newbie

[mello_yello_16]

Hi, my name is Leslie, and I have been lurking on the boards for about a week...I've learned a good bit from what I've read so far, and I wanted to ask for some advice.
I will going to a small southern school in the fall and would love to go through Rush, but my mother is the everyday sterotype, and is set against it. I will be the first of my family to ever go to college. I have a very good friend who is in a sorority at the school I will be attending, which is what got me interested in Greek life in the first place.
I know that there are many other threads on this exact same subject, but that I would like people's input on my mother's objections, all in one handy little thread. So I can pull it up when she wants to argue with me about joining. Her objections start with money, that by joining a sorority that I will be paying for friends and she don't understand what the montly dues go for. Second, being what are the benefits that you will be getting back from it. And lastly, she thinks all they do is go out get drunk 24/7, are nothing but sluts, and the only kind of girls that join a sorority are idiots. She wants me to give her a concrete REASON why I want to go through.
I am going to attend the sorority tea for incoming freshmen on Sunday, which is where incoming freshmen and their mothers are invited to get to know more about the sororites before its time to go through Rush. My mother says that if they don't give some concrete answers, that she won't help me to rush. I don't know exactly how much concrete information they'll be allowed to give out about finances and stuff, since they're supposed to hide their affiliations and can't very well say, "well, in MY sorority, we do THIS." I'd like for some ways to defend against her totally vehement objections...I even directed her to a couple of the sororites' National websites for the parents and she said it was a load of crap.
I would appreciate anyone's input, because with what you all can tell me, and what I should get out of the Panhellenic tea Sunday, I hope to get enough information to convince even the most hardcore skeptic, aka, my mother. Thanks!

[AlphaFrog]

A. Networking-If you have thousands of sisters all over the country, you have thousands of contacts all over the country. When you are out of college and go job hunting, a sister is a good place to start looking. And a more immediate example: (Ok, I know there are people who will argue that this is not fair/right, but it's the real world, things happen) When I was waitressing in my college town, there were a few groups of girls from another soroity that would come in almost every weekend. When one of the other ladies would wait on them, they'd leave maybe $1/per person (in a diner, not a bad tip, but not outstanding)...when I'd wait on them, they knew I was also Greek and they'd leave me more like $3/person.

B. Community Service- Look through the Greek sites...we have spesfic causes that we serve, and many Greek orgs have contributed tons of money/service/support to great charities/orgs such as Special Olympics, Make-a-Wish, Robbie Page Foundation, Ahlzhiemer's reseach, breast cancer research, etc. Plus, community service looks good on Resumes.

C. Lifelong Friends-I know for many women, their soroity sisters are their bridesmaids, god-mothers for their children, and their life-line later down the road when they need help. And when your mom asks why you have to "pay for them" (as my mom did) tell her you're not paying for them...they're paying their own dues, and you're paying yours.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

And the part about us being idiots???????????

I doubt anything we say about that one would change her mind but I happen to know doctors, lawyers, House Representatives (yes a Republican from WA) and many other VERY smart women (and men) who are greek.

I am no good at spouting the facts but a large % of the who's who are greek. I'm sure my fellow gc'ers have those facts.

But if your mother goes to the tea, with an open mind, she will see what we are really like. But she has to look objectively, if she goes there with her mind already made up, nothing that's said will change her mind.

But......she can't really help you rush anyway. She could help pay the bills when you get in but rush is all on your own.

