Pledged (not initiated) into 1 NPC sorority in college, alumnae initiated elsewhere

[CutiePie2000]

Hello GCers,
As you all know, as you know, some women pursue AI, for the reasons that some women may not have had the opportunity to go Greek in college, perhaps due to family resistance, no Greek system at their college or perhaps a rush that did not work out; the reasons may be as numerous as they are varied. I just wanted to gauge people's reactions for a, ahem, "hypothetical" situation.

I know someone who was in Sorority A (pledged, but never initiated). She was active in her chapter for about a year and a half without being initiated, the reason being grades and then later on, money. (Believe me, she did want to be initiated into "full fledged membership status"). Even after she left her chapter and eventually school, she was thoroughly involved, still helping the chapter with rush and in other supportive ways. Some time ago, she realized that it had always bothered her that she had never been initiated into "full membership" with Sorority A, and she began to explore the Alumnae Initiation process with Sorority A. She wrote some emails and they received a fruitful response; she met with one of Sorority A's Alumnae Chapters in her city for a luncheon. The Alumnae group told her after the luncheon that they would sponsor her, and that she should give them a couple of weeks to dig up the paperwork and fill it out. She was told they'd call with any questions they had when they were filling out the forms. Overall, she felt very positive about it and that it went very well. Then, 6 months passed and the woman heard nothing, all the while she was contacting the local alumnae chapter periodically to follow up with the matter. After six months of emailing the President of the Alumnae Chapter to follow up on the President's pledge to sponsor her (with no response back), she finally did get a response-- the Local Alumnae Chapter had changed their mind, the Alumnae President advised her that the Alumnae Chapter had chosen not to sponsor her for membership, despite her having been a pledge of Sorority A in the past (albeit a different collegiate chapter). The President's reason was that the Alumnae Chapter felt that they could not see sharing their sisterhood with her, nor did they feel that she would be able to share in their bonds of sisterhood, because she had not shared their collegiate experience with them. (I wanted to clarify that the President was initiated at a different chapter in the state, from the woman in question.) The woman, wanting further explanation and clarification on the policy for alumnae initiates, contacted the National Headquarters. Nationals did reply to her, and explained that in their sorority, Alumnae Initiation is extremely rare, and that if a woman is pledged but not initiated during her college years, it is extremely difficult to be initiated into that sorority after college. The chapter sisters of the woman rallied and tried to get another city alumnae group to sponsor the woman for alumnae initiation, but the general sentiment expressed by Nationals was one of "if one of our city alumnae groups does not see you as being fit for membership, then we stand by them." (this is in spite of the 15 letters of recommendation that she had). Therefore, this woman was not able to be alumna initiated into Sorority A, the group that she had been a pledge of while in college.

I am pleased to say that this has turned out to be a happy ending for her. Despite this disappointment, she still wanted to be in GLO, and friends of hers in Sorority B wanted her, and thus she started the process once again, but this time with Sorority B. After the process taking about a year and a half from start to finish, she has now been initiated into Sorority B, and is very happy there. However, some of her friends and acquaintances still think of her as a member of Sorority A (which I suppose she was, albeit a "pledge"). I would not refer to her as a "perp", because she had every intention of alumnae initiating with Sorority A. However, once she received the notice that her petition for sponsorship to membership had been rejected by Sorority A, she was devastated, but acknowledged this & immediately stopped making any overt affiliation with Sorority A. She then regrouped and started the ball rolling with Sorority B.

So, my question is, given these circumstances, how forgiving would you be to know this person and then discover out that she is not an initiated member of Sorority A? (I would like to add that she loves her Sorority A chapter sisters dearly, along with those Sorority A Women that she had gotten to know from other chapters in her city and does not harbour ill will towards them). More so, the reason for this post is that she just wants to know that it is safe for her to be "true" to everyone and tell those people who know her what happened. So, my question is, do you think it would be safe for her to "come out" (not sure if that's the right word, hee hee!) and would you, yourself, be understanding of someone in this situation?

