I think I made a mistake.

[GreekRegret]

OK, so I went off to college in a new city not that long ago and I went through NPC rush and initiated into a house. All the while being told that I should have waited and weighed more options. Being eager to make my own decisions and do what I felt like doing, I dove headfirst into Greek life. I'm just now realizing how much of a mistake that was.

Going Greek in general wasn't a mistake, but joining an NPC sorority was. I initially felt good about my decision and it was decent for the most part. Now I've realized that that was not where my heart or head actually was.

I fully believe that I should have waited and tried to become a member of the NPHC sorority that would've been legacy to me.

I was so eager to be a part of something that I just blindly joined an organization. The women are wonderful ladies, but a lot of things happened during my time there that shouldn't have. I was pushed to do things that I wouldn't normally have done. I was encouraged to party instead of study. Things like that happened a lot while I was at the school.

I now realize that Big Sisters are supposed to guide you. They're supposed to have your best interest in mind. They're supposed to educate you and help you. That didn't happen for me. I feel like they didn't care about my academics. I feel like I was just another girl to party with.

I hate that I was so impressionable and naive.

I wish I would've listened to my dad and focused on my grades so that I would've been a great candidate to continue the family legacy.

I'm not at that school anymore and there's no chapter here. I would'nt have joined it anyway.

I wish I could start over and try again. I've seen people say that I could technically disaffiliate from the NPC and attempt to join the NPHC if that chapter decided to have me, but I'm not even sure about that whole process.

I feel like another sorority wouldn't want me anyway.

Basically, I have no real idea what to do about my situation.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything would be appreciated.

[summer_gphib]

We all make mistakes and must deal with the ramifications. You seem to be blaming your lack of academic achievement on your sisters (although it doesn't sound like you are being much of a sister). You are old enough to understand the concepts of studying, and getting good grades, it's up to you to do that, not those around you. If you are so easily persuaded by your peers maybe you aren't mature enough to be in college? In other words, put on your big girl panties and suck it up.

I can't speak for NPHC sororities so I don't know if you would be allowed to go through their intake process or not. But I don't think your lack of maturity and loyalty would merit their praise.

[GreekRegret]

I completely understand that I had a hand in what happened. I thought I made that clear, but I guess not. What I'm saying is that no sister should push a new, younger sister to go out drinking instead of studying. A lot of things happened that I did not and will not go into detail about. Those women should be blamed for their behavior?? Especially when it has been clearly stated that these women want their little sisters to prosper and live up to a certain standard.

I take responsibility for being naive as I said. I take responsibility for making the wrong choice and joining the organization. I take responsibility for allowing this to become something that I regret.

Also, I spoke in past tense. Maybe you missed that. I've changed as a person and that is what brought about the realization that the people I surrounded myself with at that point were not a positive influence on me.

I don't find telling me to "suck it up" helpful, but thank you anyway.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I can't speak for whether an NPHC group will or won't be interested you in a member, but I can tell you this much: DO NOT LIE ABOUT HAVING BEEN INITIATED INTO AN NPC. The world is too small and the internet too big for it not to come out at some point.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by GreekRegret

OK, so I went off to college in a new city not that long ago and I went through NPC rush and initiated into a house. All the while being told that I should have waited and weighed more options. Being eager to make my own decisions and do what I felt like doing, I dove headfirst into Greek life. I'm just now realizing how much of a mistake that was.

Going Greek in general wasn't a mistake, but joining an NPC sorority was. I initially felt good about my decision and it was decent for the most part. Now I've realized that that was not where my heart or head actually was.

I fully believe that I should have waited and tried to become a member of the NPHC sorority that would've been legacy to me.

I was so eager to be a part of something that I just blindly joined an organization. The women are wonderful ladies, but a lot of things happened during my time there that shouldn't have. I was pushed to do things that I wouldn't normally have done. I was encouraged to party instead of study. Things like that happened a lot while I was at the school.

I now realize that Big Sisters are supposed to guide you. They're supposed to have your best interest in mind. They're supposed to educate you and help you. That didn't happen for me. I feel like they didn't care about my academics. I feel like I was just another girl to party with.

I hate that I was so impressionable and naive.

I wish I would've listened to my dad and focused on my grades so that I would've been a great candidate to continue the family legacy.

I'm not at that school anymore and there's no chapter here. I would'nt have joined it anyway.

I want nothing more than to start over and try again. I've seen people say that I could technically disaffiliate from the NPC and attempt to join the NPHC if that chapter decided to have me, but I'm not even sure about that whole process.

I feel like another sorority wouldn't want me anyway.

Basically, I have no real idea what to do about my situation.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anything would be appreciated.

The bolded is correct if you are talking about an NPHC sorority. You cannot disaffiliate from NPC or another NPHC and join an NPHC.**

You will hear those old wives tales of people successfully doing this but those are quite rare and old stories. You have a very small chance of successfully doing that even if you transfer to another school. DeltaBetaBaby's post explains why in addition to the power of paperwork and "background checks".

Your only option is to join a sorority that allows dual membership with an NPC sorority. NPHC sororities do not allow dual membership.**

Lesson learned. Good luck to you.


**A GC NPHCer can tell me if I'm wrong about her sorority.

[GreekRegret]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I can't speak for whether an NPHC group will or won't be interested you in a member, but I can tell you this much: DO NOT LIE ABOUT HAVING BEEN INITIATED INTO AN NPC. The world is too small and the internet too big for it not to come out at some point.

Thank you. I'd never lie about it. I can just imagine how much of a fiasco that would be.

