Having a hard time getting over one I got dropped from?

[ngsu]

Hi there, so I just went through sorority recruitment and thankfully got into a great sorority on campus. Recruitment was 2 weeks ago, and I'm still having a hard time getting over one of the ones I didn't get into. The one I got in to at the time was one of my bottom picks. I fell in love with some of the others on campus, one in particular. I totally fell in love with it. I felt so at home there, so comfortable, the atmosphere was incredible and the girls I talked to were outstanding and I just loved everything about the house and the entire group of girls and everything. I was dropped after sisterhood day by them and was devastated. There was another one that I loved, too, and got dropped by them after philanthropy day but it didn't bother me as much as this particular one. And in a way, I feel like I'm almost grieving the loss of it. I can't help but just go through pictures after pictures of girls I know who got bids from them or just girls in general in that sorority and just wishing I had that. I even had a dream the other night that my sorority let me switch over to theirs...it's hard. I love the girls I've met in my sorority so far, I do. But I'm just having a hard time getting over it.

I really am trying to appreciate what I have but I'm just having a really hard time with it right now. I keep thinking what if, and what I did wrong, and why I got dropped, and trying to adjust to this sorority when really I wasn't feeling it from the beginning and have some general dislike about it that won't ever change. For example, I really don't like our color and the entire house is painted that color, so I can never get away from that. I don't like our hand signs and I hate a particular word in our name and want to cringe every time I say the full name of the sorority I'm in. I know it just sounds shallow and I'm probably going to get some rude responses saying how I should be thankful I'm in one and all of that. I'm just having a really, really hard time adjusting to what I feel like I lost and having a hard time seeing what I've gained. I just can't even go around campus without seeing a ton of girls walking around in the other sorority's gear and just always thinking about it. Any advice would be great, please. Thank you.

Just to clarify, though, I'm not unthankful or unappreciative. I am so happy these girls wanted me and have met some absolutely incredible ones. It's more of just wondering what could have been and being upset over that and wondering what went wrong and why I got cut when I felt like I had found my home there.

[Lovethesand]

You are absolutely right that some of what you're saying does sound shallow....BUT I think it is also somewhat normal. IMHO it is ok to be disappointed that you didn't get your first (or second) choice. That said you need to look at the positives so you can move forward:

1. You yourself said you got into a great sorority on campus. What about them is great? Focus on those positives. Go to all the NM events you can even if you don't want to. Participate with your new sisters even if you don't want to. If you don't participate and if you sit back waiting for it to get better you're just creating a self-prophesy that you're not happy and it's not going to get better.

2. Social media creeping (and I know that's what young ladies do) is not going to help you right now. You may need to go cold turkey on that for a little while.

Here comes the tough love part: you are NOT a part of those houses that dropped you. That ship has sailed for this year at least. They are NOT an option. Thinking of what could've been is not going to help you at all. This is the part where you need to wipe your tears, put on you big girl pants, and move forward.

I'm not going to say it is going to be perfect in X amount of time. It may never be what you want it to be. I can tell you though if you don't at least make a good hearted effort you won't know what you may be missing out with your new house.

[AOII Angel]

You need to let that other chapter go. It's water under the bridge. They are NOT an option for you and rejected you. Rejection is hard, but continuing to obsess about being in that sorority instead of focusing on what you have will not help you in any way. The superficial parts of sorority life are just that...superficial. There are many loyal sorority woman who don't love the color of their sorority. I know an AOII that doesn't like red, but she loves the symbolism behind it. When you learn why the founders chose those colors, symbols and letters it will have more meaning and won't be so irritating (even if you wish they picked a less obnoxious color! )

Just realize that recruitment is a huge act...a highly choreographed play. Some chapters are better at it than others. They know how to make you want them, but it doesn't mean they want you or that you'd be a good fit. Recruitment is a very artificial way to make friends. I mean really, how many friends did you make that ran up to you screaming and chanting before leading you to a chair to chat for 20 minutes then putting on the cheesiest play you've ever seen that everyone has to pretend was really awesome but in any other situation they'd be embarrassed to be a part of? See what I mean.

You've got an opportunity to make real friendships over the next 6 weeks with women who WANT you to be their sister. Give it a real try. Put the other chapter aside. Put in a real effort. Give you and the chapter a chance at a lifetime of wonderful memories. If you don't feel it by initiation, drop out. You can't do anything for a year anyway, so you have nothing to lose.

[azureblue]

All of our chapters value the SAME things - sisterhood, philanthropy, leadership, social enrichment and academics. The colors, symbols and ritual are the only real differences. I understand that you are upset...FFR can be extremely humbling and hard to understand.

I was the woman bawling on the lawn on Bid Day because I was so upset. I had a hard few months, but was committed to getting to know women in my new member class and older sisters. The more that I hung around, the more that I knew that I was in the right place. I love my sorority more every single day.

Did you go through FFR to be Greek or an XYZ? You owe it to yourself and the sisters who offered you a Bid to go all in with an open heart and open mind and give it a chance. Go talk to your New Member Coordinator or whoever it is working with new members. Or maybe someone that you connected with during FFR? There are people there to help with the transition...you just have to ask.