[MoxieGrrl]

I wouldn't see what I would have to forgive this woman for! She did everything in her power to be a part of Sorority A, who (in my opinion) treated her very poorly. If this woman would feel the need to come out, then nothing should stop her. She wasn't in the wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of.

[bethany1982]

Why not come out? She has nothing to hide. After doing everything she could, she had to regroup and change direction. Seems to me she should be admired for her persistence and her ability to move on in a positive manner.

Absolutely! It's such a shame that Sorority A missed out on such a clearly devoted potential member. In no way is she to blame for the actions of a few people in the local alumnae chapter, and if her dream was to be a member of a sorority, cheers to her! And double cheers to sorority B who clearly gained a wonderful and active member.

I am sure there are some who would say "Well, if she wasn't able to be initated to Sorority A, she shouldn't have joined any sorority at all. She turned her back on us." You know what I say to those people? They don't know what friendship really is. Simply by initiating into Sorority B, doesn't mean that she loves the people and the ideals of Sorority A any less. In the long run, the letters don't mean as much as the people. If people can't see past that, it's their loss. Aren't we always talking about the Panhellenic spirit? The members of Sorority A, if they are truly her friends, should be happy for the girl and for Sorority B for having her as a member.

[tcsparky]

We all know of someone who was a "hold-over" pledge for some reason. Usually this is cleared up the next semester, or the person drops. But what if neither happens? What if the situation gets left in limbo for a long time? Obviously this woman CutiePie2000 is referring to knows what true sisterhood means. She tried to rectify the sitaution with sorority A, but they were too hung up on themselves to think about sisterhood. As an AI myself, I know for a fact that AI's care just as much as, if not more than, about their orgs as the collegiate who joins first semester out. AI's are generally very active, and try harder. I say BRAVO! to this woman. The friends who wrote the letters for her already knwo she wasn't initiated into A, and they SHOULD be accepting of her finding a home with B. I can understand it might be a bit awkward at first, for THEM, but I fell that she should not have to feel anything but pride and excitement.

When she thought of herself as an A (albeit uninitiated) for all of those years, she showed her love and loyalty to A. She was not a "perp", simply an uninitiated sister with a really long pledge period. But when A turned its back on her, she had every right to seek a new home. I am glad she found it. So, she should "come out" in a big, loud way, and let everyone know her happiness.

[valkyrie]

I absolutely agree with what everyone has said so far! This woman really went above and beyond in her pursuit of Sorority A, and I think it is awesome that she found her home after all this time. While it's true that some of Sorority A's members may be sad that she is not their initiated sister, this is through absolutely no fault of her own and it doesn't mean that she loves or cares for them any less.

Also, for what it's worth, I pledged one sorority when I was in college and ended up becoming an alumna initiate of a different group.

[33girl]

I'm not sure if you mean a year and a half past her completing pledgeship, or a year and a half including her pledgeship, but either way I don't understand why the national and/or the chapter didn't tell her to s*** or get off the pot. I thought you could only be held over for grades one semester, and as to the monetary situation, I would think the chapter or national could have set up a payment plan for her (unless living in the house was involved). So starting off, the situation seems to have been handled poorly from what CP is telling us.

While I think the "A" alumnae group was a bit vindictive, I can somewhat see their view. This woman enjoyed sorority life without having to pay full member dues or take on other responsibilties of a member (like living in the house). She contributed to the chapter in other ways, and for her chapter sisters that might have been enough. But if you were in a chapter where dues and fines and such were highly enforced, it might be hard to see the other side.

Should she come out? DEFINITELY. "I was pledging A in school, but never actually got initiated because of grades/$$ etc. I wasn't able to initiate later because of national policies. I found a home in B and am very happy there." If there are people who know her who think she is A and see her sporting B letters, they are going to feel played - it's better to get it in the open.

