Long Distance Relationship Advice

erniegurl00 · #1 06-21-2002, 12:48 PM

Hey everyone,

I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on how to cope with long distance relationships. I know some of you have gone through it, so any help would be welcome!

For the past year my bf and I have been just an hour apart, and I didn't really consider it a big deal because we saw each other on the weekends and then sometimes during the week. I just found out yesterday that he was accepted into a grad program. If he doesn't get a job he's been pursuing here in Indiana he will stay where he is in IL. That means he'd be 3+ hours away for the next two years. I'm afraid I won't get to see him hardly at all because of my own schedule (I'm an exec officer and a Rho Chi, not to mention my own classes I have to deal with). I know good communication is key, but is there any other things that would make this situation easier??

Thanks a lot,
Erin

LeslieAGD · #2 06-21-2002, 12:55 PM

Erin, see if any of these previous threads help...

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showth...+relationships

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showth...+relationships

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showth...+relationships

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showth...+relationships

James · #3 06-21-2002, 08:48 PM

Don't do it. No matter how well it eventually works out you are embarking on a relationship with built in pain.

IowaHawkeye · #4 06-21-2002, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Don't do it. No matter how well it eventually works out you are embarking on a relationship with built in pain.

Ugh, I'm definitely going to have to disagree with you on that one James... stop yourself from loving someone, being with them, being happy becuase of something that may or may not happen...? to me thats just being chicken - not putting yourself and your heart on the line becuase your afraid... when it comes to someone you love or have the potential to love, the so called "pain" of being apart is worth it and makes you stronger; believe me I know, I've done the long-distance thing where it completely fell apart, and where i couldn't live without the guy, no matter how far he is...

Kevin · #5 06-21-2002, 09:00 PM

It's an experience that everyone should have

Only once for me, thanks.. I'm through with those.

If you can make it work out though more power to ya!

James · #6 06-21-2002, 09:43 PM

Yeah . . . I can see that. I certainly have no easy answer. Would it be possible to maintain sometype of long distance relationship and still see others locally? Thats an awful lot of pressure to put on yourself.

I have certainly had to distance myself mentally before to prevent myself from becoming overly attached to someone romantically that was very far away. But at the same time I can also relate to the idea of meeting someone very special that lives at a distance and not seeming to be able to help myself. A bad situation to be in.

Quote:

Originally posted by IowaHawkeye

Ugh, I'm definitely going to have to disagree with you on that one James... stop yourself from loving someone, being with them, being happy becuase of something that may or may not happen...? to me thats just being chicken - not putting yourself and your heart on the line becuase your afraid... when it comes to someone you love or have the potential to love, the so called "pain" of being apart is worth it and makes you stronger; believe me I know, I've done the long-distance thing where it completely fell apart, and where i couldn't live without the guy, no matter how far he is...

queequek · #7 06-22-2002, 12:21 AM

I personally think that long distance relationship WILL work. The basic element of the relationship should be Trust. Everything else will be followed, based on the trusts given to one another. Actually, this works for my sister, she married her 8-yr-old-relationship boyfriend, which 5 years based on long distance relationship. She's happy now (been marrying for 3 years now, will go on with the first kid in September)

Actually, this doesn't work on my case couple years ago. My gf back then went to school at the Down Under, and the relationship only worked for about 1.5 years. Oh, well ... I get over it now.

Colleenie · #8 06-22-2002, 12:39 AM

E-mail is a God-send for LD relationships! You can still keep that day to day contact without running up the phone bill. Even writing about the mundane daily stuff is important, it keeps you connected. And knowing that you won't be apart forever can keep you going when you miss him the most. Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out for the best!

erniegurl00 · #9 06-22-2002, 09:16 AM

Thanks everyone for your replies. I've been down in the dumps lately worrying about this. It's going to take me awhile to get used to the idea, especially since this past semester he had planned on staying in the area.

James, you're a great friend, but there is no way I would even consider dating anyone else. My bf is actually my fiance (but just without the diamond. Close enough, right?). Our relationship is so strong and deep that it would totally ruin what we have to see other people. I know I would be crushed to find out that he wanted to date others while apart from me. I think I'd rather take the pain of being apart! We do plan on marrying in two years, and that is my motivation knowing that someday we'll finally be in the same town! Our whole relationship has been built on long distance.

Email and my cell phone are my two saviors! Thankfully my dad gave me a good plan just for this occasion. I'll let you guys know what happens. Nothing is for sure right now. Eli Lilly is still contacting him about a potential job. Hopefully some resolution will be made soon. Wish me luck!

Thanks again,
Erin

BobbyTheDon · #10 08-16-2004, 04:07 PM

hi,

I know this is like two years later, but I thought I would offer some advice that seems to work for my lady and i.

i am not too good on giving, ADVICE...but I can give you tips on how to keep it going and interesting.

cell phones cell phones cell phones! we hardly talk on IM anymore. but don't get me wrong, we still do. but you know, with the great plans and nationwide long distance why not call the celly you now?

anyways, these are some things we do on the cell phone.

1- watch movies together! hey, sounds weird, but what we do is we rent the same dvd, get it to play at the EXACT same time, have each other on the phone and watch it together.

2- fall asleep on the phone...(i suggest wearing an ear piece)watch out though because the phone gets really hot. well, atleast mine does. her phone doesnt. we alawys leave each others chargers in our phones as we talk. my phone normally hangs up on us cuz it gets so hot. no biggie though, whoever wakes up first in the morning (normally her because she is 2 hours ahead) calls the other person and says good morning.

