Alums behaving badly!

[Dionysus]

Is it just me, or do alums cause more trouble than actives, advisors, and pledges?

I hear so many stories about alums causing trouble in their undergrad chapter. We too have had some issues with alums over the years.

[AOIIalum]

Originally posted by Dionysus
I hear so many stories about alums causing trouble in their undergrad chapter. We too have had some issues with alums over the years.

It can be a real problem. Unfortunately, some new alumnae may not be quite ready to make the break from collegiate life and may have a number of close friends still active. If new alumnae are returning to help with events when invited by the chapter, that's good. If new alumnae are trying to attend chapter meetings or retreats, that can be a nightmare on an internal and external level.

There are no easy solutions but strong senior programming along with an established alumnae relations program and connections with a local alumnae chapter can help. I really believe that educating by example is a great way to avoid this problem. If collegiate members see their alumnae involved with the chapter in appropriate ways (as advisers after the proper length of time for your GLO, kitchen help during recruitment, attending homecoming and founders' day events when invited to do so, etc) it could minimize the inappropriate involvement.

[Tom Earp]

Oh, New Alums can be a real Problem!

Still feel like they are still Hooked In! Like they Know How!!!

But, remember, they will be the ones who will be down the road for you.

Been there for @ 40 years and have seen it and the change in some of the New to Old Alums.

Alums can advise, but the Actives run the Chapter!

But if the Actives screw up the Chapter, who do you turn to, The Alums.

It is Tit For Tat, give and take!

If Alums Come Back and Act Like Asses, have a sit down and talk, dont argue.

[winneythepooh7]

We had a situation recently where some of our founders/older alumnae of our chapter made the actives feel like complete crap. Basically, it involved some alums who still live in the area emailing everyone for donations to help the active girls out because their rent has gone through the roof (completely voluntarily of course). Now back in the late 80's when the chapter was going through the founding process, things ran differently at my school, and some of the founders and older alums felt that they still had the authority to in a sense "haze" the actives. Basically they (and they I should clarify were like one or two) were bent out of shape that new members are not sent out to visit them, call them regularly, etc. etc. etc. It got pretty heated. Bottom line, actives are sisters, and should be treated as such. I think alumnae need to butt out and remember that a lot has changed through the years in regards to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable anymore. Personally speaking, visiting my chapter during Alumnae Weekend is more than enough for me. I don't want to sound "old" but I really don't have much in common with 18-21 year-old woman anymore. I actually ran into a new member from my chapter in Old Navy over the weekend. It was cool to speak with her, but it really was kind of awkward after the initial small talk. If my chapter reached out for me for advice, I would do what I could, but beyond that, I am happy to be part of an alumnae association of sisters who are closer to my age here in NYC!

[JenMarie]

Originally posted by AOIIalum
If new alumnae are trying to attend chapter meetings or retreats, that can be a nightmare on an internal and external level.

Can you elaborate a bit? I understand that alumns randomly showing up to a retreat can be a bit of a problem due to budgeting and whatnot, but alumnae are generally welcome (or at least feel welcome) at our chapter meetings. (At least I hope so... otherwise I feel really stupid.)

[whittleschmeg]

We just had a situation where our alumnae came up the night of initiation. They went out and got drunk and came to initiation, some of them were having differences with active sisters and decided to use that night as an oppurtunity to vent their feelings. Food got thrown and people were not nice something hit a basket and presents were broken. Not a nice way to welcome new sisters. It showed the new girls that we as a active sisterhood came together with eachother.

This is an ongoing thing with our Alumnae during homecoming they like to come up and in a sense as you had said "hazed" the active sisters. Its sad our new alumnae don't do it because they know what it feels like to be afraid. Its a shitty feeling but I am sort of happy to see other people have the same problem I always felt like it was only our alumnae.

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by JenMarie
Can you elaborate a bit? I understand that alumns randomly showing up to a retreat can be a bit of a problem due to budgeting and whatnot, but alumnae are generally welcome (or at least feel welcome) at our chapter meetings. (At least I hope so... otherwise I feel really stupid.)

I think what is probably meant is when Alums try to run things how they were when they were there. When you are an alum, you are an alum. The current sisters are running the chapter.

[AOIIalum]

Originally posted by JenMarie
Can you elaborate a bit? I understand that alumns randomly showing up to a retreat can be a bit of a problem due to budgeting and whatnot, but alumnae are generally welcome (or at least feel welcome) at our chapter meetings. (At least I hope so... otherwise I feel really stupid.)

Sure, I can elaborate and if I don't explain it well enough feel free to PM me and ask questions.

Alumnae involvement and support is crucial for a successful collegiate chapter. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it, because I believe it from experience. However, the collegiate chapter simply must be allowed to carry on their chapter operations as they see fit (with the guidance of their advisers and appropriate inter/national support personnel). If alums, especially recent ones, keep coming back to chapter meetings it's possible they can influence the chapter especially if seating arrangements, voice, and vote requirements are not enforced as appropriate for your chapter.

It can be especially difficult if the recent alumnae were heavily involved in the chapter. They may still be good friends with the current officers and may think nothing of offering advice or even telling the collegians what to do, just based on their sisterhood and friendships. Yes, this type of thing does happen--and I don't know if this is part of what Dionysus was originally alluding to.

