Cautiously dipping a toe in here...

[dukemama]

Hi everyone --

As my username implies, I'm a Duke grad as well as mom to an almost 4-year old. I'm just starting the investigation process and only have a vague idea in which group(s) I'm interested, so I'll start by asking a question: Are women who join NPC sororities via AI generally younger (say, in their 20s) than those who join non-collegiate organizations such as Beta Sigma Phi?

I hesitate to reveal my age but will admit to being out of college for "a while". From reading some of the other threads on this board I get a feeling (although perhaps completely unfounded) that most of the women who pledge NPC sororities are only a few years removed from college, whereas Beta Sigma Phi or Epsilon Sigma Alpha -- to use two examples -- are more likely to initiate sisters of all ages. I just want to make sure I pursue membership to a group in which I'll feel comfortable and have things in common with the women there. By the same token, I don't want to be the youngest person in my chapter by a decade (or two!).

Let me conclude by saying that I have discovered one NPC sorority whose national philanthropy/service project is very near and dear to my (and my husband's) heart. However, they have never had a Duke chapter so I don't have any college buddies from whom to get information on them.

I look forward to your responses...THANKS!

dukemama

[kddani]

Well, the first and most important question- WHY do you want to join a sorority? What are you looking for in a group? Why now? Why didn't you join one in college? What kind of activities do you want to participate in? What kind of age groups do you want to interact with.

I think your assumptions about ages of age ranges of AI's is not correct.

But again, the most important question is- Why?

[LPIDelta]

I think its important to note that when you alumna initiate you don't really "pledge" a sorority--if that is what you are looking for then those other groups might be more of what you are expecting (I don't know what their education process is). Alumna Initiation is more of an honor, so while you learn about the sorority through your sponsor, there is no formal "pledging" process---at least for my group, and I think most.

And as kddani said--the ages range. An AI is usually a woman with some life experience (late 20's) up to grandma's of members (like mine who was 76 at the time of initiation.)

[Jimmy Choo]

First off: hello and welcome dukemama!

In response to your post, I have to agree with what both posters in front of me. If you do decide on the NPC route the questions that kddani posed are questions that you will be asked. Also, my two cents, if you go the NPC route by all means be as discrete as possible. The fewer details about yourself that are out there, the better!!!

Best of luck with whatever you decide!

[susan314]

In my personal experience, the women I've seen become alumnae initiates were actually several years removed from college (all were in their 40s or older).

Admittedly, I haven't had personal experience with a large number of AIs - just reporting the age range for the handful that I have seen.

You mentioned that there is one NPC group that caught your eye due to philanthropy. Is there an active alumnae group for that sorority in your area? That's something you'd want to consider. Most NPC group websites show the locations of alumnae chapters/clubs on the public portion of their websites. I can't speak "officially" for my own group (or for any other NPC group), but I would speculate that the odds of successfully joining as an AI would decrease if there is no alumnae chapter/club in your area. (After all, who would you participate in activities and events with after you joined? )

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by kddani

Well, the first and most important question- WHY do you want to join a sorority? What are you looking for in a group? Why now? Why didn't you join one in college? What kind of activities do you want to participate in? What kind of age groups do you want to interact with.

There are several reasons I'm interested in joining a sorority at this time in my life. It's probably easier to explain if I start with my past history with GLOs.

When I was at Duke there were 10 NPC sororities on campus. During freshman year I seem to recall that most of the sororities invited me back for "Round 2" but I still ended up not receiving any bids that year.

I tried again sophomore year, fully aware that my chances would be much slimmer than before. I was quickly eliminated from 7 of the 10 sororities in after Round 1...and the remaining 3 did not offer me a bid. I really wanted to drop out of rush after the first round but my rush advisor told me that I might as well stick it out. In retrospect I should have listened to my gut, because it was pretty embarrassing to get rejected two years straight.

My best chance to join a sorority probably would have been junior year -- a new organization came to campus and began to recolonize that January. Unfortunately, I was studying abroad spring semester and missed out on the chance to be in the first pledge class. I think that GLO and I would have been a good fit, too.

