How to respond to PNM you don't know who wants rec when school doesn't require them?

BlueCarnation · #1 08-27-2015, 12:47 PM

I apologize if this has been asked and answered before. I work at a Midwestern school where the Greek system is pretty popular with certain groups of students, but recommendations are not required for recruitment. I have worked with PNMs from our area to get them recs for SEC and other "competitive" schools; they have always clearly done their homework, are familiar with the process, and contact me well in advance of the deadline. I help put them in contact with local alumnae of other sororities as well.

I have been contacted by someone now 2 years in a row who wants me to write a rec for her at "my" school and to forward her information to these local alumnae of the other campus sororities. Recruitment is less than a week away. She started recruitment last year, but dropped. Last year she contacted me 2 weeks before recruitment started. I know how I will handle the recommendation process for my campus chapter, but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to respond to PNMs like this one without sounding too harsh. There are a lot of young women here who are the first in their family to go through the recruitment process, so I understand that it can be overwhelming, but she clearly knew that recs were a "thing", and she did it two years in a row. Is it worth responding to these PNMs with anything other than "I'll pass your name along?"

Thanks!

33girl · #2 08-27-2015, 01:08 PM

Did she still have invites last year when she dropped out? More importantly, did she have an invite to your group? It kind of sounds like she's blaming her lack of rush success on not having a full complement of recs when that's not the reason.

BlueCarnation · #3 08-27-2015, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Did she still have invites last year when she dropped out? More importantly, did she have an invite to your group? It kind of sounds like she's blaming her lack of rush success on not having a full complement of recs when that's not the reason.

All she said was that it was a "sudden family issue." No other information. We had a sorority here that re-colonized after our formal recruitment last year, and I had encouraged her to look at them as well. She mentioned nothing of them either, so I don't know if she even checked them out.

KDCat · #4 08-27-2015, 02:49 PM

Just tell her straight.

I would say "I'm sorry but I can't give you a recommendation at this point. It is too close to the deadline. Is there anyone that you know personally from church or high school that could give you one?"

BlueCarnation · #5 08-31-2015, 05:48 PM

Ugh. She sent me a modeling shot where you can't really see her face and a resume, and told me that she didn't know ANYONE who was in a sorority. I asked for a head shot and she sent me another modeling shot. Then she asked if we could talk on the phone so she could tell me all about herself. Recruitment starts this weekend. I told her that I will write it based on what I have and wished her luck. Sigh...

DubaiSis · #6 08-31-2015, 06:02 PM

Personally I'd go with KDCat's advice and tell her she's SOL. And I certainly wouldn't forward it on to your friends. As you have stated, you're not from some backward-ass town that doesn't know any better. And if she dropped out of a non-competitive rush as a freshman, didn't give the colony a shot (in the fall and undoubtedly they were still growing in the spring) and is giving it another shot as a sophomore but still knows no sorority women? Yikes. This sounds like a Texas Daughter's Recruitment thread just waiting to be written. Best of luck on dealing with it with grace.

BlueCarnation · #7 08-31-2015, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Personally I'd go with KDCat's advice and tell her she's SOL. And I certainly wouldn't forward it on to your friends. As you have stated, you're not from some backward-ass town that doesn't know any better. And if she dropped out of a non-competitive rush as a freshman, didn't give the colony a shot (in the fall and undoubtedly they were still growing in the spring) and is giving it another shot as a sophomore but still knows no sorority women? Yikes. This sounds like a Texas Daughter's Recruitment thread just waiting to be written. Best of luck on dealing with it with grace.

I'm not sure I can handle another Texas Daughter's Recruitment thread--I won't ever get any work done!

I told her I'll send her information to my sorority but she'd have to contact other organizations on her own since it was so late in the process. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but there's only so much I can do. Thanks!!!