[CutiePie2000]

She left Sorority A, as she saw her financial problems would be ongoing, and though it saddened her to leave, she did not think it fair to the chapter, nor would she have been able to juggle the money to pay her portion of her tuition AND her dues. This was at a school where dues, even for women not living in the house, ran hundreds of dollars per MONTH. She chose to pay for school. And, as stated above, she remained available to her chapter for whatever they may have needed her for. She remained friends with those women.

The chapter at the time bent the rules a little bit due to some extenuating circumstances in her family. She WAS on a payment plan and DID fulfill all financial obligations to the chapter. She was due to be initiated, then those same extenuating family circumstances caused her to need to withdraw from school for a period of time. She in NO WAY "enjoyed the benefits of being a member w/o paying", she volunteered her time to the chapter above and beyond what was required and beyond her time at that school. She missed the GPA cut off of 2.75 by one tenth of a point. The following semester, she pulled a 3.75, so the chapter was more than willing to work with her and her situation given her commitment to pull her grades up, her commitment to her payment plan and her commitment to the chapter.

I suppose that I should clarifiy that the intention of this post is more about how to handle a delicate situation, NOT about how she handled her money (or lack thereof) back in college.

[KillarneyRose]

I think she should wear Sorority B's letters openly and proudly! She has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I think she should be commended on her tenacity! How many of us would be members of a GLO if it had been that difficult for us?? (some, not many, I bet!)

Her friends in Sorority A will understand. Those in Sorority A who showed themselves NOT to be her friend might not, but who cares about what they think anyway?!?!?!

[aephi alum]

This woman is a member of sorority B and should be proud of that!

It seems as though she tried, throughout her college years and her early alum years, to become an initiated sister of sorority A, and this fell through, through no fault of her own (well, you could argue that not making grades was her fault, but you see my point). When she was told in no uncertain terms that this was not going to happen, she regrouped, checked out other sororities, found one where she felt she belonged, and became an alum initiate. That took guts.

As for friends and sisters of sorority A who think she's still either pursuing AI or was accepted for AI into sorority A instead of B - all she needs to do is explain the situation. "I love A, I wish I could have been initiated as either a collegian or an alum, but so many obstacles stood in my way, and although I tried and tried, eventually I was told that I could never be initiated into A because of national policy. So I decided to become greek by following a different path. I'm proud to be a B, but there will always be a special place in my heart for A." Something like that.

I hope that made sense

[pinkyphimu]

i really don't think this woman has anything to explain to anyone. if people she lost touch with in group A think that she is initiated, then so what. the people she keeps in touch with regularly probably already know that she was denied alum initiation for the group. i am betting that some of those women wrote recs for her. as for other people she knows, she should be really proud to tell them about her association with group B. it seems kind of sketchy that group A denied her alum iniation request. i would think that after years of working with the group that it would be rewarded...but what do i know! i think it is really great that she was able to find her home! send our best regards!

[Peaches-n-Cream]

She doesn't owe anyone an explanation. She did the best that she could under the circumstances. I think that sorority A lost out on a gem of a sister. They should harbor no ill will towards her. Sorority B should be proud to have her.

[33girl]

CutiePie:

Sorry if you misunderstood - I in no way meant to say any of that was my opinion, as we had several members we bent the rules for, since they were great sisters. I was just trying to play devil's advocate.

The way I first read it, it sounded like she was going to mixers, sister events, everything fun except for meeting and ritual - if that wasn't the case, and she was just doing things like hanging out at the house and helping with rush decorations and such, that's a different story. I guess the main thing I didn't understand is that the national wasn't saying "why is this girl still hanging? is she initiating or not?" I mean, if someone was that close in grades, we would initiate them rather than draw it out. That's just a difference in orgs I suppose.

[Tom Earp]

Any one we might know?

Good thread!

Good ideas from G C Members!

NOT knowing this person, I think she did the right thing, as it is no different than in the undergrduate sector!
Well, yes it is, as the PAI work harder and longer to aquire something that many undergraduates just take for granted!


How many Alums of their Orgs have gone on to become very, very active and how many Ais have done the same?