[Pink_Bug]

As far as what your money goes to...Most Sororities are non-profit which means they don't make a penny off of you. Except for a small amount of the money you pay all of the money stays right in your chapter to fund daily operations (which does NOT include the purchasing of alcohol, etc since that is against most National rules and insurance policies). The small portion which does go to your National organization helps to fund scholarships and upkeep on your National headquarters. The National Officers of most organizations are UNPAID. Can you imagine giving so much of your time and not getting paid...it must have really been a worthwhile experience for them!
As far as what you gain...
#1 Most sororities have a GPA that is set for their standard. And the GPAs are on the rise. Therefore, soroities are NOT full of dummies. On our campus where I graduated the sorority GPA is well above the All Campus and All Womens averages.
#2 Life Skills - You learn communication and leadership skills. You learn study skills and time management skills. You learn philanthropic and community service skills. And all of these skills can be included on resumes are marketable in the job market.
Many top business and government leaders were in sororities and fraternities and they know the importance of the skills you gain.
#3 And who cares if you have a little fun while doing it all. I would be lieing if I said it wasn't fun. And you have an automatic group of sisters that you can call on at anytime to be there for you when times get tough. And lets face it college is tough and it is so helpful to have a group of sisters to help you and to encourage you through it all.
I for one would not change my Greek experience for anything in this world. It just meant so much to me. I can honestly say that I would not have made it through college without the support of my sisters.
And now that I am out in the "real world" I am a member of an alumnae chapter and I continue to give back to my sorority. I also have a daughter and I will encourage her to join sorority!!!!!!!!

[maggieaxid]

I think you should ask your mother where she has gotten all of her information, and nicely point out that if most is via the media or third party, then there is a good chance it is not true. Also point out that there are plenty of women who she knows who are in sororities-- she may just not know about it. I think you could seek them out, and have them speak with her.

[lyrica9]

i looked through the list of objections for ones that hadn't really been addressed. "she thinks all they do is get drunk 24/7"

common stereotype, and while some members do drink, and some too often, it's not a requirement or sorority event to go out to the bars ever.
I personally don't go out and drink, and I know plenty of other sisters who don't as well. Most national sororities have pretty extensive alcohol policies, and most sorority houses and functions are supposed to be alcohol free.


dues go to paying for a house if your group has one, paying for social events, initiation fees, fees to the inter/national headquarters, for all of the cute paraphanelia we get, to buy your pin, to buy supplies for scholarship and philanthropy, etc.

[astroAPhi]

I would definitely emphasize that sorority have alcohol policies and do not allow alcohol at their events. Members are expected to comply with local, state, and national laws on alcohol. However, if they are of legal age, women may choose to drink outside of sorority events.

[hannahgirl]

Leslie,

I'm so glad that you are interested in rush. I hope that your mom gets the information that she wants through this tea. If the collegians that you meet cannot answer your questions, see if you can talk with an advisor of the chapter or even the Greek Life Coordinator or grad assistants. I'm sure that they would be willing to give you any and all the information that you need.

Just to give you a little hope if your mom ends up not approving of your choice. My parents had the same concerns when I decided to go through recruitment. I basically just told them that it was my decision and I'm joining. The first year was rough, but after being in and getting involved, my parents both began to appreciate it. I had started to recieve scholarships that helped them pay for school, I had a place to stay if I had to stay on campus late at night to study, I had a place to safely park my car and always someone to come pick me up if I had to walk back to the house after a night class. The benefits to joining a sorority are endless. Your mom will soon realize that whether or not she approves of the decision you want to make.

Once you join, make sure that your mom feels welcome. Invite her to sorority events like philanthropic activities, recognition dinners, etc. If she sees the benefits with her own two eyes, its easier for her to see the good that you see. My mom spent my first year upset about the decision that I made but then I invited her to help us out with recruitment in the kitchen one year and it totally improved her perspective. In the end, it will all work out.

Good luck hun! I hope you find what you are looking for~!

[PennyCarter]

I understand where your mom is coming from because I had those same stereotypes in my head. My mom wanted me to join a sorority because she was concerned that most of my friends were guys and she wanted me to have all the opportunities that she didn't have. I thought that there was no way I'd ever fit into a sorority. It actually took me a year of college to meet the Greeks on campus and realize that every stereotype I had was false.

I found that Greeks tended to be more well-balanced than other students. Many had found a way to balance their Greek organization, other leadership activities, classes, and a social life. I believe that finding this balance is the most important part of college and I believe that I was able to acheive it. Most organizations encourage you to involve yourself in other campus activities, they also require a minimum GPA, and allow you a wonderful outlet to serve the community and meet some lifelong friends.

