eHarmony=eHotmess

Dionysus · #1 09-16-2008, 09:37 PM

What's the deal with eHarmony? I've heard so many negative things about it. One thing after another.

Some things I heard about it:
-They won't match you with the same sex.
-They won't match you with people of different races.
-Sometimes they won't match you with ANYONE, they find some people unfit for their dating service.

Jill1228 · #2 09-16-2008, 10:09 PM

Sounds like a total hot mess to me too. But then again after all the founder is part of a major holy roller evangelical group called Focus on the Family.

Neil Clark Warren Bio

eharmony recently broke off from Focus though

Munchkin03 · #3 09-17-2008, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dionysus

What's the deal with eHarmony? I've heard so many negative things about it. One thing after another.

Some things I heard about it:
-They won't match you with the same sex.
-They won't match you with people of different races.
-Sometimes they won't match you with ANYONE, they find some people unfit for their dating service.

I went to a wedding earlier this year where the couple met via eHarmony. She's white (Jewish), he's Korean.

I know very little about online dating, so this may be a silly question--aren't there more gay-friendly sites out there?

LPIDelta · #4 09-17-2008, 08:42 AM

eHarmony is not gay friendly. At all.

They will, however, match you with people of another race.

The complaints I have heard is that after the first few weeks the matches slow to a trickle or they start matching you with people from hundreds of miles away (even if you say you only want people in your immediate area).

It's also expensive--which may be a good way to weed people out that are too cheap or unwilling to pay the fee, and therefore may not be as serious about finding someone. I think that has more to do with eHarmony's success than than anything else...

APhi Sailorgirl · #5 09-18-2008, 09:52 AM

I have a coworker who was rejected by eHarmony. I couldn't believe it, but apparently not all personality types fit into their little bubble.

Munchkin03 · #6 09-18-2008, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APhi Sailorgirl

I have a coworker who was rejected by eHarmony. I couldn't believe it, but apparently not all personality types fit into their little bubble.

Yeah, one of my friends was rejected too. He's a really nice, awesome guy--he just wasn't eHarmonious. LOL.

Dionysus · #7 09-18-2008, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I went to a wedding earlier this year where the couple met via eHarmony. She's white (Jewish), he's Korean.

I know very little about online dating, so this may be a silly question--aren't there more gay-friendly sites out there?

Quote:

Originally Posted by LPIDelta

eHarmony is not gay friendly. At all.

They will, however, match you with people of another race.

Alright, that is even weirder. I have a friend who is a black male, and eHarmony told him that they strongly recommend that he pursues someone of the same race, if he wants any dating success.

So, do they think that only certain people are suitable for interracial relationships?

As for gay friendly sites. There are tons of them for gay guys, but not gay women. If you're a gay woman, you're just stuck with match and okaycupid. Personally, I was not impressed, I'll just stick to Novak's. But, for the people who don't like bars or whatever, it must suck for them if they have trouble finding mainstream online dating services that will serve their preferences.

PeppyGPhiB · #8 09-18-2008, 07:02 PM

The founder is a Pepperdine alum, so several years ago, when they started advertising, I tried out eHarmony. The guys I was matched with were all way more conservative than me and I didn't feel like we had much in common even on paper. They didn't seem like matches at all. But eHarmony works differently than Match.com and other online places...it works in phases and there's no search tool or anything like that. It's not appropriate for someone (like me) who knows exactly what they want/need in a partner. Anyway, I tried it for a free month, then abandoned it.

I don't think it was ever attached to Focus on the Family; I think they just promoted the service on Focus on the Family, among other mediums. Look at the marketing - it's all focused on marriage, not dating or hooking up. So it is values based...that is, it's supposed to match people up according to which traits they have that supposedly are the rock of a marriage, and it keeps apart people that might have conflicting values that would cause a rocky marriage. For some that might be religion, others education, others race. The founder has said that the reason for excluding same-sex matches is because the research it uses to base its pairings on does not have findings for same-sex couples...because same-sex couples can't get married (or at least they couldn't at the time the company was founded).

ETA: my bf and I DID meet online, though. It's very normal here in Seattle. In fact, it used to be that when I went out to a bar with friends, I'd see guys I recognized, but I couldn't figure out from where. Then I realized that I had seen their profile on match.com.

alum · #9 09-18-2008, 07:16 PM

A former coworker was of one race and was matched through eHarmony to a person of a different race. They both considered themselves "saved" Christian Protestants and did get married. They were divorced within 2 years.

33girl · #10 09-19-2008, 10:48 AM

eHarmony almost sounds more like an old-fashioned matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match type thing. Which is their prerogative. I think the ire and confusion comes when it's marketed as being like Yahoo Personals or any other online dating service. It seems like they've finally learned and are promoting it as they should have to begin with.

christiangirl · #11 09-19-2008, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dionysus

-Sometimes they won't match you with ANYONE, they find some people unfit for their dating service.

I tried eHarmony once upon a time and I was rejected. The message said something to the effect of "Out of our ---- million users, we could not find a suitable match for your personality type. Please fill out the questionnaire again in 6 months." I had never had a date before so that hurt my feelings a little bit (though I got asked out soon afterward and had a perfectly pleasant time

). I also did chemistry.com on a dare once. It's supposed to be much better than eHarmony, but out of my 5 free matches, there were 4 white men who specifically said they would not date African American women. Why the heck the site matched me with them, I'll never know.....

Honeykiss1974 · #12 09-21-2008, 05:48 PM

My BFF just got engaged to her boyfriend, whom she met on plentyoffish.com. I'm sure they allow matching between whomever plus it's free.

If you don't like Eharmony remember they aren't the only game in town.

Silmanarmo · #13 11-01-2008, 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Honeykiss1974

My BFF just got engaged to her boyfriend, whom she met on plentyoffish.com. I'm sure they allow matching between whomever plus it's free.

If you don't like Eharmony remember they aren't the only game in town.

I also know a couple who met on plentyoffish.com and they are doing great

It seems to be a pretty successful site so far

Zephyrus · #14 11-01-2008, 03:04 AM

This is an interesting topic. I tried eharmony once. I was separated at the time, and they told me to come back in 6 months. I was going through a divorce. I was only married for barely a year so I thought it was a little harsh to reject me because I was separated.

smiley21 · #15 11-01-2008, 08:36 AM

I have tried eHarmony once, and there was no problem with matching me with men of other races. I never knew other people had a problem.