3- sing to her/him....especially when they are about to sleep.

4- this is kind of corny, but this is always fun. her and i play games on the phone sometimes. like, we play " who wants to be a millionair!" we give each other life lines and shit. she always kicks my ass, beacuse i ask her questions that i KNOW she can get. and well, she ask me random shit like, what are the name of the moons that orbit Saturn. yeah, I am always like...WTF BABE! and I use up all my life lines, and I fucking lose. i hate it. but its fun

5- hey, go on yahoo IM. yahoo IM has this thing called doodle. its fun to doodle.

6- go throw a rabbit across the room. those things are so damn cute that you just want to throw them across the room. do it. it feels good.

8- visualize what it will be like when you see that person again.

9- 8!?!? What happened to 7 !!!!?????? Just kidding....

7- Oh yeah, I was just joking about number 6 by the way.

rainbowbrightCS · #11 08-16-2004, 08:02 PM

I am in a LD with my high school sweetheart. We dated for about 2 years and had a 3 year break. We are now back together, but I am 2000 miles away. He is moving out here (whether I was here or not) and we are very happy. Try to see each other every month if you can. Atleast every other month. We see each other every 3 months or so, and have a great 3 or 4 day weekend together.

Also, get yahoo and you two can do a web cam. If you dont have a cam, then pay $25 at Best Buy and have fun. Its nice just seeing him.

Tell each other what happened during the day, instead of "nothing". So I know everything he did today, and what he had for lunch and what not. He knows the same.

Its alot of work, but anything worth having is.

I am happy to say, that our relationship is strong, and moving forward. We are very happy and talking about our future together.

FAB*SpiceySpice · #12 08-17-2004, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
hi,

I know this is like two years later, but I thought I would offer some advice that seems to work for my lady and i.

i am not too good on giving, ADVICE...but I can give you tips on how to keep it going and interesting.

cell phones cell phones cell phones! we hardly talk on IM anymore. but don't get me wrong, we still do. but you know, with the great plans and nationwide long distance why not call the celly you now?

anyways, these are some things we do on the cell phone.

1- watch movies together! hey, sounds weird, but what we do is we rent the same dvd, get it to play at the EXACT same time, have each other on the phone and watch it together.

2- fall asleep on the phone...(i suggest wearing an ear piece)watch out though because the phone gets really hot. well, atleast mine does. her phone doesnt. we alawys leave each others chargers in our phones as we talk. my phone normally hangs up on us cuz it gets so hot. no biggie though, whoever wakes up first in the morning (normally her because she is 2 hours ahead) calls the other person and says good morning.

3- sing to her/him....especially when they are about to sleep.

4- this is kind of corny, but this is always fun. her and i play games on the phone sometimes. like, we play " who wants to be a millionair!" we give each other life lines and shit. she always kicks my ass, beacuse i ask her questions that i KNOW she can get. and well, she ask me random shit like, what are the name of the moons that orbit Saturn. yeah, I am always like...WTF BABE! and I use up all my life lines, and I fucking lose. i hate it. but its fun

5- hey, go on yahoo IM. yahoo IM has this thing called doodle. its fun to doodle.

6- go throw a rabbit across the room. those things are so damn cute that you just want to throw them across the room. do it. it feels good.

8- visualize what it will be like when you see that person again.

9- 8!?!? What happened to 7 !!!!?????? Just kidding....

7- Oh yeah, I was just joking about number 6 by the way.

This is totally unrelated to advice on LD relationships but I just wanted to say that those are the cutest things ever. My best guy friend (whom I also would like to marry

) and I watch movies "together" like that too sometimes since we're hardly ever in the same city.

Shima-Mizu · #13 08-17-2004, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by FAB*SpiceySpice
This is totally unrelated to advice on LD relationships but I just wanted to say that those are the cutest things ever. My best guy friend (whom I also would like to marry ) and I watch movies "together" like that too sometimes since we're hardly ever in the same city.

We've decided against trying to synchronize movies because otherwise we'd probably talk more than watch it...

We play Diablo II together a lot, specifically though for this, we did something really special. We made characters that we only play together in games with each other, and no one else.

I got a book of questions for couples from one of my friends a few months ago, I've been using it all summer now that we've been doing the long distance thing. It's got some really good conversation starters if we're ever in a rut of random stuff to talk about.

erniegurl00 · #14 08-17-2004, 02:53 AM

Hey all. I didn't even realize this post had been bumped up. I thought it was odd that I was getting PMs about LDs!

Anyway, I've been with my bf for about 3 1/2 years now, and our LD distance has been increased to about 3 hours. We've gotten used to it, and it's really not too bad. We talk every night at the same time, talk via IM, and try to spend as much time together as possible.

Anyway, just saying the LDs can work. It's hard but manageable.

AOII_Luv · #15 08-17-2004, 07:14 AM

I am also in a LD relationship, but if this was all I could get with him, then so be it. When we were first started out, I was living in Indiana, he was living in Chicago. That is a good 4-4.5 hours away. In May, I moved to Michigan which makes it about 1.5 hours away. We talk every single night and send each other emails on occasion too. It's hard, but he is so worth it and we trust each other and have excellent communication. We see each other at least once a week. I just wanted to add my story because LD relationships are totally possible!

Also add...for erniegurl00...I graduated from IU in May, 2003! Are you going to be active? Tell me what you think of the school and such!