By the time senior year rolled around, I gave no thought to even trying to pledge an existing sorority on campus -- what was the point, really? However, a group that had been at Duke up until a year or two before attempted a recolonization that Spring (in hindsight, it was WAY too soon) and myself, another senior gal and about 20 others started the process of becoming sisters. The recolonization was carried through until literally the day before we were to be pledged; the national organization decided not to proceed because (in their words) we didn't have enough women to make a go of it. When I look back, I think it was more the overall quality of the women they were leery of...as a group, appearance-wise, we were sort of a ragtag bunch. Perhaps I am making the situation into something more catty than it should be, but that's the only possible explanation I can come up with. It seems like 20 women should be enough to recolonize, am I right?

After the disappointment with this last GLO, the representatives from national told me and the other senior that they would be happy to give us alumni status (I assume this means AI). However, I contacted them several times after graduation and never received a reply. After that I forgot about sororities and got on with my adult life.

Skip ahead many years to my recent college reunion. I attended a party with two of my dear friends who were members of a now-defunct sorority at Duke. One of their sisters approached and said to all three of us, "Wow! XYZ (the sorority) had a great turnout this time! Aren't you all psyched?" She had NO recollection that I wasn't in their sorority! When I explained to her that I wasn't, she said that in her mind I'll always be an honorary member of XYZ because I hung out with so many people in the organization. I thought that was really sweet...and it got me thinking again about joining a sorority.

At this point in my life, with my child being a little older and more self-sufficient, I feel it's time for me to "get back out there", meet some new people and, most importantly, make myself useful in the community, Since for the past year I've been working part-time strictly from home, I don't get nearly as much "adult interaction" as I did when I was at an office. A few years back I was a member of another women's organization (non-Greek) that had some very worthwhile programs, it's just that none of them made enough of an impact on me to keep me interested in staying with the group. I made a couple of decent friendships there but, truth be told, in this group of about 125 women the average member age is between 55 and 60 and there are probably fewer than 10 that are under 45. Being a person who considers herself young at heart (and most people tell me I do look much younger than my actual age), I want to belong to a group that has a wider range of ages. I'm definitely not averse to associating with older women -- heck, one of my closest friends is in her mid-50s -- but I certainly don't want to be one of the youngest, either.

So that is my story. And to answer Susan's question, the NPC sorority that is of particular interest to me DOES have an alumni chapter in my area. If I decide to ultimately pursue AI I will likely only focus on that one organization...and if that doesn't work out I am more than willing to pursue membership in one of the non-collegiate groups such as ESA or Beta Sigma Phi.

Thank you all for your feedback. I really appreciate it!

dukemama

[AlphaFrog]

I'm gonna go ahead and say that until you started talking about the girl who wanted you to be an honorary member, I was thinking that you're the exact person that AI is NOT meant for. AI is not for people who failed at Rush. I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm being honest. The fact that your friend approached you makes your situation a little different in my mind, although I still would say "PROCEED WITH CAUTION" as one of the first things that will be brought up in conversations with other alums is your failed recruitments. If your friend is willing to sponsor your (if that's how that GLO works), I would say to go for it. However, if that woman is not willing to, that changes things.

[LPIDelta]

You should go back to that friend who said she always thought of you as an "honorary member" and tell her about what you've been thinking, if she is in the group you are interested in pursuing. Maybe if she knows of your interest, she can help you investigate options. This is really the best way to approach AI--she really gave you a door, now you need to let her know you're interested in walking through it.

[dukemama]

Alphafrog and Heather --

I didn't mention in my previous post that the sister who approached me at the reunion was a member of a sorority that actually blackballed me when I rushed sophomore year. She was a junior that year and I'm surprised that she didn't remember that. Needless to say, I will never pursue AI status with them.

Alphafrog, I inferred from your message that I may look too desperate, given my past rushing history, to be an AI candidate. Perhaps the fact that I was blackballed from an NPC sorority automatically rules me out anyway. I'll fully admit that a small part of me wants to "redeem" myself, since I am hardly the same person I was in college. However, I'll take your advice to heart and if more people feel the same I'll go the non-collegiate route. As I said before, I have no reservations about becoming a sister in one of those groups.

Thanks ladies!

[susan314]

Originally Posted by dukemama

Perhaps I am making the situation into something more catty than it should be, but that's the only possible explanation I can come up with. It seems like 20 women should be enough to recolonize, am I right?