[GreekRegret]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The bolded is correct if you are talking about an NPHC sorority. You cannot disaffiliate from NPC or another NPHC and join an NPHC.**

You will hear those old wives tales of people successfully doing this but those are quite rare and old stories. You have a very small chance of successfully doing that even if you transfer to another school. DeltaBetaBaby's post explains why in addition to the power of paperwork and "background checks".

Your only option is to join a sorority that allows dual membership with an NPC sorority. NPHC sororities do not allow dual membership.**

Lesson learned. Good luck to you.


**A GC NPHCer can tell me if I'm wrong about her sorority.

Thank you. I've never witnessed it, but I came across a thread on it here about it a few days ago. It was really interesting, but I figured it was just all talk.

[DrPhil]

Since you are already a member of an NPC sorority, I encourage you to see positivity in the experience. There is a reason why you pursued NPC instead of NPHC. You now claim to have acted too soon but you acted nonetheless.

All of our GLOs consist of humans who say and do dumb things. They all consist of humans who do not abide by our organizations' policies and procedures at all times. College students can be especially annoying. Post-college, we all have something about us that annoys someone else. One thing that you will hopefully learn from your "NPHC thoughts" is that membership is for a lifetime. You need to think beyond the immediate and think about what you want to do when college is long gone. You may be able to see yourself loving and participating in this NPC sorority even if some of the sisters and practices annoy you. You may be able to see yourself being an active NPC member after you graduate. As long as your health and life are not in danger, it may be worth a try. Since we have an active diversity thread right now and you are making the NPC/NPHC comparison, I also wonder whether you feel some type of exclusion or isolation as a woman of the African diaspora. If you feel excluded or isolated, what changed since you felt so warmed and welcomed as a PNM?

Just some things to think about.

[GreekRegret]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Since you are already a member of an NPC sorority, I encourage you to see positivity in the experience. There is a reason why you pursued NPC instead of NPHC. You now claim to have acted too soon but you acted nonetheless.

All of our GLOs consist of humans who say and do dumb things. They all consist of humans who do not abide by our organizations' policies and procedures at all times. College students can be especially annoying. Post-college, we all have something about us that annoys someone else. One thing that you will hopefully learn from your "NPHC thoughts" is that membership is for a lifetime. You need to think beyond the immediate and think about what you want to do when college is long gone. You may be able to see yourself loving and participating in this NPC sorority even if some of the sisters and practices annoy you. You may be able to see yourself being an active NPC member after you graduate. As long as your health and life are not in danger, it may be worth a try. Since we have an active diversity thread right now and you are making the NPC/NPHC comparison, I also wonder whether you feel some type of exclusion or isolation as a woman of the African diaspora. If you feel excluded or isolated, what changed since you felt so warmed and welcomed as a PNM?

Just some things to think about.

It's a lot of things. People like to put up a front for PNM's. I hate to say that, but in this case, it's true. After my new member period was up, so many true colors started to show. I do appreciate the women that I've met/bonded with and I don't think that they are bad people, but I can't get past the behaviors that I once just chalked up to them being cool big sisters. And part of me going NPC was because I thought I wouldn't fit in with an NPHC group which I now realize was the dumbest way to look at that ever. I've been told things like that and made fun of for not being "black enough" for years and it sucks that it took this long for me to see how stupid the people saying those things to me were.

I think the organization is a great one, but I still don't think that I should have committed to it. Aside from what color the founders were and all that. I just think that I was too eager to defy my parents and that's part of why I ended up pledging. I felt like my reasoning was sound two years ago. Now, not so much.

I also feel like I wasn't there long enough to really strengthen my ties to the Ritual. I left after two semesters. What I remember of it is great, but the fact is that I don't remember much. And it's not like I have a Ritual book or any materials where I live now. This is just an odd situation. And at the time, I never fathomed that I would leave the school that I was at. I'm glad I did, though. I'm in a much better environment at this point.

I also didn't realize that this post has been made by like 50,000 other people. Wow. Sorry about that.

I don't really feel like I deserve those letters at this point. I don't want to make a mockery of them by trying to force something that's no longer there. Maybe things will change, but I don't think they will.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by Jen

The bottom line is you can't join any other group. Your choices are to find a way to get involved in your current sorority as an alumna and find some way to get something out of your membership, or take the appropriate steps (ie paperwork from your headquarters) to sever your membership (this still won't allow you to initiate with another group though).

A third option - pay whatever alumna dues you agreed to at your initiation, and do nothing else. I'd venture to say that's what the majority of alumnae do, unfortunately.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DGTess

A third option - pay whatever alumna dues you agreed to at your initiation, and do nothing else. I'd venture to say that's what the majority of alumnae do, unfortunately.

I'd bet most don't even do this.

[Sen's Revenge]

I wish I had bookmarked the thread about the lady who had joined an NPC as a collegian and then joined an NPHC as an alumna. She was like a student affairs professional and everything. Crazyballs.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Sen's Revenge

I wish I had bookmarked the thread about the lady who had joined an NPC as a collegian and then joined an NPHC as an alumna. She was like a student affairs professional and everything. Crazyballs.

I remember this! I feel like something like that would be totally impossible now due to the Internet and social media.

When I joined my NPC sorority, there were plenty of people who told me that it was fine and that I could join a "real" (read: AKA or Delta) sorority when I was ready. LOL. I knew even then that wasn't going to happen. Even now some family members don't take my membership seriously.

[Shellfish]

This is it: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=128777. Unfortunately, the OP was not QFPed.

[Sen's Revenge]

Originally Posted by Shellfish

This is it: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=128777. Unfortunately, the OP was not QFPed.

Dammit, how did we not QFP?!?!?!?!