[Sciencewoman]

Are you a freshman? Have you just moved away from home for the first time, along with going through sorority recruitment? Many students have trouble adjusting to college, and what you're associating with the other sorority may be part of a larger "feeling out of place" emotional response. I think it would be very healthy to make an appt. at your student counseling center to talk about your feelings. Trust me, as a professor, sorority advisor, and mother of a college-age daughter, these are very common emotions to have.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by ngsu

Hi there, so I just went through sorority recruitment and thankfully got into a great sorority on campus. Recruitment was 2 weeks ago, and I'm still having a hard time getting over one of the ones I didn't get into. The one I got in to at the time was one of my bottom picks...I almost dropped them even. I had gotten a weird vibe and fell in love with some of the others on campus, one in particular. I totally fell in love with it. I felt so at home there, so comfortable, the atmosphere was incredible and the girls I talked to were outstanding and I just loved everything about the house and the entire group of girls and everything. I was dropped after sisterhood day by them and was devastated. There was another one that I loved, too, and got dropped by them after philanthropy day but it didn't bother me as much as this particular one. And in a way, I feel like I'm almost grieving the loss of it. I can't help but just go through pictures after pictures of girls I know who got bids from them or just girls in general in that sorority and just wishing I had that. I even had a dream the other night that my sorority let me switch over to theirs...it's hard. I love the girls I've met in my sorority so far, I do. But I'm just having a hard time getting over it.

I really am trying to appreciate what I have but I'm just having a really hard time with it right now. I keep thinking what if, and what I did wrong, and why I got dropped, and trying to adjust to this sorority when really I wasn't feeling it from the beginning and have some general dislike about it that won't ever change. For example, I hate our color and the entire house is painted that color, so I can never get away from that. I hate our hand signs and I hate a particular word in our name and want to cringe every time I say the full name of the sorority I'm in. I know it just sounds shallow and I'm probably going to get some rude responses saying how I should be thankful I'm in one and all of that. I'm just having a really, really hard time adjusting to what I feel like I lost and having a hard time seeing what I've gained. I just can't even go around campus without seeing a ton of girls walking around in the other sorority's gear and just always thinking about it. Any advice would be great, please. Thank you.

I have to admit that I am just sputtering over this. YOU ARE FRIGGING KIDDING ME!! Do you remember NOTHING that you said prior to rush?? How you had a low GPA and were not sure that any sorority would give you a bid? How you were open minded & would be so happy to accept a bid to any house?

Originally Posted by ngsu

Originally Posted by ngsu
I understand I'm facing cuts and that's okay, I know everyone goes through cuts. I just want to get a bid, that's all.

Originally Posted by ngsu

We have 7 chapters at our school, and I would be happy to get a bid from 6 of them.

Which window did all of those statemetns get flung out of?

Apparently you took not a WORD of our advice last time. Why ask us for more?

BTW, ladies, remember to QFP!

[cinder1965]

BTW, ladies, remember to QFP![/QUOTE]

I'm sorry I'm clueless, but what does QFP mean?? Thanks

[etadrisophila]

quote for posterity!

[cinder1965]

Thanks, lol, I would have never figured that out :-)

[thetalady]

QFP is very helpful, especially when someone goes back & removes or edits their posts later.

[DesertRose]

Ditto Thanks from me too! I had no idea what QFP meant.

This thread is a great example of how everything on the Internet is public (I continuously remind my teenagers of this).

It is very easy to be swayed by the first post on this thread. Once I saw the QFP post, I looked up the earlier posts from the OP, and agree with thetalady's comments.

[zinnia]

Dear NGSU - it's hard, but put your whole self into your new experience because you don't know what the future holds, and you don't know what the future would have been if you had joined the other sorority. It was just your fantasy/imagination. Resilient people are successful people, and resilient people try to make the best of their situations and if it doesn't work they try something else.

An example... Sometimes I still kick myself that I didn't go to a college that had more to offer; I could have, but didn't. But my life has ended up being great! although of course with ups and downs. I met a not so great boyfriend in college and this ended up in my going to grad school in the Midwest where I met my husband of many!! years. I've had interesting careers, travel, children etc etc. Have had struggles and what-ifs but have been blessed in many ways. Who knows where I would be if I had gone to a different college?

You never know... maybe one of your new sorority sisters will become your best friend. Maybe you'll be a strong support for a sorority sister who's going through a hard time. Maybe there's an important role in store for you. Maybe someone's relative will help you get a great internship, or your connections will help someone else. Maybe if you had joined the other sorority someone would have stolen your boyfriend. You never know! You might have had such high expectations and then had a big letdown, like many of the posts on greekchat.

Just give it your whole hearted best. In the long run if it just doesn't work you can pour yourself into other activities.

Best wishes!

[etadrisophila]

Grief about loss of the wished-for outcome is normal and expected.

However, if and when the grief becomes all-consuming, seek out professional counsel. If you are already at the all-consuming stage, it is time to make that call.

[AZTheta]

Someone (ahem) had the presence of mind to QFP.

OP, you said you would be happy with a bid from six of the seven sororities on your campus. I wonder if you received and accepted a bid from any of those six, or if it was the seventh chapter? Is that the source of your discontent?

Or is it for more reasons than that, which others in this thread have mentioned? I do encourage you to seek some support. Obsessing over what you cannot have is a surefire way to make yourself miserable.

[ElvisLover]

Yes, please DO let us know if it was the seventh chapter where you accepted a bid. If not, I would suggest you stick with it until some time passes and your're not being led by your emotions anymore. Sometimes it takes a few months to process these things and realize that you are not in such a bad situation after all. Good luck, and keep us posted.