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by whittleschmeg
We just had a situation where our alumnae came up the night of initiation. They went out and got drunk and came to initiation, some of them were having differences with active sisters and decided to use that night as an oppurtunity to vent their feelings. Food got thrown and people were not nice something hit a basket and presents were broken. Not a nice way to welcome new sisters. It showed the new girls that we as a active sisterhood came together with eachother.

This is an ongoing thing with our Alumnae during homecoming they like to come up and in a sense as you had said "hazed" the active sisters. Its sad our new alumnae don't do it because they know what it feels like to be afraid. Its a shitty feeling but I am sort of happy to see other people have the same problem I always felt like it was only our alumnae.

I know. I still cringe when I hear sisters who have graduated 10+++ years ago say something like "Oh cool, lets go have fun with the pledges". It's like, 1.) How old are you and 2.) Don't you think the new SISTERS will respect you more if you are nice to them? I haven't been back in a couple years to my chapter but last time I did go, sisters who I don't even remember remember me because me and my pledge mom took them out to the diner for breakfast at 4AM. I think what goes over well is when we as older alumnae go back and can show we are still in touch with each other, and discuss the importance of our experience, not "yell" at some 18-year-old . What I have noticed my chapter doing recently is having Alumnae Weekend AFTER the "pledge" period has ended. I think this can put an end to a lot of the drama that could potentially go on.

[Tom Earp]

Originally posted by AOIIalum
Sure, I can elaborate and if I don't explain it well enough feel free to PM me and ask questions.

Alumnae involvement and support is crucial for a successful collegiate chapter. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it, because I believe it from experience. However, the collegiate chapter simply must be allowed to carry on their chapter operations as they see fit (with the guidance of their advisers and appropriate inter/national support personnel). If alums, especially recent ones, keep coming back to chapter meetings it's possible they can influence the chapter especially if seating arrangements, voice, and vote requirements are not enforced as appropriate for your chapter.

It can be especially difficult if the recent alumnae were heavily involved in the chapter. They may still be good friends with the current officers and may think nothing of offering advice or even telling the collegians what to do, just based on their sisterhood and friendships. Yes, this type of thing does happen--and I don't know if this is part of what Dionysus was originally alluding to.

Silver, To True That!

I am sure but mabey not!

It is Tuff for the Hard Drivers to see the Undegrads not do it "LIKE" they did. But, Advise, is a hard topic to cover with out stepping on the toes of The New Officers who maybe feel that they can do it?

That is not an Alums decision.

We All are Protective as Alums whether New Or Old. We just try to do the best that We can and hope it works out!

[AznSAE]

yeah......i start trouble all the time. j/k

i think i will start helping out the chapter more this fall semester. i have been away with work and grad school that i havent had time to really hang out much. every time i show up to things, people actually think i am alive. i keep in contact with a few of the active and some of the alums.

When I was a collegiate officer, I remember butting heads a lot with an older alum -- she was chapter advisor before hawaiiagd took over the reins. She was an alum from a bigger, single named chapter (so you know it was an old one) and it was obvious that they did things differently at UC-Berkeley.

Each time we'd have differences it'd sound like:

"That's not how we used to do it at Berkeley..."

"In my days...."

You get the idea.

We had an issue with close-toed shoes at Initiation. For years and years we thought Ritual attire was something else...and then we went to Convention and found out that this woman pretty much rewrote things to her liking! It wasn't an "AGD thing" all of a sudden...it was a "Vicki thing".

[JenMarie]

Originally posted by AOIIalum
It can be a real problem. Unfortunately, some new alumnae may not be quite ready to make the break from collegiate life and may have a number of close friends still active. If new alumnae are returning to help with events when invited by the chapter, that's good. If new alumnae are trying to attend chapter meetings or retreats, that can be a nightmare on an internal and external level.

There are no easy solutions but strong senior programming along with an established alumnae relations program and connections with a local alumnae chapter can help. I really believe that educating by example is a great way to avoid this problem. If collegiate members see their alumnae involved with the chapter in appropriate ways (as advisers after the proper length of time for your GLO, kitchen help during recruitment, attending homecoming and founders' day events when invited to do so, etc) it could minimize the inappropriate involvement.

Ah... I get it. And I have seen this happen. Sometimes I am tempted to go in there and suggest things... but I usually just hold my tongue, unless of course, I'm asked.

I guess it's a little different with being a local, because your alumna/i network serves the void of a National Advisor council. However, usually we only come around if we are invited or asked. Otherwise, I don't really hear much about the chapters daily goings. (Except when I have to lay the smack down on our website...)

[AOIIalum]

Originally posted by OTW

"That's not how we used to do it at Berkeley..."

"In my days...."

You get the idea.

These are two of the absolute WORST things an alumna can say in the presence of a collegiate member, especially if said alumna is actively working with a collegiate chapter.

(Disclaimer--if you are sharing memories of your college days or telling stories in some informal setting, that's not necessarily bad. But if you're doing it in the ways that OTW described, well, that is bad and not one bit of help to the chapter.)

[ZTAMich]

As soon as the new EC was installed and I was a 2nd semester senior I tried to zip my lip when it came to chapter activities. I still was an involved member of the chapter but I realized it was hard for the new Pres & rest of the board to come together as a group without the old EC chirping it with opinions. If I was asked directly I sure said what I thought but I held my tongue otherwise, especially during Chapter Mtngs. I definetly was not treated this way by soon to be or recent alumnaes and felt it was important to behave differently. I learned so much being a collegiate member, especially while on EC, mostly trial by error. It was all good real world experience for me that I think everyone in college should get.