ex-boyfriend

rainbowbrightCS · #1 03-25-2004, 10:03 PM

Ok, so I dated this guy in highschool for 1 1/2 years. It was a horrible breakup and most of my high school knew about it. I then transfers school (I was going to do so even before the break up) and grad. high school then moved to GA. This was several years ago.

Last night out of no where I get a IM from some one asking if I was me. The guy tells me it is my ex and even confirms his ID. I thought he was IMing me about my dad who passes away earlier this month but he had no clue about that. He was extremly sorry and concerned about me handling this.

I come to find out that in a year or so he most likely will be moving to ATL. and he wanted to know about it and how close I am to ATL. He also just wanted to see how I am and what is happening in my life. We started talking and agreed upon alot of things.

He then tells me that he might come to ATL this summer just to see it. That if I can tell him where to go/not go or even give him( and his family) a basic tour.

I am not sure what to do. If he comes back online should I talk to him or have him start the conversation again? He seems like he has really matured in the last years that we can be friends now. I would like to be friends with him but he hurt me really bad.

Any advise is welcome.

Thanks

James · #2 03-25-2004, 10:04 PM

If its been a few years and you both let it go, you just treat it like meeting a new friend really and go from there.

Munchkin03 · #3 03-25-2004, 10:11 PM

It's been my experience that you really can become friends if you let a few years pass between break-up and attempt, instead of trying to become friends two or three weeks after the break-up. I'm currently not in touch with any of my former boyfriends, but enough time has passed that I would be willing to resume contact.

James · #4 03-25-2004, 10:16 PM

Me too, assuming they looked good and sex was in the offing . . otherwise . . why go back to something I outgrew?

Quote:

Originally posted by Munchkin03
It's been my experience that you really can become friends if you let a few years pass between break-up and attempt, instead of trying to become friends two or three weeks after the break-up. I'm currently not in touch with any of my former boyfriends, but enough time has passed that I would be willing to resume contact.

sigtau305 · #5 03-26-2004, 01:02 PM

Being Friends would be the Best route for you.

GeekyPenguin · #6 03-26-2004, 02:41 PM

I'm friends with the majority of my ex-boyfriends, although with some of them it took time to get over the breakup.

maggieaxid · #7 03-26-2004, 04:13 PM

I am kinda in a similar situation except I am the one moving down to where my ex lives (well about an hr away). Granted, he and I have a very sorted past, but we have become good friends and talk all the time and we have also had conversations about the demise of our relationship and admitted our mistakes. it was a great way to get closure and we both even admit that there is still a spark there.
So in my opinion, chat with him and then met up with him for lunch or something. It may feel weird at first, but eventually I think it's well worth it!

rainbowbrightCS · #8 03-31-2004, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by maggieaxid
I am kinda in a similar situation except I am the one moving down to where my ex lives (well about an hr away). Granted, he and I have a very sorted past, but we have become good friends and talk all the time and we have also had conversations about the demise of our relationship and admitted our mistakes. it was a great way to get closure and we both even admit that there is still a spark there.
So in my opinion, chat with him and then met up with him for lunch or something. It may feel weird at first, but eventually I think it's well worth it!

Well I did talk to him again (several times actually) and we agreed to be friends and even talked about "US" and what we remember and what we did wrong. We even had an "question and answer" section.

We made each other feel really good and admitted that if we would have stayed together we would have been miserable and hated each other. Plus we said we might be get back together and been happy or just be friends and be happy. It does not matter just as long as we are happy.

I feel so much better that I talked to him.
Thanks to every one.

Chris

rainbowbrightCS · #9 04-12-2004, 09:34 PM

update... Like any of you care. But any way.

We have talked to each other several more times and decided that we are going to try a long distance relationship for now. This way we will have to communicate (unlike our first go around) and there is no way to be physical with each other. This owrks out fine for us because our school and work gets in the way of having a conventional S.O. so I know there will be no cheating (which did not happen before, thank god).

Now I can have some one care for me and that is on my side that I care for too. And we even admitted that there maybe a serious future togther but we are not sure yet. We have even duscusses marriage and kids and our wants and needs. I am feeling very positive about this.

Oh yeah, he was deeply crush when he found out about my dad. And I know that if I ever marry this man that my dad would have approved.

and My mother just loves him.

All is good in this part of Christiaville.

James · #10 04-12-2004, 09:55 PM

Well this has to be about the most unhealthy thing I have read about recently.

Is it that hard for you to meet boys near you? If so why?

I think most of us just thought you might become friends, not surrogate significant others.

Quote:

Originally posted by rainbowbrightCS
update... Like any of you care. But any way.

We have talked to each other several more times and decided that we are going to try a long distance relationship for now. This way we will have to communicate (unlike our first go around) and there is no way to be physical with each other. This owrks out fine for us because our school and work gets in the way of having a conventional S.O. so I know there will be no cheating (which did not happen before, thank god).

Now I can have some one care for me and that is on my side that I care for too. And we even admitted that there maybe a serious future togther but we are not sure yet. We have even duscusses marriage and kids and our wants and needs. I am feeling very positive about this.

Oh yeah, he was deeply crush when he found out about my dad. And I know that if I ever marry this man that my dad would have approved. and My mother just loves him.

All is good in this part of Christiaville.

AchtungBaby80 · #11 04-12-2004, 10:14 PM

I think you all should just be friends, honestly. For right now, anyway. Long-distance relationships require more work than it looks like. I'm not saying you don't know what you're getting yourself into, but it really sort of sucks not to be able to see your SO when you want to. What if you have a bad day? You can call him, but he won't be there with you. I feel like it's hard to really know someone unless you've really been around that person, and I think it'd be a safe bet that both of you have changed since you were last around each other. I'm not saying cut him off--no, don't do that, not if he's someone you want in your life. But think long and hard before you commit yourself to anything.