Honestly, that number depends upon the campus. I'm not familar with Duke's Greek system to say. I'm an advisor at a medium-sized campus and 20 might be enough there (KD recolonized 2 years ago, but I don't know how many they had). However, AGD recently recolonized at Ohio State, and we had more than 50 (can't recall the exact number off the top of my head ) in the first new member class. It just really depends upon the campus culture - at a school where the average chapter size is 150+, 20 ladies would probably not be enough to start out with.

Since for the past year I've been working part-time strictly from home, I don't get nearly as much "adult interaction" as I did when I was at an office.

Ooh...I feel your pain there! I've struck more of a balance now (partially because of getting involved as an advisor in my new community), but it was an adjustment at first.

Are you still located in the South? (You don't have to reveal specifics - was just curious as to whether you were still in the south.)

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by dukemama

I didn't mention in my previous post that the sister who approached me at the reunion was a member of a sorority that actually blackballed me when I rushed sophomore year. She was a junior that year and I'm surprised that she didn't remember that. Needless to say, I will never pursue AI status with them.

Alphafrog, I inferred from your message that I may look too desperate, given my past rushing history, to be an AI candidate. Perhaps the fact that I was blackballed from an NPC sorority automatically rules me out anyway. I'll fully admit that a small part of me wants to "redeem" myself, since I am hardly the same person I was in college. However, I'll take your advice to heart and if more people feel the same I'll go the non-collegiate route. As I said before, I have no reservations about becoming a sister in one of those groups.

Thanks ladies!

Blackballed??

Unless you did something incredibly heinous, or you're a felon or something, there's no way you can be "blackballed for life" from an NPC sorority. My best guess is that what you're talking about is that there was a member(s) in the collegiate chapter that you didn't get along with, so you were cut very quickly from their group and there were no doubts in your mind as to the reason you were cut. Correct me if I'm wrong.

If you're not willing to explore this route with your friend, despite a promising lead, due to the actions of the collegiate chapter, you're wasting the only appropriate route to AI you've got so far. AI is really an honor to be be offered to what the sorority deems as a worthy woman, and the process wasn't designed for people like yourself to seek it out of your own accord without prior contact (i.e. a close friend or family member) to a particular group.

If you still don't want to approach your friend, a non-collegiate sorority might be a better option for you.

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by susan314

Are you still located in the South? (You don't have to reveal specifics - was just curious as to whether you were still in the south.)

Nope...in SE Pennsylvania where my hubby is from.

[AlphaFrog]

At this point, I think non-collegiate is your best option. (As far as I'm concerned) You don't have the right intentions to be a good NPC AI candidate.

[dukemama]

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

Blackballed??

Unless you did something incredibly heinous, or you're a felon or something, there's no way you can be "blackballed for life" from an NPC sorority. My best guess is that what you're talking about is that there was a member(s) in the collegiate chapter that you didn't get along with, so you were cut very quickly from their group and there were no doubts in your mind as to the reason you were cut. Correct me if I'm wrong.

If you're not willing to explore this route with your friend, despite a promising lead, due to the actions of the collegiate chapter, you're wasting the only appropriate route to AI you've got so far. AI is really an honor to be be offered to what the sorority deems as a worthy woman, and the process wasn't designed for people like yourself to seek it out of your own accord without prior contact (i.e. a close friend or family member) to a particular group.

If you still don't want to approach your friend, a non-collegiate sorority might be a better option for you.

No, I'm not an ex-con! LOL However, my freshman year roommate, with whom I did not have a good relationship, was a member of XYZ sorority and I found out later in my college career that she was the one who put the kibosh on my becoming a sister there.

Again, since I was blackballed from the Duke chapter I would not even attempt to pursue AI with them (I suspect national would have a way to check on that; correct me if I'm wrong). I do have friends who are alums of other NPCs and I can see if I can gently get some AI information from them. In the meantime, I probably will pursue a non-collegiate option.

Thanks!!!

[twotimestalia]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

At this point, I think non-collegiate is your best option. (As far as I'm concerned) You don't have the right intentions to be a good NPC AI candidate.

I, for one, am GLAD I decided not to join a NPC group while in college. The selection process is a bunch of c***. Good Luck in whatever you choose to do Dukemama.