best friend but it's that casual aquaintance, that thinks that they are supposed to be at everything that I am somewhat concerned about....hehehe

agzg · #8 07-12-2010, 12:34 PM

If it's a casual acquaintence I would not invite them to the ceremony OR the reception. Regardless of whether they feel they should be or not. If they confront you about it, tell them you needed to stay on budget and within your space constraints, then "bean dip" them by changing the subject.

BTW, I'll PM you my address so you can send me an invitation.

DaemonSeid · #9 07-12-2010, 12:35 PM

Well..we will look over our list again tonight...hehe.

It's gonna be some sad sad co workers come next month...hahahaha

agzg · #10 07-12-2010, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Well..we will look over our list again tonight...hehe.

It's gonna be some sad sad co workers come next month...hahahaha

Co-workers are not automatically invited by virtue of working near you. That's ridiculous.

Everyone else on my team is getting married between August and October 2011. I'm not expecting an invite from any of them, and it would be unreasonable of me to expect that. I will give them a card the week before their wedding, and I'm sure that the office will pool money to buy a gift, but that's as far as the expectation goes.

Drolefille · #11 07-12-2010, 12:42 PM

I think the whole etiquette kerfuffle occurs because you naturally talk about a wedding. It's not polite to talk about a party that others aren't invited to in front of them, but weddings get talked about and then people get openly offended. Instead of seething at home because they didn't get to come to your garden party that they weren't technically told about, they call and tell you off.

Also, Firefox knows how to spell kerfuffle.

33girl · #12 07-12-2010, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Well..we will look over our list again tonight...hehe.

It's gonna be some sad sad co workers come next month...hahahaha

Unless they're your CLOSE friends as well, as in you hang out with them every weekend, skip the coworkers as a group. That's a bunch in one place that it's easy to say "I'm sorry we couldn't invite you but there were too many family constraints."

One of my coworkers sent out invites to only "selected" other coworkers, then when it ended up that she had a very poor response rate of people attending in general, asked the rest of us (the weekend before the wedding) if we wanted to come. Stay classy.

agzg · #13 07-12-2010, 12:49 PM

Right, once you send out invites, you gotta stick to your guest list. Don't send out "sympathy invites" like Sookie did to Richard and Emily Gilmore.

DaemonSeid · #14 07-12-2010, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg

Co-workers are not automatically invited by virtue of working near you. That's ridiculous.

Everyone else on my team is getting married between August and October 2011. I'm not expecting an invite from any of them, and it would be unreasonable of me to expect that. I will give them a card the week before their wedding, and I'm sure that the office will pool money to buy a gift, but that's as far as the expectation goes.

No...it's not that at all...I am laughing because there are some that I am very close to outside of the office (BBQs, graduations etc) that I WILL invite and a few that think that just due to proximity alone they THINK they will get an invite (why I don't know)...that's what I am talking about...LOL

@33girl understood and we already decided that regardless of the invite rate, we are going with what we have.

agzg · #15 07-12-2010, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

No...it's not that at all...I am laughing because there are some that I am very close to outside of the office (BBQs, graduations etc) that I WILL invite and a few that think that just due to proximity alone they THINK they will get an invite (why I don't know)...that's what I am talking about...LOL

Right that's totally ridiculous.