As for the alcohol...it is there, but its on all campuses, but its a choice. Some people drink and others don't. I had sisters who partied a lot and sisters who didn't drink at all. And there was no pressure one way or the other.

[FSUZeta]

i am so sorry that your mom doesn't seen to be supporting your decision to participate in fall recruitment, but i am awfully glad that you still want to give it a try! i think that parents go thru a lot of changes when their children go off to college and i wouldn't be surprised if you mom isn't feeling a little anxious too. maybe by denying you the opportunity to join a sorority, she feels able to still control some aspect of your life.

do you know any school teachers who are members of a sorority?any sunday school teachers, or bankers or nurses or doctors? how about judges or lawyers........you know where i am headed, i'll bet! if you can think of anyone who might be a sorority member and is someone your mother would admire, maybe they could talk to her and answer her questions. she could see how successful they are, see that they studied hard and made something of themselves, and they could tell your mom how their sorority experience helped them to become the person they are today.

please keep us informed. i sure hope that your mom will open her mind(and her heart), and that she starts supporting you.

[maggieaxid]

If you can afford it, you can always do what i did...rush and not tell your parents until after it's over and you know you have made a well informed decision and you know that its right for you.

[jwright25]

The primary goal of 99% of students after graduation is to find a job! My husband was given his first job ONLY because he was Greek. (His 2.5 GPA sure didn't help out.) The supervisor said that he looked specifically for Greeks because they had leadership skills, time management skills, and - very important to this company - social skills. NOT partying, just the ability to strike up a conversation with a stranger and sell something, which is basically what Recruitment is!

A good friend was given a job because of her Greek experience. Another friend who does a lot of hiring for a major pharmaceutical company gives preference to applicants with Greek affiliation.

Not to mention, as someone did above, the connections and contacts that you will have. Perhaps your interviewer will wear the same letters. Once you graduate, join the closest Alumnae Association and I would almost guarantee you come out with 10 business cards and opportunities for employment.

There is so much else that everyone else has covered. I ditto it enthusiastically. I was worried that my parents might object, and since I was living at home, it might have been difficult. They supported my decision as they knew it would broaden my horizons. I met my very best friends through Alpha Delta Pi - including my husband. I could not possibly imagine how my life would be if I hadn't joined!

Good luck! Your mother loves you and only wants to protect you. Once she realizes that GLOs are not about parties, they are about sisterhood, service, leadership, and so so much more, she'll come around!

[CASIGKAP]

Yes you will definitely have your Greeks who drink. You'll also have those, like me, who prefer to go to movies, go to the beach, & just generally hang out with friends rather than go out & party. When you go to gatherings & parties with frats, there is no law that says you can't have a good time & still remain sober. I know this b/c it's what I do.

Regarding networking & jobs, the lady doing the hiring at the school district I work for was a tri-Sigma. We spent most of my "interview" time talking Greek & how she's still active as an alum. She loved that I was Greek too!
One of my college professors in a class I was having a hard time with was a charter member of one of Sigma Kappa's chapters. She was great to me & helped me a lot so I could pass the class.

Knowing people in the right places is definitely a bonus!

[honeychile]

I agree with all of the posts above, especially this:

Originally posted by PennyCarter
I found that Greeks tended to be more well-balanced than other students. Many had found a way to balance their Greek organization, other leadership activities, classes, and a social life. I believe that finding this balance is the most important part of college...

Part of my job is interviewing applicants. If I have two applicants, and one is able to juggle his/her time better than another, it's obvious which of the two I'm going to hire!

As for paying for your friends, I forget who had this as their signature, but "If I'm paying for my friends, I didn't pay enough!"

Good luck!

[mello_yello_16]

Hi, its me again. And I would just like to thank all of you that have posted a reply. You don't know how much it is going to help, to see that the stuff I'm telling her is stuff my friend is "feeding" me to talk her into it......THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!