I am bisexual

[BigGrin]

So here is the deal,
Next year I will be heading off for college,
Ive been to some rush parties (yes already) and I even got a bid. . .which I accepted
The thing is, if you didnt notice from the title... I'm bi (it's acually more confusing than that, but we don't have the time ) and the thing I'm worried about most of all, more than leaving my parents, more than tuition and scholarships, is what to do about this situation.

I read some of your other post and they all seemed pretty motivational (cept for Fred and his buddies ). But i'm still nervous cause I know the contents of this board cannot reflect the entire fraternity system.

So what should i do? Should I :
1)play it off the whole for years I'm there and just not ever let them get to know the real me?

2)or give them time to warm up to it and tell them one by one?

3) or should this be the first thing out of my mouth when they open the door to great me.

I would normally opt for #2, but i have heard that may cause a ruckus because i wasnt honest with them to begin with.
and #1 and #3 have their obvious disadvantages.

I'm totally lost here guys, any and all info would be helpful
Thanx for reading all that

PS::: I'm no flammer


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I sought My God and I could not see
I sought my soul and it alluded me
I sought my brother and found all three

[awatters]

There is no "need" to tell anyone. If for some reason you absolutely have to get this off your chest, tell your big bro when you get one– but I would wait until the brothers have accepted you to do it, because otherwise they'll kick you out just for being the way you are, which is not cool. By the same token, maybe you shouldn't be openly bisexual– no one needs to know this about you except you.

The problem most guys have with openly gay or bisexual brothers is that they fear for the image of their chapter– and rightly so, because image *is* important for interaction between GLOs. This doesn't mean that you can't be yourself, I'm just saying that you should think about the implications for everyone else first. I don't know any gay or bisexual fraternity men at my school, but there are supposedly a few. Talk with your big bro after you've been a pledge for a while, and see what kind of reaction you get. if your chapter has a strong brotherhood, you should be ok coming out of the closet *after* you are initiated, because then everyone will hopefully do the right thing and accept you. Otherwise you risk one of those nationally-publicized sexual orientation discrimination stories. You need to talk to your school's Greek advisor about this too so you can figure out the best way to let everyone know.

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andrew watters
Theta Chi – ucla

[Asia2000]

wow, that's a difficult situation. Obviously, I can't speak for any frat. However, having as many frat boys for friends as I do, I know that anything even closely resembling homosexuality is taboo. I am not advocating any choice. All I am saying is that if you are open about it, it will make it VERY hard for you. For every man that is mature about it, there are two that are idiots (that goes for life in general). It will be difficult to hide, what if you want to have a relationship with someone?

God bless and good luck. I hope that you don't have to deal with too much garbage and I hope you get to participate in the great experience greek life has to offer.

Asia

[equeen]

It really depends on the fraternity you're pledging. Some very dear friends of mine are active in a chapter of an IFC fraternity, and it just so happens that quite a few members in the chapter are gay or bisexual. Coming (or being) out even before pledging is not any big deal for these guys. However, I know this is not the norm.

Above all, I think you have to ask yourself "in what environment will I feel the most comfortable." I think finding a GLO that is best for any one person is a function of two things: (1) determining whether your own goals/ideals match with the GLO's, and (2) whether you can be true to yourself and your friends as a member of your GLO. If you have a great need to be out, right away, and love a particular GLO, but *know* that there's no way you could come out without sever repercussions...well, why would you want to be there? It may take a little doing to find the best fit for you...and then, it may not be a perfect fit, but then, there's your chance to set a brotherly example and show your GLO's members that having a gay or bisexual brother need not hurt their chapter's image.

Best of luck!